Stayed over there last night. Firmly in FWB category for me now.
Had a couple of beers together and generally had a good laugh talking about all sorts. Her daughter was apparently excited to see me and came out of bedroom a few times. Mum was losing her rag and didn;t like the way she was getting pretty forceful, almost aggressive by the end. Sat down next to me and said 'I wish she'd f*** off' or very similar. She's said similar a couple of times recently. Get kids can be difficult but didn;t sit right with me. Near beginning of seeing each other she told me about a guy she was dating for 3 months early 2020, who broke up with her soon after an argument after she apparently said something like chucking her daughter into bed - wonder if there was more to it and she said something more inappropriate.
She's alluded to hating the inital part of being a mum and has no interest in more. Career driven and works 60 hours a week. Not a massive red flag in itself, but when I consider how she is around her daughter at times, I have to question someone like this having an influence in my daughters life over the long term...
We then ended up having sex and her daughter walked in. She put her to bed and then came in, got upset and then resumed where we left off.
Woke up this morning and didn't have usual spring in my step like I usually do after staying at hers. Feels like some kind of fog has dissipated and her faults now outshine the positives. Can now see things more objectively, rather than influenced by emotion, sex and her physical attractiveness. Weird feeling driving home, almost a bit empty as she has gone from someone I was infatuated with to almost being repulsed by and not only for the issues I mentioned above around her daughter.
This coupled with stories she's said about never loving her ex husband, the way she deals with people at work and her daughter, makes me question whats ticking under her bubbly, happy persona. She told me she's in therapy once a week, so who knows whats going on underneath the hood. Can't see any kind of serious relationship ending well for me with her...
So I'm content to keep her as someone I have sex with once or twice a week, to keep me in the game (particularly during lockdown) but can't see any chance for anything beyond that. If I'm being honest I couldn;t see it lasting long term even if I didn;t feel that way. Too many things I overlooked, which would no doubt become an issue as time goes by.
Winding back to how we were at the beginning, but will see how things go as at least at the beginning I was unaware of a few things, which now effect how attractive I find her. She is good fun to be around, so don;t want to go overboard, but definitely aware of shift in emotions/head the past few days.
Was sat there last night thinking at points whether to raise the thing about her male friend, but just thought I don;t care enough, certainly not enough to make myself vulnerable and expose myself to her.
Texting each other today and feels like a complete chore. If she calls it a day, so be it, would just be a bit of a shame to lose someone physically attractive to have sex with.
Could just be tired as only had 3 hours sleep. Probably in denial and I'll be back with another concern in a few weeks