Girlfriend broke up with me after I spent Christmas Day with my family.

[Floydispink01]

Hi all,

Have a read of this. See if I’m at fault or not.

Been with my Girlfriend for a couple of years. We live together but have No kids together. She has an adult daughter who works away.

We both agreed to alternate Christmas’s. One year we spend it with her family and the next year with mine. Last year we spent it with her’s and had a great time. I really like her family and enjoyed it. Fast forward this year and she told me she had to cancel going to my mum and dads as her daughter was coming home and wanted to spend it with her. I said that was cool and I would proceed to spend it at mine (who live 45 minutes away). All good.

We pick up her daughter Xmas eve and have a nice evening at the house. We spend Xmas day together and everything is merry and good. As her daughter is going home that evening, i agree to lend my GF the car and she can give me a lift to my mums and pick me up that Xmas day evening after she dropped her daughter back. She has been invited to stay over my families house Afterwards If she wants but she turns down. I have a few drinks with my family and having a good time. My GF rings me that afternoon to say daughter is not going home now and she‘s driving her back Boxing Day. her whole family are having a big Xmas day lunch. I say ok, we both say have a great evening. I’m thinking as she hasn’t seen her daughter in awhile she will have a nice time being together with all her family.

Come 10pm I get very angry messages from GF saying she can’t believe I’m choosing staying down my families over her. She calls it disrespectful and humiliating. I tell her it’s an hour’s drive and I cant get home because I lent the car to her. She gets animated saying she didn’t know her daughter was going to stay. She proceeds to tells me Goodnight.

Come Boxing Day, she doesn’t pick me up. As it’s a holiday their is no public transport so I borrow my brother’s car that afternoon. I try to speak to her at the house but she adamantly tells me not to approach her. We live together so we are now staying in seperate rooms. Come a few days later, she tells me to pack my things up and leave. She never wants to see me again. I was downright disrespectful and I don’t care about her.

 

[TheProspect]

Hard to conclusively determine "fault" given this is just your version of events. I'm not going to bother extrapolating from the details you given, I'm sure there are other members here who will be quick to assume there's another guy in the picture or that she's lost interest. I'll take a different approach...

You probably don't feel like you were being disrespectful, and you would probably say that you do indeed care about her. Remember though, she's a chick – it doesn't matter what is objectively true, what matters to her is what she feels is true. Her feelings may not be true, but they are real to her. You defending yourself or rationalizing your own decisions invalidates her feelings and causes her to dig her heels in. Needless to say, this makes communication very difficult because men and women communicate differently.

You have two options in my opinion:

1) Attempt to communicate and reconcile. Assuming she's not a bad girl and you would still like a relationship with her, I would consider an honest attempt at communication – after all, you've been with her for a couple years and effective communication is indispensable in any LTR.

By communicate I don't mean just try to "talk it out" without a gameplan, and by reconcile I don't mean apologizing. What I mean is play devil's advocate in your head and see where there might be some truth to what she is saying – yes, she's a woman and it probably won't be a sensible reason to us men – but she didn't magically create her feelings out of thin air. Disarm her by finding truth in what she is saying ("I've thought about it... And you have a point, I could see how my behaviour made you feel disrespected and like I don't care about you..."), then follow it up by demonstrating some empathy. Do this by articulating to her why you may think or feel similarly to her if you were in her shoes...

One of the two things will happen at this point, she will either be taken off guard by you taking responsibility for your behaviour and validating her feelings, and this prompt her to have a productive dialogue with you... or, she will be completely close-minded, refuse to talk, and then you know where you will stand with her. Which will naturally lead to option 2...

2) Go soft No Contact and employ Silence & Distance when applicable. Most advice you will receive from others will be similar to this. Write her off mentally, and emotionally begin to move on. Do not go out your way to speak or engage with her if necessary. Since you still live together, and until you move out, be cordial and polite when you inevitably cross her path. Don't mope around her. Start talking to other women, or alternatively, take some time to process things and work on yourself. Although NC and S&D can be used as a tactic to get her to come back around, I recommend using them instead to help yourself move on first and foremost, and if she changes her tune down the line, then you need to make a decision then what would be best for you going forward.


