6 month relationship break up after me not going after her

[Twist]

Hi I have been lurking this forum for a couple of days now and need some advice on this recent breakup. Maybe you guys can give me some pointers of things i may not yet have realised.

Little background story. I met this girl on tinder 6 months ago, we told eachother i love you after a month and she introduced me to her parents fairly early. Shes the strong indepent woman type of woman and is like “all men are the same” they are all dogs but you are different Twist, you are a good man. You are different than the other guys and the 4 exes I had before dont mean anything compared to you, I never loved them, you are the only one I ever loved is what I heard from her alot when I asked about her how she has 4 exes ltrs, while being 24. I dont just give my heart out to girls of whom I think have issues, but I still did. I thought there is a reason why it didnt work out with them and she told me its because she was never serious with them and she never cared, she just didnt wanna be alone. I just cant grasp how someone can be together for years without caring lol.

during the relationship we fought alot and it ended in her crying and being overly emotional, saying she is never good enough, she hates herself now, i (me) deserves better. she has pcos and Ithink thats why shes overly emotional (could be something else idk).

in the first two months we saw eachother almost everyday, we talked for hours on the phone, I met her parents, they liked me, she met mine, and my mother didnt like her saying she has a vibe shes controlling and she will take advantage of you being kind and sweet, saying she has negative energy and a negative view. My gf knew that my mom didnt like her immediatly.

Us being together so much made me realise i dont hang out with friends nor am i focussed on work, so i asked her for more space and hang out 3 times a week, she was fine with that.

4 months in i noticed i wasnt happy, I did too much for her, we never not once werent on the phone for atleast an hour a day, i couldnt game or hit the gym without her calling me and i was becoming tired and unhappy. I just didnt become sure in the relationship, not sure if i should continue, but i loved her and hoped to set boundaries which she would accept so we could have a healthy relationship where both our needs are met.

she did the following. She noticed my unhappyness and me being drained in the relationship and gave me an ultimatum, she cried and cried and screamed and told me she wanted me to trust her for a hundred percent and love her the way she loves me. I told her that I do love her, but that I just see our relationship as getting to know eachother because it has only been 4 months, I dont know if i can fully trust her. She demanded it and was crying and I had a hard time accepting on which she said that she doesnt deserve this, she deserves better, she doesnt know if she wants to be in the relationship if I dont give my all because thats what shes worth… I told her if she wants to break up with me i would be fine with that because then its not meant to be. She said: i dont know( fully emotional), then after a few seconds she changed her mind and said no i loveyou and want to be together.

However, after this I did everhthing for her the way she wanted it to be. I called her more than in the beginning phases and went on more dates, she seemed happy, i just didnt feel like myself anymore. I felt guilty about everything i did. I had thoughts about how she might feel if i looked at another woman, i wasnt myself anymore and I noticed it, I told her all the lies i have had ever told her because i felt guilty and had the need to explain everything to her, even intrusive thoughts. And I even did it.

I noticed what was happening and I put a stop to it. I wanted to follow my own journey and have her as the passenger, not the other way around. So after two weeks i came to my senses and told her I need more space for myself respectfully ofcourse. I sometimes need time for myself and cant pick up the phone and rather just text one day instead of talk. She went like “OKAY IF YOUWANT THAT THEN WE WILL DO IT YOURWAY”. She never contacted first, always made me contact and acted dry towards me. She was acting childish and when I her whats wrong, she said nothing, until i pushed her two days later to just communicate and please try to just compromise so we both can be happy in the relationship. She refused, hung up, send a text to me where she said that im a jerk and she hopes im happy now i hurt her blabla,I told her that if she wants to talk im there for her. She didnt react to my latest message until three days later where she sent me a break up text, putting all the fault on me, hoping I am happy and that I will find myself. Saying that me and my ego won, that i got what i wanted, but lost her in the progress. That everyone around me was right, and that she just wasnt worth the effort. In the text she also said that I did my final test to her and she didnt pass, she says im right she asked too much of me, especially your time… i didnt reply to her break up text(today btw) and i dont plan to reply.

