Why Men Pull Away & How to Deal With It as a High Value Woman

[Poonani Maker]

I've pulled away from a recent flame and she's now upset. Fvck, I can't stay with her all morning long after being up all night. I have to, you know, Work at a real job. She acts as if money grows on trees.

 

[marmel75]

We pull away because we have better options and they are simply a side bang we use until we no longer need it. Basically they have been upgraded.

 

[R.U.G.]

Wrong. There's nothing worse than a woman who's flat chested. Sometimes, especially with doggy you want something to hold on to. ;'p

 

[highSpeed]

Wrong. There's nothing worse than a woman who's flat chested. Sometimes, especially with doggy you want something to hold on to. ;'p

lol, if I was drinking coffee, I'd have spit it out.

 

[R.U.G.]

lol, if I was drinking coffee, I'd have spit it out.

It's true bro. A few months back, I was dating this woman for six weeks. She was wearing a padded bra. We finally fvcked, and there was nothing there. So disappointing. No t!ts at all. She had an a-s-s though. Similar to the rapper Eve's body before the boob implants. She was really cute too. She looked like a young Christina Applegate; just with no boobs. Sex was okay. She squirted, so that was a good sign.

 

[AJ84]

We pull away because we have better options and they are simply a side bang we use until we no longer need it. Basically they have been upgraded.

Yep. Which is basically what many of the women who commented on her video implied.
Any dating site where a woman posts a question around what to do if a guy she is dating stops contacting her, seems to be pulling away etc is told by everyone replying to move on he’s not interested.
That is sound advice 99.9% of the time.

 

[marmel75]

Yep. Which is basically what many of the women who commented on her video implied.
Any dating site where a woman posts a question around what to do if a guy she is dating stops contacting her, seems to be pulling away etc is told by everyone replying to move on he’s not interested.
That is sound advice 99.9% of the time.

I've also done it if I have gotten them naked and was not a fan of what they looked like...if I'd rather see them with their clothes on than off that is a problem.

 

[R.U.G.]

Yep. Which is basically what many of the women who commented on her video implied.
Any dating site where a woman posts a question around what to do if a guy she is dating stops contacting her, seems to be pulling away etc is told by everyone replying to move on he’s not interested.
That is sound advice 99.9% of the time.

Still think it's the chest and butt. We need both.

In all seriousness, some men pull back so they do not seem needy or too easy. No woman wants a puppy dog bothering them for attention all the time. If there is interest from a man, he should reach out once a week and expand from there. The woman should also do the same. Problem is, most women are told not to nowadays, and the man thinks she's not interested and then moves on.

 

[highSpeed]

Still think it's the chest and butt. We need both.

In all seriousness, some men pull back so they do not seem needy or too easy. No woman wants a puppy dog bothering them for attention all the time. If there is interest from a man, he should reach out once a week and expand from there. The woman should also do the same. Problem is, most women are told not to nowadays, and the man thinks she's not interested and then moves on.

I'm not sure most women know how to deal with that mentally. They're like, "I have a vagina, he should want me." They never consider that if they have a sh*tty attitude, bad behavior, kids, lack of sex, not attractive in the way that stimulates the man enough, any of those things and more, guys aren't going to want to deal with it. It's why most women hide things like kids, sh*tty attitude, lack of sex, bad behavior until after you're already invested in the relationship.

Think of all of the stories, darn, she's stopped having sex. Darn, her kids are disrespectful. Darn, she has a crappy attitude. It's all after you're well invested in the relationship, married, kids, economics, that all of these things come out. Before that? Sex until you literally have to fight her off. Kids? They're little angels or you don't see them much. Sh*tty attitude? Never surfaces until after you're locked in. It's all to manipulate men into relationships they never would have accepted if they knew what they were getting themselves into.

 

[AJ84]

Still think it's the chest and butt. We need both.

