Communicating your feelings

[R.U.G.]

Thanks Guru. Very much like the girl in your example, this girl was very dominant. She is an elite athlete and very competitive - it's just part of her personality. I guess to your point, I need to be heavier-handed when dealing with that type of girl. It will feel odd and d*ckish doing what needs to be done (since I normally don't have to resort to that) but I'll give it a shot when I run into this kind of girl in the future. Thanks for your advice.

@R.U.G. Everything you outline is exactly how it played out. Once she turned down the weekend thing, I didn't offer to take her anywhere again. The only difference is that I didn't relegate her to sex-only. Sex was always part of every interaction we would have but it included hanging out as well, but only when SHE asked to hang out, because I was doing my own thing and going my own way due to her mixed-messages.

As for caring too much or not having power, aside from being more domineering and inflexible on scheduling dates, I don't think there was much else I could do. How much power are you really giving someone when you literally don't initiate text, calls, or dates EVER. If she didn't reach out to me, she would have never heard from me again. If she didn't ask to see me, she would have never seen me again. I think that's pretty pulled-back and care-free. But to @guru1000 's point, my mistake was likely allowing her to set the dates instead of giving her a "here is what I'm offering, take it or leave it" line. It seems odd, but I'll experiment with it next time I date a really strong-willed girl. I seem to be drawn to that type because they are also ambitious, smart, confident, and not boring, so I'm sure I'll have the opportunity to try it out soon.

You need to add some space and mystery. You can still invite her over to hang out and fvck, but that's about it. She has to earn herself back in you taking her out. She feels you are safe, so you need to turn it up an notch and also consider hunting for other women in the meantime. Just put her on the back burner, still invite her over and fvck (at least once a week), and see what happens. No more offering to do things for her. No more invitations to vacations. Back to square 1. If she asks why she hasn't heard from you or whatever, you just turn it back on her. Say, you seemed distant and preoccupied with other things in life. You seemed you needed some space. Always best to do this in person by the way. Texts do not always come across as intended. However, in person is best then followed by voice chat.

 

[flowtheory]

Seems she's interested in you, but you're not very high. You need to be at least a 6 or 7 on her interest level to fvck. You need to be 8+ for her to fall head over heels for you. This is generally done by pulling back and working on yourself, your goals, and your dreams in life. You offering to take her on a vacation and she says she wants to keep her options open is not a good sign. If I received that from a woman I'm seeing, I wouldn't be taking her to McDonald's; let alone a vacation after that. She'd be regulated to sex only and has to work her way up to going out with me. But hey, that's me. I've learned you need to give zero fvcks and zero tolerance to women these days. You need to always be on your purpose in life and she's just orbiting around you. SHE is not your main, second, third or forth thing in your life. You need to be okay with the fact that a woman will come and go in your life within a blink of an eye. You just really have to make yourself believe that you really don't care.

The sad fact is... The one who cares the least has the most to gain and the most power in the relationship. You are giving too much in both scenarios. Pull back. Offer nothing but sex, a cooked meal and/or Netflix. She has to earn you, you don't have to earn her. Switch the tables my friend.

Can be difficult to switch the tables mentally. A lot of women show up to dates expecting men to dance for them like monkies. You said it, have to keep aligned with your purpose.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

DEEZEDBRAH:

For a dude who preaches as hard as you do, you sure do bring up homos*xuality a lot (like, nearly every post - not sure - usually don't read them because you just copy/past same **** every time).

Classic closet-case: Dude who constantly brags about all the women's faces he blows on while saying phaggot-this and phaggot-that. Hint: Hetero dudes don't spend any time concerning themselves with gay-anything.

Ignored, so I don't have to keep reading the same lame posts over and over.

Your real problem is low testosterone and grinder .

Mad?

Phaggot talking about feelings. Take this **** to the view & & & stfu.

The men are actually out getting baeeeees.

 

[The Duke]

MODERATORS - Time to delete DEEZEDBRAH. He offers very little, constantly puts people down on a regular basis.

 

[guru1000]

I would go communication on both.

On its face, seems like the masculine way, right? And I would have agreed with you some time ago. After all, men communicate overtly, and women communicate covertly. This is the language which distinguishes the sexes.

However, in time, I learned that desire cannot be negotiated and must (seemly) come freely of its own accord.

