The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

Day #25

I have so far to go…

Saw her again in her car yesterday, briefly, it didn’t feel as hard this time, but it has set me back…

I read my own post from yesterday and I have to accept there are going to be days like these, not so good ones… I stopped following her on Insta the day we split and foolishly I looked today, she has done the same.

I know it’s over, still part of me is holding on to some hope and if I am honest want her to message me again; I know I would message her back if she did, let’s hope she doesn’t….…

I have so far to go….

One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself. This is why we say block them on social media. it takes the temptation away.
Seeing her in her car, you just keep your eyes on the road. She doesnt get a wave or anything like that. If i recall she stone cold ignored you, so dont give her any acknowledgement. Nothing.

And should you run into them out in public you be polite but busy. I have always maintained this approach to running into an ex. Let them know you are very busy. But I am polite, i will say hello give them no update on you, give them zero information, if they want to engage about something from the past (they all do,) you say that is a conversation for another time. Smile, but i will only give them 3 minutes and then i announce it was nice to see them ( no i miss you or think about you no we should catch up, none of that,) and then say i have to go. Then i walk away. L

Wanting her to call and hoping for it will delay healing. I know its easier said than done to just "stop wanting" it but i found the easiest way to deal with a break up is this, when it is over it is over. No more negotiating, no more wanting them back no more them. Over is over.

I live by the rule of one chance per lifetime and anytime a woman blew her chance she was out. No second chances no fixing no breaks no lets just be friends ( for her validation ) just it is over. I moved on.

Dozens have tried whether it be a couple of weeks or a couple of months, even a couple of years, to get back with me the answer was always the same
"No. That ship has long sailed."

One day at a time my friend. It does get easier. Stay off of her social media.

 

[goodbyehorses]

Great posts and advices from you all, keep posting.

Day 18.

Today has been tougher, for no particular reason. I guess it's normal to go highs & lows. I missed her company and felt like texting her (don't worry, I won't!), maybe really for the first time since BU. I always feared that with time passing, bad things will just fade to black while good things will persist in memories, making me wish to go back to her. I hope this won't happen.

I am keeping very busy and will do for the next days. Tuesday I'll go out with the girl (one of her friends) I feel some slight interest in, can't wait to.

Still going on reading this thread, I'm around page 180 now, found this link:

AT ANY COST - Saving your life after loving a borderline

Saving Your Life After Loving A Borderline. Certain aspects or common denominators are present in those who attach to Borderlines. People Pleaser types

sharischreiber.com

which may be helpful, I am considering that she may seriously suffer from BPD (just as her friends told me!), because the description fits almost perfectly!
Maybe I really dodged a huge bullet. I hope this will help me keeping up NC, main problem is still the same, sexual feelings and physical jealousy which HURT so badly and won't go away.

 

[HenBogan]

One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself. This is why we say block them on social media. it takes the temptation away.
Seeing her in her car, you just keep your eyes on the road. She doesnt get a wave or anything like that. If i recall she stone cold ignored you, so dont give her any acknowledgement. Nothing.

And should you run into them out in public you be polite but busy. I have always maintained this approach to running into an ex. Let them know you are very busy. But I am polite, i will say hello give them no update on you, give them zero information, if they want to engage about something from the past (they all do,) you say that is a conversation for another time. Smile, but i will only give them 3 minutes and then i announce it was nice to see them ( no i miss you or think about you no we should catch up, none of that,) and then say i have to go. Then i walk away. L

Wanting her to call and hoping for it will delay healing. I know its easier said than done to just "stop wanting" it but i found the easiest way to deal with a break up is this, when it is over it is over. No more negotiating, no more wanting them back no more them. Over is over.

I live by the rule of one chance per lifetime and anytime a woman blew her chance she was out. No second chances no fixing no breaks no lets just be friends ( for her validation ) just it is over. I moved on.

