Should I drop my main plate?(UPDATE: Dropped)

[Chubb46]

First amendment. Or does that not apply here. I have not degraded, used derogatory language, nor harrassed any member of this forum in this country the United States of America on the world wide web

 

[BackInTheGame78]

View attachment 5599

Hahaha...Kip! Where is Uncle Rico tossing a steak at Napoleon and knocking him off the bike??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly, it sounds like she wants you to ask her what is bothering her. I realize that is very much LTR-esque for you to do and isn’t in line with treating her like a plate. Looks like you’re at a crossroads with this chick. Either you tell her to get back to you after things calm down (treat her like a plate) and she likely falls off, OR you ask her what’s wrong and tell her she can talk to you (which blurs your line into an LTR more so). It really comes down to what you want. I think she clearly is very into you and wants more commitment/involvement from you. You have to decide if that’s what you want.

Here is her reply to my letting her know its OK to talk to if something is bothering her message:

"Communication is definitely good - I'm in an overwhelmed and tired funk. How is your week going?"

As far as I know, she has always been straight up with me about things so I guess I am just going to take her at her word right now. I'll just be upbeat and cheerful when responding to her and won't ask her to do anything for a while and see if she makes any efforts.

Either way I have a bunch of dates coming up with others and this will get sorted out in due time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So I am going to find out if she has been going to the gym in the mornings over this period of time...is it reasonable for me to think that if a woman really wanted to see me and she now has no time after work that she would offer to skip one day(out of 3 or 4 she normally goes) at the gym to come see me in the morning instead?

The gym is like 30 minutes from her, I am under 10. I mean I know crossfit people are psycho crazy about not missing days but if I am not worth missing a day at the gym for then I kind of feel there is no reason I should be dating someone who won't make me a priority over that. Plus my workouts are far more fun.

Or is that being unreasonable?

I can't shake this feeling that I am accepting scraps thrown on the floor from the dinner table instead of demanding a seat at the table or walking away if she is unwilling to give me one.

Is my feeling this way justified or should I relax?

 

[TheProspect]

So I am going to find out if she has been going to the gym in the mornings over this period of time...is it reasonable for me to think that if a woman really wanted to see me and she now has no time after work that she would offer to skip one day(out of 3 or 4 she normally goes) at the gym to come see me in the morning instead? The gym is like 30 minutes from her, I am under 10. I mean I know crossfit people are psycho crazy about not missing days but if I am not worth missing a day at the gym for then I kind of feel there is no reason I should be dating someone who won't make me a priority over that. Plus my workouts are far more fun.

Or is that being unreasonable?

I can't shake this feeling that I am accepting scraps thrown on the floor from the dinner table instead of demanding a seat at the table or walking away if she is unwilling to give me one.

Is my feeling this way justified or should I relax?

Sure you're justified, but you seem emotionally compromised considering this girl is only a plate at the end of the day. That puts you in a poor position to successfully navigate through this, especially if you were hoping for a LTR to develop out of this.

My advice would be to take a step back and detach. Not in the sense of that you should or shouldn't feel a certain way, but you just need some time removed from the situation. From a third person perspective, it appears this girl is spinning your hamster and it should be the other way around.

Step back. Detach.

Go on your other dates. Live life for a bit without worrying about what this particular chick thinks or doesn't think.

Once you're less mentally preoccupied with her, I think you'll know what to do going forward. You have the tools, knowledge, and experience. I think you caught some feels and it's just blinding you because deep down you were hoping for something more and she pulled away.

Drop her tentatively so you can step back and reassess down the line once your mental preoccupation with her dies down.

 

[Igetit!]

So I am going to find out if she has been going to the gym in the mornings over this period of time...

Uh........why?

is it reasonable for me to think that if a woman really wanted to see me and she now has no time after work that she would offer to skip one day(out of 3 or 4 she normally goes) at the gym to come see me in the morning instead?

That's your "spider sense" going off. And you're correct.

It's like I said before......if she REALLY WANTS to see you,she'd SEE YOU.

The gym is like 30 minutes from her, I am under 10. I mean I know crossfit people are psycho crazy about not missing days but if I am not worth missing a day at the gym for then I kind of feel there is no reason I should be dating someone who won't make me a priority over that.

