Went to a speed dating event last night and these are the results

[sangheilios]

But, there’s always the continual need to keep making posts about women…

I'm not forcing you to read through my posts. This thread was about the speed dating event I went to last night, the experience I had with it and the feelings I had with what did('nt) happen.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In your eyes you clearly believe you were the best man there. By your logic, if the women did not pick you than they would also have picked no man below you, as well. You teally think 9 of the women picked none of the men??


If you were just half as amazing as you think you are, you would have still gotten 5-7 numbers.

Perhaps... how you ACTUALLY come across to women, including your vibe, is NOT attractive in the way you believe it to be???

Try logic there.

Maybe there is a reason you are getting the feedback you are from those 9 women and us here.

Maybe you are NOT as perfect as you think??

Maybe your physical characteristics are actually not enough to compensate for your off putting vibe?

You seem to go on and on as if your vibe is irrelevant. The feedback you have received here is, from the photo you presented, creepy, feminine, etc.

Not trying to be brutal...trying to be real so you wake the f up and consider that YOU may be the reason for 1 of 9 last night. Same for zero to no responses on tinder or OLD etc

You are the common denominator!!

Wouldnt personality be the deal breaker here? With personality he has options. Without personality and a high view of himself he is dead in the water?

 

[sangheilios]

Here was the problem.

And such reflected in your sub-communications. You are projecting aversion without being conscious of your projection. Vibe problem.

Change your intent "from wanting a hot girl to desire you--to--just enjoying the NOW with ANYONE," and your results will change with everyone.

That's a good point, actually. I did go in with the intent of having a good time, which I actually did, and despite not being attracted to the women I still engaged with them, was friendly, asked them deeper questions about whatever it was they discussed, etc.

 

[sangheilios]

Maybe you are so attractive you are intimidating. Them women feel like, "why waste my time trying, he's not going to be into me"?

I'm an attractive guy, I'm in really good shape, 6'4", etc. I actually did dress well for the event and I know in certain circumstances I definitely can come across as a bit ****y and full of myself lol. Looking back I definitely got into that mode last night so combine that with the women who were there I can see how they'd feel uncomfortable with me.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm an attractive guy, I'm in really good shape, 6'4", etc. I actually did dress well for the event and I know in certain circumstances I definitely can come across as a bit ****y and full of myself lol. Looking back I definitely got into that mode last night so combine that with the women who were there I can see how they'd feel uncomfortable with me.

Can you keep the conversation in an area that makes them comfortable?

 

[AJ84]

When built guys dress to show off their muscles it really gives off a player vibe that deters girls who are trying to avoid getting used.

The average girl is trying to avoid getting used by a man.

Maybe wear looser shirts and don’t show it off as much. Leaves something to the imagination and also is a very nice surprise when the clothes come off anyway I’m digressing but consider how your attire may be giving off a player vibe.

 

[guru1000]

That's a good point, actually. I did go in with the intent of having a good time, which I actually did, and despite not being attracted to the women I still engaged with them, was friendly, asked them deeper questions about whatever it was they discussed, etc.

You see, I used to think this way too. That I could pretend to be engaging. That I can pretend that I find them attractive. But women see right through it. They know when you are not attracted to them. Even I, a vet, can get scoped out for low IL by some of these women.

That's why I say to change your intent. As if you are no longer "looking," then you can genuinely enjoy their company--as opposed to a contrived intent. Unfortunately, because of your lack of sexual history, you will need to start here to build momentum to a natural intent of engagement.

For example, let's say they weren't attractive to you but could make a great friend. Your language and body mannerisms would have aligned accordingly with that intent.

The very presumption that you made in the first post:

Anyway, before the event started I was hanging out and just observing the people that were there. All of the guys ranged from very unattractive to maybe average at best, none of the guys were fit or anything which didn't surprise me.The women ranged from unattractive to average, no particularly attractive women at all.

already demonstrates that you were sizing up the guys and then sizing up the women. This "sizing up" does not align with a guy just going out with the intent to JUST have a good time. There was a deeper motive a/k/a intent here which likely reflected in aversion as they "just didn't size up to you"--or perhaps, even worse, " I don't find you attractive but please find me attractive!"

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You see, I used to think this way too. That I could pretend to be engaging. That I can pretend that I find them attractive. But women see right through it. They know when you are not attracted to them. Even I, a vet, can get scoped out for low IL by some of these women.

That's why I say to change your intent. As if you are no longer "looking," then you can genuinely enjoy their company--as opposed to a contrived intent. Unfortunately, because of your lack of sexual history, you will need to start here to build momentum to a natural intent of engagement.

