Ex GF wants everything, what do i do?

[freshstart17]

So this is my first time posting, reading through the rational male right now. I have basically always been a beta and finally coming to terms with the term nice guys finish last. I was with my ex gf for the past 3 years, I started seeing her after her divorce and have done literally everything for her. We moved into our place 2 years ago (we are both on the lease).
Now after I have given her everything she wanted and taking care of her 2 boys like they were my own, she just ends it. She tells me she just needs space and time and if I give her a couple months she will want me back. Now even though she denys it started before she broke up with me she expects me to leave our place and let her keep it because of her boys. While I love her still like a fool, I enjoy our place and don't want to leave. She says if I make her and the boys leave she will never talk to me again, a part of me though believes she's already to move on and replace me at our place with this guy. I spent the past 2 years turning this place into a home, inside and out; spending my own money while she did nothing. I originally found the condo which is on a river, and it's everything I could possibly want; I was even going to be starting a fishing guide service from the house. Now after she broke it up she expects me to pack up and leave everything I did so she can live her best life. Do I make it hell, and get her to leave or do I just abandon everything I've done here and start back at the bottom? She is also a narcissist so basically has tried to turn everything around on me when I asked her to leave, from calling me selfish, childish, only thinking about myself. While mind you the week before she ended it I took her boys snow tubing one day we get home it's time to put them to bed. The next day she wants to get drinks after work so she asks me to put them to bed and she'll be home, and then the day after her son was sick so he could've go to school and of course I watched him even though it was the ex husband's day but he had to work. Then the next day she breaks it off.

 

[Alvafe]

good make her leave so she never talk to you again, I only see advantage in doing so

 

[Black Widow Void]

I really wanted to quit posting after post #1981, but your posting brings me out. And by the way, welcome aboard.

Although I've never been in this situation, do not... I repeat do not move out. Once you're out, she can change the locks. There may also be some legal channels that could work against you. She will not make this easy for you. This, I'm sure. No matter how unbearable, stay where you are.

Does the father want custody? If so, you've got quite a bargaining chip. If she thought that you'd testify against her, she will change her tune fast. Aside from the one-sided stories that she's told you about him, do you see him as a decent stand up guy? If so, he is your ace.

Since your name is on the lease, befriend this man. Invite him over frequently. If he misses his children, then he will want to drop in. This will also leave this woman feeling very uncomfortable. That's what you want. You want her to do the moving out.

Unlike some forum members, I don't hate women, nor am I black-pilled. However, I do beleive that women can be the most cunning of the sexes. I've heard men say this phrase. In fact, I've said it myself... but ever heard a woman say "my conscience was bothering me?" Hate to say this, but I'm certain that you're gal will not be the first.

Wish that I could offer you something uplifting. I know from experience that It totally sucks putting a lot of emotional investment into someone and getting blindsided. We've all been there to some degree.

If you continue to follow your heart, the downward spiral will continue. Currently, you've probably already reflected and regret some of the concessions that you've previously made. I'm not saying that it will be easy, but don't think with your heart. You'll likely get crumbs of encouragement ie; "I'm confused.. I just need some time to myself and things between us will be better" etc... Don't get angry or show any emotion if possible. Keep your cool and also keep your place.

---- I'd also like to add that no matter the outcome, be nice to her children. They've likely developed an attachment to you. Leave them feeling good. I'm sure you'd agree that their well-being is important.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Do you own this condo? If so is there a mortgage? Who is on title?

 

[freshstart17]

Do you own this condo? If so is there a mortgage? Who is on title?

We are both on a lease that we are renting

 

[freshstart17]

/QUOTE]
Thank you I appreciate that. Yea the kids have been the world to me, that's been my crutch. She is using that by saying if I kick her out she will never talk to me and she will tell the kids I'm a terrible person for making them leave. Her family is telling me to fight her, make her hit rock bottom. But I've been such a beta my entire life, always giving in, always compromising. For once I want to fight for myself but she is making me feel like a piece of **** for it, I'm selfish, childish, only thinking about myself.

 

[Stanley]

I feel for ya man.

It sounds like you are still wishy washy on her (understandably so since you cohabitated and dated for a few years) You've got to completely cut yourself off from this woman as soon as possible. She is no good for your mental health and well being and you even acknowledge it. You admit you are a fool for still loving her so at least you are self aware enough to realize how foolish it would be to want anything to do with her moving forward?

Also, a lesson to be learned is to never move in with a woman you aren't engaged to or planning to soon marry.
Otherwise you end up with crap like this and a messed up home life. Your home should be your space away and your own personal retreat. If you can't get her out then you've gotta get out. Do not drag this out and continue staying with her. Someone's got to go, whether it be you or her. Otherwise you are in for some of the most toxic days ahead of you. Pay her off, get out of the lease, lawyer up or whatever else you have to do and use all of your bargaining chips. Don't compromise or give her an inch. Be firm in what you want and let her know where you stand. Show her the dare I say.... 'alpha' side of you and let her hit the bricks. Her kids are not your kids and they shouldn't be in your life once the relationship is over and it sounds very much OVER.