Have you tried to spend time with her lately? If so,what has her excuses been?


You also need to consider that......there could be another guy in the picture. Just a possibility. If you and her were seeing each other on a regular basis,then all of the sudden it seemed to just stop....there has to be a LEGIT REASON as to why....and "I'm busy" just doesn't cut it.

Take me for example........ I met this girl a few weeks ago,towards the end of January. We went out twice,a week apart. I AM interested in her. I'm assuming she's interested as well,but we haven't seen each other in like 10....11 days. She does text me like once every two days,and I'll text her too......but we haven't been out again. Why? This........










We live in Texas. Nuff' said.


Ice and snow everywhere. Now......that's legit reason.....but it didn't kill MY interest....I still want to see her. And far as I know,she me.


That's a legitimate reason. Even with the pandemic,we still went out before the winter weather.

Or is that being unreasonable?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I do think you trying to REASON WITH HER,as in when you tried to get her to open up and discuss any potential issue or problem she may have been having was a mistake. Funny part was she said "Communication is definitely good"........then she went on to NOT COMMUNICATE with you about any possible personal issue she may had been having.

In fact,she changed the subject to asking you how your week was going.

I can't shake this feeling that I am accepting scraps thrown on the floor from the dinner table instead of demanding a seat at the table or walking away if she is unwilling to give me one.

I "get" what you mean. I still stand by what I said in my previous reply.....just seems to me her attraction/chemistry level is low. If that's the case,everything you do to try to repair things other than that WILL FAIL. It'll all be A WASTE.


I don't care what you do to a car....put new tires on it,new seats,replace the motor,new sparkplugs,timing chain,new brakes,change out all the wires,new electronics........whatever. You can do ALL THAT.........but if the gas tank IS EMPTY,you won't get one inch out of it.

And I'm tell you........if her attraction level is low,nothing you say...nothing you do.....no advice anyone here gives......NOTHING....nothing will make things work between you two.

Is my feeling this way justified or should I relax?

It's justified. You just need to be straight up with yourself that you seem to desire more out of her than just being a "plate". (If that's the case.)

 

[Romanemp22]

It could be she wants more from you in terms that you're not just fvcking but a bit more meaningful relationship.

She probably thinks the same, that what you have is something worthwhile and not just plain sex thing.

But maybe she backed off a bit because she thinks you don't give a sh1t and act cold.

Ofcourse you don't have to be needy and all that you did everything right, but sometimes woman wants a guy to take the initiative of taking the things to the next step.

If you care about her and about what you have call her and sit her down to talk. Just then you will see what she really wants.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Uh........why?





That's your "spider sense" going off. And you're correct.

It's like I said before......if she REALLY WANTS to see you,she'd SEE YOU.




Have you tried to spend time with her lately? If so,what has her excuses been?


You also need to consider that......there could be another guy in the picture. Just a possibility. If you and her were seeing each other on a regular basis,then all of the sudden it seemed to just stop....there has to be a LEGIT REASON as to why....and "I'm busy" just doesn't cut it.

Take me for example........ I met this girl a few weeks ago,towards the end of January. We went out twice,a week apart. I AM interested in her. I'm assuming she's interested as well,but we haven't seen each other in like 10....11 days. She does text me like once every two days,and I'll text her too......but we haven't been out again. Why? This........





View attachment 5602




We live in Texas. Nuff' said.


Ice and snow everywhere. Now......that's legit reason.....but it didn't kill MY interest....I still want to see her. And far as I know,she me.


That's a legitimate reason. Even with the pandemic,we still went out before the winter weather.





I don't think you're being unreasonable. I do think you trying to REASON WITH HER,as in when you tried to get her to open up and discuss any potential issue or problem she may have been having was a mistake. Funny part was she said "Communication is definitely good"........then she went on to NOT COMMUNICATE with you about any possible personal issue she may had been having.

In fact,she changed the subject to asking you how your week was going.



I "get" what you mean. I still stand by what I said in my previous reply.....just seems to me her attraction/chemistry level is low. If that's the case,everything you do to try to repair things other than that WILL FAIL. It'll all be A WASTE.


I don't care what you do to a car....put new tires on it,new seats,replace the motor,new sparkplugs,timing chain,new brakes,change out all the wires,new electronics........whatever. You can do ALL THAT.........but if the gas tank IS EMPTY,you won't get one inch out of it.