For example, let's say they weren't attractive to you but could make a great friend. Your language and body mannerisms would have aligned accordingly with that intent.

The very presumption that you made in the first post:


already demonstrates that you were sizing up the guys and then sizing up the women. This "sizing up" does not align with a guy just going out with the intent to JUST have a good time. There was a deeper motive a/k/a intent here which likely reflected in aversion as they "just didn't size up to you"--or perhaps, even worse, " I don't find you attractive but please find me attractive!"

His current organization of his mental mindstate obviously doesnt produce a VIBE conducive to attraction.

That "dominant" or "superior" viewpoint isnt working if a guy isnt having success in getting laid. It seems to be a puzzy deterent.

What type of views and thoughts should he have at this time?

 

[Glassguy]

There is such a thing as being out if their league and them knowing it. These women who are 6s know what guys who are 8s and 9s are going to do to them......pump and dumps.

 

[corrector]

His current organization of his mental mindstate obviously doesnt produce a VIBE conducive to attraction.

That "dominant" or "superior" viewpoint isnt working if a guy isnt having success in getting laid. It seems to be a puzzy deterent.

What type of views and thoughts should he have at this time?

More Catch-22 again?

 

[corrector]

When built guys dress to show off their muscles it really gives off a player vibe that deters girls who are trying to avoid getting used.

The average girl is trying to avoid getting used by a man.

Maybe wear looser shirts and don’t show it off as much. Leaves something to the imagination and also is a very nice surprise when the clothes come off anyway I’m digressing but consider how your attire may be giving off a player vibe.

The OP could wear a lumber-jack outfit or something like that. Has a sort of Adam Driver look to him.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

More Catch-22 again?

Change your thoughts. Change your view. Change your vibe? He doesnt need to bathe in puzzy to get some inner work done here. With the right vibe he will be batheing in it.

 

[spinich]

Damn, Bigdave has a twin....

 

[Billtx49]

Damn, Bigdave has a twin....

Yes, and he’s playin this forum in exactly the same way…

 

[marmel75]

I went to a speed dating event last night, which I had signed up for a few weeks in advance.

Anyway, before the event started I was hanging out and just observing the people that were there. All of the guys ranged from very unattractive to maybe average at best, none of the guys were fit or anything which didn't surprise me.The women ranged from unattractive to average, no particularly attractive women at all. There are 10 women and after 6 minutes the men rotate and take a seat at the next table, again repeating this process. I had a pretty good time overall but nothing in particular stood out to me at all, meaning no one I was really all that interested in seeing again. The event concludes and I quickly fill in the sheet for my interests to the event coordinator before leaving. I had said yes to 4 women, who I thought were decent enough to go out with but I wasn't really all that into any of them.

This morning I get an email from the event coordinator and to be honest I was shocked. I had 0 matches and out of the entire event I only had 1 women actually say yes to me lol, it includes the contact info of people who were interested whom you didn't say yes to initially. I was honestly extremely surprised by this, especially since I was engaging with the women and also the only attractive and fit guy there.

The only issue I can see was that there were by chance 2 other men with my same name and there was an error with that. Still, if that isn't the case this just proves my point......a 6'4", fit and attractive guy can't even land a match at a speed dating event with a bunch of unattractive women lol. I don't get it.

Exactly what I thought. You are socially inept or turn them off in person. Stop making excuses and figure it out. If I had to take a guess its because you come off as a full blown narcissist who can do no wrong. And thats just on a forum posting...in person you are probably 20x worse.

 

[zekko]

I didn't say yes to her, so it wasn't a mutual match, but she was overweight and not particularly attractive. I enjoyed the conversation I had with her but I just was not into her at all on a physical level.

Too bad she's unattractive. Since you enjoyed her company, she might have made good social proof.

I'm an attractive guy, I'm in really good shape, 6'4", etc. I actually did dress well for the event and I know in certain circumstances I definitely can come across as a bit ****y and full of myself lol.

Arrogance is unattractive. Being c0cky/funny is ineffective without the "funny" part, it requires that you send the message that you're joking and don't really take yourself that seriously. There's a balance there. Personally, I find c0ckiness in any form repulsive, but I'm not a chick.

 

[SoSuave666]

In your eyes you clearly believe you were the best man there. By your logic, if the women did not pick you than they would also have picked no man below you, as well. You teally think 9 of the women picked none of the men??


If you were just half as amazing as you think you are, you would have still gotten 5-7 numbers.

Perhaps... how you ACTUALLY come across to women, including your vibe, is NOT attractive in the way you believe it to be???

Try logic there.

Maybe there is a reason you are getting the feedback you are from those 9 women and us here.

Maybe you are NOT as perfect as you think??

