My GF goes to visit her female friend in a time we wanted to vacation together

[hannesmeister]

Am in a relationship for like 6 months. At the moment you cant really go to holiday because of corona.I have 10 days freetime and we wanted to do some sort of trip. Now she told me that she is going to visit her female friend in sweden. This female friend studied there and will leave sweden soon. She didnt ask me if i want to join, i thought this was because it would be a girls trip. turns out another girl comes with her and a male friend. She is friends with him for years, i dont think anything will happen with him. They are all from one friend circle.So what is my problem:

1. That she does this in the middle of the 10 days that i have freetime from work. So nopossibility for us to really start a good trip.
2. We made some plans before and she didnt want to do them. Like, we could go there and there and then two weeks later i hear she goes to sweden.
3. She didnt ask me if i want to join. Fine with me, if she wants a trip to visit her female friend (girls only...). But then i hear, that two other of her friends come with her. I understand, that maybe she wants a trip with her friends circle. But nonetheless, its uncool.

I told her, that i dont have a problem with her going there, but that i really didnt like the way things went. But i didnt tell her so far why she didnt ask me if i wanted to come. Didnt want to cause drama.What do you think about this?She said, that she would like to do something with me, right when she comes back. At the moment i think about doing a trip with a friend and dont care if we still have time to do something after she comes back... Like she gives a shi* about my plans, then i wont give a sh*t about hers. I know this is toxic...

 

[dustmuffin]

I would plan on doing something without her. The trip seems to be a red flag. I would watch her actions like a hawk. It might be time to bounce.

 

[lamath]

I did not read everything but it does not look good. Its a sign of medium or even low interest in your relationship.

She is thinking about herself more than the relationship or you....
You are not that important to her, i would dump her, imo the chance of her interest level getting back to high is very unlikely.

 

[Caelum]

I would just do other plans.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Am in a relationship for like 6 months. At the moment you cant really go to holiday because of corona.I have 10 days freetime and we wanted to do some sort of trip. Now she told me that she is going to visit her female friend in sweden. This female friend studied there and will leave sweden soon. She didnt ask me if i want to join, i thought this was because it would be a girls trip. turns out another girl comes with her and a male friend. She is friends with him for years, i dont think anything will happen with him. They are all from one friend circle.So what is my problem:

1. That she does this in the middle of the 10 days that i have freetime from work. So nopossibility for us to really start a good trip.
2. We made some plans before and she didnt want to do them. Like, we could go there and there and then two weeks later i hear she goes to sweden.
3. She didnt ask me if i want to join. Fine with me, if she wants a trip to visit her female friend (girls only...). But then i hear, that two other of her friends come with her. I understand, that maybe she wants a trip with her friends circle. But nonetheless, its uncool.

I told her, that i dont have a problem with her going there, but that i really didnt like the way things went. But i didnt tell her so far why she didnt ask me if i wanted to come. Didnt want to cause drama.What do you think about this?She said, that she would like to do something with me, right when she comes back. At the moment i think about doing a trip with a friend and dont care if we still have time to do something after she comes back... Like she gives a shi* about my plans, then i wont give a sh*t about hers. I know this is toxic...

"Two of her other friends"?

 

[lamath]

I did not read everything but it does not look good. Its a sign of medium or even low interest in your relationship.

She is thinking about herself more than the relationship or you....
You are not that important to her, i would dump her, imo the chance of her interest level getting back to high is very unlikely.

One more thing i notice is that your gf is acting like she is her own mental point of origine.

Imo for a relationship to work it cant be like that.
A man should be his own mental point of origine, a women should not.

 

[hannesmeister]

I would plan on doing something without her. The trip seems to be a red flag. I would watch her actions like a hawk. It might be time to bounce.

Yes i will do that. Tell her, that this was disrespectful and if anything like this happens again, I am gone?!

I did not read everything but it does not look good. Its a sign of medium or even low interest in your relationship.

She is thinking about herself more than the relationship or you....
You are not that important to her, i would dump her, imo the chance of her interest level getting back to high is very unlikely.

Also an Option

"Two of her other friends"?

