First date hook ups

[TheNewStyle123]

Hi gentlemen.

Quick recap. I am recently separated and awaiting my divorce to finalize within the next few months so I am just getting back into the dating game. I am learning from The Rationale Male, everyone's great advice here on sosuave, and the best teacher... mistakes haha.

So far I have gone on 4 first dates with 4 different women. The first two ended in sex; my last two have not. However, I have been way more into these last two chicks (better conversation, more my type, etc.) and something about them kind of teasing and not giving it up on the first date is kind of intriguing.

My questions gentlemen, as I am new to the game again: in your experience, do most women withhold sex until the 2nd or 3rd date? I know in the rationale male if you're hitting the 4th date with still no sex, then it's time to hit the road. Both of these last two women I mentioned have gone as far as to be making out with me on my bed/couch, tops off, sucking on t!ts, etc., and have both brought up the colloquial "third date" scenario for having sex. To me, they seem interested and like they will give it up soon - but I am just wondering if I am wasting my time. As I am finding out, dating can get expensive haha.

Thanks boys.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I don't believe in hard rules like 3rd date rule etc. I make it case-by-case with each woman depending on a variety of factors. But you do not need to spend a lot of money on them during the early dating. Make it fun and enjoyable but don't blow a lot of cash - just no reason to.

I would avoid talking about the third date rule etc and brush it off by changing the subject if they bring it up.

The point of these rules are to help men avoid wasting a ton of time and money which I think is good. So use them as a rough guideline but I would be careful not to draw any hard lines. What I want to see is a gradual progression toward sex - depending on the woman, her age, her experience, etc, I will allow it to go on so long as that progression keeps taking place. If it stalls, or slides backward, I will end it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If you have gotten that far already and they are still wanting to meet up again you likely are going to get in soon, they may have not wanted to appear too easy.

I wouldn't worry about the 3 date rule...the 2 best long term relationships of my life were 5th date and 6th date sex. But they made it very clear they were highly interested in other ways. And once we crossed that bridge it was like sex all the time.

 

[Lookatu]

Third date rules are a safety defense tactic brought on by all the girls that got pumped and dumped over the years.

Third date rule provides a little safety barrier for women not looking to take chances on potential one time lays.

They think if a guy is willing to wait and stick it out to 3 dates, chances of pump and dump will be lower.

This tactic however also allows a girl to get to know you more without the pressure of sex clouding their judgement. However this can also be used in their favor by going out with you for 2 dates and then ghosting you for 3rd if they don't feel a sexual connection by then or don't want to give it up.

Another angle is women don't wanna give it up fast to a guy they REALLY like. I know it sounds backwards but the girl values what he thinks of her and also wants to ensure she's able to see him again. I've had a few gals tell me that they would really like to sleep with me on the first date but they like me too much. I know this wasn't bs because all of them eventually slept with me. It's just a safety mechanism that some girls go by.

Just like how guys follow certain pua tactics and such, there are going to be girls that can't think for themselves and follow some idiotic guideline or article they read on Cosmopolitan. It's just the way it is.

Personally as long as things seem to be moving forward and not stagnant or backwards, I've revised my approach to wait it out up to 3 dates and it's paid off 85% of the time for me. Obviously if the girl is trash or has red flags in anyway, YOU don't give them a 2nd date.

 

[TheProspect]

My questions gentlemen, as I am new to the game again: in your experience, do most women withhold sex until the 2nd or 3rd date?

Ironically I withhold sex until the 2nd or 3rd date lol.

I'm not trying to get laid on the first date anymore like I used to. Nowadays, I have to vibe with a chick and actually like her, which can take a couple of interactions, before I can truly enjoy having sex with her.

I bagged probably the hottest chick of my life a few months ago on the first "date", but I ghosted her within two weeks because I found her personality repulsive enough that I couldn't even keep her as a plate. Regardless of looks, my d!ck just doesn't work as well with women I'm not into lol. I'm okay with forgoing a few first date lays.

I think my slvt phase is ending lol.

I don't believe in hard rules like 3rd date rule etc. I make it case-by-case with each woman depending on a variety of factors.

The point of these rules are to help men avoid wasting a ton of time and money which I think is good. So use them as a rough guideline but I would be careful not to draw any hard lines. What I want to see is a gradual progression toward sex - depending on the woman, her age, her experience, etc, I will allow it to go on so long as that progression keeps taking place. If it stalls, or slides backward, I will end it.

Agreed. I've banged chicks on the first date who turned out to be more quality than the chicks that gave it up after a few dates, and vice-versa.

No hard rules – depends on the woman. If you just want to bang and the girl is a known slvt, then I would next her if she is making you wait, whereas if you're looking more for companionship and/or prefer a girl who exercises a little self-restraint, waiting a few dates to determine each other's compatibility before banging isn't the end of the world.

