Why Men Pull Away & How to Deal With It as a High Value Woman

[AJ84]

Yeah, but don't you think the "that hot guy at work...", "this guy on my promenade...", "that guy in the gym...", "this dance teacher in the studio...", "this acquaintance...", "that dude on facebook..." is both a jealousy ploy and a way for her to see whether the guy is going to commit? Because that's what I anticipate the ladies we've got here saying. They're going to say they do it to see whether the guy has any intention of committing to them, and they'll move on if he doesn't. Maybe I've caught the pvssy flu, just trying to see all the perspectives here.

It’s depends on the context and intention:

Some women will occasionally tell their partners about attention they received from another man as a way to maintain their desirability in their partner’s eyes. Nothing more. Especially if they have been together for a while.

If her partner trusts her and is secure in the relationship he will see if for what it is, have a chuckle and move on.

If her partner does not trust her and/ or is insecure in the relationship, he will be suspicious and threatened by that and react in that context.

Some women do this for sure to incite jealously. Insecure women will use if for that reason and will use it often. So will insecure men.

 

[R.U.G.]

Exactly, so may men and women not really letting anyone in except for sexually. Like the most private thing you can do, sex, is not the most intimate thing. Being truly intimate with another person is scary after a few bad relationships, it’s easy to see why people with those experiences are more weary than someone who has not been burned before.

Yea, it's a sad state of affairs (no pun intended). Not sure how we, as humans, get out of a mess like this. You know what they say, it has to get worse and hit rock bottom before we can rise from the ashes.

 

[AttackFormation]

It’s depends on the context and intention:

Some women will occasionally tell their partners about attention they received from another man as a way to maintain their desirability in their partner’s eyes. Nothing more. Especially if they have been together for a while.

If her partner trusts her and is secure in the relationship he will see if for what it is, have a chuckle and move on.

If her partner does not trust her and/ or is insecure in the relationship, he will be suspicious and threatened by that and react in that context.

Why does the man need to know she got attention from another man? Is it your experience that they "shape up" after you tell them? Do you do it for your own self-esteem and you don't get that boost unless he knows it? I would've asked if it's just something you think is fun to share, but that's not how you put it.

 

[AJ84]

Player: Is not necessarily frank (just like no relationship is perfect, the rest of the world isn't perfect either) but basically truthful with women because he doesn't need to lie about wanting a relationship in order to get sex. He already is what women want, and they will be happy either way just to fvck him and hope he chooses her out of his options. The more frank he can afford to be, the more of a player he is. The less so, the less of a player he is - until he just becomes a liar. Women don't regret fvcking a player - they do regret fvcking a liar.

If it's not that, then it's not a player in my book... which is just my book.

Wow, yeah that’s very accurate. When a man is frank she knows what’s she getting herself into and there’s actually more of a sense of comfort from her end; she doesn’t have to guess if it’s just going to be casual for example, if he’s upfront about it. Her deciding to sleep with him knowing that it’s just casual gives her more of a sense of control over the decision to sleep with him. It also gives him less liability for any hurt feelings because he made it clear what his intentions were.
If he lied to get in her pants and she finds out later, there could be a sense of violation and feeling dumb for being duped. No woman wants to feel duped that’s for sure.
So you are so right, women will always regret sleeping with a liar. I wish more guys could understand that.

 

[AJ84]

Why does the man need to know she got attention from another man? Is it your experience that they "shape up" after you tell them? Do you do it for your own self-esteem and you don't get that boost unless he knows it? I would've asked if it's just something you think is fun to share, but that's not how you put it.

Personally for my own ego boost and self esteem, and maintaining desirability in his eyes. He does it too. But we also joke with each other that we can point out random people and know which ones the other would sleep with if we were single. I will see a girl who I know is his type and point her out and he will do the same to me.

Anytime a female friend compliments my husband’s appearance to me I tell him. When he started lifiting weights more my friend commented that he looked ripped in a pic I showed her and I told him.
I love that he is seen as attractive by other women, but he’s with me. Is that bad? I don’t know but I like it. Keeps me wanting to look good for him so a part of telling him that some other guy hit on me is in that context.

 

[AttackFormation]

Wow, yeah that’s very accurate. When a man is frank she knows what’s she getting herself into and there’s actually more of a sense of comfort from her end; she doesn’t have to guess if it’s just going to be casual for example, if he’s upfront about it. Her deciding to sleep with him knowing that it’s just casual gives her more of a sense of control over the decision to sleep with him. It also gives him less liability for any hurt feelings because he made it clear what his intentions were.
If he lied to get in her pants and she finds out later, there could be a sense of violation and feeling dumb for being duped. No woman wants to feel duped that’s for sure.
So you are so right, women will always regret sleeping with a liar. I wish more guys could understand that.