Also this should probably be over in the mature man section so more eyes or on it.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

We are both on a lease that we are renting

Walk away and break the lease.

 

[freshstart17]

I feel for ya man
Also, a lesson to be learned is to never move in with a woman you aren't engaged to or planning to soon marry.
Also this should probably be over in the mature man section so more eyes or on it.

I unfortunately gave her a ring at the end of this past September. So that is part of the issue with being wishy washy.... Should I copy and paste this into the mature man section? I wasn't sure where to go with it

 

[Stanley]

I unfortunately gave her a ring at the end of this past September. So that is part of the issue with being wishy washy.... Should I copy and paste this into the mature man section? I wasn't sure where to go with it

Ouch! I really feel for you man, but I think you know what you've got to do and are on the right track. I don't know if the thread can be moved at this point. That would be a question for the mods, but yeah Mature man is what you want for this kinda of stuff moving forward. And welcome to the board

 

[threeforfree]

We are both on a lease that we are renting

There might not be much of a choice. The landlord is going to require that the remaining person be able to fulfil income, etc requirements. Are either one of you able to afford it alone?

 

[freshstart17]

There might not be much of a choice. The landlord is going to require that the remaining person be able to fulfil income, etc requirements. Are either one of you able to afford it alone?

I can with absolutely no issue. I have literally paid for everything for the past 2 years. All the groceries, utilities, paid for improvements, etc. The only thing we split was the rent. Her plan is to have her mom move into the basement to start which takes care of someone watching the kids while she is at work, which is what I did on my days off for the past 2 years. She shares joint custody with her ex husband and I'd say I spent about 70% of the time with her kids compared to her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just bail. You're lucky if she doesn't sue you for child support on the kids that aren't yours. Renting any property should be short tern anyway. It would be a lot different if you owned the place together.

 

[Stanley]

I can with absolutely no issue. I have literally paid for everything for the past 2 years. All the groceries, utilities, paid for improvements, etc. The only thing we split was the rent. Her plan is to have her mom move into the basement to start which takes care of someone watching the kids while she is at work, which is what I did on my days off for the past 2 years. She shares joint custody with her ex husband and I'd say I spent about 70% of the time with her kids compared to her.

Man... this woman used you hard man. I'm sorry really, that is awful.

If you feel so strongly about the place that YOU put the work into and that YOU paid for I would fight for it tooth and nail. It sounds like she used you for your money and comfort and then when the getting was good and things were falling into place she pulled the rug out from under you? She sounds like some choice words my momma doesn't want to hear come out of my mouth. What was it you saw in this woman? were you coming from a place of scarcity?

 

[freshstart17]

Man... this woman used you hard man. I'm sorry really, that is awful.

If you feel so strongly about the place that YOU put the work into and that YOU paid for I would fight for it tooth and nail. It sounds like she used you for your money and comfort and then when the getting was good and things were falling into place she pulled the rug out from under you? She sounds like some choice words my momma doesn't want to hear come out of my mouth. What was it you saw in this woman? were you coming from a place of scarcity?

I had shut myself off for years because I didn't think I was good enough. I had women vying for me but I never gave in because I had no confidence, even though I am pretty decent looking, no bodybuilder but attractive. She was the first one to break my shell, get myself to open up etc the itis.....

 

[threeforfree]

I can with absolutely no issue. I have literally paid for everything for the past 2 years. All the groceries, utilities, paid for improvements, etc. The only thing we split was the rent. Her plan is to have her mom move into the basement to start which takes care of someone watching the kids while she is at work, which is what I did on my days off for the past 2 years. She shares joint custody with her ex husband and I'd say I spent about 70% of the time with her kids compared to her.

If she cannot meet the income requirements of the landlord, forget about it, the landlord will not rent to her anyways.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Im sorry bro. Next time stay away from single moms unless you have kids of your own.

 

[freshstart17]

If she cannot meet the income requirements of the landlord, forget about it, the landlord will not rent to her anyways.

Her plan is now I know, to have me take myself off the lease and put her mom on it.

 

[threeforfree]

Her plan is now I know, to have me take myself off the lease and put her mom on it.

I would think the landlord would much prefer to keep an existing tenant than to bring on a totally new lease-signer for someone who obviously can't pay it on her own. I'd tell her to kick rocks.

 

[Stanley]

I had shut myself off for years because I didn't think I was good enough. I had women vying for me but I never gave in because I had no confidence, even though I am pretty decent looking, no bodybuilder but attractive. She was the first one to break my shell, get myself to open up etc the itis.....

I've been there man. Hopefully now and with time you see the value in yourself and won't deal with something like this again. I too used to reject women on a regular basis when I was at my lowest in self confidence.