Maybe your physical characteristics are actually not enough to compensate for your off putting vibe?

You seem to go on and on as if your vibe is irrelevant. The feedback you have received here is, from the photo you presented, creepy, feminine, etc.

Not trying to be brutal...trying to be real so you wake the f up and consider that YOU may be the reason for 1 of 9 last night. Same for zero to no responses on tinder or OLD etc

You are the common denominator!!

Completely agree. I’ve seen this dudes pictures and he’s not nearly as attractive as he thinks. He doesn’t take advice on how to improve either.

All his posts are negative. This is the vibe he gives off.

It’s no shock to me he had no matches

 

[AJ84]

Many women see ****iness for what it is, compensating for something lacking. It’s not attractive.

 

[AJ84]

I think there is a difference between having value, offering value, and taking value. The OP's mindset is "I have value and therefore these women should validate me." This is a "taking value" vibe that turns women off.

When you have authentic value, you become selfless. Why do you need validation? You validate others instead. You make THEM feel good. In a sense, you become the source of validation. This is the most attractive guy. He has so much, he gives it away.

A high value guy who acts like he needs validation from others offsets his own value. By taking value from people, you are expressing that you have none.

On the other hand, a LOW VALUE guy with tight game can act "value offering" and paint himself as high value.

Value - and how it is manipulated and transferred is the reason why there are so many anomalies in the game. Women can sense it. And they gravitate towards it. Being the physical embodiment of value (being good looking) is enough in most cases. But a good looking guy can act like a value taker and ruin his own value.

Nobody wants to validate the good looking guy. Everyone assumes he doesn't need it. People want validation FROM HIM.

So as a good looking dude, the proper mindset to have is "I am a value offerer. Take it or leave it. I have plenty of it."

But what a lot of good looking guys with bad game do is they go out with the mindset of "I am a good looking guy. Now give me value so that I feel validated in my belief that I am a good looking guy." It's too much "me me me." If you were truly that high value, you wouldn't need so much just to maintain your ego.

Coming from an abundance mentality, you don't need anything, but you have a lot to offer.

Now of course, it is also possible to be good looking and live in a vacuum where you have no access to women, no social life, and no abundance. These guys would have a hard time having an abundance mentality no matter how good looking they are.

People always tell you to work on your wealth and physical fitness. But they don't tell you that you also need a social life where you have a lot of access to women on a consistent basis. Without this, you will act WEIRD and miscalibrated. Your vibe will be off and women will sense it.

It's like being an Alien from a different planet coming down to earth and trying to figure out what women are attracted to. Sosuave is just a guide manual for space aliens. You need to actually live amongst women to internalize what works and what doesn't.

So many of these posts are written by dudes with absolutely zero social life that includes attractive women. They read sh1t like "Be tall and fit" and think to themselves "Okay I think I've got it. And if I still can't get laid as a tall and fit guy, there must be something wrong with women!"

No. It's not that deep. You need to surround yourself with women. There's no way around it. And once you are around enough women and start to feel them out, you will realize how desperate, needy, weird, and miscalibrated you've been this entire time.

The reason why so many posters sound like incels is because having a social life isn't preached enough. Their only interactions with women are through dating channels and there is a lack of organic interactions on a daily basis.

Your explanation of value and validation is real food for thought and 100% applicable to women who act the same way. Like the hot chick who thinks all she has to do is be hot and she deserves value. A value taker sucking validation in a self absorbed entitled way. Never looked at it that way but really makes a lot of sense.

 

[guru1000]

I think there is a difference between having value, offering value, and taking value. The OP's mindset is "I have value and therefore these women should validate me." This is a "taking value" vibe that turns women off.

When you have authentic value, you become selfless. Why do you need validation? You validate others instead. You make THEM feel good. In a sense, you become the source of validation. This is the most attractive guy. He has so much, he gives it away.

A high value guy who acts like he needs validation from others offsets his own value. By taking value from people, you are expressing that you have none.

On the other hand, a LOW VALUE guy with tight game can act "value offering" and paint himself as high value.

Value - and how it is manipulated and transferred is the reason why there are so many anomalies in the game. Women can sense it. And they gravitate towards it. Being the physical embodiment of value (being good looking) is enough in most cases. But a good looking guy can act like a value taker and ruin his own value.

Nobody wants to validate the good looking guy. Everyone assumes he doesn't need it. People want validation FROM HIM.

So as a good looking dude, the proper mindset to have is "I am a value offerer. Take it or leave it. I have plenty of it."

It boils down to this. I refer to this as "giving egoless love."

Storm, you realize this is a very spiritual notion which you have applied to game successfully--which only a handful will be able to see or comprehend. Congrats for getting to this level of understanding.