In any event, you shouldn't be spending a lot of money during the first few dates on a chick you haven't banged, especially if you can't afford it.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Although I've had some decent to good quality women that put out on the first date, I've also had to wait it out with some dates as well.

Those that make you wait are usually among four varieties (and usually easy to spot).

1. The discerning female
She's not going to be viewed as "too easy" ... places a higher value on intimacy (or herself) or has figured out that you'll value her more if things are gradual. These are the girls that you want to consider for potential long-term.

2. The trashy female.
She puts out on the first date, but she thinks that you'll look at her as the higher caliber girl described above if she puts on the charade. She usually goes out of her way to say that she's "not that type of girl." Through the date, she'll reveal something about herself that gives away that she's not as high caliber.

3. The girl passing time
She had nothing better to do and figured what the heck. It's not that she's disinterested, but she's apathetic and going on the date to see if she becomes interested. You'll know be the end of the evening if she's into you or not.

4. The Freeloader
This is one notch above a prostitute. She's more interested in the attention, free drinks / meal and is showing up because she's being 'paid.' She's usually quite confident (overly confident) and has a more self-assured smile than a genuine smile.

From what you've shared so far, it sounds like you have a couple of women from the #1 selection. Remain calm and keep it cool and you should do fine.

 

[Lookatu]

Ironically I withhold sex until the 2nd or 3rd date lol.

I'm not trying to get laid on the first date anymore like I used to. Nowadays, I have to vibe with a chick and actually like her, which can take a couple of interactions, before I can truly enjoy having sex with her.

This is exactly the phase I'm in. I no longer try to get laid on the first date like I used to but if the conditions are right, it may happen occasionally.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Ironically I withhold sex until the 2nd or 3rd date lol.

I'm not trying to get laid on the first date anymore like I used to. Nowadays, I have to vibe with a chick and actually like her, which can take a couple of interactions, before I can truly enjoy having sex with her.

I bagged probably the hottest chick of my life a few months ago on the first "date", but I ghosted her within two weeks because I found her personality repulsive enough that I couldn't even keep her as a plate. Regardless of looks, my d!ck just doesn't work as well with women I'm not into lol. I'm okay with forgoing a few first date lays.

I think my slvt phase is ending lol.



Agreed. I've banged chicks on the first date who turned out to be more quality than the chicks that gave it up after a few dates, and vice-versa.

No hard rules – depends on the woman. If you just want to bang and the girl is a known slvt, then I would next her if she is making you wait, whereas if you're looking more for companionship and/or prefer a girl who exercises a little self-restraint, waiting a few dates to determine each other's compatibility before banging isn't the end of the world.

In any event, you shouldn't be spending a lot of money during the first few dates on a chick you haven't banged, especially if you can't afford it.

Yeah man I'm kicking myself now. Dropped $100 last night. Each had 3 drinks and an app. We had fun though, but still.. I probably would have seemed like less of a 'push over' if I had her pay for being late. And now she may ghost me and I'm out $100 with no sex... oh well. I know this is all part of the game and I'm learning.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

This is exactly the phase I'm in. I no longer try to get laid on the first date like I used to but if the conditions are right, it may happen occasionally.

I like that idea as I feel like sex is way better too when you feel more of a connection. This girl I have been on two dates with now is really driving me crazy. Hope to crack her soon haha.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah man I'm kicking myself now. Dropped $100 last night. Each had 3 drinks and an app. We had fun though, but still.. I probably would have seemed like less of a 'push over' if I had her pay for being late. And now she may ghost me and I'm out $100 with no sex... oh well. I know this is all part of the game and I'm learning.

I try not to spend more than $20 on a date. They haven't earned anything more at that point and I don't know if I even like them. This is especially important if you are going on a lot of dates...they can add up quick.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

I try not to spend more than $20 on a date. They haven't earned anything more at that point and I don't know if I even like them. This is especially important if you are going on a lot of dates...they can add up quick.

$20?! How do you manage to pull that off with drinks? Or do you avoid drinks on the first date?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

$20?! How do you manage to pull that off with drinks? Or do you avoid drinks on the first date?

Depends. Sometimes I will go for a hike/walk and offer ice cream "if they behave".

If I go out I will usually get one drink each...maybe 2. Might be like $25 at that point. I will give them a chance to see if they offer to buy the 2nd round. If they do they get bonus points.

Stop spending a lot of money off the bat on these women. Make them earn it. If you are spending $100 on a first date what is your follow up? $300 on the 3rd date? You are conditioning them early to expect you will drop a lot of money on them.

