Marriage and being faithful...

[AttackFormation]

Lol what is " : " that's not a % number

Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America

The last few months of 2017 treated us to a whirlwind of news coverage on sexual harassment and abuse, with powerful men from Hollywood to Washington, D.C. falling because of sexual misconduct. It continues into the new year, with Missouri Governor Eric Greitens the latest to fall. And most of...

ifstudies.org

For anyone else who is actually interested in what factors predict infidelity, go over the previous post I just made. This link gives you a percentage but doesn't give you the full picture.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Stoic nailed it.
As men, I think we need/crave some excitement. In many cases, we do not see the consequences.
Decades ago, I cheated on a gal because her best friend was the "10" I'd yet to have. Once I had the conquest, I didn't feel like a winner at all.

OP I was in a somewhat similar situation.

I had lost attraction for my wife..was always thinking about how great it would be to be with other women and get some variety.

I never did cheat on her. But, I did fantasize and day dream and flirt with other women.

Anyway, the marriage fell apart because I was always away working or boxing or doing other hobbies. Wife at the time felt very neglected, which she was.

I've been divorced for about a year now. Yes, it was pretty wild at first going out, meeting new chicks and having flings. But I have to tell you it loses its luster after awhile. I'm spinning 2 plates now, but dont see a future with either of them unfortunately.

All of that to say, I had a pretty wife, very attentive to me, a good woman, but also kind of vanilla. If I could take back the wild nights with all of the different women I've been with in the last year, I would to get my marriage back. Just bc the flings aren't stabile and not fulfilling and a good wife is hard to find.

My advice if you are married to a good woman that for the most part takes care of herself, is not to cheat.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I mean takes care of herself physically. Looks good for him.

@op, not to get too up in your business,but was your wife adventurous in bed before and recently not so much? Is she withholding sex?

A woman can look good for herself and be no good for her man.

 

[GeeMale]

Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America

The last few months of 2017 treated us to a whirlwind of news coverage on sexual harassment and abuse, with powerful men from Hollywood to Washington, D.C. falling because of sexual misconduct. It continues into the new year, with Missouri Governor Eric Greitens the latest to fall. And most of...

ifstudies.org

For anyone else who is actually interested in what factors predict infidelity, go over the previous post I just made. This link gives you a percentage but doesn't give you the full picture.

Wow I didn't the percentages(if it's true across all population) are that high for my age group....10%/11%

Do you see guys as trying to get with a taken woman as pathetic? Respect goes a long way and actions show ...I couldn't take a guy seriously as someone to talk to if he's f**** a chick is married/not married.....that is why I refrain from enabling married women who are flirting with me.....because just as I see other guys......I see it for myself to in the sense I wouldn't way guys to see me as a loser who'd take a guy's chick

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Wow I didn't the percentages(if it's true across all population) are that high for my age group....10%/11%

Do you see guys as trying to get with a taken woman as pathetic? Respect goes a long way and actions show ...I couldn't take a guy seriously as someone to talk to if he's f**** a chick is married/not married.....that is why I refrain from enabling married women who are flirting with me.....because just as I see other guys......I see it for myself to in the sense I wouldn't way guys to see me as a loser who'd take a guy's chick

Alot of folks do that bull and the world doesn't care.

 

[AttackFormation]

Do you see guys as trying to get with a taken woman as pathetic? Respect goes a long way and actions show ...I couldn't take a guy seriously as someone to talk to if he's f**** a chick is married/not married.....that is why I refrain from enabling married women who are flirting with me.....because just as I see other guys......I see it for myself to in the sense I wouldn't way guys to see me as a loser who'd take a guy's chick

While I think the ultimate accountability is on the person who is in the relationship, I think aggravating and goading bad behavior gives a share of culpability. That's because it shows they feel the same thing that the person in the relationship does - disrespect to relationships and the other person.

Ultimately like mrgoodstuff says you have to decide who you want to be. More than just fidelity being a "favor" to someone, for my own sake I want to aspire to the maxim that "virtue is its own reward" in this and the rest of life.

 

[GeeMale]

I don't understand...are you saying that....telling a married woman that I wouldn't do anything with her since she's taken would be me at fault too?