Regardless of whose at fault, you and your girlfriend had been together for 2 years, so there was a breakdown of communication somewhere at some point that went spiralled into your current circumstances.

 

[Hal9000]

Based on your version of the events being accurate it sounds like she was looking for an excuse to dump you but couldn't think of anything you had actually done so she just made something up out of thin air to justify getting rid of you. Odds are she's got someone ready to take your place already and needed you gone sooner than later. Its one thing for her to get her nose out of joint for something stupid. It happens. But for her to have already moved on to making you pack your stuff and leave means she's either insane, has someone else in the picture, or both. The bright side is that you aren't married or you would also be giving her half of everything you own as a reward for being a crazy, cheating nut job. Count yourself lucky.

 

[MachinePT]

Based on your version of the events being accurate it sounds like she was looking for an excuse to dump you but couldn't think of anything you had actually done so she just made something up out of thin air to justify getting rid of you. Odds are she's got someone ready to take your place already and needed you gone sooner than later. Its one thing for her to get her nose out of joint for something stupid. It happens. But for her to have already moved on to making you pack your stuff and leave means she's either insane, has someone else in the picture, or both. The bright side is that you aren't married or you would also be giving her half of everything you own as a reward for being a crazy, cheating nut job. Count yourself lucky.

Feels sad but this is the most correct answer...
Do not tolerate this behavior

 

[GreatHornedOwl]

When you get rejected, it's because she's not interested.

When you get dumped, it's because she met someone else.

 

[SW15]

When you get dumped, it's because she met someone else.

Women excel at monkey branching. Their pusssies are in demand for a large portion of their lives.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Women excel at monkey branching. Their pusssies are in demand for a large portion of their lives.

Men need to start doing this as well, always have a backup girl on standby any time your main chick starts acting up

 

[Woujo]

She looks like she was looking for an excuse to get out.

 

[SW15]

Men need to start doing this as well, always have a backup girl on standby any time your main chick starts acting up

There are some men who do this. These guys have not only abundance mentality but actual abundance. Most men operate from a scarcity mentality and actual scarcity.

 

[plumber]

Hi all,

Have a read of this. See if I’m at fault or not.

Based only on this post you are not at fault. Nothing else to figure out, she wants you to leave. It doesn't matter why.

 

[jimwho]

Her older daughter may have trash talked you big time, and many women are Dingbats, so she went along
With it. Ya never know! (Took your car, left you stranded, freaked out) Myself I would disappear so fast she
Wouldn't believe it..

OP. What is Boxing day?

 

[Focal core]

its a scheme from your ex plotting to dump you. most cases she had other men waiting under her wings. just don't take her back next time she coming around.

 

[zinc4]

Hi all,

Have a read of this. See if I’m at fault or not.

Been with my Girlfriend for a couple of years. We live together but have No kids together. She has an adult daughter who works away.

We both agreed to alternate Christmas’s. One year we spend it with her family and the next year with mine. Last year we spent it with her’s and had a great time. I really like her family and enjoyed it. Fast forward this year and she told me she had to cancel going to my mum and dads as her daughter was coming home and wanted to spend it with her. I said that was cool and I would proceed to spend it at mine (who live 45 minutes away). All good.

We pick up her daughter Xmas eve and have a nice evening at the house. We spend Xmas day together and everything is merry and good. As her daughter is going home that evening, i agree to lend my GF the car and she can give me a lift to my mums and pick me up that Xmas day evening after she dropped her daughter back. She has been invited to stay over my families house Afterwards If she wants but she turns down. I have a few drinks with my family and having a good time. My GF rings me that afternoon to say daughter is not going home now and she‘s driving her back Boxing Day. her whole family are having a big Xmas day lunch. I say ok, we both say have a great evening. I’m thinking as she hasn’t seen her daughter in awhile she will have a nice time being together with all her family.

Come 10pm I get very angry messages from GF saying she can’t believe I’m choosing staying down my families over her. She calls it disrespectful and humiliating. I tell her it’s an hour’s drive and I cant get home because I lent the car to her. She gets animated saying she didn’t know her daughter was going to stay. She proceeds to tells me Goodnight.