Dozens have tried whether it be a couple of weeks or a couple of months, even a couple of years, to get back with me the answer was always the same
"No. That ship has long sailed."

One day at a time my friend. It does get easier. Stay off of her social media.

Thank you my friend....

I unfollowed her straight away... But she was following me... I just looked to see if she was...

These things are like mini reset buttons... I've felt sick, everyday for almost a month..

I know the Internet offers anninimty, but more men need to communicate like people do here..

The suicide rates in men, don't worry I adore living and I am truly blessed to be who I am, is shocking...

We need champions out there for... Men... We fking built this planet from mud and rubble...

Forgive me please, to an extent, I've had a belly full of wine...

But the passion this place has given me, we are to be celebrated not vilified...

 

[goodbyehorses]

Yes I agree, men should talk more about emotions and give each other support, not just be drink/play buddies and stop...

I unfollowed her straight away... But she was following me... I just looked to see if she was...

I'm sure you know that you can remove anyone from your followers? When I went NC I unfollowed her AND removed her from my followers and blocked her for a few days because, after my last email, she was watching each and every single story I posted.

 

[DelayedGratification]

Still going on reading this thread, I'm around page 180 now, found this link:

AT ANY COST - Saving your life after loving a borderline

Saving Your Life After Loving A Borderline. Certain aspects or common denominators are present in those who attach to Borderlines. People Pleaser types

sharischreiber.com

which may be helpful, I am considering that she may seriously suffer from BPD (just as her friends told me!), because the description fits almost perfectly!
Maybe I really dodged a huge bullet. I hope this will help me keeping up NC, main problem is still the same, sexual feelings and physical jealousy which HURT so badly and won't go away.

Yeah, that article resonated with me pretty deeply with me, I feel your pain. Was married for 20+ years in that environment. Sent me off the cliff so badly it drove me to find comfort elsewhere, only to find myself ensnared in a different brand of crazy. Breaking it off with the BPD mistress over a year ago was worse than the divorce that preceded it.

Time, and personal growth. They hold the key. You will come out of this. As I like to say: "Never as quickly as you want, but faster than you think".

 

[dude99]

Thank you my friend....

I unfollowed her straight away... But she was following me... I just looked to see if she was...

These things are like mini reset buttons... I've felt sick, everyday for almost a month..

I know the Internet offers anninimty, but more men need to communicate like people do here..

The suicide rates in men, don't worry I adore living and I am truly blessed to be who I am, is shocking...

We need champions out there for... Men... We fking built this planet from mud and rubble...

Forgive me please, to an extent, I've had a belly full of wine...

But the passion this place has given me, we are to be celebrated not vilified...

You are right about the suicide rates in men, are doubled than our femal counter parts but as society leans more and more to the left we never ever hear about male suicides. However we are all guilt shocked and brow beaten when a girl/woman takes their own life.

Im not trying to bash or make light, i would just like to live in a world where no one uses suicide as the answer.

 

[narcissist]

No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

 

[narcissist]

Day 2. They don't call this a challenge for no reason. Wanted to smoke to relieve some pain, but I bought protein powder instead. I refuse to pick up bad habits now that we are split.

 

[HenBogan]

Day 2. They don't call this a challenge for no reason. Wanted to smoke to relieve some pain, but I bought protein powder instead. I refuse to pick up bad habits now that we are split.

The days are early... Each step you take, everyone here has your back...

I won't endorse the smoke but I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't say that I've been so drunk some nights I have fallen upstairs..
ha ha..

I am new here bro and I am learning every day, I am sure you are aware of the basics mate but exercise is one of the best places to start..

I came across a song yesterday, made me laugh and its my new Anthem...

Walk like a panther - Tony Christie

The lyrics are brilliant... Give it a whirl...

Keep posting...

 

[narcissist]

It's weird, but I actually feel very cloudy today (lots of head-fog).