I know what you want to say and I am not naive. But this are her friends she very often does trips and hangs out since years. Yes there still could be ****ery, but i think its more of a "i want to get drunk with my old friends" sh*t...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes i will do that. Tell her, that this was disrespectful and if anything like this happens again, I am gone?!


Also an Option


I know what you want to say and I am not naive. But this are her friends she very often does trips and hangs out since years. Yes there still could be ****ery, but i think its more of a "i want to get drunk with my old friends" sh*t...

Other guys and not you? Doesn't matter if she's notl sleeping with them. Thats terrible.

 

[jaymbrs]

100% seems suspect. If I'm in a relationship with a woman I really like, I would want to have her join me on all trips unless it's a guys only type of thing. But if I'm able to bring my woman with me on a trip, why wouldn't I? Look at it that way.

 

[lamath]

Yes i will do that. Tell her, that this was disrespectful and if anything like this happens again, I am gone?!


Also an Option


I know what you want to say and I am not naive. But this are her friends she very often does trips and hangs out since years. Yes there still could be ****ery, but i think its more of a "i want to get drunk with my old friends" sh*t...

Its not about her wanting to f around, its just a clear indication on how much she values you. She.might not leave you but o know if i was in your place i would not want to be with a women that does not value me

 

[rart]

Low interest. Do not invest anything in this relationship. Do your own plans with your friends. Do not show her your butthurt. Be more like, great i have some time for my own plans!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Low interest. Do not invest anything in this relationship. Do your own plans with your friends. Do not show her your butthurt. Be more like, great i have some time for my own plans!

It's not even worth that.

 

[dude99]

Am in a relationship for like 6 months. At the moment you cant really go to holiday because of corona.I have 10 days freetime and we wanted to do some sort of trip. Now she told me that she is going to visit her female friend in sweden. This female friend studied there and will leave sweden soon. She didnt ask me if i want to join, i thought this was because it would be a girls trip. turns out another girl comes with her and a male friend. She is friends with him for years, i dont think anything will happen with him. They are all from one friend circle.So what is my problem:

1. That she does this in the middle of the 10 days that i have freetime from work. So nopossibility for us to really start a good trip.
2. We made some plans before and she didnt want to do them. Like, we could go there and there and then two weeks later i hear she goes to sweden.
3. She didnt ask me if i want to join. Fine with me, if she wants a trip to visit her female friend (girls only...). But then i hear, that two other of her friends come with her. I understand, that maybe she wants a trip with her friends circle. But nonetheless, its uncool.

I told her, that i dont have a problem with her going there, but that i really didnt like the way things went. But i didnt tell her so far why she didnt ask me if i wanted to come. Didnt want to cause drama.What do you think about this?She said, that she would like to do something with me, right when she comes back. At the moment i think about doing a trip with a friend and dont care if we still have time to do something after she comes back... Like she gives a shi* about my plans, then i wont give a sh*t about hers. I know this is toxic...

Demote this girl down to FB or just a plate.
Make plans to do your own thing. If you can postpone your time off and work while she is gone and take your time off after she returns so you will be gone or leaving on your trip when she returns. Do NOT include her in your new plans. In fact go no contact the entire time you are gone.

When you return do not contact her for about 2 weeks and have a IDGAF attitude when you do reach out.

Put as much of a 'fack' into the relationship as she is. Aka nothing.

 

[hannesmeister]

100% seems suspect. If I'm in a relationship with a woman I really like, I would want to have her join me on all trips unless it's a guys only type of thing. But if I'm able to bring my woman with me on a trip, why wouldn't I? Look at it that way.

Awesome thouhgts talked to her again a few minutes ago. And said, that i would bring my girl with me if i could to a trip. She said, that she likes to do things with her friends and that i dont know them yet. Funnyly she told me before, that her exBF told her after breaking up, that he hated that she always went on trips with her friends. So basically the same problem. But he didnt say anything during the relationship. So, exactly the same problem in the previous relationship. She then told me, that he was kind of a p*ssy for not saying anything before and that something is bad for me i should immediately tell. So after i told her, that its the same situation as with her ex, but i am calling her out on it, she immediately became quiet. So i hit her 100%.