All in all pretty weird, because every fight we had I put myself in her shoes and always came back to apogolise for how I did. This time i refused because iasked something respectfully of her and she just acted like a child and still gives me the wrong while im the one wanting to talk to try and compromise, she called me names and ignored my latest text aswell… im pretty heartbroken now and sad it had to go like this… thoughts???

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is way too long of a read for a 6 month relationship. It's some combination of her losing respect for you because of the way you behaved/what you allowed and you not being able to stand strong. The absolute worst thing you can be as a man is wishy-washy and having no position on anything ever.

To be honest, this sounds like a pretty toxic relationship and you should be happy you are out of it and hopefully you learn something for your next one so that you avoid this altogether.

Way too much drama for 6 months.

 

[Bigpapa]

This is way too long of a read for a 6 month relationship. It's some combination of her losing respect for you because of the way you behaved/what you allowed and you not being able to stand strong. The absolute worst thing you can be as a man is wishy-washy and having no position on anything ever.

To be honest, this sounds like a pretty toxic relationship and you should be happy you are out of it and hopefully you learn something for your next one so that you avoid this altogether.

Way too much drama for 6 months.

You know, guys like this from our point of view are how they are. And we agree with it

The question is, are we that sure that we are way better than them?


Because at the end of the day we will end up more or less with the same problems and same situation

And the question is, what is the end of the game? Is there an end of the game?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You know, guys like this from our point of view are how they are. And we agree with it

The question is, are we that sure that we are way better than them?


Because at the end of the day we will end up more or less with the same problems and same situation

And the question is, what is the end of the game? Is there an end of the game?

This situation has happened to many of us, including me. The key is to learn from it and then don't repeat it.

Like they ask in the song Legendary by Welshly Arms:

"A new answer to the same question
How many times will you learn the same lesson?"

Smart people only have to learn it once, or even better, learn it from someone else instead of themselves. Others never seem to learn it at all.

 

[Bigpapa]

This situation has happened to many of us, including me. The key is to learn from it and then don't repeat it.

Like they ask in the song Legendary by Welshly Arms:

"A new answer to the same question
How many times will you learn the same lesson?"

Smart people only have to learn it once, or even better, learn it from someone else instead of themselves. Others never seem to learn it at all.

True, but we keep getting more or less the same results no matter how much we learn and better we become

My question was more philosophical, where is the end of the game? Is there any end?

Or we have to make peace with the fact that everything is sh1tt?

From my end, taking into consideration all the events so far, i kinda get the same response. You have to aim way lower than you are at, which is f8cking sad

And even if we are at a lower league, it still gonna be sh1t for some reason

 

[BackInTheGame78]

True, but we keep getting more or less the same results no matter how much we learn and better we become

My question was more philosophical, where is the end of the game? Is there any end?

Or we have to make peace with the fact that everything is sh1tt?

From my end, taking into consideration all the events so far, i kinda get the same response. You have to aim way lower than you are at, which is f8cking sad

Screening better in the beginning leads to better end results. Most guys will simply take the first girl that sucks their d!ck, which is a poor method for screening.

If you keep getting poor results then the answer is your screening method is broken.

 

[Bigpapa]

Screening better in the beginning leads to better end results. Most guys will simply take the first girl that sucks their d!ck, which is a poor method for screening.

If you keep getting poor results then the answer is your screening method is broken.

What if you screen really good? It happened to me recently

I do not think it has to do with screening unless you screen for her values, which is very difficult thing to screen for

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

What if you screen really good? It happened to me recently

I do not think it has to do with screening unless you screen for her values, which is very difficult thing to screen for

It definitely has to do with the screening. For example, OP has clearly missed/ignored red flags like
"strong indepent woman type of woman and is like “all men are the same” they are all dogs but you are different Twist, you are a good man".

Screening doesn't guarantee success (whatever your definition of it may be), but it surely minimises risk of failure.

 

[Bigpapa]

It definitely has to do with the screening. For example, OP has clearly missed/ignored red flags like
"strong indepent woman type of woman and is like “all men are the same” they are all dogs but you are different Twist, you are a good man".

Screening doesn't guarantee success (whatever your definition of it may be), but it surely minimises risk of failure.

