Flaked and stuck with OLD match

[xplt]

So Im trying OLD since six weeks. First time in my life and it‘s working pretty good for me so far.

One of the girls got me stuck in a situation, i don‘t feel comfortable with.

Had a match last week, funny conversation, had her number about twenty messages back and forth. Continued the conversation on whatsapp with the same vibe. She compliments my humor and my attitude. Asked her out after four days of texting a little bit. She replied immediately and agreed with something like „I really would like to“. Set up a date for friday and she cancelled it today - two days before, no big deal for me.

But now I‘m here...

I have to translate in english, they way she communicates is way more friendly than it sounds.

She: Hey, i forgot I‘m on a festival on friday. Sorry, I won‘t make it.
Me: Hey, happens. Let me know when you have some time.

Same Day I posted a status with a concert ticket. So ten minutes later...

She: Wow you got a ticket... Im SOOO jealous now *tons of emotes
Me: No... I got two
She: Nooo way. I didn‘t get any
Dumb me: Well, perhaps I think about you when my buddy flakes on me

Guess what? She‘s hooked. But now I can‘t figure out anymore if there‘s any genuine interest for me... I should have waited for her to reach out again with a plan for a date!?
I really would like to meet her, but I don‘t want to waste that ticket and my time on a girl that flaked because her interest faded. Or I’m overthinking.

I feel like I give up my value, if I take her to that concert.

Any thoughts?

 

[2Rocky]

Would she be a fun date?

You never promised her...Did you tell her the ticket was available?

Is there a possibility you will meet a strange woman and take her home from the Concert?

You don't owe her a ticket.

She had a valid reason to flake.

do what YOU want and don't worry so much about your value.

Meet her for a cheap first date before you take her to a concert. Concerts suck for "getting to know someone" but are great for meeting drunk Horny girls that will polish your knob in the parking lot....

 

[xplt]

Would she be a fun date?

From our interaction till now, very likely, yes.

You never promised her...Did you tell her the ticket was available?

Didn't promise her anything.

You don't owe her a ticket.

Right. If she wants to go there, she has to pay the ticket by herself, anyway.

I don't mind to meet her at a concert for the first time and partying together. I'm more concerned about wasting a ticket on a girl who showed possible desinterest and reward her for it.

There will be thousands of people, so possibility for meeting someone is given, anyway. If i don't click with her we can seperate on spot. That's the other side.

 

[2Rocky]

I don't mind to meet her at a concert for the first time and partying together. I'm more concerned about wasting a ticket on a girl who showed possible desinterest and reward her for it.

no I'd say she had to reschedule, and that's what she is doing. Not everything is a **** Test. Still, a concert for a first date is a bad idea.

 

[biggoal]

no I'd say she had to reschedule, and that's what she is doing. Not everything is a **** Test. Still, a concert for a first date is a bad idea.

I agree. No chance to talk hardly. How much does this concert ticket cost?

 

[Serenity]

Me: Hey, happens. Let me know when you have some time.

Never leave it open like that. Reschedule immediately, pick another time or at the very least ask her directly about when she's free.

I should have waited for her to reach out again with a plan for a date!?

No, never wait for a woman to reach out for a date, most likely you won't hear back from her.

I really would like to meet her, but I don‘t want to waste that ticket and my time on a girl that flaked because her interest faded. Or I’m overthinking.

You definitely are overthinking this. The solution is simple, take her for a date before the concert. Don't talk about the concert and if she brings it up then don't give her high hopes of coming along. When the date is over you can evaluate whether you'd want to go with her or not, when you've actually met her and you know whether or not you get along with her.

Also, don't do a concert first date. That advice is solid.

 

[xplt]

I agree. No chance to talk hardly. How much does this concert ticket cost?

60€, about 65-66$. But like I said, she has to pay for it if she wants to go.

 

[xplt]

Never leave it open like that. Reschedule immediately, pick another time or at the very least ask her directly about when she's free.

No, never wait for a woman to reach out for a date, most likely you won't hear back from her.

