Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
Keep your chin up. We are all human. Stay the course, as now you know trying to talk to her or text or what ever will be a waste of effort. As you put it she was bolt rigid and blanked you. even though she was in another car she knew it was you. I find people always have a way of telling you how to treat them. Now you know exactly how to react to anything she does from now on.Day 20
It’s been 13 days since she asked me if she could come over; I ignored her 3 messages and I’ve heard nothing since…
So a few days ago, of all the mother fking coincidences, I turn the corner and I’m behind her in the car… I flashed her and waved, drove past her (twin lane) and she was bolt rigid and blanked me… To be expected I guess.
I felt sick to the stomach…
Still the days pass and the time between us grows and I have learnt so much about my behaviour. I absolutely love who I am but the mistakes and tests I failed within the relationship are grotesque. Small steps, towards having more control of my emotions and not allowing others to affect them.
You are never too old to learn…….
The mornings are still horrendous!
Comments are in bold, this girl is a colossal waste of time. I know you are already NC-- keep it that way and invest your time in better quality women.Hi everybody.
13th day NC for me.
Feel a bit out of place here, because I'm demisexual, meaning I need a strong emotional connection with someone (the kind you need months of 'friendly' aquaintance to build) to feel sexual abot him/her. So I find very difficult to think to have sex within the first 2-3 dates, to initiate kino soon, etc. [This is mainly a problem because girls will easily misunderstand your behaviour as lack of sexual interest and put you in the friendzone.] But I found some helpful insights in the whole 'alpha male' theories, and especially the NC concept; I am reading the whole of this thread, I am at page 80 and will keep on reading.
Decided yesterday to register and share the evolution of my NC challenge here.
Some infos about my story: met this younger girl (first problem: age gap, how young is she? it is a sort of taboo for her, not for me), didn't feel attracted a bit for the first months, I knew her mainly to get infos about another person I was interested in. she saw you as a challenge here. We kept going out as friends, until some months after, I began to feel like caring too much for just a 'friend'; just a few weeks into that, she began telling me things like I was her strongest 'crush' ever, I was the men of her dreams, etc. when your interest was low/you friendzoned her she wanted you huge.
BUT I still didn't feel attracted to her, until some months past that, when I began to fall very deep for her also sexually. But I knew how much the age gap was a problem for her, i was under the impression the age gap bothered you. She crushed on you first. moreover, she is bi and never had sex with men. So I decided to open up my heart to her through words - first great error, this will drive her interest level down. Show her. Do not tell her. I know. She told me she only thinks of me as a friend you stopped being a challenge., I decided to give our friendship a chance, but in the next months I saw her interest go lower and lower, right here is when you should have just walked away and nexted her and wanting to go out less, telling me some little lies, flaking, etc. WHILE being MORE and MORE jealous about my other aquaintances and admirers this is when you cut her from your life and never speak to her again. she is using you for validation and wanting to keep you available for her ego and getting jealous when you have other interests. Nope. (yes, I have a few, I have 'options' if I wanted), and for example, I wanted to go out with some of her friends, but she never 'allowed' me to do it ('I will never talk to you again if you contact them!'). unless she is filling your stomach or giving you sex on your schedule who does she think she is?
So I gave her a last chance to put up, she didn't take it (just kept repeating it wasn't true she was just toying with me and she wasn't interested anymore etc. but not giving excuses or trying to make amend), next. I closed with her, just hug her and walked away. walking away is the best thing to do here. Two weeks after I sent her an email (which I had written weeks before), it was a planned move, Just wanted her to know I still cared for her mistake although not rethinking my decision. No answers, there it began my NC (also on social media, I don't know anything about what she's doing).
SO today I saw two of her friends, had lunch with them, they've been very nice and friendly with me, they also asked questions about why we don't go out anymore, and told me they also had some similar issues with her, they think she's BPD or DOC, or maybe just immature and lacking empathy. I will see them again, hope to fall in love maybe [she is studying abroad just now, will be back next month], or maybe just new friends, all I know is that today I just felt good and happy for the first time in a month.
As I said earlier, apart for these two, I go out with other girls, so I have 'options' if I wanted to; I have plenty of friends, I work, volunteer, and have many many distractions, just stopped exercise for the summer but I will begin again soon. Still feel VERY bad at the thought of her having sex with someone else, or just what she did to me (I admit I indulge myself with alcohol sometimes to keep up), but I hope to be wholly healed soon.
Thank you @dude99 , great insights.Comments are in bold, this girl is a colossal waste of time. I know you are already NC-- keep it that way and invest your time in better quality women.
Have you tried meditation for the sleeping?Day 15.
