Blowing off a new plate/potential LTR

[Kidd55]

I've been dating/fcking an ex co-worker (26-years-old) for about 2.5 months now. When it comes to sex, she offers me little-to-resistance. We've both invested time/money into each other (e.g., drinks, fun outings, etc.) I let her initiate about 80-85% of the time and I set-up time together. The last time I saw her was last Sunday after she got off her plane (she drove to my apartment, we hung for a bit, fcked, and then passed out). Things are going well, so I've been rewarding her by setting up some fun future dates for the next few weeks.

Everything was going well---until yesterday. Earlier in the week, we made plans for Friday night (going to see a show, not expensive). Friday morning rolls around--and she tells me that she can't do our Friday night plans until 11p because she promised her co-workers that she'd go to Happy Hour. Here's our brief convo.

Her: "I can't do the show until later on. Maybe around 11p. Thoughts"
Me: "We'll do it another time. Let me know your calendar clears. Enjoy HH"
Her: "But wait, I want to see you..Come to HH?"

No response from me and I haven't heard from her. I went to HH with her and co-workers a few weeks ago and it wasn't the most fun thing. I ended up banging her after the HH, but the HH itself was pretty miserable.

By not going to HH, I want to show that I'm not going to be moved off of my plans. Also, we had to put my dog down on Thursday night, so I wasn't in the most social of moods, either.

In terms of next steps, should I just let her come to me? I know girls can get nutty when you ignore them/blow them off. She hasn't given me any drama so far.

 

[highSpeed]

I've been dating/fcking an ex co-worker (26-years-old) for about 2.5 months now. When it comes to sex, she offers me little-to-resistance. We've both invested time/money into each other (e.g., drinks, fun outings, etc.) I let her initiate about 80-85% of the time and I set-up time together. The last time I saw her was last Sunday after she got off her plane (she drove to my apartment, we hung for a bit, fcked, and then passed out). Things are going well, so I've been rewarding her by setting up some fun future dates for the next few weeks.

Everything was going well---until yesterday. Earlier in the week, we made plans for Friday night (going to see a show, not expensive). Friday morning rolls around--and she tells me that she can't do our Friday night plans until 11p because she promised her co-workers that she'd go to Happy Hour. Here's our brief convo.

Her: "I can't do the show until later on. Maybe around 11p. Thoughts"
Me: "We'll do it another time. Let me know your calendar clears. Enjoy HH"
Her: "But wait, I want to see you..Come to HH?"

No response from me and I haven't heard from her. I went to HH with her and co-workers a few weeks ago and it wasn't the most fun thing. I ended up banging her after the HH, but the HH itself was pretty miserable.

By not going to HH, I want to show that I'm not going to be moved off of my plans. Also, we had to put my dog down on Thursday night, so I wasn't in the most social of moods, either.

In terms of next steps, should I just let her come to me? I know girls can get nutty when you ignore them/blow them off. She hasn't given me any drama so far.

You're right, don't change what you want for her. That's the general rule. You can make exceptions but I think you have to qualify them carefully. Too many exceptions and now that's the new rule. If she's upset about you not going, especially with just having put your dog down, seems a bit selfish on her part. And if she hasn't followed up with you at all after that, I'd wait for her to reach out again.

You're not blowing her off, she has the plans, not you. There was no specific plans for you to go, so I think your mindset is already off a bit and you're stepping into her frame a bit.

 

[Kidd55]

You're right, don't change what you want for her. That's the general rule. You can make exceptions but I think you have to qualify them carefully. Too many exceptions and now that's the new rule. If she's upset about you not going, especially with just having put your dog down, seems a bit selfish on her part. And if she hasn't followed up with you at all after that, I'd wait for her to reach out again.

You're not blowing her off, she has the plans, not you. There was no specific plans for you to go, so I think your mindset is already off a bit and you're stepping into her frame a bit.