 

[DelayedGratification]

No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

Hear you bro. Reading this post rewinded me instantly back almost 15 months. That summer was hell, but I am in such a better place right now. As much as I am entitled to serious resentment for her behavior, in the end she did me a huge favor.

 

[narcissist]

What happened in your r/l?

r/l as in real life?

 

[narcissist]

Hear you bro. Reading this post rewinded me instantly back almost 15 months. That summer was hell, but I am in such a better place right now. As much as I am entitled to serious resentment for her behavior, in the end she did me a huge favor.

I hope to get there as soon as possible - though I know that it takes time.

I don't resent her behaviour. She was actually a phenomenal girlfriend - which is what will make this more difficult. There is nothing to point to and be mad about - she was a great example of what type of girlfriend I want. We loved each other so much. If anything I am the one who f*cked up the relationship. I could get into it if you want. But it's a long story.

 

[goodbyehorses]

No contact day 1... she just left my house after breaking up with me after 4 years. I showed no emotion. Dont know how I feel. This is the best thing for me, now I can focus on game/pickup forever.

I'm sorry that this is happening to you again, narcissist. I am reading the whole thread and some of your posts from years ago are a great support for me. Stay strong brother.

Day 21.

Yesterday I had to fight with all my strength not to watch her Instagram stories. It helped to think that if I did, I'd have to go back to day 1.

Don't know why this has to be soooo difficult and painful. I mean she cheated on me and Ljbfed on me, but it's me who closed our acquaintance, don't want her back (she is low value and probably BPD and/or DOC, I know for sure it would be a great pain in the ass if we had a LTR), it's me who is keeping NC, 'dating' her friends and seeing other girls, keeping very busy... And i began NC 3 weeks ago (6 weeks from BU)!

Why so painful and heart-scorching to think of her with some other guy or girl? (She is bi). I wish so badly that this pain would end soon, although I fear it's a long long way to go...

In ten days she will be back from abroad, and in 2 weeks it'll be her birthday. Of course she won't hear nothing from me, except I bet she will discover that I am seeing her friends (if she doesn't know yet, which is possible). But maybe she will contact me to protest or some other b******t, (she was very jealous and didn't want me to get to know them).

 

[narcissist]

Relationship*

Long story. When I get to school I will make a quick post about it.

 

[narcissist]

Day 3. Last night I smoked two captain blacks. I am not going to beat myself up for it, but I will not do it again.

I have been hitting the gym for 2-3 weeks now. Feeling good about that, but if I start to smoke captains like I did a year or two ago it will fck up my progress. So I let myself have two last night and thats it. No more.

I went to the gym this morning at 8 a.m. and now I am going to school to study and talk to girls.

I have three girls right now that I have potential with, but the potential is quite low. My game has definitely taken a dip being in a relationship for that long. I am going to shoot them a message. My text game is not as good as it will be in 6 months.

 

[narcissist]

Long story. When I get to school I will make a quick post about it.

Okay so heres the break down of the relationship.

First year - amazing
Second year - amazing (I broke up with her for two months to game, then got back with her in an open relationship where I continued to have s3x with girls for another month or two [she didn't do anything with any guy - or so she says lol] then we got back into monogamy.
third year - little bumpy but still good, still lots of love/s3x, but she started to not respect me more and more because I lost touch with my masculinity.

The last three months were a train wreck.

