Marriage and being faithful...

[scarface701]

I’m posting for opinions and perhaps experience from other married men. I’m not looking for judgement.

I’ve been married for double digit years now and I also work with my wife. She’s great... but I’m just not super attracted to her sexually any more. She refuses to spice things up in the bedroom and for years sex has been flat.

I’ve been thinking of perhaps getting someone on the side but I’m not sure if that’s the best step and how I would even approach a woman as a married man.

I have a few friends that cheat every time they travel and say it helps clear their mind and they honestly feel like they go home happier and better husbands as a result....

Any thoughts..or experience in this area...?

 

[AttackFormation]

I have a few friends that cheat every time they travel and say it helps clear their mind and they honestly feel like they go home happier and better husbands as a result....

Are they in the same situation you are with their own wife's sex life?

And has your wife let herself go or not?

 

[scarface701]

Are they in the same situation you are with their own wife's sex life?

And has your wife let herself go or not?

Honestly... No. I don’t think so....my wife tends to be more of a prude. No. My wife is attractive. Smart... and successful. TBH I don’t think I was head over heals in love with her when I married her but I knew she’d be a great catch... and she is. I have no regrets... just bored as hell sexually.

I think part of the problem is not only is sex not exciting any more but everything is always full of responsibilities with her. I always think it would be nice to just get away for a weekend and have fun sex with a woman with NSA and no responsibilities beyond that weekend.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I’m posting for opinions and perhaps experience from other married men. I’m not looking for judgement.

I’ve been married for double digit years now and I also work with my wife. She’s great... but I’m just not super attracted to her sexually any more. She refuses to spice things up in the bedroom and for years sex has been flat.

I’ve been thinking of perhaps getting someone on the side but I’m not sure if that’s the best step and how I would even approach a woman as a married man.

I have a few friends that cheat every time they travel and say it helps clear their mind and they honestly feel like they go home happier and better husbands as a result....

Any thoughts..or experience in this area...?

It starts a 2nd life which can bw dangerous. In extremely small quantities like a couple times a year it may add energy to the marriage. If your cheating all the time Itll be killing her emotionally. Why are you having these convos with peers? They can take the info from your conversations and use it to have her cheat with them.

 

[scarface701]

It starts a 2nd life which can bw dangerous. In extremely small quantities like a couple times a year it may add energy to the marriage. If your cheating all the time Itll be killing her emotionally. Why are you having these convos with peers? They can rak

I don’t think I’d talk with peers if I was cheating. They talk with me about their endeavors.

 

[AttackFormation]

Honestly... No. I don’t think so....my wife tends to be more of a prude. No. My wife is attractive. Smart... and successful. TBH I don’t think I was head over heals in love with her when I married her but I knew she’d be a great catch... and she is. I have no regrets... just bored as hell sexually.

I think part of the problem is not only is sex not exciting any more but everything is always full of responsibilities with her. I always think it would be nice to just get away for a weekend and have fun sex with a woman with NSA and no responsibilities beyond that weekend.

Maybe her behavior is a symptom of how she has similar feelings toward you as those you describe having toward her, and she too is "bored as hell" emotionally. I find that interesting to consider, that you could both be in the same equivalent boat. Do you talk about this with each other?

When you say "part of the problem is not only is sex not exciting any more but everything is always full of responsibilities with her." - do you mean this is a problem with her specifically that she causes, or do you mean with a committed relationship in general?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don’t think I’d talk with peers if I was cheating. They talk with me about their endeavors.

Alot of people do it. Observe their character and see if it's how you want to be. They end up being big liars who don't care about folks.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Alot of people do it. Observe their character and see if it's how you want to be. They end up being big liars who don't care about folks.

There must be a way to add energy and lift into the marriage. But if the other person doesn't care... It can be hard to make them care. Women do manipulate men into caring.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

There must be a way to add energy and lift into the marriage. But if the other person doesn't care... It can be hard to make them care. Women do manipulate men into caring.

how?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

how?

Think of the hundreds of ways your gender motivates a man or manipulates situation to get what she wants?

 

[Billtx49]

I always think it would be nice to just get away for a weekend and have fun sex with a woman with NSA and no responsibilities beyond that weekend.

Do that, but with your wife. Constantly lead her to fun and spontaneity again and see if she gets the hint and starts to contribute. A big part of the problem is you two work together now and see each other differently than your original versions.
Time for a life restart now…

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Maybe her behavior is a symptom of how she has similar feelings toward you as those you describe having toward her, and she too is "bored as hell" emotionally. I find that interesting to consider, that you could both be in the same equivalent boat. Do you talk about this with each other?

Not so fast captain, he said that SHE was the one who refuses to spice things up, not him. He also said that she’s a prude, everything is about responsibility i.e. duty, which would mean sex is a chore for her. Also, just based off how he talked about her how—that she was a ‘catch’ because she is/was “attractive”, “smart”, and “successful” even though he was never actually in love with her—we know that he only thinks she’s a ‘catch’ because that’s what society has always said about those types of women.

Based off of these things, we can extrapolate that she’s probably one of those well-to-do, high-achieving types. Cue ‘strong, independent woman’ rhetoric lol.

OP, is this correct or am I just reading too much into this? Because if this is the case, then I can say that the easiest way to cheat on a woman like this is to pretend that you’re striving even harder for work and that’s why you yourself have to take so many different business trips and late-night meetings. Note: if she’s ever been away for more than 2 days herself for ‘business’, she’s probably cheating on you too so go wild.

 

[AttackFormation]

Not so fast captain, he said that SHE was the one who refuses to spice things up, not him.

