How to respond to this?

[gsintx]

Girlfriend recently/temporarily moved back to her parents because she was depressed/ COVID (arguments, etc.). We initially texted a bit but I started texting her less and less (let her text more, slow responses, etc.) We have therapy set-up and she texted me a half hour ago. Below is our convo:

Her: So quick question, would I be able to stay the night on Tuesday? I have to work on Wednesday and want to make sure I make it in time for the therapy session. (She pays rent where we live so i am not sure why she is asking)
Her: If that's not ok I can just stay at a hotel
Her: Or we can just cancel the call, up to you

Me: Why wouldn't I let you stay the night here? lol

Her: I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me spending the night

Me: *reacts with HAHA to her last message, sends / does nothing else*

Her: You know what I think we should just cancel it
Her: Don't like your reactions

Me: Np. I said i was cool with it...

Her: Perfect then I guess we can just call it quits here.
Her: I don't want to have to rely on you to get my work done.
Her: I'll let the leasing office know that I'll be leaving that way you don't have to pay for an extra spot.

Me: I am a bit perplexed by your reaction

Her: You laughed at what i said

Me: I am busy. I am working my full time job, working on a side project and watching the stock market. I laughed cause i thought you meant that as satire.

Her: Oh I see
Her: I'll let you go, text me when you can


What is the appropriate response? What the **** is wrong with her?

 

[gsintx]

Hmmm why? How would you respond to this?

She wants to sabotage the relationship, consciously or subconsciously.

 

[bcude]

What's wrong with her?
You need to wake up dude. She doesn't want to be with you and now you're trying to negotiate desire, but not really since she even seems to be neutral to that idea.

Don't be the dumpee. You need to tell her you've thought about it and you don't think it would be in your best interest to continue. Don't be emotional, don't be mad in front of her. Just tell her what's what. You will put her into a state of absolute shock and she will be forced to reevaluate everything. I highly recommend you do not try to rekindle things with her even if she begs, because more often than not a woman will come back, give you a false sense of security, and then walk away again out of spite. They never forget a perceived wrong.

She's already gone bro. Flip the script and put her in the position you're in now.

Or you can drag it out and see her turn into a coldhearted b*tch in front of your eyes because you're not doing what she expects of you (putting her in her place) by walking away.

You received great advice in your other thread. Read the thread again and you'll realise her behavior makes sense.

 

[gsintx]

just thought itd be helpful.... one of my friends actually suggested it. Were my responses ****?

"Ok"
And you could have just said ok to her spending the night. Guys talk to much in text messaging. I see it ALL the time

Just curious as to why you are going to therapy with a gf??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Girlfriend recently/temporarily moved back to her parents because she was depressed/ COVID (arguments, etc.). We initially texted a bit but I started texting her less and less (let her text more, slow responses, etc.) We have therapy set-up and she texted me a half hour ago. Below is our convo:

Her: So quick question, would I be able to stay the night on Tuesday? I have to work on Wednesday and want to make sure I make it in time for the therapy session. (She pays rent where we live so i am not sure why she is asking)
Her: If that's not ok I can just stay at a hotel
Her: Or we can just cancel the call, up to you

Me: Why wouldn't I let you stay the night here? lol

Her: I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me spending the night

Me: *reacts with HAHA to her last message, sends / does nothing else*

Her: You know what I think we should just cancel it
Her: Don't like your reactions

Me: Np. I said i was cool with it...

Her: Perfect then I guess we can just call it quits here.
Her: I don't want to have to rely on you to get my work done.
Her: I'll let the leasing office know that I'll be leaving that way you don't have to pay for an extra spot.

Me: I am a bit perplexed by your reaction

Her: You laughed at what i said

Me: I am busy. I am working my full time job, working on a side project and watching the stock market. I laughed cause i thought you meant that as satire.

Her: Oh I see
Her: I'll let you go, text me when you can


What is the appropriate response? What the **** is wrong with her?

Nothing is wrong with her response. Everything is wrong with your response and your pandering and explaining yourself to her mindset that you have.

She knows anytime she wants you she can have you. She knows all she has to do is throw a hissy fit and you will go into beta explainer mode.

 

[gsintx]

Lol, how was i pandering/explaining myself?

Nothing is wrong with her response. Everything is wrong with your response and your pandering and explaining yourself to her mindset that you have.

She knows anytime she wants you she can have you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Lol, how was i pandering/explaining myself?

Are you serious? You just typed it out:

Me: I am busy. I am working my full time job, working on a side project and watching the stock market. I laughed cause i thought you meant that as satire.

Why are you defending and explaining yourself to her? Do you need her approval? Do you view her as higher value than you? Because that is the way she is seeing it, the same way I and most of the other posters on the board are seeing it.

NEVER explain yourself in this way to a woman. It lowers your value. Either ignore it or agree and amplify. At that point you should have been treating her like a 5 year old throwing a hissy fit and put her in a texting timeout.

OP, you are simply not getting any of this. I am not sure if we are getting through to you at all. Stop trying to use logic in these situations, you are not going to get the results you want with women by using logic.

 

[gsintx]

Haha how old do you think I am? And i am going to therapy cause i thought it would be helpful to have a mediator, person that could possibly give us advice. There are things that I am aware of that I need to work on (im not perfect)

Its not that they were bad.
Its much easier and healthy to start over especially at your age.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Haha how old do you think I am? And i am going to therapy cause i thought it would be helpful to have a mediator, person that could possibly give us advice. There are things that I am aware of that I need to work on (im not perfect)

Really? Because you don't seem to want to actually take advice. You seem more interested in arguing that you are doing things right or that what we are saying you are doing by your own words and actions aren't really what you are doing.