Here, OMTS's issue is tied to the women's desire for him or lack thereof (a/k/a weak frame); hence, the only way to bring the dynamic back into his favor is to incite desire in them (if at all possible) by walking away (and/or silence & distance) and let them realize through their own volition that he is a man worth competing for, thus bringing the "context" reins back into his frame.

This is the only way. Frame is everything.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

On its face, seems like the masculine way, right? And I would have agreed with you some time ago. After all, men communicate overtly, and women communicate covertly. This is the language which distinguishes the sexes.

However, in time, I learned that desire cannot be negotiated and must (seemly) come freely of its own accord.

Here, OMTS's issue is tied to the women's desire for him or lack thereof (a/k/a weak frame); hence, the only way to bring the dynamic back into his favor is to incite desire in them (if at all possible) by walking away (and/or silence & distance) and let them realize through their own volition that he is a man worth competing for, thus bringing the "context" reins back into his frame.

This is the only way. Frame is everything.

Walk away and have success with others

 

[The Duke]

Walk away and have success with others

....then fail.........then the cycle repeats.

 

[Murk]

On its face, seems like the masculine way, right? And I would have agreed with you some time ago. After all, men communicate overtly, and women communicate covertly. This is the language which distinguishes the sexes.

However, in time, I learned that desire cannot be negotiated and must (seemly) come freely of its own accord.

Here, OMTS's issue is tied to the women's desire for him or lack thereof (a/k/a weak frame); hence, the only way to bring the dynamic back into his favor is to incite desire in them (if at all possible) by walking away (and/or silence & distance) and let them realize through their own volition that he is a man worth competing for, thus bringing the "context" reins back into his frame.

This is the only way. Frame is everything.

Walk away? Bro that was the whole point of my post that you quoted.

But I’m not gonna be silent on matter that are disrespectful, that’s beta, plotting and scheming beta sh1t.

Live in the moment and have a backbone

 

[guru1000]

But I’m not gonna be silent on matter that are disrespectful, that’s beta, plotting and scheming beta sh1t.

IT could be argued that as a result of their not "feeling it" or lack of desire thereof, they acted accordingly--and your calling them out for not desiring you is beta.

Context my friend.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

IT could be argued that as a result of their not "feeling it" or lack of desire thereof, they acted accordingly--and your calling them out for not desiring you is beta.

Context my friend.

You could point out the disrespect and be done. Not point out the lack of desire.

 

[djdfuser]

Let's give an example of communicating feelings without compromising your King frame. A few week backs, I was texting one 24 yo in my harem whom I had seen 4-5 times. It was Wednesday and we had set a date for Friday. I conclude the texting with:

Guru: Look forward to seeing you Friday!

Her: <Silence>

Some guys would think little of this as the date had already been set and confirmed with an established rapport of sex. However, her silence is unsettling to THE frame. So I dropped her. Friday, date night, came around, and I didn't text her, and she didn't text me.

Saturday arrives:

Her: hey Mr. Guru! I was thinking about you today when I .....

Guru: Hey, let's grab a drink tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 7pm

Her: Sure, look forward!

Dude, this broad flaked on you and you re-arranged the very next day and offerred to pick her up?

Would it not have shown more self respect/awareness to admit you were dissappointed (I would be), call her out on her sh!t next time she contacted you and told her to never bother you again?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dude, this broad flaked on you and you re-arranged the very next day and offerred to pick her up?

Would it not have shown more self respect/awareness to admit you were dissappointed (I would be), call her out on her sh!t next time she contacted you and told her to never bother you again?

He couldve also flaked back one time to balance things. Sometimes the hoez flake to gain a little power because they sense greater interest out of the man or feel they are more in the game. You can flake back without verbally complaining to level things.

Flake back by planning something you know shes dying for. Then leave the meetup on her.

This way you dont throw away possible puzzy and you dont let bs slide.

 

[guru1000]

You could point out the disrespect and be done. Not point out the lack of desire.

If she were oblivious, as an example due to different cultural norms and needed to be informed so she can act accordingly, I wholeheartedly agree.

However, in OP's context where she does not want to accompany him to a weekend getaway prompted by her lack of desire, what specific purpose(s) does calling her out serve?

Dude, this broad flaked on you and you re-arranged the very next day and offerred to pick her up?