She was probably upset that I didn't come. Over the last four days, she invited to tag along with her/her friends twice. I declined both times. Every few weeks, I'll do a friend event. I've turn down the invites more often than accepting them. If we're hanging 1-on-1, it's cool, but she's the type of girl that likes to have the friends around 90% of the time. If I didn't fck her multiple times/see LTR potential in her, I'd next her. She's also been honest, saying she doesn't have a lot of dating experience, so I know it's not always going to be smooth. Think I gotta spin more plates. I had a few going when I first started to see her, but I let them drop. Gotta get them spinning again.

I have a lot of fun events planned in August. I invited her to a few. She accepted. It just sucks that I feel like I'm getting secondary treatment. A work HH over me? LOL.

I didn't tell her about the dog thing, either. Almost all women don't give a fck about a man's problems, so I just dealt with this on my own/with my family.

 

[highSpeed]

She was probably upset that I didn't come. Over the last four days, she invited to tag along with her/her friends twice. I declined both times. Every few weeks, I'll do a friend event. I've turn down the invites more often than accepting them. If we're hanging 1-on-1, it's cool, but she's the type of girl that likes to have the friends around 90% of the time. If I didn't fck her multiple times/see LTR potential in her, I'd next her. She's also been honest, saying she doesn't have a lot of dating experience, so I know it's not always going to be smooth. Think I gotta spin more plates. I had a few going when I first started to see her, but I let them drop. Gotta get them spinning again.

I have a lot of fun events planned in August. I invited her to a few. She accepted. It just sucks that I feel like I'm getting secondary treatment. A work HH over me? LOL.

I didn't tell her about the dog thing, either. Almost all women don't give a fck about a man's problems, so I just dealt with this on my own/with my family.

You know, it's a little thing if you blew it off a couple of times. I mean honestly, if she's really upset at such a minor thing, that's only going to get worse as you invest more in her. It truly is a ratio as I've seen it. The more you invest, the more you care personally and the more that she knows you care. The more that she knows you care, the more that most women (didn't say all) will use that as a way to compel certain behaviors that they wish to compel. And once you're all in (kids, marriage), she will use that as a tool to mercilessly beat you down into living in her frame. It's insidious and borderline evil. The only part I haven't figured out at this point is whether or not it's intentional or simply part of their nature or a bit of both.

 

[sazc]

Wow, she legit said she wants to see you and you ghost her on that. Rude.

Ur both playing games.

Just text her back, be honest, and TELL her you didn't enjoy HH last time and reiterate that she should go and let you know when her calendar is free.

Ur attempts to mold 'your perfect woman' into an eventual LTR are going to backfire when she feels you are being distant, starts to question if you give a $hit, and then another guy swoops in and showes her attention. But, have at it

 

[RickTheToad]

I've been dating/fcking an ex co-worker (26-years-old) for about 2.5 months now. When it comes to sex, she offers me little-to-resistance. We've both invested time/money into each other (e.g., drinks, fun outings, etc.) I let her initiate about 80-85% of the time and I set-up time together. The last time I saw her was last Sunday after she got off her plane (she drove to my apartment, we hung for a bit, fcked, and then passed out). Things are going well, so I've been rewarding her by setting up some fun future dates for the next few weeks.

Everything was going well---until yesterday. Earlier in the week, we made plans for Friday night (going to see a show, not expensive). Friday morning rolls around--and she tells me that she can't do our Friday night plans until 11p because she promised her co-workers that she'd go to Happy Hour. Here's our brief convo.

Her: "I can't do the show until later on. Maybe around 11p. Thoughts"
Me: "We'll do it another time. Let me know your calendar clears. Enjoy HH"
Her: "But wait, I want to see you..Come to HH?"

No response from me and I haven't heard from her. I went to HH with her and co-workers a few weeks ago and it wasn't the most fun thing. I ended up banging her after the HH, but the HH itself was pretty miserable.