I told her that I was breaking up with her in July, but that we could still be lovers - I told her I didn't want any rules and I didn't want to be committed, that our commitment was destroying our love (which at the time I thought it was). So she didn't take it too well, but because she was very attached to me she agreed. Then within the first week I slept with another girl and when she asked me if I did I said yes. I continued gaming and she continued to come around and see me very often (almost like we never broke up). I knew that she was talking/dating to guys but because I was in abundance I didn't care. Then school came. And my abundance disappeared because I didn't have time to spin plates. But she, on the other hand, got a new job as a waitress, and so her abundance skyrocketed. I could feel her slowly drifting, and I became depressed and anxious. It was so obvious to her too that I was like this. It reached boiling point when I told gave her an ultimatum: We either get back together into a monogamous relationship or we end it. She then told me that she was hooking up with her manager at work who is 14 years older than her. So that hit me hard and I couldn't hold back my emotions. She then agreed that we could go back to monogamy. This lasted only two weeks - In those two weeks I told myself that I would not let my jealousy get the best of me, and so I started to hit the gym, write a personal journal, meditate, go to school from morning to night mon-fri. It was working. I was far less jealous, and I thought "hmm, maybe this could still work out." Nope. She did not like the fact that I was channelling my inner masculinity again. She tasted the power of having more value than me and she couldn't bare going back to the way it was. We chilled only twice in those two weeks of monogamy - and at each moment she was trying to find ANYTHING to get mad at and get a reaction out of me, but I refused to react. I was calm, cool, collected, ****y, and funny. Didn't matter. The two weeks went by and thats when she came over... a couple days ago. she said the relationship was ruined and that she wasn't happy. I said "Okay, I respect your decision. Let me get your stuff. I will not be contacting you. Please, do not contact me."

And that was that.

I was in and out of the relationship/commitment for a little less than 4 years. I do feel like I destroyed the relationship because of 1) losing touch with my masculinity 2) moving from monogamy to open relationship.

 

[the_cog]

I forget what day I'm up to now, I think 14 or so. Past couple days have been difficult. I've wanted to reach out to her, just tell her I miss her. Her not reaching out feels like she never cared.

 

[DelayedGratification]

I forget what day I'm up to now, I think 14 or so. Past couple days have been difficult. I've wanted to reach out to her, just tell her I miss her. Her not reaching out feels like she never cared.

Not necessarily, she may be doing NC as well. I'd say channel whichever framing helps you heal the fastest. If it helps for you to think she cares, do that. If it helps for you to think she callously snubbed you, go that direction.

For me, the reality was all three. She was diligently doing NC. Her behavior in the end was callous in the extreme. Yet in the times early on when NC broke she reiterated that she still loved me.

She broke NC a few weeks ago and I was to the point where it didn't affect me to converse, at least for the brief period we texted. She clearly still wants to be buddies, but I'm not having any of that, for a multitude of complicated reasons. But it's nice to truly be on the other side of the grieving and pain.

 

[dude99]

I'm sorry that this is happening to you again, narcissist. I am reading the whole thread and some of your posts from years ago are a great support for me. Stay strong brother.

Day 21.

Yesterday I had to fight with all my strength not to watch her Instagram stories. It helped to think that if I did, I'd have to go back to day 1.

Don't know why this has to be soooo difficult and painful. I mean she cheated on me and Ljbfed on me, but it's me who closed our acquaintance, don't want her back (she is low value and probably BPD and/or DOC, I know for sure it would be a great pain in the ass if we had a LTR), it's me who is keeping NC, 'dating' her friends and seeing other girls, keeping very busy... And i began NC 3 weeks ago (6 weeks from BU)!

Why so painful and heart-scorching to think of her with some other guy or girl? (She is bi). I wish so badly that this pain would end soon, although I fear it's a long long way to go...

In ten days she will be back from abroad, and in 2 weeks it'll be her birthday. Of course she won't hear nothing from me, except I bet she will discover that I am seeing her friends (if she doesn't know yet, which is possible). But maybe she will contact me to protest or some other b******t, (she was very jealous and didn't want me to get to know them).

If she contacts you to protest, do not pick up, do not reply do not call, do not text, do not email do not instagram or FB, do not send smoke signals or yodel. No hello no welcome back no happy birthday nothing. She gets ignored.

She gets nothing from you. If you are dating one of or all of her friends it is none of her business. If you're dating her sister or even her mother it is none of her business. After they cheat they have zero chance to get anything from you.