 

[Barrister]

If I am being completely honest, every girl I have hooked up with on date number 1 (or could have hooked up with on date number 1), were all what I would describe as low quality women. And I don't mean they were not good looking. But, they had a lot of emotional baggage or just did not care how big their sex count was. Now, some on here may not care about that and just want the sex. My experience is generally the difficulty associated with dealing with these women after having sex with them is not worth it. I find that, whether for a plate or a LTR, I get more out of the relationship if on date 1 we don't have sex (and I wasn't given the opportunity to get that far).

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Depends. Sometimes I will go for a hike/walk and offer ice cream "if they behave".

If I go out I will usually get one drink each...maybe 2. Might be like $25 at that point. I will give them a chance to see if they offer to buy the 2nd round. If they do they get bonus points.

Stop spending a lot of money off the bat on these women. Make them earn it. If you are spending $100 on a first date what is your follow up? $300 on the 3rd date? You are conditioning them early to expect you will drop a lot of money on them.

Sh!t man you're right.. now I'm kicking myself for going all out last night. Should have kept it way more casual.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Sh!t man you're right.. now I'm kicking myself for going all out last night. Should have kept it way more casual.

As long as it's in your budget, I wouldn't sweat this one bit (but I'd suggest to tone it down after the first date). Considering that she sincerely volunteered to pay for drinks, it sounds like she's an okay gal and not a milker.

Heck, I've dropped $100.00 on dates that provided good company and fun to be around, but I didn't have the interest enough to take them home.... but it was still a fun evening.

Here's a clue: if she orders top shelf drinks more than once and doesn't volunteer to pitch in (even if you pick up the tab) she's probably not going to be much fun to hang out with. On the other hand, as long as you aren't "buying her approval" (and she can tell if you are) and you're having fun and she is as well ... no crime there.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sh!t man you're right.. now I'm kicking myself for going all out last night. Should have kept it way more casual.

Hey, it's all good...just use it as a learning experience. You will get the hang of it soon enough. I have never had an interested woman not want to see me again because I spent under $20 on a date or even gone on a free date

Have had plenty that didn't when I dropped more than $50 in my younger days.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

As long as it's in your budget, I wouldn't sweat this one bit (but I'd suggest to tone it down after the first date). Considering that she sincerely volunteered to pay for drinks, it sounds like she's an okay gal and not a milker.

Heck, I've dropped $100.00 on dates that provided good company and fun to be around, but I didn't have the interest enough to take them home.... but it was still a fun evening.

Here's a clue: if she orders top shelf drinks more than once and doesn't volunteer to pitch in (even if you pick up the tab) she's probably not going to be much fun to hang out with. On the other hand, as long as you aren't "buying her approval" (and she can tell if you are) and you're having fun and she is as well ... no crime there.

Thanks buddy. That's great advice. In all honesty, if anything, I had a REALLY fun night. I didn't even think of the drink number we were having so much fun time talking. Maybe I'll see her again, if not, plenty other potential plates to spin.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Hey, it's all good...just use it as a learning experience. You will get the hang of it soon enough. I have never had an interested woman not want to see me again because I spent under $20 on a date or even gone on a free date

Have had plenty that didn't when I dropped more than $50 in my younger days.

Thanks man! Definitely a learning experience. I have another date over the holidays when I go home - I'll use my new knowledge then!

 

[Tilex]

Any type of rules in dating is stupid & ridiculous.
You'll never know if you two are sexually compatible until you have sex.
It could be 5 dates until you have sex and then realize it was too lousy.

The best sex is never about waiting X amount of days or X amount of hours.
The best sex is about strong chemistry and that raw animalistic desire to rip each other's clothes off.
You can feel a strong kinetic desire from a women that's into you.
There's a certain type of energy you get from it. I'm sure you've felt it before.
That's when it's up to you to make things happen. Not wait 5 days, 10 days, 30, days, or 40 months.
I personally believe the more you wait, the more reasons she'll find to disqualify you. And that's when you'll never get it.

 

[TheNewStyle123]

Any type of rules in dating is stupid & ridiculous.
You'll never know if you two are sexually compatible until you have sex.
It could be 5 dates until you have sex and then realize it was too lousy.

The best sex is never about waiting X amount of days or X amount of hours.
The best sex is about strong chemistry and that raw animalistic desire to rip each other's clothes off.
You can feel a strong kinetic desire from a women that's into you.
There's a certain type of energy you get from it. I'm sure you've felt it before.
That's when it's up to you to make things happen. Not wait 5 days, 10 days, 30, days, or 40 months.
I personally believe the more you wait, the more reasons she'll find to disqualify you. And that's when you'll never get it.

Well said man. And hey, that's the type of sex I think we are all looking for!