In all seriousness, some men pull back so they do not seem needy or too easy. No woman wants a puppy dog bothering them for attention all the time. If there is interest from a man, he should reach out once a week and expand from there. The woman should also do the same. Problem is, most women are told not to nowadays, and the man thinks she's not interested and then moves on.

A round butt on a guy is nice too.

Anyway yes some guys pull back for that reason. I’m more referring to guys who stop contact or reply to texts three days after and stuff like that.
Women and men should be meeting each other half way but here’s the thing:
Women are being told not to seem to pushy too because men scare easy. It’s a delicate balance trying to get a guy you like to invest in you beyond sex. Ask him out too often, it scares him, be too affectionate in a non sexual way, it scares him, introduce him to your friends or family, is scares him, text a couple of times a day just asking how his day is going etc, it scares him.
Women are afraid of scaring men off lol. So some don’t get that balance right and become too aloof when they should do some of the chasing. Then this guys assume she’s not interested and they move on.
Little communication around what’s really going on, lots of assumptions.
I don’t miss dating.

 

[AttackFormation]

I'm not sure most women know how to deal with that mentally. They're like, "I have a vagina, he should want me." They never consider that if they have a sh*tty attitude, bad behavior, kids, lack of sex, not attractive in the way that stimulates the man enough, any of those things and more, guys aren't going to want to deal with it. It's why most women hide things like kids, sh*tty attitude, lack of sex, bad behavior until after you're already invested in the relationship.

Huh?

First they "never consider" their red flags, and then they "hide" them?

 

[HankHill]

Women are being told not to seem to pushy too because men scare easy. It’s a delicate balance trying to get a guy you like to invest in you beyond sex. Ask him out too often, it scares him, be too affectionate in a non sexual way, it scares him, introduce him to your friends or family, is scares him, text a couple of times a day just asking how his day is going etc, it scares him.

Interesting, I start to pull away when I feel the woman's not doing these things i.e. she's not really interested in me. All the things you mentioned are female things to do so I expect that from her if has interest in me. Now it might seem odd to me if she did all those things after just the first date but after 4 or 5 dates I'm ok with it. Then again even within the same gender we're all different people so how I perceive things may not be how the next guy does.

 

[AttackFormation]

Meanwhile, women I thought might be "hard to get" we're just low IL.

This is it for both genders.

Both genders are told "don't scare them off", but assuming you aren't a nutcase or completely tactless, what that statement really means is "you're not their first option". If the guy just wants her to be a convenient booty call, or the girl just wants him to be an orbiter, then you get these situations. People who want each other and don't have a personality disorder don't act that way.

 

[Mr Wright]

It's all about that abundance mentality. Show me a guy who bangs a load of chicks who doesn't pull away from women, it's completely natural. All the women he comes across want to be that one girl that he doesn't leave. I have it in my own life, I sleep with girls then I'm so "meh" about them after, just move onto the next one. For me the biggest give away that a girl knows she's chasing you is when she tells you that other guys are hitting on her. That's game, set and match.

 

[AttackFormation]

For me the biggest give away that a girl knows she's chasing you is when she tells you that other guys are hitting on her. That's game, set and match.

lol, yep... it's so funny how we can sit here 1000s of kilometers from each other and discuss the exact same experienced patterns.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is it for both genders.

Both genders are told "don't scare them off", but assuming you aren't a nutcase or completely tactless, what that statement really means is "you're not their first option". If the guy just wants her to be a convenient booty call, or the girl just wants him to be an orbiter, then you get these situations. People who want each other and don't have a personality disorder don't act that way.

Advice from the old lady:

Always go by what somebody does. Actions tell the story. However there are some caveats early on in dating.

Somebody has to lead the interaction. This is typically the man's role. Expecting the woman to do it is unrealistic in many instances because many women (especially your better ones) are not socially conditioned to approach men. As a man do not be afraid to approach and do not be afraid to initiate contact that starts the dating cascade. Before it ever becomes any sort of relationship somebody has to initiate contact, ask somebody out, and so forth. Obviously the other party has to be receptive, agreeable and responsive.