I think that all women are broken, and this is a symptom of a broken society, as women are the glue of society

I think that it is a matter of choosing your poison at the end of the day

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

I think that all women are broken, and this is a symptom of a broken society, as women are the glue of society

I think that it is a matter of choosing your poison at the end of the day

I agree with your statement. Broken society, and therefore broken women (and perhaps men) is an actual phenomenon in large cities. Do you live in a big city?

Also, maybe we should adjust our expectation from LTRs to the 21st century? A family in the traditional sense (husband, wife, and kids) doesn't sound like a viable option anymore sadly.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What if you screen really good? It happened to me recently

I do not think it has to do with screening unless you screen for her values, which is very difficult thing to screen for

If you aren't screening for values then what are you screening for? You assuredly can't be screening really good, that is a huge part of it.

It's easy to screen for values. You bring up a hypothetical situation that is happening to one of your friends, or your cousin, etc and ask her opinion of it just randomly in conversation when you can weave it in. Her answer is going to be the answer if you asked her directly

 

[Bigpapa]

I agree with your statement. Broken society, and therefore broken women (and perhaps men) is an actual phenomenon in large cities. Do you live in a big city?

Also, maybe we should adjust our expectation from LTRs to the 21st century? A family in the traditional sense (husband, wife, and kids) doesn't sound like a viable option anymore sadly.

Ywah, big city

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

Ywah, big city

For the start, maybe move into a smaller one?!

 

[Bigpapa]

If you aren't screening for values then what are you screening for? You assuredly can't be screening really good, that is a huge part of it.

It's easy to screen for values. You bring up a hypothetical situation that is happening to one of your friends, or your cousin, etc and ask her opinion of it just randomly in conversation when you can weave it in. Her answer is going to be the answer if you asked her directly

Well, the thing is that women tell you something, usually something that sounds good or think that you want to hear, and will do the opposite

I do not think that women are that reliable in what they would do or not, unless it is something that is very deep in them, which is very difficult to find out

For example, most women would tell you that money is not important, or that they value intelligence. We all know where this will end up, most likely being cucked by a guy who is almost retarded but with a lot of money/ status

The truth is that looking at all my past experience, there is so much variety that women can get, that it is almost impossible to cover all angles, and thus everything is mainly
Short term

Which is great, but you kinda look after the light at the end of the tunnel and you do not find it, and then you start getting depressed

 

[Bigpapa]

For the start, maybe move into a smaller one?!

Smaller cities have little to no women, that is the sad part

In all fairness, I am a bit depressed as I do not even know what game I am playing anymore

The thing with be a player, have a frame, bla bla works, but only on short term

I do not think that what we do here is viable for medium - long term, but neither going from short term to long one is viable either

I think that it is a Mexican standup and we are all f8cked

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well, the thing is that women tell you something, usually something that sounds good or think that you want to hear, and will do the opposite

I do not think that women are that reliable in what they would do or not, unless it is something that is very deep in them, which is very difficult to find out

For example, most women would tell you that money is not important, or that they value intelligence. We all know where this will end up, most likely being cucked by a guy who is almost retarded but with a lot of money/ status

The truth is that looking at all my past experience, there is so much variety that women can get, that it is almost impossible to cover all angles, and thus everything is mainly
Short term

Which is great, but you kinda look after the light at the end of the tunnel and you do not find it, and then you start getting depressed

Pro tip about human nature.

People only typically do that when you ask them something directly about THEMSELF.

They will almost always give you their thoughts directly when it's about someone else.

 

[Bigpapa]

Pro tip about human nature.

People only typically do that when you ask them something directly about THEMSELF.

They will almost always give you their thoughts directly when it's about someone else.

Tried that, if they want to make an impression they will think that it is an interview question and will respond in something that actually makes you think “ wow, that person is great”

Dunno man, the game for sure is good so on as it helps you to get laid, but it does not help you that much on the long run with the same person, no matter what a great guy you are

Plus, it gets in a point of where you get tired of spitting game all the time

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Tried that, if they want to make an impression they will think that it is an interview question and will respond in something that actually makes you think “ wow, that person is great”

Dunno man, the game for sure is good so on as it helps you to get laid, but it does not help you that much on the long run with the same person, no matter what a great guy you are

Plus, it gets in a point of where you get tired of spitting game all the time

You have to work on framing and delivery then, they should feel it's part of a normal conversation and never even recognize it as a question you are asking them.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard, Twist.