And I'm tell you........if her attraction level is low,nothing you say...nothing you do.....no advice anyone here gives......NOTHING....nothing will make things work between you two.




It's justified. You just need to be straight up with yourself that you seem to desire more out of her than just being a "plate". (If that's the case.)

Well she had already communicated with me on it 4 or 5 days ago so I guess I took that as a sign nothing else needed to be discussed. I said something like "you seem really stressed because you seem to shut down"

"...blah blah other stuff
You do have me pegged tho about how I react when I get stressed. I internalize and get focused. I've thought about that - I'm not sure it's the best approach - do I need to rely on others more ?"

The same thing happened around Xmas and she told me how she waa super stressed but then things went back to normal after and she told me she missed me.

On one hand I kind of understand it because we are very similar and I respond the same way when under a lot of stress. I focus on the task at hand and kind of push everything else aside. It isn't something I do on a conscious level it kinda just is how I work. If someone else complained about me not wanting to see me while in that state, I would probably not really get it...I kind of want to be left alone at the end of the day and recharge without having to deal with anything else and I just assume they would understand it isn't a reflection on them. I guess which makes it seem weird to me since I know she is almost like a female version of me why I wouldn't be more understanding of it haha

Was her asking if she should rely on others more a way of kind of testing the waters to see if it is OK for her to open up to me a little and let me in or am I reading too much into it?

Should I offer her some support and then let her know I will leave it up to her and back away?

 

[Murk]

I've only once dated a women with a child, she was an ex-boss and a 5 years older than me. I was always second place to the kid (to be expected) and a bunch of other things going on with her (family, work etc). Never again.

My advice is to steer clear, she sounds very busy and you are too wrapped up in her. This is really a her thing and not a you thing, don't forget that.

 

[Barrister]

So I am going to find out if she has been going to the gym in the mornings over this period of time...is it reasonable for me to think that if a woman really wanted to see me and she now has no time after work that she would offer to skip one day(out of 3 or 4 she normally goes) at the gym to come see me in the morning instead?

The gym is like 30 minutes from her, I am under 10. I mean I know crossfit people are psycho crazy about not missing days but if I am not worth missing a day at the gym for then I kind of feel there is no reason I should be dating someone who won't make me a priority over that. Plus my workouts are far more fun.

Or is that being unreasonable?

I can't shake this feeling that I am accepting scraps thrown on the floor from the dinner table instead of demanding a seat at the table or walking away if she is unwilling to give me one.

Is my feeling this way justified or should I relax?

@BackInTheGame78

This is clearly bothering you and I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I agree with @TheProspect . You need to step back at this point and give her some space. Don't check up on her at the gym or else your mind is going to start going a 100 mph about other possibilities. Go on the other dates you have set up and let her come to you. You did the extra step of reaching out and checking up on her and she gave a somewhat vanilla answer back to you. At this point it will be better to be less present until she comes forward again.

 

[TheProspect]

When you say 'step back, detach', do you mean go No Contact for a few days? Ignore her texts for that same time period?

Step back = Remove yourself from the situation to get a better perspective (fish in water metaphor).

Detach = Cease further investment (attention, time, energy, etc) in order to process the situation.. as you slowly lose the emotional attachment to the situation you'll get more clarity around it.


Stepping back and detaching doesn't necessarily mean No Contact or ignoring her. Rather, maybe a soft no contact instead in that you only reach out for essential reasons only, and if she reaches out your responses are coming from a place of non-investment...

And the goal here is not game, it's rather to get a more clear perspective after being emotionally compromised.

Trying to game a chick when you're emotionally compromised is not ideal, both because it's not effective and also because you're further investing in a chick who already has you mentally preoccupied which will likely create more problems for you.

The goal of stepping back and detaching is to remove that mental preoccupation in order to properly reassess the situation. Depending on your ability to detach, this could take a matter of minutes, or potentially never.

 

[LiveYourDream]

As of right now I haven't heard from her today. If I don't it will be the first time since we started messaging that I haven't gotten a text on a day.

She messaged me yesterday wishing me a Happy Valentines Day and telling me about her son's hockey game, etc and I responded 3 or 4 hours later teasing her about only getting a text and no flowers and a box of chocolates.

