You are once again are saying you have a hard time because your wife likes to have sex and you prefer not to? I saw in the other thread that you feel relief when she is on her period because getting out of sex with her is easier.
How long have you been married? Ages? Have your sexual dynamics always been that way or has something changed?
Do you think you are more of an asexual man/individual? Or possibly low testosterone? Just not attracted to your wife anymore either physically or because of relationship dynamics?
Would you desire more sex if you were not with your wife? Curious thoughts...
I'm no longer with her. But lack of sex
and intimacy due mainly to avoidance on my part played a huge role in the
failure of our marriage, it wasn't the only reason though. We split after a total of 18 years together, 7 of those married
(We're still legally married but divorce impending) I was with her from her age 18 until 36 mine 28 and 46. I'm 48 in a
few weeks and the split was in October 19 which was the last time we lived together and are now separated living on
opposite sides of the city
Went into therapy after the split, it spun me right out as my sense of order had been shattered and that had a huge
impact on my mental health and health in general where I learned after some significant time spent chatting
to a counsellor that it that I have Aspergers syndrome, I'm pretty high functioning so not crippled by autism
like some poor souls are but I do really struggle with any interpersonal communication. I use learned dialogue and
one liners to try and appear witty and sharp, this requires exhausting mental rehearsals of possible interactions.
It's no wonder I find the whole prospect of sex so daunting/terrifying. In short I really don't know how to act around
people, from eye contact to escalation to the process of arousing a woman, it's all too much to absorb and far easier
on my brain to just avoid people/intimacy/sex so that I don't put another poor woman through this.
I have managed thus far with a huge series of learned behaviours to fill the chasm of absent natural social graces.
I long to be normal but know this can never be true, I live my whole life wearing a mask to try and fit in, it's not
easy living like this. I often shut down and am prone to social withdrawal having a very small number of friends
and a small social circle. I don't enjoy going out so my wife attended things for years by herself while I stayed at
home. It all got too much for her, she is a very busy, attractive, positive, successful and vibrant woman. She tried
to work around my issues but it wore her down in the end. She has a new b/f who she's fvcing on the regular now.
I'm nearly two years since my last sexual contact which was with her and in maybe June of 2019? I have met many
women since the split, I'm in decent shape for my age and get a lot of signals of interest, but I never escalate, avoid
touching as my natural assumption is that everybody hates being touched as much as I do and I definitely never try
anything BOLD with any of these women.
That's my issue, there's loads of girls at the place I'm working currently and they all know my name and wave and blow
kisses and stuff when they see me in the warehouse (Amazon) , I have a collection of phone numbers after a short time working
there, I've literally just returned from dropping a 19 year old girl off home after work after our nightshift. I have no demonstrable
problem with platonic interactions for the most part, but anything more than that and I really don't know what is expected
of me which makes me anxious and awkward. So I never, ever make any attempt to escalate. There's a 26 year old at work who is completely up my street looks and personality wise, she is single and I am attracted to her, but I'd never demonstrate that to
her as I have no idea of how I can do so without coming across a sleaze. My default is to just side step the whole attraction thing
and keep it platonic so that I don't feel under pressure or stress.
I'm here on SS on a journey of learning and self discovery as this situation isn't really a typical and the kicker is that
I long for company but am too bewildered by social interactions to satisfy that longing preferring to isolate to insulate
myself from judgement I guess? I'm just trying to understand the mating game better, here seemed a good place to start.