Well the problem is you have to consider it from a guy's perspective too, and that's why the world isn't perfect in this regard and part of the red pill for either gender is accepting that it can't be "perfect" whatever that means (personally, I think happiness and perfection are effectively incompatible or even antithetical concepts). Men need sex... and if they don't have a girlfriend or a girlfriend prospect, they will try to get it somehow. I'm guilty of that, I've never made a girl feel tricked or lied to as far as I know but if she says she won't do anything unless she thinks there's gonna be a relationship, I try to arouse her enough to get past that... haha.

The way I see it, if she really has that standard then she won't give in (or my game was just too sh!t), and if she just says so but doesn't really care then there's no need to pretend because I don't hold it against women that they have sex anyway (due to believing in peoples' liberty to self-management of their lives) unless she has it for dysfunctional reasons, as long as they're honest about who they are (because I can already tell and find out, so when she tries to trick me it just makes me discount her).

Personally for my own ego boost and self esteem, and maintaining desirability in his eyes. He does it too. But we also joke with each other that we can point out random people and know which ones the other would sleep with if we were single. I will see a girl who I know is his type and point her out and he will do the same to me.

Anytime a female friend compliments my husband’s appearance to me I tell him. When he started lifiting weights more my friend commented that he looked ripped in a pic I showed her and I told him.
I love that he is seen as attractive by other women, but he’s with me. Is that bad? I don’t know but I like it. Keeps me wanting to look good for him so a part of telling him that some other guy hit on me is in that context.

All right, I think I've put it together after reading that. Besides your own ego boost, you don't mention how other men hit on you or find you hot as a jealousy ploy but for him to be proud and amused. At least, if you framed it that way then that's the way it makes sense to me.

The joking and pointing out stuff sounds really fun and healthy. I used to do a prototype of that with an ex-plate.

Likewise I think showing or telling that other women compliment your husband is also fun and healthy, for the same reasons of pride and amusement of point #1. Don't think it's bad at all.

I know I like behaviors #2 and #3 you brought up, and assuming it's framed the way I am guessing you are, I would like behavior #1 as well. I just don't think that's most guys' experience with that behavior, most of the time. Ime when a girl does that it's been because she wants to make me jealous and that's just a backfire, I don't get jealous at all, just want to sigh, raise my eyebrow at her ("okay.... what do you expect?") and mentally roll my eyes. So, you really can't blame the guys in this thread for interpreting it that way. A true jealousy ploy as such would only make a deeply insecure man jealous, other men would just be annoyed at her immature behavior. If a woman wants to do #1 with her man, she would want to make sure it's framed in the way we've established as a way to make him amused and proud, like it's an ego stroke for him too, not jealous.

 

[sazc]

It works on them so they think it works on men, that simple. Extremely high IL women don't do it more than minimally, even when hot. They know they could easily fvck things up if you think she's an unstable option that plays jealousy games. Plus, they didn't need to do it to get you to approach, did they. Normal women LIE and HIDE their options to make sure you take them seriously.


It's the desperate insecure women and crazy women that play the most games like that, it's like a hail mary.

I agree. A woman who doesn't really feel high value, one who fears scarcity, will play the game of "you have competition". The reason she plays the game is because she's confused as to why he hasn't chosen only her yet, so she instigates to some degree.

Bad tactic IMO, may as well tattoo "insecure" on your arm.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I agree. A woman who doesn't really feel high value, one who fears scarcity, will play the game of "you have competition". The reason she plays the game is because she's confused as to why he hasn't chosen only her yet, so she instigates to some degree.

Bad tactic IMO, may as well tattoo "insecure" on your arm.

What if she already has you and attempts to play this game? My estimation of it, was she was trying to knock you back a bit, try to deflate some confidence.

 

[sazc]

What if she already has you and attempts to play this game? My estimation of it, was she was trying to knock you back a bit, try to deflate some confidence.

IMO the Crux the situation you describe is that she's feeling like you don't pay her enough attention, so she's letting you know there are others.....(who might pick up where "she feels" you are lacking)

A low class move IMO

If you two are together, and she is running this game, that's horsesh1t, you deserve a woman that can tell you how she feels so you can deal with her, not her sideways bvllchit games. You are better than that.

