I can remember being happy for the last time about 1 year ago. That was before we sold the last house. The money is running out.
I completed an internship of 6 months which gnawed at my soul. Got a passing grade although I must do paperwork with the school to make it official.
I'm running out of friends. Though I do have my brother and my mom.
I'm not happy at all right now. Think I might go visit a psychoanalyst (jungian). Though I do feel if I could move back to Grenada, the island I grew up in, where we still own a house which is falling apart and we are going to have to sell if nothing changes, that I would be happy again.
I simply need work experience before I can move back there though. I think I might go there for christmas or something. I have had it up to my nose with all of the crap that this civilization is giving me.
Need a break. Going to snap. Reading Marie-Louise von Franz. Went out 2 weeks ago and had my face literally smashed in. Had surgery. Now the proud owner of a titanium forehead.
Though I felt it was undeserved, in the grand scheme of things I was glad that there were people tending to me and caring for me in the hospital, as well as by my mom and brother.
Now I'm almost healed back up. My left eye doesn't quite function as well as it used to, though it will still get a bit better I'm sure.
Problems are 3-fold, I think.
1. Don't like what I'm studying. I'm doing Civil Engineering and will be done in 1 year. Sometimes I think about studying something else after I finish, since I like psychology, biology and science. I would like to mean something for civilization.
2. Not sure what the finances are looking like. Don't want to sell the house in Grenada. I want to live there though it will probably take a few years of work before I can do that. Might be able to sell it, but don't know how long that would take or if I would get the true value or it. Also, it's a true paradise where I know many people that I grew up with. A tight-knit community wherein people love each other and which I am a part of. That's not something I want to sell.
3. I have nobody to help me with the above two problems. My brother and mother spend money like crazy. Though my mom does help me emotionally. My brother just smokes for $50 a day in weed. That's $1500 a month. Would be nice if I had a father figure, a mentor, or somebody with life experience to help me and to guide me through this situation.
There are many possibilities. I have no clue what to do. Which way to go. It will be one year of studying something I'm not quite that enthused about. Though I am enthused about studyin, I'm not enthused about the idea of working in engineering.
*In the IDEAL situation*
I get the degree and build a new magnificent house somehow on the property in Grenada.
But problem is my brother and mom aren't bringin in any money. There's no welfare over there.
If it was just me myself, I would feel alright with the idea that I can study civil engineering I think, and rebuild the house there in Grenada with some money if I ever sell the Amsterdam place. Then I could live and work there while I keep the rest of the money in the bank.
Man...
I completed an internship of 6 months which gnawed at my soul. Got a passing grade although I must do paperwork with the school to make it official.
I'm running out of friends. Though I do have my brother and my mom.
I'm not happy at all right now. Think I might go visit a psychoanalyst (jungian). Though I do feel if I could move back to Grenada, the island I grew up in, where we still own a house which is falling apart and we are going to have to sell if nothing changes, that I would be happy again.
I simply need work experience before I can move back there though. I think I might go there for christmas or something. I have had it up to my nose with all of the crap that this civilization is giving me.
Need a break. Going to snap. Reading Marie-Louise von Franz. Went out 2 weeks ago and had my face literally smashed in. Had surgery. Now the proud owner of a titanium forehead.
Though I felt it was undeserved, in the grand scheme of things I was glad that there were people tending to me and caring for me in the hospital, as well as by my mom and brother.
Now I'm almost healed back up. My left eye doesn't quite function as well as it used to, though it will still get a bit better I'm sure.
Problems are 3-fold, I think.
1. Don't like what I'm studying. I'm doing Civil Engineering and will be done in 1 year. Sometimes I think about studying something else after I finish, since I like psychology, biology and science. I would like to mean something for civilization.
2. Not sure what the finances are looking like. Don't want to sell the house in Grenada. I want to live there though it will probably take a few years of work before I can do that. Might be able to sell it, but don't know how long that would take or if I would get the true value or it. Also, it's a true paradise where I know many people that I grew up with. A tight-knit community wherein people love each other and which I am a part of. That's not something I want to sell.
3. I have nobody to help me with the above two problems. My brother and mother spend money like crazy. Though my mom does help me emotionally. My brother just smokes for $50 a day in weed. That's $1500 a month. Would be nice if I had a father figure, a mentor, or somebody with life experience to help me and to guide me through this situation.
There are many possibilities. I have no clue what to do. Which way to go. It will be one year of studying something I'm not quite that enthused about. Though I am enthused about studyin, I'm not enthused about the idea of working in engineering.
*In the IDEAL situation*
I get the degree and build a new magnificent house somehow on the property in Grenada.
But problem is my brother and mom aren't bringin in any money. There's no welfare over there.
If it was just me myself, I would feel alright with the idea that I can study civil engineering I think, and rebuild the house there in Grenada with some money if I ever sell the Amsterdam place. Then I could live and work there while I keep the rest of the money in the bank.
Man...
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