This interaction stood out to me. I think as a man you may have felt fine/ok about it while she took it VERY differently.

I am curious, did you two discuss Valentine’s Day as it approached and how you two were going to handle it? I suspect like you, at five months in, she was also having deeper feelings and wondering if she was more than just sex to you. She was likely looking for clarity on that. Like it or not, Valentine’s Day is used an indicator, in women’s minds, of how men feel about them. She was likely hoping you would do something that would demonstrate that you genuinely care for her. She likely had anticipation in the days leading up to it. In her mind, it was an unavoidable sh1t test of your caring. She was likely anxious and scared you may not do much and then she would be left knowing for sure, in her mind, that to you she was simply good for sex and you don’t really care for her beyond that. That can be painful for a woman who genuinely cares about a man to face, especially because she can’t rationalize her way out of it. To her, his minimal actions equal zero to minimal real caring. That leaves her feeling uncared for and questioning why she should continue with him. Sex with a man who clearly doesn’t care for her, quickly loses any appeal, as it is always in her awareness that he really doesn’t care, according to a woman’s thought process.

I think I read that she had some prior commitment for part of Valentine’s Day. What about the rest of the day/evening?

She likely was waiting in the week and days prior for you, as the man, to set up a time to see her on Valentine’s Day. Just as you are now saying she could always skip going to the gym one day to see you, if she really cares about you, she was likely hoping/waiting you would CHOOSE to somehow squeeze in some time together with her, specifically on Valentine’s Day, as a sign that you care about her, and that you value her as the woman in your life, and that you care beyond just simply having sex with her.

Sounds like she never got that push from you to set up some Valentine’s Day time together. That likely became more and more disheartening to her, as the day got closer. Then on the day itself, likely desperately hoping to prompt you, as her man (she hopes) to to do something-anything meaningful, to show some-any level of true caring for her... likely feeling scared, desperate, and not wanting to show it...she reached out to you and texted Happy Valentine’s Day.

She would have been thrilled had you texted her that first. It didn’t happen. So she’s throwing it out there to you because she cares about you AND she’s likely hoping to prompt you into doing again...something that REASSURES HER, through your actions on Valentine’s Day, that you ACTUALLY care about her.

She likely texted you while experiencing HUGE anxiety, hope and anticipation. No doubt she was eagerly waiting for a reply from you! She was waiting for you to reply, and to hopefully put all the anxiety of her fears and worries to rest, and FINALLY be reassured that you care.

She waits...she waits...she waits... she waits...
She likely looked at her phone lots to see if you texted her back. Nothing. Every minute that passed, she likely took it personally that you don’t really care. That’s how it likely feeeeeeelt to her as a woman.

Minute by minute she feels more and more deflated. Then hour goes by. She’s likely feeling saddened, deeply disappointed, scared as she knows it will be a game changer if something meaningful doesn’t turn it around. Her hamster is spinning...not in a good way. Her emotions and hope are spiraling down farther as each minute passes. Two hours pass. Nothing. Three hours pass. Nothing. Her joy and hope is long gone. No response from the man she cares about. He doesn’t even care enough to reply to her text and Its F’ing Valentine’s Day!!! That’s what her mind and heart say over and over and over while she waits. She’s a woman. She’s emotional. To her, it’s likely heartbreaking. To a woman it feeeeeeels very personal. So what happens???

You texted her back after three or four hours!!! Did you then finally save her from her worst fears??? Did you indicate that you wanted to find a way to get together after her event/commitment??? Did you indicate any kind of surprise to show her you care??? A card? Even last minute $10 flowers or a ballon or chocolates from the grocery store? Anything? She likely was looking for anything to indicate you cared about her, cared enough to indicate it, and on Valentine’s Day.

She likely wanted, hoped, felt desperate to be reassured that you cared more than just sex, so she could continue moving forward with you, while feeling reassured about it. Did you provide that??? No. Not only did you not reassure her that you cared, you thinking it was funny, rubbed it in her face that you specifically choose not to give her flowers or chocolates. You rubbed it in her face that all she got for Valentine’s was a sh1tty text...in reply to hers... 3-4 fvcking hours later! And if that wasn’t hard and painful enough to her, now you wanted to rub it in her face as if it is funny and she suppose to laugh with you about it?!?!?!