She also told me, that we hadnt planned anything concrete in the time she goes on the trip and that she only goes away for 3 days... Blabla

Its not about her wanting to f around, its just a clear indication on how much she values you. She.might not leave you but o know if i was in your place i would not want to be with a women that does not value me

Yes could be indicating, that she low values the relationship.


Whats funny:
A female friend of hers had relationships with two of her exBFs. When i met this female friend for the first time, she immediately told me, that she loves my eyes... So theres a high possibility, that i can start some fun with her. (Sex, Plate...)
I would never do it, when still in a relationship with my now girlfriend! But if things break up, how to do it best? Chatting her up on insta has the risk, that she would tell my girlfriend. What is the best way to passively meet her "by accident". I am 90% sure, that when i would meet her in a club/bar/drinking environment, that i could score.

 

[lamath]

Awesome thouhgts talked to her again a few minutes ago. And said, that i would bring my girl with me if i could to a trip. She said, that she likes to do things with her friends and that i dont know them yet. Funnyly she told me before, that her exBF told her after breaking up, that he hated that she always went on trips with her friends. So basically the same problem. But he didnt say anything during the relationship. So, exactly the same problem in the previous relationship. She then told me, that he was kind of a p*ssy for not saying anything before and that something is bad for me i should immediately tell. So after i told her, that its the same situation as with her ex, but i am calling her out on it, she immediately became quiet. So i hit her 100%.


Yes could be indicating, that she low values the relationship.


Whats funny:
A female friend of hers had relationships with two of her exBFs. When i met this female friend for the first time, she immediately told me, that she loves my eyes... So theres a high possibility, that i can start some fun with her. (Sex, Plate...)
I would never do it, when still in a relationship with my now girlfriend! But if things break up, how to do it best? Chatting her up on insta has the risk, that she would tell my girlfriend. What is the best way to passively meet her "by accident". I am 90% sure, that when i would meet her in a club/bar/drinking environment, that i could score.

Keep your eye open for other signs.
I might be wrong but even though i think its unlikely.

If it start feeling like she is disrespecting you, i hope you know and will do what is needed.

 

[Billtx49]

So, exactly the same problem in the previous relationship.

So after i told her, that its the same situation as with her ex, but i am calling her out on it, she immediately became quiet.

Well she either changes her act now that she knows what you think or she doesn’t. Given that this is the second consecutive time you know of that she’s exhibited this type of behavior, I give it 50/50 odds…

 

[hannesmeister]

Well she either changes her act now that she knows what you think or she doesn’t. Given that this is the second consecutive time you know of that she’s exhibited this type of behavior, I give it 50/50 odds…

you are right. I am not the one that doesnt want her to do things with her friends. But if there is a time frame, where she has to choose between me and her friends, she should AT LEAST implement me in her plans with her friends. What she did was excluding. Only for 3 out of 10 days, but thats bs anyway

I am curious about what will happen. If she f*cks up, i will take her girlfriend (who funnily lives directly next door to her )

 

[lamath]

you are right. I am not the one that doesnt want her to do things with her friends. But if there is a time frame, where she has to choose between me and her friends, she should AT LEAST implement me in her plans with her friends. What she did was excluding. Only for 3 out of 10 days, but thats bs anyway

I am curious about what will happen. If she f*cks up, i will take her girlfriend (who funnily lives directly next door to her )

One more thing you need to look for

Sometime she will disrespect you without her being aware of and it is then that you need to tell her in a more direct way, if she continue doing so afterward dont waste more time explaining it to her or trying to make her do so, any sucess you will have wont be genuine and wont be because she deeply want to please you.

Like Rollo says you canot negociate genuine desire it apply to many other aspect than sex like wanting to please you, wanting a relationship with you etc.

For more obvious disrespect action is better than word, something like silence and distance but in a non passive aggressive way.

 

[Alvafe]

someone just figure out he is not her priority, time for a replacement

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yes i will do that. Tell her, that this was disrespectful and if anything like this happens again, I am gone?!


Also an Option


I know what you want to say and I am not naive. But this are her friends she very often does trips and hangs out since years. Yes there still could be ****ery, but i think its more of a "i want to get drunk with my old friends" sh*t...

Females or males? For a sec i assumed males...