As more people view your posting, you're likely to get some lectures.. Don't let any of the 'pros' fool you. Any man with experience has been in your shoes (self-included).

The first thing I'd suggest is to write down all the qualities of this girl that you dislike. I recall being in your shoes and there's a reason for this. I'll explain in a few paragraphs.

When we over extend ourselves, this creates an emptiness within our core. "Emptiness"may not be the correct word. Actually the person that we over-invested with will fill that emptiness. It then becomes (for lack of a better phrase) an "emotional-cancer" that has filled our heart and mind. When we realize what is occurring, it's only natural to try to remove this 'poison.'

In the back of our minds, we recall that moment when everything seemed perfect. As men being fixers, we then think of ways to mend current problems and go back to simpler times. The problem is... the more that we compromise, the more depleted that we become. And that empty space will be filled by the other person. It's not a good or healthy cycle.

It's been a very long time since I was in your shoes, but I remember it well. This is probably not the advice that you want to read, but it's better to exit now than think about further ways to repair things. Because you've invested and made compromises, the initial aftermath will not be painless. You'll probably (speaking from my own experience) go through patterns of initial relief, and then missing her, blaming yourself, then anger etc... It won't be fun. But I can tell you that the longer you wait or prolong this relationship, the more painful it will be later on.

Above I mentioned writing down her bad qualities. Here's why. When you make that final break, you're going to experience a whirlwind of emotions. At first she may blow up your phone with attention getting games (accusing you of never caring etc..). Although this may anger you or you may feel this need to defend yourself, don't respond. And at some point, she'll stop sending messages. At some later point, you may begin to wonder about her. You might even end up missing her (but do not reach out). This occurs because we become more focused on their absence than remembering why we wanted out in the first place. Should this occur, look back on the page you wrote about her less than desirable qualities. You'll be glad that you did it.

I no longer spend much time posting on this forum. I wish you good luck. If anything I posted resonates and you need any further tips, you're welcomed to send a PM (e-mail) .

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Sage advice, from another man who has been there.

Welcome aboard, Twist.

As more people view your posting, you're likely to get some lectures.. Don't let any of the 'pros' fool you. Any man with experience has been in your shoes (self-included).

The first thing I'd suggest is to write down all the qualities of this girl that you dislike. I recall being in your shoes and there's a reason for this. I'll explain in a few paragraphs.

When we over extend ourselves, this creates an emptiness within our core. "Emptiness"may not be the correct word. Actually the person that we over-invested with will fill that emptiness. It then becomes (for lack of a better phrase) an "emotional-cancer" that has filled our heart and mind. When we realize what is occurring, it's only natural to try to remove this 'poison.'

In the back of our minds, we recall that moment when everything seemed perfect. As men being fixers, we then think of ways to mend current problems and go back to simpler times. The problem is... the more that we compromise, the more depleted that we become. And that empty space will be filled by the other person. It's not a good or healthy cycle.

It's been a very long time since I was in your shoes, but I remember it well. This is probably not the advice that you want to read, but it's better to exit now than think about further ways to repair things. Because you've invested and made compromises, the initial aftermath will not be painless. You'll probably (speaking from my own experience) go through patterns of initial relief, and then missing her, blaming yourself, then anger etc... It won't be fun. But I can tell you that the longer you wait or prolong this relationship, the more painful it will be later on.

Above I mentioned writing down her bad qualities. Here's why. When you make that final break, you're going to experience a whirlwind of emotions. At first she may blow up your phone with attention getting games (accusing you of never caring etc..). Although this may anger you or you may feel this need to defend yourself, don't respond. And at some point, she'll stop sending messages. At some later point, you may begin to wonder about her. You might even end up missing her (but do not reach out). This occurs because we become more focused on their absence than remembering why we wanted out in the first place. Should this occur, look back on the page you wrote about her less than desirable qualities. You'll be glad that you did it.

I no longer spend much time posting on this forum. I wish you good luck. If anything I posted resonates and you need any further tips, you're welcomed to send a PM (e-mail) .