I guarantee you...no part of her felt it was funny or was laughing. I suspect she feeeeeelt beyond hurt. Not only did you show you don’t care (in her eyes) but now you are making fun of the fact that you did that...to her. And you are wanting her to enjoy that as funny too.

You wonder why she was not texting as usual the next day. She’s likely wondering if she even wants to see you again or how to end it.

Ever since she’s likely feeling torn inside and maybe trying to dig for some rationalization that you do care but just svcked at showing her so on Valentine’s Day. To her, your actions were not one of a man caring, for his woman, or a woman he is hoping to make his. She’s likely at crossroads in her heart.

I see what occurred on Valentine’s likely a BIG deal to her. I suspect it’s a significant disappointment she likely just see no point in discussing it with you. To her, your actions already clearly demonstrated your lack caring (beyond sex). She was hoping to see genuine caring from you, not caring acts that you might now do, to keep the sex going, if she were to say something.

She would like to avoid coming off as hurt by your Valentine’s in/action. It was painful already. She would likely prefer to avoid drawing further attention to it.
In her heart and mind, why should she go out of her way, to see and care for a man that clearly doesn’t care for her. She’s already busy in her life. He doesn’t care about her. Why should she keep giving of herself, her time, her energy to a such a man? Imho, she won’t be able to keep rationalizing seeing you all that much longer, without a big change of some kind.

I am not saying her perspectives, as I have suggested, are right or wrong. I am just sharing them as a likelihood for greater consideration and understanding.

TL;DR Imho, I think for her, how you handled Valentine’s Day a likely became a turning point inside her. I suspect she will create a way to exit “your relationship” sooner rather than later.

 

[RickPound]

TL;DR Imho, I think for her, how you handled Valentine’s Day a likely became a turning point inside her. I suspect she will create a way to exit “your relationship” sooner rather than later.

Worth thinking about. Maybe the teasing and neggs etc we are always trying to use backfires at a certain point. I'm debating this in my own situation as well. When to stop the mystery and cheeky responses and give some real emotion. I've seen it mentioned a few places that when a relationship switches from the pick up/attraction phase to whatever is next (and you might not know when it does in her head) the game has to change as well.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Guy, this is over. When you have to analyze the behavior of a plate you already lost. Move on.

There were multiple opportunities to make this plate your woman. You declined, she moved on. You can't be upset. Plates are just women in purgatory that are giving up sex hoping you'll choose them. These arrangements never last. You shouldn't care if they do or don't.

Gents, if you want don't want to lose the plate make her the girlfriend.

 

[Lookatu]

This seems to be the whole TL;DR of this thread IMO:

So I have been seeing my main plate for almost 5 months. In truth I think we are more than just plates, we talk to each other daily, sleep over at each other's place when we see each other, she has a toothbrush for me at her place, etc..

Sure you're justified, but you seem emotionally compromised considering this girl is only a plate at the end of the day. That puts you in a poor position to successfully navigate through this, especially if you were hoping for a LTR to develop out of this.

Imho, I think for her, how you handled Valentine’s Day a likely became a turning point inside her. I suspect she will create a way to exit “your relationship” sooner rather than later.

There were multiple opportunities to make this plate your woman. You declined, she moved on.

Live and Learn. This is the So Suave way...

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Step back = Remove yourself from the situation to get a better perspective (fish in water metaphor).

Detach = Cease further investment (attention, time, energy, etc) in order to process the situation.. as you slowly lose the emotional attachment to the situation you'll get more clarity around it.


Stepping back and detaching doesn't necessarily mean No Contact or ignoring her. Rather, maybe a soft no contact instead in that you only reach out for essential reasons only, and if she reaches out your responses are coming from a place of non-investment...

And the goal here is not game, it's rather to get a more clear perspective after being emotionally compromised.

Trying to game a chick when you're emotionally compromised is not ideal, both because it's not effective and also because you're further investing in a chick who already has you mentally preoccupied which will likely create more problems for you.

The goal of stepping back and detaching is to remove that mental preoccupation in order to properly reassess the situation. Depending on your ability to detach, this could take a matter of minutes, or potentially never.