You're not putting yourself into a woman's perspective. She is either emotionally bored or has lost respect for him or both (unless you think she's always been this way with every man she's fvcked), and both of those require an emotional solution... you can't solve that problem by non-emotional means. You can't solve it by "spicing up the sex life" any more than you can by "buying her flowers", "writing notes", "telling her how much you love her" or some other bullshyt like that.

Women live and communicate emotionally and need emotional handling..... understanding this makes women so simple. It's like being able to see in infrared or ultraviolett. In fact, she would probably grow more despondent at realizing a man doesn't understand that and doesn't understand why "spicing up the sex life" doesn't "fix" it as you think.

It's true that he may never have particularly liked her to begin with, but what I just explained is true regardless. And if he felt that way toward her, you could consider that she may have felt the same ambivalence toward him if you think twice. Again, unless you think she's always been this way with every man she's fvcked.

 

[Stoic]

OP I was in a somewhat similar situation.

I had lost attraction for my wife..was always thinking about how great it would be to be with other women and get some variety.

I never did cheat on her. But, I did fantasize and day dream and flirt with other women.

Anyway, the marriage fell apart because I was always away working or boxing or doing other hobbies. Wife at the time felt very neglected, which she was.

I've been divorced for about a year now. Yes, it was pretty wild at first going out, meeting new chicks and having flings. But I have to tell you it loses its luster after awhile. I'm spinning 2 plates now, but dont see a future with either of them unfortunately.

All of that to say, I had a pretty wife, very attentive to me, a good woman, but also kind of vanilla. If I could take back the wild nights with all of the different women I've been with in the last year, I would to get my marriage back. Just bc the flings aren't stabile and not fulfilling and a good wife is hard to find.

My advice if you are married to a good woman that for the most part takes care of herself, is not to cheat.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

OP I was in a somewhat similar situation.

I had lost attraction for my wife..was always thinking about how great it would be to be with other women and get some variety.

I never did cheat on her. But, I did fantasize and day dream and flirt with other women.

Anyway, the marriage fell apart because I was always away working or boxing or doing other hobbies. Wife at the time felt very neglected, which she was.

I've been divorced for about a year now. Yes, it was pretty wild at first going out, meeting new chicks and having flings. But I have to tell you it loses its luster after awhile. I'm spinning 2 plates now, but dont see a future with either of them unfortunately.

All of that to say, I had a pretty wife, very attentive to me, a good woman, but also kind of vanilla. If I could take back the wild nights with all of the different women I've been with in the last year, I would to get my marriage back. Just bc the flings aren't stabile and not fulfilling and a good wife is hard to find.

My advice if you are married to a good woman that for the most part takes care of herself, is not to cheat.

Takes care of herself but what about him?

 

[GeeMale]

I don't mean to hijack this thread...
I'm 27 and never been married
What % of married guys cheat and what % of married women cheat?

I swear there have been some married women who if I gave them a compliment coming from the intention to talk about things from womens view as a friene......they'd actually kind of flirt like a lot of single women do....i don't push the buttons thouh and really only using them for their information

I'm asking out of curiosity and wouldn't actually cheat if I'm married because I'd just get a divorce if things were literally going that south and than I'd cheat lol...

 

[Lynx nkaf]

OP I was in a somewhat similar situation.

I had lost attraction for my wife..was always thinking about how great it would be to be with other women and get some variety.

I never did cheat on her. But, I did fantasize and day dream and flirt with other women.

Anyway, the marriage fell apart because I was always away working or boxing or doing other hobbies. Wife at the time felt very neglected, which she was.

I've been divorced for about a year now. Yes, it was pretty wild at first going out, meeting new chicks and having flings. But I have to tell you it loses its luster after awhile. I'm spinning 2 plates now, but dont see a future with either of them unfortunately.

All of that to say, I had a pretty wife, very attentive to me, a good woman, but also kind of vanilla. If I could take back the wild nights with all of the different women I've been with in the last year, I would to get my marriage back. Just bc the flings aren't stabile and not fulfilling and a good wife is hard to find.

My advice if you are married to a good woman that for the most part takes care of herself, is not to cheat.

that's honest Stoic

 

[AttackFormation]

What % of married guys cheat and what % of married women cheat?

Summation:

Everything I keep reading confirms what my first point was, which is that the population-wide divorce rate itself is not useful as an indicator of whether your own relationship is gonna be healthy and how long it'll last. It's much better to actually map out who the persons involved are in terms of traits that predict infidelity and divorce.

Two introverted people who are low in neuroticism, high in conscientiousness, have no addictions or substance use, have compatible habit expectations and regularly attend church together have a virtually non-existent risk of infidelity or divorce compared to two non-conscientious, neurotic extroverts who like to drink, do drugs and party, fight over finances and home habits and have never seen the inside of a church, but the population-wide average sorts them both together.

Explanation of the above:

Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

Little off topic, @cola are you Alpha male strategies from youtube?

www.sosuave.net

Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

Little off topic, @cola are you Alpha male strategies from youtube?

www.sosuave.net

 

[GeeMale]

Summation:



Explanation of the above:

Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

Little off topic, @cola are you Alpha male strategies from youtube?

www.sosuave.net

Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

Little off topic, @cola are you Alpha male strategies from youtube?

www.sosuave.net

Lol what is " : " that's not a % number

 

[Stoic]

Takes care of herself but what about him?

I mean takes care of herself physically. Looks good for him.

@op, not to get too up in your business,but was your wife adventurous in bed before and recently not so much? Is she withholding sex?