Just came back from an exciting weekend in a thermal town, didn't go there for the thermal bath though, but for a consociate volunteer meeting I attended, with many friends and unknown people from all the country. I had an almost free overnight stay in a luxury hotel, great meals, talks, projects, outdoor activities and fun.
BUT. Tonight I just slept 1-2 hours, my mind was always set upon "her", what she did to me, what she might be doing... ; in my brief sleep I had a TERRIBLE nightmare about my mother getting seriously ill (she isn't, at the moment!). And, while traveling back home I felt very bad and I feel quite bad right now. Saw a girl from Rome which I liked very much, felt seriously attracted to her, but she had a bf AND what's worst, she was stunningly similar to "my one", it just made things harder for me.
I MUST get rid of this situation. I can't keep on like this, I want back my happiness. I have decided that I HAVE to get out this pit at any cost. I KNOW that time will do the job but I still can't accept having to go through the whole process and I don't know how long I can manage this pain.
Thank you @HenBogan. I don't usually have issues with sleeping or eating, but tonight I did, don't know why, maybe for the different context I was in, maybe because I did think less about her during the day and bad emotions came back to get me at night.Have you tried meditation for the sleeping?
I am 22 days in and sleeping isn't great, still feel sick most of the days, but meditation is helping a bit and can help to clear your mind.. It Could help...
There are guys our there rooting for you..Thank you @HenBogan. I don't usually have issues with sleeping or eating, but tonight I did, don't know why, maybe for the different context I was in, maybe because I did think less about her during the day and bad emotions came back to get me at night.
I have a long practice of years of meditation, but in these days I just can't keep myself still, bad emotions get to me physically when I try to relax, read, or just keep silent with myself, I just have to deal with them in a dynamic way (which isn't always possible, of course, so - shame on me - I turn to alcohol).
Let's keep up with NC and hope it won't take too much time brother.
One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself. This is why we say block them on social media. it takes the temptation away.Day #25
I have so far to go…
Saw her again in her car yesterday, briefly, it didn’t feel as hard this time, but it has set me back…
I read my own post from yesterday and I have to accept there are going to be days like these, not so good ones… I stopped following her on Insta the day we split and foolishly I looked today, she has done the same.
I know it’s over, still part of me is holding on to some hope and if I am honest want her to message me again; I know I would message her back if she did, let’s hope she doesn’t….…
I have so far to go….
Thank you my friend....One minute at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself. This is why we say block them on social media. it takes the temptation away.
Seeing her in her car, you just keep your eyes on the road. She doesnt get a wave or anything like that. If i recall she stone cold ignored you, so dont give her any acknowledgement. Nothing.
And should you run into them out in public you be polite but busy. I have always maintained this approach to running into an ex. Let them know you are very busy. But I am polite, i will say hello give them no update on you, give them zero information, if they want to engage about something from the past (they all do,) you say that is a conversation for another time. Smile, but i will only give them 3 minutes and then i announce it was nice to see them ( no i miss you or think about you no we should catch up, none of that,) and then say i have to go. Then i walk away. L
Wanting her to call and hoping for it will delay healing. I know its easier said than done to just "stop wanting" it but i found the easiest way to deal with a break up is this, when it is over it is over. No more negotiating, no more wanting them back no more them. Over is over.
I live by the rule of one chance per lifetime and anytime a woman blew her chance she was out. No second chances no fixing no breaks no lets just be friends ( for her validation ) just it is over. I moved on.
Dozens have tried whether it be a couple of weeks or a couple of months, even a couple of years, to get back with me the answer was always the same
"No. That ship has long sailed."
One day at a time my friend. It does get easier. Stay off of her social media.
I'm sure you know that you can remove anyone from your followers? When I went NC I unfollowed her AND removed her from my followers and blocked her for a few days because, after my last email, she was watching each and every single story I posted.I unfollowed her straight away... But she was following me... I just looked to see if she was...
Yeah, that article resonated with me pretty deeply with me, I feel your pain. Was married for 20+ years in that environment. Sent me off the cliff so badly it drove me to find comfort elsewhere, only to find myself ensnared in a different brand of crazy. Breaking it off with the BPD mistress over a year ago was worse than the divorce that preceded it.Still going on reading this thread, I'm around page 180 now, found this link:
AT ANY COST - Saving your life after loving a borderline
Saving Your Life After Loving A Borderline. Certain aspects or common denominators are present in those who attach to Borderlines. People Pleaser typessharischreiber.com
which may be helpful, I am considering that she may seriously suffer from BPD (just as her friends told me!), because the description fits almost perfectly!
Maybe I really dodged a huge bullet. I hope this will help me keeping up NC, main problem is still the same, sexual feelings and physical jealousy which HURT so badly and won't go away.