 

[AJ84]

Well the problem is you have to consider it from a guy's perspective too, and that's why the world isn't perfect in this regard and part of the red pill for either gender is accepting that it can't be "perfect" whatever that means (personally, I think happiness and perfection are effectively incompatible or even antithetical concepts). Men need sex... and if they don't have a girlfriend or a girlfriend prospect, they will try to get it somehow. I'm guilty of that, I've never made a girl feel tricked or lied to as far as I know but if she says she won't do anything unless she thinks there's gonna be a relationship, I try to arouse her enough to get past that... haha.

The way I see it, if she really has that standard then she won't give in (or my game was just too sh!t), and if she just says so but doesn't really care then there's no need to pretend because I don't hold it against women that they have sex anyway (due to believing in peoples' liberty to self-management of their lives) unless she has it for dysfunctional reasons, as long as they're honest about who they are (because I can already tell and find out, so when she tries to trick me it just makes me discount her).



All right, I think I've put it together after reading that. Besides your own ego boost, you don't mention how other men hit on you or find you hot as a jealousy ploy but for him to be proud and amused. At least, if you framed it that way then that's the way it makes sense to me.

The joking and pointing out stuff sounds really fun and healthy. I used to do a prototype of that with an ex-plate.

Likewise I think showing or telling that other women compliment your husband is also fun and healthy, for the same reasons of pride and amusement of point #1. Don't think it's bad at all.

I know I like behaviors #2 and #3 you brought up, and assuming it's framed the way I am guessing you are, I would like behavior #1 as well. I just don't think that's most guys' experience with that behavior, most of the time. Ime when a girl does that it's been because she wants to make me jealous and that's just a backfire, I don't get jealous at all, just want to sigh, raise my eyebrow at her ("okay.... what do you expect?") and mentally roll my eyes. So, you really can't blame the guys in this thread for interpreting it that way. A true jealousy ploy as such would only make a deeply insecure man jealous, other men would just be annoyed at her immature behavior. If a woman wants to do #1 with her man, she would want to make sure it's framed in the way we've established as a way to make him amused and proud, like it's an ego stroke for him too, not jealous.

I’ve been with him for a long time and we clicked from the beginning on many levels so my experience probably is not a good example and I see your point about some men not interpreting it the way I described. In the initial stages of dating, for sure I can see this not going well from both sides. To be fair to the topic my husband and I didn’t do this stuff during the first few dates that’s for sure. Perhaps if either of us did we too would of interpreted in a different way that we do now.

I say both sides because women bringing male attention to the attention of guys they are dating can be interpreted the same way as guys who play dread game with women.
I see dread game suggested a lot on this site, but I can see it being a 50/50 chance of the woman upping her game or the woman doing what you just described, sighing and raising eyebrows and seeing right through it.

It’s kind of sad that dating can’t be more natural and go with the flow rather than strategic from both sides ( women also have all these different plays parallel to men). But it is what it is.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

IMO the Crux the situation you describe is that she's feeling like you don't pay her enough attention, so she's letting you know there are others.....(who might pick up where "she feels" you are lacking)

A low class move IMO

If you two are together, and she is running this game, that's horsesh1t, you deserve a woman that can tell you how she feels so you can deal with her, not her sideways bvllchit games. You are better than that.

Some really competitive people do this to "run you down". Sometimes it's subconscious and sometimes they actually hate you in your prime. An extremely confident and attractive man may have his gf or wife try to run him down, because for whatever reason it angers her when he's happy and confident.

And like you, I agree. Once you realize it, you may choose to not deal with it at all.

 

[MatureDJ]

I've pulled away from a recent flame and she's now upset. Fvck, I can't stay with her all morning long after being up all night. I have to, you know, Work at a real job. She acts as if money grows on trees.

That chick has a forehead that's bigger than my butt.

 

[MatureDJ]

Wrong. There's nothing worse than a woman who's flat chested. Sometimes, especially with doggy you want something to hold on to. ;'p

I remember watching a documentary on breast augmentation, and there was a video from the '60s of woman without any clothes on her chest who was not endowed much at all, and she said, "how am I supposed to find a husband?"