I still pretty much hear from her every day, usually after work around

This interaction stood out to me. I think as a man you may have felt fine/ok about it while she took it VERY differently.

I am curious, did you two discuss Valentine’s Day as it approached and how you two were going to handle it? I suspect like you, at five months in, she was also having deeper feelings and wondering if she was more than just sex to you. She was likely looking for clarity on that. Like it or not, Valentine’s Day is used an indicator, in women’s minds, of how men feel about them. She was likely hoping you would do something that would demonstrate that you genuinely care for her. She likely had anticipation in the days leading up to it. In her mind, it was an unavoidable sh1t test of your caring. She was likely anxious and scared you may not do much and then she would be left knowing for sure, in her mind, that to you she was simply good for sex and you don’t really care for her beyond that. That can be painful for a woman who genuinely cares about a man to face, especially because she can’t rationalize her way out of it. To her, his minimal actions equal zero to minimal real caring. That leaves her feeling uncared for and questioning why she should continue with him. Sex with a man who clearly doesn’t care for her, quickly loses any appeal, as it is always in her awareness that he really doesn’t care, according to a woman’s thought process.

I think I read that she had some prior commitment for part of Valentine’s Day. What about the rest of the day/evening?

She likely was waiting in the week and days prior for you, as the man, to set up a time to see her on Valentine’s Day. Just as you are now saying she could always skip going to the gym one day to see you, if she really cares about you, she was likely hoping/waiting you would CHOOSE to somehow squeeze in some time together with her, specifically on Valentine’s Day, as a sign that you care about her, and that you value her as the woman in your life, and that you care beyond just simply having sex with her.

Sounds like she never got that push from you to set up some Valentine’s Day time together. That likely became more and more disheartening to her, as the day got closer. Then on the day itself, likely desperately hoping to prompt you, as her man (she hopes) to to do something-anything meaningful, to show some-any level of true caring for her... likely feeling scared, desperate, and not wanting to show it...she reached out to you and texted Happy Valentine’s Day.

She would have been thrilled had you texted her that first. It didn’t happen. So she’s throwing it out there to you because she cares about you AND she’s likely hoping to prompt you into doing again...something that REASSURES HER, through your actions on Valentine’s Day, that you ACTUALLY care about her.

She likely texted you while experiencing HUGE anxiety, hope and anticipation. No doubt she was eagerly waiting for a reply from you! She was waiting for you to reply, and to hopefully put all the anxiety of her fears and worries to rest, and FINALLY be reassured that you care.

She waits...she waits...she waits... she waits...
She likely looked at her phone lots to see if you texted her back. Nothing. Every minute that passed, she likely took it personally that you don’t really care. That’s how it likely feeeeeeelt to her as a woman.

Minute by minute she feels more and more deflated. Then hour goes by. She’s likely feeling saddened, deeply disappointed, scared as she knows it will be a game changer if something meaningful doesn’t turn it around. Her hamster is spinning...not in a good way. Her emotions and hope are spiraling down farther as each minute passes. Two hours pass. Nothing. Three hours pass. Nothing. Her joy and hope is long gone. No response from the man she cares about. He doesn’t even care enough to reply to her text and Its F’ing Valentine’s Day!!! That’s what her mind and heart say over and over and over while she waits. She’s a woman. She’s emotional. To her, it’s likely heartbreaking. To a woman it feeeeeeels very personal. So what happens???

You texted her back after three or four hours!!! Did you then finally save her from her worst fears??? Did you indicate that you wanted to find a way to get together after her event/commitment??? Did you indicate any kind of surprise to show her you care??? A card? Even last minute $10 flowers or a ballon or chocolates from the grocery store? Anything? She likely was looking for anything to indicate you cared about her, cared enough to indicate it, and on Valentine’s Day.

She likely wanted, hoped, felt desperate to be reassured that you cared more than just sex, so she could continue moving forward with you, while feeling reassured about it. Did you provide that??? No. Not only did you not reassure her that you cared, you thinking it was funny, rubbed it in her face that you specifically choose not to give her flowers or chocolates. You rubbed it in her face that all she got for Valentine’s was a sh1tty text...in reply to hers... 3-4 fvcking hours later! And if that wasn’t hard and painful enough to her, now you wanted to rub it in her face as if it is funny and she suppose to laugh with you about it?!?!?!