 

[AttackFormation]

I don't understand...are you saying that....telling a married woman that I wouldn't do anything with her since she's taken would be me at fault too?

lol, bro are you high? my writing is plain as sunshine, if you're not high then go over it again. If you're high... then no that's not what I'm saying haha.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

While I think the ultimate accountability is on the person who is in the relationship, I think aggravating and goading bad behavior gives a share of culpability. That's because it shows they feel the same thing that the person in the relationship does - disrespect to relationships and the other person.

Ultimately like mrgoodstuff says you have to decide who you want to be. More than just fidelity being a "favor" to someone, for my own sake I want to aspire to the maxim that "virtue is its own reward" in this and the rest of life.

I like fidelity. But if they are starving me intimately they may get "cheated" on before i leave.

 

[AttackFormation]

I like fidelity. But if they are starving me intimately they may get "cheated" on before i leave.

A non-sexual relationship where one person is neglecting the other's needs for intimacy and sex is already a "contract breach". Under that circumstance, I would consider the infidelity to be less severe, which I think is why cheaters would obviously like to claim they are being "neglected" even when they aren't.

 

[scarface701]

OP I was in a somewhat similar situation.

I had lost attraction for my wife..was always thinking about how great it would be to be with other women and get some variety.

I never did cheat on her. But, I did fantasize and day dream and flirt with other women.

Anyway, the marriage fell apart because I was always away working or boxing or doing other hobbies. Wife at the time felt very neglected, which she was.

I've been divorced for about a year now. Yes, it was pretty wild at first going out, meeting new chicks and having flings. But I have to tell you it loses its luster after awhile. I'm spinning 2 plates now, but dont see a future with either of them unfortunately.

All of that to say, I had a pretty wife, very attentive to me, a good woman, but also kind of vanilla. If I could take back the wild nights with all of the different women I've been with in the last year, I would to get my marriage back. Just bc the flings aren't stabile and not fulfilling and a good wife is hard to find.

My advice if you are married to a good woman that for the most part takes care of herself, is not to cheat.

I can relate to this quite a bit. My wife and I separated for 3 months about 4 years ago... and I openly was fooling around with another woman. Just kissing the new woman was so exciting.... that younger woman ended up being a complete ass and having a whole bunch of other issues. Which sucked cause I really liked her...but so far that has been my experience... I’ve kissed a few women and the excitement builds which is great and I think that’s what I’m missing with my wife... but ultimately.... these other women all have crazy issues and they actually make my wife seem pretty good...but then I’m left with a great wife but boring sex life.

And to answer other posts... no she’s not cheating. She honestly seems totally happy and fulfilled.

 

[scarface701]

You're not putting yourself into a woman's perspective. She is either emotionally bored or has lost respect for him or both (unless you think she's always been this way with every man she's fvcked), and both of those require an emotional solution... you can't solve that problem by non-emotional means. You can't solve it by "spicing up the sex life" any more than you can by "buying her flowers", "writing notes", "telling her how much you love her" or some other bullshyt like that.

Women live and communicate emotionally and need emotional handling..... understanding this makes women so simple. It's like being able to see in infrared or ultraviolett. In fact, she would probably grow more despondent at realizing a man doesn't understand that and doesn't understand why "spicing up the sex life" doesn't "fix" it as you think.

It's true that he may never have particularly liked her to begin with, but what I just explained is true regardless. And if he felt that way toward her, you could consider that she may have felt the same ambivalence toward him if you think twice. Again, unless you think she's always been this way with every man she's fvcked.

I understand where you’re coming from... but you’re off the mark on her.I think there are multiple problems....she seems very content and happy and still totally in love. I love her very much I just miss the excitement you get with someone new.... and I’m not sure how to get that without cheating.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A non-sexual relationship where one person is neglecting the other's needs for intimacy and sex is already a "contract breach". Under that circumstance, I would consider the infidelity to be less severe, which I think is why cheaters would obviously like to claim they are being "neglected" even when they aren't.

Most cheaters did it for greed. Others were indeed "starved".

 

[AttackFormation]

I understand where you’re coming from... but you’re off the mark on her.I think there are multiple problems....she seems very content and happy and still totally in love. I love her very much I just miss the excitement you get with someone new.... and I’m not sure how to get that without cheating.