By not going to HH, I want to show that I'm not going to be moved off of my plans. Also, we had to put my dog down on Thursday night, so I wasn't in the most social of moods, either.

In terms of next steps, should I just let her come to me? I know girls can get nutty when you ignore them/blow them off. She hasn't given me any drama so far.

Listen, OP, the only blowing that should be done is by the lady. That is all. Never throw away good pvssy.

 

[sazc]

Listen, OP, the only blowing that should be done is by the lady. That is all. Never throw away good pvssy.

What do you mean? He's taking an "alpha stance"!

Let me completely blow off the chick I've been banging for almost 3 months because she is telling me she wants to see me ( fvk me) on Friday night. To make matters worse, she wants to be around him all night and invited him to happy hour to hang before the bang sesh (that beesh!)

What does an alpha do? Refuse the bang sesh and ghost her completely, THATS what an alpha does.....

Makes complete sense, lol

 

[RickTheToad]

What do you mean? He's taking an "alpha stance"!

Let me completely blow off the chick I've been banging for almost 3 months because she is telling me she wants to see me ( fvk me) on Friday night. To make matters worse, she wants to be around him all night and invited him to happy hour to hang before the bang sesh (that beesh!)

What does an alpha do? Refuse the bang sesh and ghost her completely, THATS what an alpha does.....

Makes complete sense, lol

No, bangs her and leaves her for wanting/begging for more. The "beta" is getting butt hurt about it and leaving the good pvssy on the floor. Now, if he was in a "exclusive relationship" and she pulled sh!t, then you re-evaluate. However, 3 months or so, you're still dating and getting to know each other. He should be tearing that pvssy up and making her squirt all over the place.... Just saying..

 

[sazc]

No, bangs her and leaves her for wanting/begging for more. The "beta" is getting butt hurt about it and leaving the good pvssy on the floor. Now, if he was in a "exclusive relationship" and she pulled sh!t, then you re-evaluate. However, 3 months or so, you're still dating and getting to know each other. He should be tearing that pvssy up and making her squirt all over the place.... Just saying..

If they were exclusive and she tried to change the plans like this, an actual conversation needs to take place where he expresses his displeasure with plans being changed in the manner being attempted, and is clear about his expectations.

Then you sit back, evaluate and see if she respects that. Post conversation is where you really see if she respects you as her man.

Attempting to define the relationship via osmosis is dysfunctional. And the "pulling away to teach a lesson" strategy typically results in someone feeling as if they aren't important and tended to - so they find someone else.

OP ghosts her about this, essentially communicating that he doesn't care, and she'll go out of her way to find a new man AT happy hour.... The one that she invited him to, the one that she clearly said she wants him there with her

 

[Kidd55]

If they were exclusive and she tried to change the plans like this, an actual conversation needs to take place where he expresses his displeasure with plans being changed in the manner being attempted, and is clear about his expectations.

Then you sit back, evaluate and see if she respects that. Post conversation is where you really see if she respects you as her man.

Attempting to define the relationship via osmosis is dysfunctional. And the "pulling away to teach a lesson" strategy typically results in someone feeling as if they aren't important and tended to - so they find someone else.

OP ghosts her about this, essentially communicating that he doesn't care, and she'll go out of her way to find a new man AT happy hour.... The one that she invited him to, the one that she clearly said she wants him there with her

I also don’t want to sound like a beta f** by saying ‘oh sorry that I don’t feel being social because my dog was sick all week and I had to put her down on Thursday night’

 

[sazc]

I also don’t want to sound like a beta f** by saying ‘oh sorry that I don’t feel being social because my dog was sick all week and I had to put her down on Thursday night’

Interesting....

You say you are evaluating her for an LTR yet you won't be honest and vulnerable with her about your dog.

Women love to nurture. I bet if you told her that about your dog she would drop everything to be there for you (she should)

If this, in your words, is a potential LTR why are you not allowing yourself to be open with her?