A woman's role is to respond and encourage upon contact from the man. Women gauge a man's interest level on his action (or not) of approach, contact, asking out, doing as he says he will do, etc. Men need to gauge a woman on her level of responsiveness (is she receptive/encouraging, does she accept his invitation, does she communicate *which at first will be responding to his communication outreach*, etc.) These roles (initiation & response) are complimentary. If as a man you are unwilling to initiate the sequence, don't be disappointed. You didn't act. Meaning you didn't give her anything to respond to.

High IL women will make it easy for you as a man. Low IL women will not make it easy.

There are a million ways to kill interest level. Some you have control over, others you do not. That is why you always look at actions because they always tell the story.

As the dating interaction is progressing the two people have to understand (assuming each is desirable) that they are competing against other options whom they know nothing about. The other options might be better looking, might be funnier, might be more freaky in bed, might be nicer, might be smarter, or then again the other options might not be. There is a reason the interaction started. There was some level of interest. The idea of dating boils down, very simply, to showing the other person you are the best option FOR YOUR PARTNER. If you are still reaching out to the woman...she should expect you as the man remain interested. If she is still responding you should expect she as the woman remains interested. Obviously these things are fluid, especially before any sort of "relationship" is established.

Here is where people screw it up:

Both men and women get up into their own heads and allow their own insecurities and self talk to destroy interest in many cases. They then start reaching out, chasing after the other person, repeatedly texting or calling and so forth. They start to look needy. This is IL destroying behavior. Even if the other person keeps a dating option around under such circumstances (for sex, booty call, convenience or etc)...it is human nature that this dating option loses value. The key is not to allow the scenario to go there.

This is where "frame" and "game" come into play. Part of frame/game early on is patience as a woman. It is best to be patient and see the observable action of whether or not a man is willing to start the sequence. For a man it is best to start the sequence and then see the observable action of whether or not the woman responds.

See the difference? The roles for men and women are different but complimentary in dating. When you expect men or women to go against the natural order of things you set yourself up for failure. If you think about it further you'll see that this is now many men miss the boat...by failing to initiate the sequence.

If a man does not start the sequence? Then a wise woman takes note of this and understands she is not his top choice and acts accordingly (she moves on).

Only choose from those people who show an interest in you, and do so in the gender appropriate way (men lead; women follow) and you'll greatly reduce your dating headaches. None of us has utterly universal appeal. Pick from the potential partners that are choosing you. Jettison low interest people early after you observe how they act. That saves you time and energy and emotional bandwith.

Women who go chasing after men may in fact catch him...but only until such time as he finds a woman who he has enough interest in to actively pursue. I'm not going to put myself through that and neither will other smart women.

 

[sazc]

We pull away because we have better options and they are simply a side bang we use until we no longer need it. Basically they have been upgraded.

Hypergamy, you say?!

 

[BeExcellent]

For me the biggest give away that a girl knows she's chasing you is when she tells you that other guys are hitting on her.

I agree. This is an example of her trying to tell you she has value. It is much better (and extremely effective) to SHOW that you have value instead. Talk is always cheap. The better thing to do is to let a man see and observe that a woman has value; that other men show interest in her. This can be accomplished simply enough by being open to other men...sometimes all it takes is a stroll around a venue. Men are ALWAYS looking to see if other guys are checking out their date or their woman. And a desirable woman has no need to sell you on her desirability and value...it is obvious and so she doesn't need to mention it.

 

[Mr Wright]

lol, yep... it's so funny how we can sit here 1000s of kilometers from each other and discuss the exact same experienced patterns.

Lol it's true because sometimes I feel like I'm seeing the same girl over and over again. But I'm sure that in her life she's either never met a guy like me or she's met a guy like me once and she has her guard up at the beginning but can't help herself.

 

[AJ84]

Hypergamy, you say?!

Yep. Sometimes seems like it’s only ok for men to use and throw away women, that makes him a player. When a women does it she’s a bit*h. Hypocritical BS.