What's the deal with this Toronto chick??

[bigdave17]

Let's be honest, you were uncertain about her interest level and decided to fish for her level of interest, and that is why you said that.

correct. That's exactly what it is

but if she was interested in me, wouldn't she have said "sure. that sounds great "?

 

[sazc]

Though, Here’s the kicker. If you were a 9 guy and invited a girl in the manner you did, she would be skeptical of your true value, as men who have their pick of the litter don’t communicate that way. Accordingly, you (implicitly) demonstrated in your invitation to her that your value is not quite there or something is off. She may not be conscious of these thoughts but they are there which manifest in her feelings of deterrence.

Yep! when a guy says anything like that to me I already know I am in control of everything. Then I have to decide if I want to use my power for good or for evil.

 

[bigdave17]

BACK OFF

If you've messaged her multiple times and she hasn't responded, move on and wait for her to get back to you.

i messaged her that one thing and haven't messaged anything since, nor will I

like I said, a lot of this is irrational infatuation. This whole thing is incredibly impractical. I probably just need to bite the bullet and approach the hotties at my gym. My fear of rejection/success is crippling me

 

[sazc]

but if she was interested in me, wouldn't she have said "sure. that sounds great "?

The problem is that you havent given yourself enough time to stand out from all the other beta chumps trying to talk to her. By phrasing it that way, you lumped yourself into the beta chump my-d1ck-is-already-dripping-for-you bucket

 

[sazc]

i messaged her that one thing and haven't messaged anything since, nor will I

like I said, a lot of this is irrational infatuation. This whole thing is incredibly impractical. I probably just need to bite the bullet and approach the hotties at my gym. My fear of rejection/success is crippling me

it's good that your recognize this is irrational infatuation, now you can start to conquer the anxiety responses you normally have when your mind enters this zone.

re read what @HankHill posted about waiting a day, and do that

Actually, considering tomorrow is thanksgiving in the US - decide to be busy celebrating the holiday with family an message her on friday. You can even tell her quickly about your t-day and ask if they do anything like that in Canada, as the conversation starter

"Hey there, how are you? got together with the family for thanksgiving yesterday. Do they celebrate anything like that in Canada?"

then wait

If she ends up chatting with you, if your family culture is similar, you can always interject a story about a custom, or cultural fun/craziness, and ask if her family does that too.

 

[bigdave17]

The problem is that you havent given yourself enough time to stand out from all the other beta chumps trying to talk to her. By phrasing it that way, you lumped yourself into the beta chump my-d1ck-is-already-dripping-for-you bucket

if i told her "Let's meet up next week in Canada"...she knows my **** is dripping for her also. I'm willing to fly out to Canada to meet her. She can't come to US because of passport issues

I just don't see any way of asking her out that wouldn't have made me look incredibly interested. She knows I want her badly.

 

[HankHill]

But again, I think when women like you, there's no wrong way to ask them out. When women don't like you, there's no right way to ask them out. Am I wrong on this?

You're not wrong about that but your perspective is wrong. Even when a woman is head over heels for you, you should always portray yourself as the man she wants. Someone who leads, who can protect, someone who's certain even when things are uncertain. Always project confidence.

It's all good man, everything becomes better with practice and life's about learning experiences. I know you say you're the pimp when it comes to lower level women etc but believe me it's that practice that then becomes second nature.

Here's my first date from last night...she wants to come over on Fri night for 'kissing'. I first kissed her mid sentence last night and said 'I couldn't help it, you just looked too adorable. Please continue...' it was a very soft kiss, she was surprised and then said 'thanks...' she forgot what she was talking about and started giggling. After that it was on, every 30 mins or so we kissed, we were out for 5hrs, everthing around us closed. I invited her back to my place, she said 'on a first date?' I said 'I won't tell anyone if you won't' and she said let me free up Fri if that works for you. I said 'sure! Fri sounds goood'.
Bold move but go big or go home right? lol

 

[BeExcellent]

Yep! when a guy says anything like that to me I already know I am in control of everything. Then I have to decide if I want to use my power for good or for evil.

Omg so 100% this.

Chill for a bit Dave. Tonight is a huge go out night. Hit the town in Chicago & you never know who you might meet.

Just sit tight. People fall in love in your absence. Give her the gift of wondering where you went for a bit. See if she pops up.

 

[bigdave17]

You're not wrong about that but your perspective is wrong. Even when a woman is head over heels for you, you should always portray yourself as the man she wants. Someone who leads, who can protect, someone who's certain even when things are uncertain. Always project confidence.

It's all good man, everything becomes better with practice and life's about learning experiences. I know you say you're the pimp when it comes to lower level women etc but believe me it's that practice that then becomes second nature.

Here's my first date from last night...she wants to come over on Fri night for 'kissing'. I first kissed her mid sentence last night and said 'I couldn't help it, you just looked too adorable. Please continue...' it was a very soft kiss, she was surprised and then said 'thanks...' she forgot what she was talking about and started giggling. After that it was on, every 30 mins or so we kissed, we were out for 5hrs, everthing around us closed. I invited her back to my place, she said 'on a first date?' I said 'I won't tell anyone if you won't' and she said let me free up Fri if that works for you. I said 'sure! Fri sounds goood'.
Bold move but go big or go home right? lol

i just need to be more direct, I gotcha

in this case, would it have made any difference though? i think she would have ignored it regardless

 

[bigdave17]

Omg so 100% this.