Would it not have shown more self respect/awareness to admit you were dissappointed (I would be), call her out on her sh!t next time she contacted you and told her to never bother you again?

We arranged that I would pick her up at 8pm on date night. I didn't. I flaked on her.

My women are troopers, so if I text "Look forward," I expect a reciprocal "Look forward" text back. To overtly tell her "Why did you not text me back that you look forward too?" is what you don't do.

Here is a little excerpt from my thread on Silence and Distance for some of you fellas:

Action > Words

Overt boundaries not to disrespect when she already knows not to disrespect you implicitly demonstrates (1) You will not walk away if she chooses to disrespect you; (2) how to push your buttons (with no consequence) if she elects to; (3) you will give her more time and attention as opposed to withdrawing them; (4) if the disrespect were unconsciously incited by an issue ruminating in her, you are training her not to bring the issue forward for discussion, as there is no punishment of withdrawal imbued in her psyche motivating her to learn how to properly communicate.

The greatest boundary she will feel is her loss of you. Don't talk about her losing you. Don't threaten that she will lose you. Don't delineate the ultimatum, "If you do it again, you will lose me." Simply exercise the boundary immediately ... she loses you.

Any reparation (assuming the disrespect was not so great) she makes will be felt and imbued in her psyche greater than any overt words you could possibly deliver.

Within the above contexts, this is how you exercise boundaries ... powerfully.

 

[guru1000]

The problem is not so much in how much she controls the time she schedules with you. It is in what you are giving her with that time.

The less time she invests and the more you invest in that time when that offer comes is where the weakness is in all of it. If she only makes time for you once a month and you give her a weekend getaway and/or a nice dinner, she knows she can have a nice dinner and a weekend getaway whenever the hell she decides she wants it. That's weak on your part.

However, if she only gives you one night a month and you regulate that to a strictly sexual encounter, there isn't much weakness in obliging her, as it serves your sexual desires all the same. Maybe if she's lucky, she might get a few drinks beforehand. If she's lucky.

You don't always have to control the dates and times in order to control the frame.

Sex is a given, not exactly a benefit to me as I can get it elsewhere so the value of a woman's "sex" is diminutive due to its ease and abundance. It could be said that dependent on your frame, your sex to her is a gift to her And I mean that wholeheartedly.

However, accepting the doling out of her "precious" time in any capacity belies a King's frame, and thus, by default, she must fall to the way side (a/k/a losing your time and attention) by her own accord. This is not to be confused with dictating 100% by my schedule but rather to understand the deeper dynamics and implications thereof at play by willfully accepting the term of "100% on her schedule" irrespective of the "reward."

 

[guru1000]

If they want to think they are in control of something I do not need them for, do not reschedule anything for, do not go out of my way to make accommodations for and do not invest anything of value for..... that's adorable. I'll let them have that. I don't care. lol.

Hence OP's issue, specifically not rescheduling, going out of his way, and letting her do all the footwork, yet when OP makes a simple request, he's shut down, as her respect to his frame is not there.

Don't know about you brother, but part of enjoyable sex for me is knowing that she and I both know that I am dominating her. IF she views me as her "beck and call" guy, that is not the sex that I desire, as such a dynamic operates outside of my paradigm. Akin to saying a man tips me a dollar bill as I'm standing. You could argue, "hey, I'm a dollar richer, I'll take it. Who cares what he thinks." I would argue, "the acceptance of that dollar bill will invoke more havoc on your mental paradigms than the benefit of retaining it."

But more importantly, the context of what you stated is not OP's context, whereas he wanted a little more by making a simple request for a weekend with her. Sure you can advise him not to make any requests and use her as she is using you, but his question was, "If I desire more than just beck and call sex from her, how do I forge this path."

 

[djdfuser]

My women are troopers, so if I text "Look forward," I expect a reciprocal "Look forward" text back.

Damn right but she didn't, did she.

 

[guru1000]

Damn right but she didn't, did she.

She did subsequent and still does to this day. Her present deference and the current frame cannot have formed without this precedence.

The greater message here and in OP’s story is in a sea of beta men, how do women learn how to operate deferentially? More importantly, how do you respond when and if she tests you?

The lines of deference in respectful relations have been blurred.

You can’t find a quality women as such a unicorn does not exist. Instead, you make her into one and shape her into that of your image, assuming she has good baseline stock to begin with.

My example was just one of many in how to.