I guarantee you...no part of her felt it was funny or was laughing. I suspect she feeeeeelt beyond hurt. Not only did you show you don’t care (in her eyes) but now you are making fun of the fact that you did that...to her. And you are wanting her to enjoy that as funny too.

You wonder why she was not texting as usual the next day. She’s likely wondering if she even wants to see you again or how to end it.

Ever since she’s likely feeling torn inside and maybe trying to dig for some rationalization that you do care but just svcked at showing her so on Valentine’s Day. To her, your actions were not one of a man caring, for his woman, or a woman he is hoping to make his. She’s likely at crossroads in her heart.

I see what occurred on Valentine’s likely a BIG deal to her. I suspect it’s a significant disappointment she likely just see no point in discussing it with you. To her, your actions already clearly demonstrated your lack caring (beyond sex). She was hoping to see genuine caring from you, not caring acts that you might now do, to keep the sex going, if she were to say something.

She would like to avoid coming off as hurt by your Valentine’s in/action. It was painful already. She would likely prefer to avoid drawing further attention to it.
In her heart and mind, why should she go out of her way, to see and care for a man that clearly doesn’t care for her. She’s already busy in her life. He doesn’t care about her. Why should she keep giving of herself, her time, her energy to a such a man? Imho, she won’t be able to keep rationalizing seeing you all that much longer, without a big change of some kind.

I am not saying her perspectives, as I have suggested, are right or wrong. I am just sharing them as a likelihood for greater consideration and understanding.

TL;DR Imho, I think for her, how you handled Valentine’s Day a likely became a turning point inside her. I suspect she will create a way to exit “your relationship” sooner rather than later.

I guess my sense is that whenever in the past I have tried to get closer to her she kind of puts up a wall and backs away. And I just thought that me adding "pressure" with Valentine's Day would not be what she wanted or that it would cause her to back away again.

Is it worth me reaching out, admitting I fvcked up on Valentine's day and wanting to make things right with that?

 

[LiveYourDream]

I guess my sense is that whenever in the past I have tried to get closer to her she kind of puts up a wall and backs away. And I just thought that me adding "pressure" with Valentine's Day would not be what she wanted or that it would cause her to back away again.

Considering this ^^^^^^, this woman has already demonstrated to you, that she should not really be considered as worthy of being anything more than a plate to you.

 

[Lookatu]

I still pretty much hear from her every day, usually after work around

I guess my sense is that whenever in the past I have tried to get closer to her she kind of puts up a wall and backs away. And I just thought that me adding "pressure" with Valentine's Day would not be what she wanted or that it would cause her to back away again.

Is it worth me reaching out, admitting I fvcked up on Valentine's day and wanting to make things right with that?

If she's initiating texting you everyday, she is still interested. But the question is interested in what? Something more casual and laid back, or a possible LTR?

If she's putting up a wall and backing away, maybe she just wants to keep things casual and just wants to focus on raising her kid(s). That's how a lot of these single mothers roll. They pretty much want only an activity buddy, companion, fwb, friend...but nothing more.

I don't think you should reach out and say anything more. Just go with the flow as long as you see interest from her(her initiating texting, giving you attention). Clearly she has other stuff going on in her life. You guys aren't exclusive or BF/GF so it's not like she's going to confide in you or lean on you for support for whatever issues she may be having.

Just look for new recruits in the mean time if she's too busy or stressed to see you. And emotionally demote her back to a straight plate status.

 

[RickPound]

What you're sensing is that she doesn't really want something long term, the birthday is just a symptom of that feeling.

Maybe she was expecting something for V day just like you were expecting something for your B day? I understand the OPs dilemma in not wanting to push forward with something like that for fear or pushing her way, but like others have said - maybe they do want that stuff every once in awhile. Again, it's a fine balance. But also keep perspective that if interest level was high enough a few mistakes one way or the other shouldn't make or break.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Is it worth me reaching out, admitting I fvcked up on Valentine's day and wanting to make things right with that?

No. Valentine’s Day is for wives, fiancé’s, and girlfriends. You already had your shot with this girl. She couldn’t forget your mistakes even if she wanted to. There is no need to remind her of them. Move on to someone else.