 

[Poonani Maker]

Funny you are describing the jealousy game and the reasons why she does that. I have thought of most of them and you've just reiterated them in my mind. I'm being played the jealousy game as of this weekend. She's prancing her other "option" right before me. She doesn't know I've already fvcked another woman on the side yesterday. I will continue to contact her to get together either tomorrow if I have time or this weekend. I'll ignore all the "see here, there's another guy" games by contacting her without any speech about it/him. Her sex wasn't all that great. The one I just fvcked was better but she's uglier (or lower on the scale but not by much and also older but more respectful/smarter). It will be no loss. I'm just concerned for her soul, her future, her path. To go away from me, is to go towards destruction. She's already been divorced, been dumped by her last "boyfriend," an insurance agent (very good looking she showed me). He must have seen something to let her go as did her Greek husband (New York). I see it too. Her bad behavior (spoiled laughter) took place about a month later from our first encounter. I'm seeing contradictions in the last week, and the front she put up first, second, third, and forth go-around melt away and her true? self showing through. She's all of a sudden materialistic, when before she claimed purely concerned with spiritual things. It may be over and this week will tell.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Funny you are describing the jealousy game and the reasons why she does that. I have thought of most of them and you've just reiterated them in my mind. I'm being played the jealousy game as of this weekend. She's prancing her other "option" right before me. She doesn't know I've already fvcked another woman on the side yesterday. I will continue to contact her to get together either tomorrow if I have time or this weekend. I'll ignore all the "see here, there's another guy" games by contacting her without any speech about it/him. Her sex wasn't all that great. The one I just fvcked was better but she's uglier (or lower on the scale but not by much and also older but more respectful/smarter). It will be no loss. I'm just concerned for her soul, her future, her path. To go away from me, is to go towards destruction. She's already been divorced, been dumped by her last "boyfriend," an insurance agent (very good looking she showed me). He must have seen something to let her go as did her Greek husband (New York). I see it too. Her bad behavior (spoiled laughter) took place about a month later from our first encounter. I'm seeing contradictions in the last week, and the front she put up first, second, third, and forth go-around melt away and her true? self showing through. She's all of a sudden materialistic, when before she claimed purely concerned with spiritual things. It may be over and this week will tell.

Do you see a large percentage of them are turds in candy wrappers? I love how you realize this "uglier" one that's better in bed and smarter is much healthier for you. Probably healthy as **** for your mind.

 

[Mazer]

Yep. Sometimes seems like it’s only ok for men to use and throw away women, that makes him a player. When a women does it she’s a bit*h. Hypocritical BS.

Mainly because men hold women to a higher standard. Women shouldn’t be cheating and sleeping with multiple partners. We have been fed this bs fantasy through our entire lives about how women are suppose to be caring, compassionate, motherly and so innocent. They shouldn’t have multiple partners. So when they turn into a *****, you have a hard time accepting it. It’s going against everything you have been taught. Hence, the reason why it’s frowned upon even by other women.
Men, on the other hand have always been labeled as dogs so when he does something like cheating, it isn’t that serious. Most girls have been taught to never trust men.

Todays woman has the “can’t beat them, join them” attitude. If he is a *****, I’m going to be a ***** as well. This will show him. Instead of increasing their value they are lowering it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Wrong. There's nothing worse than a woman who's flat chested. Sometimes, especially with doggy you want something to hold on to. ;'p

Hold onto her hips

 

[marmel75]

He is shy, which also gives me pause. I'm not sure I'll be happy with more of a beta. I can be an alpha but eventually lose respect for a beta male.

His job is to manage his rentals. He earns a VERY good income on them, and he is renovating one of them now, but he has time to reach out, we all do. My philosophy on reaching out is, if you are so busy, you can always send a text while taking a dump, and no one knows.

I'm trying to avoid the ones that seem emotionally distant.

Here's the thing, we enjoy spending time together but all we talk about is rentals I could continue to date him, have him take me out, spend money on me, maybe kiss me if he can figure out how to make a move, etc, etc, etc. But his lack of courage, his overall silence, etc, signals me that he's just not the alpha I need him to be, so why lead him on.

The dilemma is how to tell him and be gentle

If you attracted to to him why don't you just seduce him? If he is as shy as you say and he cant make a move then it would be pretty hilarious to see him get all nervous and flustered. At least entertain yourself along the way.

 

[sazc]

If you attracted to to him why don't you just seduce him? If he is as shy as you say and he cant make a move then it would be pretty hilarious to see him get all nervous and flustered. At least entertain yourself along the way.

I don't do rando d1ck
I prefer being nekked with someone I feel connected to. I hear what you are saying but it's never been "sport" to me, only "stranger d1ck, ew!" That's what's kept me off the c0ck carousel

 

[marmel75]

I don't do rando d1ck
I prefer being nekked with someone I feel connected to. I hear what you are saying but it's never been "sport" to me, only "stranger d1ck, ew!" That's what's kept me off the c0ck carousel

So let me get this straight...he's rando d!ck if you were to do it but not rando d!ck if he escalates? How does that make any logical sense?