Hard to read. Unknown how to proceed

[ohrein]

Rule should be 50/50 split early on. That maintains an equal playing field. If a chick pulls the "I'm traditional and the man pays" a) she's low quality and b) tell her you're also traditional and that she should shvt the fvck up and cook dinner. As for the uncertainty, it's why you shouldn't think too much about these things. Just filter for high interest by inviting women out and escalating. If at any point the woman stops coming out to meet you, then move on. Spin plates and follow those two rules and you really can't go wrong. All the nuance you will figure out by yourself.

 

[RickTheToad]

Rule should be 50/50 split early on. That maintains an equal playing field. If a chick pulls the "I'm traditional and the man pays" a) she's low quality and b) tell her you're also traditional and that she should shvt the fvck up and cook dinner. As for the uncertainty, it's why you shouldn't think too much about these things. Just filter for high interest by inviting women out and escalating. If at any point the woman stops coming out to meet you, then move on. Spin plates and follow those two rules and you really can't go wrong. All the nuance you will figure out by yourself.

I've tried that in the past and every woman I did 50/50 or switch off, got pissed and just went away on their own volition whether after the 1st or 6th date. Not sure that is too popular up here in Connecticut.

 

[EyeBRollin]

My friend, you did things almost perfectly up until she didn't let you in. Now your insecurities are rearing their ugly head. Let's break this down:

So far, no good. I called her tonight around 8pm. In the past we spoke between 7 - 10, so I thought calling around that time was a good idea. It immediately went to VM on the first ring. In the past, it would ring 8 times then go to vm. Left a message, nothing. 1st time I called, she texted me back saying she was out to dinner with friends. 2nd time, she called the next day saying she fell asleep. One would think, if she wasn't interested, why after the last date and the 1st date did she say she had good time and such? I knew when she changed her mind about me coming in was a bad sign. Just because someone comes in, doesn't mean sex. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

This is where your insecurities are getting the best of you. If she wasn't interested, she would not have called you back.

Your course of action was consistent up until this point. As soon as she texted you back, you should have responded with a text asking her out for the third date. Something like... "Your friends stole my idea, I was calling to ask you to <place> on <date> at <time>. Can you make it?"

Simple and gets to the point. You know exactly where you stand with women by asking them out.

Gentleman, the only responsibility you have in dating is to create fun filled opportunities for sex to happen. That means, modest dates until she is comfortable to get to an intimate location where you can smash. You were doing perfectly until you deviated from that game plan.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Rule should be 50/50 split early on. That maintains an equal playing field. If a chick pulls the "I'm traditional and the man pays" a) she's low quality and b) tell her you're also traditional and that she should shvt the fvck up and cook dinner. As for the uncertainty, it's why you shouldn't think too much about these things. Just filter for high interest by inviting women out and escalating. If at any point the woman stops coming out to meet you, then move on. Spin plates and follow those two rules and you really can't go wrong. All the nuance you will figure out by yourself.

No, that's horrible advice. The person who asks pays.

If you ask a chick out (which you have to do for the first 3-5 dates), you pay the whole bill. You decline all attempts for her to pay, and tell her if she would like to pay she should ask you out. If she is interested, you'll start getting free dinners and gifts out of her by date 4.

 

[ohrein]

No, that's horrible advice. The person who asks pays.

I'm not sure that difference makes my advice "horrible". But, sure you could use your rule. I don't like to pay for dates early on because I don't know if I'm even going to like the person. Why should I pay? If I had a good night and I like the girl and she offers to pay, I might pay for the night. You didn't really explain why splitting is "horrible advice", care to do so?

 

[ohrein]

I've tried that in the past and every woman I did 50/50 or switch off, got pissed and just went away on their own volition whether after the 1st or 6th date. Not sure that is too popular up here in Connecticut.

Low quality then, in my opinion. I guess culture/age might come into play. I've never had a woman I've dated have any hesitation about splitting bills. In fact, the most caring women tend to really try to pay for their share all the time. But that's just my experience.

 

[RickTheToad]

Low quality then, in my opinion. I guess culture/age might come into play. I've never had a woman I've dated have any hesitation about splitting bills. In fact, the most caring women tend to really try to pay for their share all the time. But that's just my experience.

Seems all women around here are low quality. I shoot for around my age, usually white asian or latina. All the same with the online dating crowd.

