Post-mortem Feedback is appreciated

[Anchor man]

Here's my case and could you point out to me what I did wrong ?

I asked a girl from my social circle for a date for the third time . I only did it three times because I can tell she is interested . Also, I know she has a boyfriend so I was giving her enough time to weigh her options .

It was in-person. She said she was busy . I pushed her a little bit telling her this would be my last time to ask her out. I get no confirmation from her but " Yeah sure, but I need to check on blah blah. I will try to make it though". Please note, the day I proposed for a date is a week ahead to give her time.

Honestly, I had the gut feeling she was not going to make it so I never confirmed with her.

I took this as no and never confirmed the date. Guess what! On the morning of "the supposed date" day, she put herself in my orbit and started conversation with me with her eyes wondering about the date, but she never explicitly mentioned it. For weeks, she would put herself in my orbit and gave me puppy eyes multiple times . She even followed me one time and put herself in position where I can talk to her.I never brought up the date again for two reasons :
1- I was waiting on her to mention it.
2- I thought she might have missed my attention and she couldn't believe that I have not confirmed the date with her and she was trying to get my attention back. (maybe I was insecure)
At one point, she gave up which made sense .

Do you think I went too extreme ? Should I have just brought it up again?
Part of me is thinking she was afraid of rejection if she brought the date up since I have never confirmed it.
Other part of me is thinking "You ***** had a week to confirm , you can't just give me puppy eyes and expecting me to bring the date up again "


I am relatively new to the game and I like to look back and break down my mistakes.

She is 24 yo and I am 28 yo.
She is Latina (first generation )
I am middle eastern (first generation)

 

[davidcarr]

You actually made an effort to ask her out which puts you ahead of 90% of participants on this forum.

To be honest, it's impossible to gauge what your strategy should be without photos, dating profile details and other personal information which would identify you.

All we can do is engage in vague, general speculative discussion about dating and sex in general. What you need is something tailored to your specific situation.

Is there a dating or relationships forum which is private? Perhaps something exists along those lines on facebook. Check around. Absent this detailed, personal info with photos, profile, and dating history, it's pretty much impossible to give meaningful feedback.

 

[Anchor man]

You actually made an effort to ask her out which puts you ahead of 90% of participants on this forum.

To be honest, it's impossible to gauge what your strategy should be without photos, dating profile details and other personal information which would identify you.

All we can do is engage in vague, general speculative discussion about dating and sex in general. What you need is something tailored to your specific situation.

Is there a dating or relationships forum which is private? Perhaps something exists along those lines on facebook. Check around. Absent this detailed, personal info with photos, profile, and dating history, it's pretty much impossible to give meaningful feedback.

Thank you, but I think those details are so relevant in this case . But I see your point

 

[AJ84]

“ Also, I know she has a boyfriend”.

This is where you went wrong. Unless she is making it very easy for you to see her, and she wasn’t, then she’s just positioning you into her orbit of admirers aka back up ego strokers for when things are not good with her boyfriend, you know, the guy she’s actually sleeping with who is not you.

I’m a female, telling you this. My advice is to focus on girls who are single and make it easier to date them. You are not afraid to approach which is great, now just channel that towards interested girls who ideally do not have boyfriends and don’t say things like, “I’ll try to make it.” When you ask them out.

 

[davidcarr]

Thank you, but I think those details are so relevant in this case . But I see your point

Problem: You asked one woman out. It didn't work out.

Solution: Find other women.

 

[sosousage]

Better ask 3 girls one time each than asking 3 times one girl

 

[Ranger]

I thought about this. I think you made it a “date”.
The intrigue and excitement, in my opinion, you set it up where she says “It just happened”.

You know she has a boyfriend so she might not just come out and go on a “date”.
It’s too overt.
Hey let’s go grab a beer. I want to see that new aquarium you’ve been bragging on. Let’s grab a quick bite.

See the difference? Too overt and open is like a deliberate transgression. It has too “just happen” as if she had no level of responsibility. Things just got out of hand. So to speak.

She wants you to assume all the responsibility and she can be the good girl with a boyfriend that just got “caught up”

 

[Billtx49]

Here's my case and could you point out to me what I did wrong ?

I asked a girl from my social circle for a date for the third time . I only did it three times because I can tell she is interested . Also, I know she has a boyfriend so I was giving her enough time to weigh her options .

It was in-person. She said she was busy . I pushed her a little bit telling her this would be my last time to ask her out. I get no confirmation from her but " Yeah sure, but I need to check on blah blah. I will try to make it though". Please note, the day I proposed for a date is a week ahead to give her time.

Honestly, I had the gut feeling she was not going to make it so I never confirmed with her.