 

[gsintx]

I am not arguing anything. You seem very desperate to paint me in a bad light. Sure I made some mistakes but I feel my response is a bit stronger than most guys out there. The whole reason she's lashing out is because I didn't text her back all weekend.

Really? Because you don't seem to want to actually take advice. You seem more interested in arguing that you are doing things right or that what we are saying you are doing by your own words and actions aren't really what you are doing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I am not arguing anything. You seem very desperate to paint me in a bad light. Sure I made some mistakes but I feel my response is a bit stronger than most guys out there. The whole reason she's lashing out is because I didn't text her back all weekend.

I am simply pointing out mistakes you are making in your interactions because I made them too previously and I want you to learn from mine rather than learning from your own.

 

[backseatjuan]

Next time you get a bone give her a call.

 

[gsintx]

What should i say? lol

Next time you get a bone give her a call.

 

[gsintx]

I am simply pointing out mistakes you are making in your interactions because I made them too previously and I want you to learn from mine rather than learning from your own.

Thanks for that. I appreciate it, I will try to practice what you recommend (it's harder in person than on paper unfortunately)

 

[DreamAgain]

Dude what the hell was that? You failed.

See what you should have said in bold:

Her: So quick question, would I be able to stay the night on Tuesday? I have to work on Wednesday and want to make sure I make it in time for the therapy session. (She pays rent where we live so i am not sure why she is asking)
Her: If that's not ok I can just stay at a hotel
Her: Or we can just cancel the call, up to you

(she said up to you, so make a decision here. Do not respond with a question).
Me: I agree let's cancel it, would be a waste of time for both of us.

Her: I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me spending the night


Me: We are splitting the rent, so you have as much right to be here as do I. I think I'll start looking for a different place though, it's better that we no longer live together for numerous reasons.

Her: Perfect then I guess we can just call it quits here.
Her: I don't want to have to rely on you to get my work done.
Her: I'll let the leasing office know that I'll be leaving that way you don't have to pay for an extra spot.

Me: Ok.

That's it.

 

[gsintx]

Thanks, next time I will try that.

Dude what the hell was that? You failed.

See what you should have said in bold:

Her: So quick question, would I be able to stay the night on Tuesday? I have to work on Wednesday and want to make sure I make it in time for the therapy session. (She pays rent where we live so i am not sure why she is asking)
Her: If that's not ok I can just stay at a hotel
Her: Or we can just cancel the call, up to you

(she said up to you, so make a decision here. Do not respond with a question).
Me: I agree let's cancel it, would be a waste of time for both of us.

Her: I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me spending the night


Me: We are splitting the rent, so you have as much right to be here as do I. I think I'll start looking for a different place though, it's better that we no longer live together for numerous reasons.

Her: Perfect then I guess we can just call it quits here.
Her: I don't want to have to rely on you to get my work done.
Her: I'll let the leasing office know that I'll be leaving that way you don't have to pay for an extra spot.

Me: Ok.

That's it.

 

[Serenity]

The part where you just said "haha", that was a bad response. If you were trying to keep her you were acting too aloof, if you were fine with just ending it you were being too unclear. Just responding with "haha" to that is an aimless response.

You're not sure about what's up with her, but are you even sure about what's up with you? Because I'm not sure what you want out of this, knowing that would make it easier to generate an appropriate response.

 

[gsintx]

I guess get her to chase me .

She texted me like 2 hours ago (I haven’t sent any messages all day cause I was actually busy)

Her : can you cancel the therapy session this week?

Me: already done np

Her: cool when can I pick up my stuff?

Me: anytime , just let me know ahead of time . Got Plans on wednesday

The part where you just said "haha", that was a bad response. If you were trying to keep her you were acting too aloof, if you were fine with just ending it you were being too unclear. Just responding with "haha" to that is an aimless response.

You're not sure about what's up with her, but are you even sure about what's up with you? Because I'm not sure what you want out of this, knowing that would make it easier to generate an appropriate response.

 

[Serenity]

@gsintx Why do you want her to chase you? To me it sounds like ego boosting behavior, you'll feel better about yourself if you can make her chase you.

Do you even want to be with her? This all looks like a failed attempt at looking "cool and indifferent", she's responding rationally by leaving because there's nothing there for her. Are you really cold about her or are you just playing cold? Because if it's the latter then you messed up, she's leaving as if you don't care because that's how you act.

In any case you've committed to this course of action long enough that it may be irreversible. You're not making her chase you, you're pushing her away, she's complying and you're further supporting it.

That said, you're excellent at soft break ups.

 

[gsintx]

I am a bit confused. She asked if she can stay here (she pays rent mind you) and I said: "why couldn't you?" lol" (kind of a stupid question no?). I was a bit busy at the time and couldnt come up with an elaborate response. Then a few hours later she texts me again saying that she wants to cancel the therapy session (out of the blue). Keep in mind... it was HER idea to leave the house in the first place (over an argument over a house she definitely can't afford or even afford half of). It was HER idea to stay and not come back when I limited my texting interactions with her (that's the redpill approach no?). I told her that she was always welcome to come through and have a bottle of wine with me ... she never took me up on my offer.

What am I supposed to do... beg?

@gsintx Why do you want her to chase you? To me it sounds like ego boosting behavior, you'll feel better about yourself if you can make her chase you.

Do you even want to be with her? This all looks like a failed attempt at looking "cool and indifferent", she's responding rationally by leaving because there's nothing there for her. Are you really cold about her or are you just playing cold? Because if it's the latter then you messed up, she's leaving as if you don't care because that's how you act.

In any case you've committed to this course of action long enough that it may be irreversible. You're not making her chase you, you're pushing her away, she's complying and you're further supporting it.

That said, you're excellent at soft break ups.