All right, my last question then: does she herself seem to enjoy the sex she has with you? or does it feel like she would be fine if you two stopped having sex? and do you think she is faking orgasms?

 

[scarface701]

Not so fast captain, he said that SHE was the one who refuses to spice things up, not him. He also said that she’s a prude, everything is about responsibility i.e. duty, which would mean sex is a chore for her. Also, just based off how he talked about her how—that she was a ‘catch’ because she is/was “attractive”, “smart”, and “successful” even though he was never actually in love with her—we know that he only thinks she’s a ‘catch’ because that’s what society has always said about those types of women.

Based off of these things, we can extrapolate that she’s probably one of those well-to-do, high-achieving types. Cue ‘strong, independent woman’ rhetoric lol.

OP, is this correct or am I just reading too much into this? Because if this is the case, then I can say that the easiest way to cheat on a woman like this is to pretend that you’re striving even harder for work and that’s why you yourself have to take so many different business trips and late-night meetings. Note: if she’s ever been away for more than 2 days herself for ‘business’, she’s probably cheating on you too so go wild.

part of the problem... which is good and bad... is that she’s super easy to please in bed. So she tends to be a bit selfish and sex becomes routine.... as it does in most marriages I suppose.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You're not putting yourself into a woman's perspective.

I am though. Her being the ‘high-achieving’ type means she’s always like this with every guy she’s ever going to be with. Those ‘high-achieving’ types do not understand fun, meaning they won’t accept emotions or flirting from men because they’re so high up the corporate ladder themselves that they look at most men as beneath them. OP said he wants to have fun and just relax, which she doesn’t want to do. She is too masculine (or rather, she is not feminine at all). Communication with her emotionally so that she can ‘understand’ only works if she’s feeling neglected, which OP isn't doing. The evidence? Her refusing to improve their sex life for years on end. If anything, she’s neglecting him lol.

There’s nuances to everything bro, and they make a huge difference. I’ve accounted for all of these nuances with my response (I just didn’t state them all), which is why I suggested the solution is to cheat. It’s not the only solution, but OP doesn’t care because he said he doesn’t want us to judge him for it, which I’d have to do if I were to give the other solution. Plus it’d be too long to read lol.

 

[scarface701]

I am though. Her being the ‘high-achieving’ type means she’s always like this with every guy she’s ever going to be with. Those ‘high-achieving’ types do not understand fun, meaning they won’t accept emotions or flirting from men because they’re so high up the corporate ladder themselves that they look at most men as beneath them. OP said he wants to have fun and just relax, which she doesn’t want to do. She is too masculine (or rather, she is not feminine at all). Communication with her emotionally so that she can ‘understand’ only works if she’s feeling neglected, which OP isn't doing. The evidence? Her refusing to improve their sex life for years on end. If anything, she’s neglecting him lol.

There’s nuances to everything bro, and they make a huge difference. I’ve accounted for all of these nuances with my response (I just didn’t state them all), which is why I suggested the solution is to cheat. It’s not the only solution, but OP doesn’t care because he said he doesn’t want us to judge him for it, which I’d have to do if I were to give the other solution. Plus it’d be too long to read lol.

Your description of her is spot on.

 

[AttackFormation]

Communication with her emotionally so that she can ‘understand’ only works if she’s feeling neglected, which OP isn't doing. The evidence? Her refusing to improve their sex life for years on end. If anything, she’s neglecting him lol.

She feels no emotional need to change so she doesn't, if she is to change that would still need to be communicated emotionally in some way. The evidence is that his logical problem solving hasn't worked with her for years. I don't know exactly what that solution would be.. maybe it's dread game, maybe it's something else, maybe it's cheating, guys with experience in these kinds of situations like @oldmanofthesea etcetra should know more.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your description of her is spot on.

There are "types" sir. And there are "situations". You will find a commonality among others.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

part of the problem... which is good and bad... is that she’s super easy to please in bed. So she tends to be a bit selfish and sex becomes routine.... as it does in most marriages I suppose.

Oh so like she just gets herself off and then she’s done? Lol dead starfish after 5 minutes lmao might as well get a sex doll.

I’m not trying to insult her but relationships are a little more than that, jeez...