Come Boxing Day, she doesn’t pick me up. As it’s a holiday their is no public transport so I borrow my brother’s car that afternoon. I try to speak to her at the house but she adamantly tells me not to approach her. We live together so we are now staying in seperate rooms. Come a few days later, she tells me to pack my things up and leave. She never wants to see me again. I was downright disrespectful and I don’t care about her.

Is it her house? If so, the power was in her favor from the beginning and i can only make assumptions based on that.

Either way she has been debating on this for a long time now and looking for an excuse to dump you. Probably another guy in the picture but who knows. We need a lot more details about your relationship to really know what really went wrong. Either way, based on what you said, that should not be a good reason to dump you. Pretty selfish. But you can bet she has been emotionally breaking up with you for months now.

 

[dude99]

Hi all,

Have a read of this. See if I’m at fault or not.

Been with my Girlfriend for a couple of years. We live together but have No kids together. She has an adult daughter who works away.

We both agreed to alternate Christmas’s. One year we spend it with her family and the next year with mine. Last year we spent it with her’s and had a great time. I really like her family and enjoyed it. Fast forward this year and she told me she had to cancel going to my mum and dads as her daughter was coming home and wanted to spend it with her. I said that was cool and I would proceed to spend it at mine (who live 45 minutes away). All good.

We pick up her daughter Xmas eve and have a nice evening at the house. We spend Xmas day together and everything is merry and good. As her daughter is going home that evening, i agree to lend my GF the car and she can give me a lift to my mums and pick me up that Xmas day evening after she dropped her daughter back. She has been invited to stay over my families house Afterwards If she wants but she turns down. I have a few drinks with my family and having a good time. My GF rings me that afternoon to say daughter is not going home now and she‘s driving her back Boxing Day. her whole family are having a big Xmas day lunch. I say ok, we both say have a great evening. I’m thinking as she hasn’t seen her daughter in awhile she will have a nice time being together with all her family.

Come 10pm I get very angry messages from GF saying she can’t believe I’m choosing staying down my families over her. She calls it disrespectful and humiliating. I tell her it’s an hour’s drive and I cant get home because I lent the car to her. She gets animated saying she didn’t know her daughter was going to stay. She proceeds to tells me Goodnight.

Come Boxing Day, she doesn’t pick me up. As it’s a holiday their is no public transport so I borrow my brother’s car that afternoon. I try to speak to her at the house but she adamantly tells me not to approach her. We live together so we are now staying in seperate rooms. Come a few days later, she tells me to pack my things up and leave. She never wants to see me again. I was downright disrespectful and I don’t care about her.

The one who is being downright disrespectful and doesn't care is her. She is the one who fabricated the problem and she now trying to punish you for her mood swing

Who owns the house? I wouldn't leave if you bought the house together. She could screw you out of it if you willingly leave. If she doesn't want to see you ever again she can leave, and tell her so. Don't screw yourself out of your equity and your assets.

Sounds to me like she is the type to fabricate problems and hold you responsible. Is this the first time she had done something like this?

If you rent, stop paying all bills and start to look for your own place.

 

[Stuffnu]

Sounds like a classic case of “it’s your fault I’m sleeping with someone else“

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like she is using that as an opportunity to create drama and "blame you" for things because she was planning on ending it anyways.

 

[2Rocky]

Guess your Christmas gift was not up to snuff....I'll bet she was wanting a proposal. This all gave her a final straw.

 

[Focal core]

It was obvious she wanted to break up when she cancelled on your family. Then she blames you for doing to her what she did to you (twice). She has been thinking about this for a while.

I would tell her "I know you've been thinking about this for a while. I am disappointed in you for gaslighting me with this invented excuse. I cant really love someone who does things like that. You aren't who I thought you were. I dodged a bullet and I am glad to move on."

Normally I wouldn't advise you say anything, but paternalistic comments and erasing her vampirric validation presumptions do work. She will die inside.

i would just be glad , move on and ghost... shouting i am finally free! hold me beer

 

[EyeBRollin]

All I had to read was “girlfriend of a couple years.”

You guys gotta shvt or get off the pot. Women don’t do these long ass relationships.

 

[Focal core]

I agree, I mean 9 times out of 10 I would recommend this. IF he is going to keep communication at all though, he should say this. She will explode.

silence sends its own very unique messages on it's own. way more bitter stings.