 

[RickTheToad]

If they were exclusive and she tried to change the plans like this, an actual conversation needs to take place where he expresses his displeasure with plans being changed in the manner being attempted, and is clear about his expectations.

Then you sit back, evaluate and see if she respects that. Post conversation is where you really see if she respects you as her man.

Attempting to define the relationship via osmosis is dysfunctional. And the "pulling away to teach a lesson" strategy typically results in someone feeling as if they aren't important and tended to - so they find someone else.

OP ghosts her about this, essentially communicating that he doesn't care, and she'll go out of her way to find a new man AT happy hour.... The one that she invited him to, the one that she clearly said she wants him there with her

Agreed. I think he jumped the gun a bit. Still time to save it though. Say something came up and set up another meet/date/fvck session and do not bring this up. Move along like nothing happened.

 

[RickTheToad]

I also don’t want to sound like a beta f** by saying ‘oh sorry that I don’t feel being social because my dog was sick all week and I had to put her down on Thursday night’

Re-read what I posted dude. You'll be fine if you just reach out, set up something and proceed. Just say something within you family came up and it had to be addressed. Family is priority. You always will get props from that unless the lady you're fvcking is psycho.

 

[Kidd55]

Re-read what I posted dude. You'll be fine if you just reach out, set up something and proceed. Just say something within you family came up and it had to be addressed. Family is priority. You always will get props from that unless the lady you're fvcking is psycho.

Thanks everyone for the responses. She’s a big animal lover, so I’ll get a warm response for this one.

I just texted her this: “Hey, hope you had fun at HH. Our family dog was sick all week and we hadda put her down late Thursday night. Taking care of some stuff but want to see you soon.”

 

[Kidd55]

Interesting....

You say you are evaluating her for an LTR yet you won't be honest and vulnerable with her about your dog.

Women love to nurture. I bet if you told her that about your dog she would drop everything to be there for you (she should)

If this, in your words, is a potential LTR why are you not allowing yourself to be open with her?

First ‘relationship’ after my 10-year relationship ended (5 years dating, 5 years marriage). I’m rusty, dating-wise.

I have not been exposed to many nurturing women. My ex wasn’t and my mother isn’t. This current plate is very nurturing, tho.

 

[RickTheToad]

Thanks everyone for the responses. She’s a big animal lover, so I’ll get a warm response for this one.

I just texted her this: “Hey, hope you had fun at HH. Our family dog was sick all week and we hadda put her down late Thursday night. Taking care of some stuff but want to see you soon.”

Not sure faking a death of your family's pet was a wise move. But, do as you may.

 

[Kidd55]

Not sure faking a death of your family's pet was a wise move. But, do as you may.

Definitely happened, dude. I stated that in my first post.

 

[Julian]

You did the right thing OP. Sorry about your pupper passing. Animals dieing is always sad. I would have mentioned it to her to give her life context at that point because it is a major event and its not like your crying on her shoulder. I would have just been cold about it like "Hey sorry but I need to cancel tomorrow. We just put our family dog down and im not much in a mood to be out".
At that point best case scenario is have her go to HH for a couple drinks then comes over to your place after for a smash sesh.

 

[RickTheToad]

Definitely happened, dude. I stated that in my first post.

Fair enough. Didn't read that part. Carry on then.

 

[Kidd55]

Alright, so I’m seeing her tonight. Feels like I have it back on track. Here was the texting exchange.

Me: ‘hey, hope you had fun at HH. Our family dog was sick all week and we had to put it down on Thursday night. Had to take care of some stuff, but want to see you soon.’

Her: ‘hi, missed you yesterday. I’m sorry to hear that. Hope you’re doing ok. I know that’s so tough and I want to see you. How’s your day looking?’

Me: I’m free tonight after 7. How about you? Would like to see you if you’re around.

Her: yes I’m around.

Me: (just texts about setting logistics. Going to her place.)