Chill for a bit Dave. Tonight is a huge go out night. Hit the town in Chicago & you never know who you might meet.

Just sit tight. People fall in love in your absence. Give her the gift of wondering where you went for a bit. See if she pops up.

I'm realizing how incredibly irrational my infatuation is

the problem is now I want somebody as attractive as her so I'm not gonna settle for a 6/10. 8-10/10 women are very very difficult to randomly approach

hell, i have a family friend connection to her and even then she's not interested. Imagine how hard it is to randomly approach an 8.5 at a bar and get her interested

 

[guru1000]

so just be more direct in future? say would you like to meet up this next week or whatever?,

Yes. Direct and specific.

Do nothing. Silence/Distance. This is your lesson in "frame." Do you have any? If she returns, she surrenders (after her takeaway) frame to you. Then you must take the reins and be specific with time and place.

Her: Bla Bla
You: I'll be in town weekend of Dec __. Let's meet for a drink at XYZ on __ Ave

If she doesn't initiate, sit tight.

Frame is everything.

 

[HankHill]

i just need to be more direct, I gotcha

in this case, would it have made any difference though? i think she would have ignored it regardless

You always want to take shortcuts...you can't just be more direct without practice (you even acknowledged that your fear of rejection is crippling you) so yes that means getting the F off your @ss and start dating 5s, 6s, 7s, and work your way up so you don't blow it like this with a 8+. You have to put in the work.

Yes I think it would've made a difference because instead of a sheepish comment you'd have asked her a direct question, built a pic in her mind so she could envision and fantasize what the date might actually look like.

I just don't see any way of asking her out that wouldn't have made me look incredibly interested. She knows I want her badly.

Nothing wrong with showing interest but don't show and be needy. The neediness comes from being a frustrated chump who's not getting any. Yep, you guessed it...those 5s and 6s would do you well here too.

the problem is now I want somebody as attractive as her so I'm not gonna settle for a 6/10. 8-10/10 women are very very difficult to randomly approach

For fvcks sakes Dave! I want to smack you upside the head sometimes. You don't fvcking have to marry the 6/10s so there's no 'settling' but you need to have some to get some. Just like money, you can't invest in the stock market when your money market account is at $0 balance and no bank's going to give you a big loan to do that with the money. So you have to sell blood, sp3rm whatever to bootstrap yourself.

I think I've run out of steam on this thread too.

 

[sazc]

I think I've run out of steam on this thread too.

yep...it's like babysitting a energetic toddler who gets into everything and then blames the shenanigans on 'not me'

 

[HankHill]

yep...it's like babysitting a energetic toddler who gets into everything and then blames the shenanigans on 'not me'

LMAO!

 

[bigdave17]

yep...it's like babysitting a energetic toddler who gets into everything and then blames the shenanigans on 'not me'

I'm not saying what I did was right, i just don't see any way of asking her out that would not have made it obvious that I'm very interested in her. She lives in another country for fuks sake

more and more I think about it, i need to find women near me. This is so incredibly irrational and impractical

im very infatuated because she's the first beautiful young woman to show interest in me...well first since I was 19 and had a very pretty 17 year old ask me out

 

[lamath]

Find a reason to go to Toronto that does not involve her.
Any event that you might be interested in.
Be patient

 

[bigdave17]

Find a reason to go to Toronto that does not involve her.
Any event that you might be interested in.
Be patient

I'm probably just gonna erase all her info at this point out of frustration

 

[zekko]

I'm probably just gonna erase all her info at this point out of frustration

I've never understood this "delete her number" stuff. It just seems so immature. Like what, is it taking up too much space on your phone? Or like you have no self control on whether or not you call her. I'd keep it in there just for identifying purposes in case she ever contacts you again.

 

[bigdave17]

I've never understood this "delete her number" stuff. It just seems so immature. Like what, is it taking up too much space on your phone? Or like you have no self control on whether or not you call her. I'd keep it in there just for identifying purposes in case she ever contacts you again.

i don't want reminder of her in any shape

I'm very disappointed. I want this to happen so badly that it's very difficult for me to control myself when I get some signs of daylight

 

[devilkingx2]

Dave why do you act like you've never talked to a woman before in every thread?

I don't agree that There's anything wrong specifically with saying "maybe I'll take you on a trip that'll cost us both $500+ one day" lol. Flying her to florida for a world famous amusement park is a wild over the top first date

I do agree that you're moving way too slowly though, 6 whole days of texting and you haven't determined interest and escalated yet??? You should be trading nudes and having phone sex by now lmao.

Texting is extremely low risk, just escalate flirting til she stops you then play it off as a joke.

Furthermore I'd add that if a girl doesn't respond, just forget about her and do other things/text other girls for a while. Maybe 1 day. Maybe 3 maybe a week. Eventually if she hasn't texted you first yet and you're bored with nothing else to do, start up a completely new unrelated conversation and don't even mention the last one, work forward from there.

If she makes a habit of ignoring you often or being short with you, THEN you can delete her number. But deleting her number before you've even tried to convince her to have any fun with you is foolish.