You definitely are overthinking this. The solution is simple, take her for a date before the concert. Don't talk about the concert and if she brings it up then don't give her high hopes of coming along. When the date is over you can evaluate whether you'd want to go with her or not, when you've actually met her and you know whether or not you get along with her.

Also, don't do a concert first date. That advice is solid.

I'm going this way. Just asked her about her plans for the weekend besides her festival. Waiting for an answer.

 

[xplt]

Thanks for your opinions so far. I really appreciate them.
I just wait out and see what happens the next days without using my head too much.
I'm just not used to online dating. Interacting 'offline' is way more easy for me.

 

[xplt]

You already asked her out. She canceled. I dont care what a cancel is for. It better involve a tragedy or it means your 2nd place.
You can chase. It may work out. % chances are low.
My experience tells me asking, chasing, and being an orbiter even going for the 2nd time asking is a frame kill. Its already pointed out that the way your talking to her already is weak.
I would have put it on her to chase me at this point.

That‘s what I thought. Cancelling the date made a turnaround in our interaction and I didn’t notice quick enough. She wants to see that band desperately, so I think she would join me for the band, not for me right now.
I wait for her response, if there‘s no chance meeting her the next days, I‘ll let it be.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Definitely would not be taking a girl who flaked on me to a concert. That's something she would have to earn, even if she paid for the ticket (given the fact it's sold out).

 

[Glassguy]

Me: Hey, happens. Let me know when you have some time.

No no no no no! You are saying (and she is deciphering this as) "You let me know when you can make time for me and I will jump at the opportunity to see you. That is a weak frame and she will never let you know when she is free to meet you. Although she will string you along for that free attention along the way.

What to say:

"No problem. I will let you know later on when I get free if I am still interesting in hanging out together." or you can simply say "No problem. I will let you know when I get free again later down the road".

Either way, you DONT reach back out. Let her reach back out. She will decipher the above ^^^^^^ as either 1.) This guy just basically became an @sshole and said he would get back with me when he had time and never did or 2.) This guy isnt going to play my games so I should probably reach out and agree to that date (if there is high interest).

Either way who cares. She can reach back out or not. I will be busy with other chicks and in a week I will have totally forgotten about her.

 

[Glassguy]

Its not over thinking. Its understanding women to the point of knowing how their brain registers things differently that ours.

Not giving up control/losing frame is what is important here.

 

[biggoal]

Don't ditch your buddy for this chick.

When is the concert?

I agree. For some online ho I wouldn't want to p*ss a friend, off over OLD who you might not even get a second date from.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Oh look one of those over thinker types. Lol
Sarcasm implied...

Yea he nailed the mindset. Gets you to see it correctly.

 

[Roober]

Second flake?

I would go with what @Glassguy said.

She appears to be playing the attention ***** card.

 

[xplt]

I agree. For some online ho I wouldn't want to p*ss a friend, off over OLD who you might not even get a second date from.

One moment... I'm not pissing anyone. lLeast of all my buddies. I've got two tickets, that's all.

Some good posts for me to think about, but it's late here. I'm going to dig through them tomorrow.

 

[xplt]

No no no no no! You are saying (and she is deciphering this as) "You let me know when you can make time for me and I will jump at the opportunity to see you. That is a weak frame and she will never let you know when she is free to meet you. Although she will string you along for that free attention along the way.

What to say:

"No problem. I will let you know later on when I get free if I am still interesting in hanging out together." or you can simply say "No problem. I will let you know when I get free again later down the road".

Either way, you DONT reach back out. Let her reach back out. She will decipher the above ^^^^^^ as either 1.) This guy just basically became an @sshole and said he would get back with me when he had time and never did or 2.) This guy isnt going to play my games so I should probably reach out and agree to that date (if there is high interest).

Either way who cares. She can reach back out or not. I will be busy with other chicks and in a week I will have totally forgotten about her.

This sounds like the way to go, nice. Should think more about what to text, rather than what's happening...

 

[xplt]

When is the concert?

It's next friday

 

[xplt]

Second flake?

I would go with what @Glassguy said.

She appears to be playing the attention ***** card.

It's the first. I'm more concerned about the fact, that she knows I got tickets for a show she wants to go, than the flake.