I took this as no and never confirmed the date. Guess what! On the morning of "the supposed date" day, she put herself in my orbit and started conversation with me with her eyes wondering about the date, but she never explicitly mentioned it. For weeks, she would put herself in my orbit and gave me puppy eyes multiple times . She even followed me one time and put herself in position where I can talk to her.I never brought up the date again for two reasons :
1- I was waiting on her to mention it.
2- I thought she might have missed my attention and she couldn't believe that I have not confirmed the date with her and she was trying to get my attention back. (maybe I was insecure)
At one point, she gave up which made sense .

Do you think I went too extreme ? Should I have just brought it up again?
Part of me is thinking she was afraid of rejection if she brought the date up since I have never confirmed it.
Other part of me is thinking "You ***** had a week to confirm , you can't just give me puppy eyes and expecting me to bring the date up again "


I am relatively new to the game and I like to look back and break down my mistakes.

She is 24 yo and I am 28 yo.
She is Latina (first generation ) was
I am middle eastern (first generation)

Nothing is required in life, let alone a forum feed back. If you need that
, get it from her personally

 

[Anchor man]

I thought about this. I think you made it a “date”.
The intrigue and excitement, in my opinion, you set it up where she says “It just happened”.

You know she has a boyfriend so she might not just come out and go on a “date”.
It’s too overt.
Hey let’s go grab a beer. I want to see that new aquarium you’ve been bragging on. Let’s grab a quick bite.

See the difference? Too overt and open is like a deliberate transgression. It has too “just happen” as if she had no level of responsibility. Things just got out of hand. So to speak.

She wants you to assume all the responsibility and she can be the good girl with a boyfriend that just got “caught up”

No, I have never said explicitly . Actually we were going to shoot some guns and I planned to take from there.

 

[Anchor man]

Problem: You asked one woman out. It didn't work out.

Solution: Find other women.

dude while I really appreciated your opinion . I was seeing and dating other women at the rtime. The reason I posted is to be able to avoid the same mistakes in the future .

 

[Anchor man]

“ Also, I know she has a boyfriend”.

This is where you went wrong. Unless she is making it very easy for you to see her, and she wasn’t, then she’s just positioning you into her orbit of admirers aka back up ego strokers for when things are not good with her boyfriend, you know, the guy she’s actually sleeping with who is not you.

I’m a female, telling you this. My advice is to focus on girls who are single and make it easier to date them. You are not afraid to approach which is great, now just channel that towards interested girls who ideally do not have boyfriends and don’t say things like, “I’ll try to make it.” When you ask them out.

I was not orbit . She is the one who hit on me pretty hard and she gave so much flirty subconscious signs .She is still checking me out every now and then. I only saw her once a week with the group. She put an effort to see me. She asked me all the personal questions you would imagine . and She touched me,....etc.
I didn't text her much by the way

 

[Anchor man]

Better ask 3 girls one time each than asking 3 times one girl

who told you! I have not asked another girls .

 

[Ranger]

How long between askings? What did you do to excite her imagination between askings?

 

[AJ84]

I was not orbit . She is the one who hit on me pretty hard and she gave so much flirty subconscious signs .She is still checking me out every now and then. I only saw her once a week with the group. She put an effort to see me. She asked me all the personal questions you would imagine . and She touched me,....etc.
I didn't text her much by the way

Until she is actually naked in front of you, you are in her orbit.

 

[Anchor man]

How long between askings? What did you do to excite her imagination between askings?

Here we go , some real feedback is here.
3 weeks because I traveled & She traveled .
I gave up honestly . The only reason I renewed my offer was because I discovered she was online stalking. Now, I confronted she blushed and never gave a definite answer .
Actually, the only reason I am asking for feed back is because when I have never confirmed "date" with her .She started chasing

 

[davidcarr]

dude while I really appreciated your opinion . I was seeing and dating other women at the rtime. The reason I posted is to be able to avoid the same mistakes in the future .

She's leading you on. Find other women.

 

[Anchor man]

Until she is actually naked in front of you, you are in her orbit.

Then all males are in the orbit of the females . Problem solved . I am not unique .
you are not adding anything, but thanks

 

[davidcarr]

Until she is actually naked in front of you, you are in her orbit.

That's just ridiculous. The term orbiter loses all meaning. It's about as useful as saying he is a man and she is a woman.

99% of the time, the answer from forum members is 'you're an orbiter' It's stupid.

 

[Ranger]

Actually, the only reason I am asking for feed back is because when I have never confirmed "date" with her .She started chasing

I don’t think she’s leading you on. I think she wants to catch you. She doesn’t want you to pursue at all.

 

[davidcarr]

Then all males are in the orbit of the females . Problem solved . I am not unique .
you are not adding anything, but thanks

I'm not trying to be harsh, just giving honest feedback. If she were actually interested, she would've gone out with you. She is not interested. Just ignore her and reinvest your efforts in other women. For now, she is a lost cause.

Besides, once you find other women, there's a good chance you'll lose interest in her and she'll become irrelevant. Get your mind off her for now and look elsewhere.