 

[Macaframalama]

If you ask a chick out (which you have to do for the first 3-5 dates)

If a man is leaving the impression on a woman he should be leaving, she will be planning date 3, 4 and 5, before the first date is even over with. Typically, if I ask, I pay, but if she offers I will not turn her down. The objective should be to get women to invest in you and whatever type of relationship you have with her, especially if you intend to keep them around. Women are instinctively nurturing. Lead... Give her something to nurture, a purpose, a role to play, especially if she is offering it up on her own. It is in these initial interactions/dates, that you begin setting the framework for future interaction. Can you honestly think of one good reason why it would be the right idea to decline her offering to pay?

 

[RickTheToad]

If a man is leaving the impression on a woman he should be leaving, she will be planning date 3, 4 and 5, before the first date is even over with. Typically, if I ask, I pay, but if she offers I will not turn her down. The objective should be to get women to invest in you and whatever type of relationship you have with her, especially if you intend to keep them around. Women are instinctively nurturing. Lead... Give her something to nurture, a purpose, a role to play, especially if she is offering it up on her own. It is in these initial interactions/dates, that you begin setting the framework for future interaction. Can you honestly think of one good reason why it would be the right idea to decline her offering to pay?

In theory, this sounds like a good idea. However, I do not believe any lady I dated has ever offered to pay or pay half and then see me again. I assume it is a crap test. Example. I dated this hot lady last year, around the same time as now. We only saw each other for a couple of months. However, I got it in on the third date. She'd come over twice a week, but sex started to dwindle. I'd cook dinner and we'd make out. Ironically, it seemed to switch off when I got her a card and some chocolates for her birthday. Anyways, we'd continued for another two weeks. She said one of those times, I'll get the next dinner. Two weeks later, we went out for drinks and a meal. Total bill, 40 bucks. I said, remember, you said you'd pay the next meal. She went berserk and made a scene (she was 38, btw). She went off a tirade that your the man and you should pay. She finally paid, but then stormed out of the restaurant and waited for me at the car. In the car, she called her girlfriends and said she's leaving and will catch up with them. I said you're leaving? Yep she said. I guess we're done. Don't know she said. Got home, she sped off like a bat out of hell. She called and texted the next day a few times. I just told her, too much drama. You take care of yourself. She then she said too bad your money issues kept you from having a great girl (or something like that). Didn't reply. She's still on match now.

Hence, for 20 or 30 bucks, it's just easier and less stressful to pay.

 

[Macaframalama]

Hence, for 20 or 30 bucks, it's just easier and less stressful to pay.

Or not pay a dime and figure out you have a batchit freak on your hands. Bullet dodged.

In theory, this sounds like a good idea.

It's not theory, it just is. I'm speaking deeper, than just paying for dates here. Women have 3 needs, that she seeks to be fullfilled from a man. Sometimes, one or two or a combination of varying degrees. Sexual gratification, emotional gratification, financial gratification. Nothing in life is free. Whether you need her resources or not, it is imperative that she invest in you from these 3 same needs if she is to respect you over the mid-long term. Very few people value something that is just given to them without it being earned and just about any guy can get a woman, but keeping one is a different story. Whether your goal is smash and pass, fwb, ltr or whatever, having women in your life "down for the cause" fullfilling your needs, until you find a what you are looking for makes achieving those goals alot more effortless. This is essentially spinning plates successfully. You don't exude a scarcity mind set, because you have options and at the same time you aren't shelling out for several first dates a week and you have women willing to cater to your needs, that a woman you just met will not.

 

[marmel75]

If the women is truly interested in you she will offer to pay at some point. Its NOT good if she offers to get the first drink...it IS good if she asks if you want another drink and then pays for it without you having to do anything.

First date is always drinks..or something free, like a walk in the park and then ice cream "if she behaves herself"...no dinner...nothing over $20. Not wasting money on a woman who isnt worth it.

 

[RickTheToad]

Or not pay a dime and figure out you have a batchit freak on your hands. Bullet dodged.

It's not theory, it just is. I'm speaking deeper, than just paying for dates here. Women have 3 needs, that she seeks to be fullfilled from a man. Sometimes, one or two or a combination of varying degrees. Sexual gratification, emotional gratification, financial gratification. Nothing in life is free. Whether you need her resources or not, it is imperative that she invest in you from these 3 same needs if she is to respect you over the mid-long term. Very few people value something that is just given to them without it being earned and just about any guy can get a woman, but keeping one is a different story. Whether your goal is smash and pass, fwb, ltr or whatever, having women in your life "down for the cause" fullfilling your needs, until you find a what you are looking for makes achieving those goals alot more effortless. This is essentially spinning plates successfully. You don't exude a scarcity mind set, because you have options and at the same time you aren't shelling out for several first dates a week and you have women willing to cater to your needs, that a woman you just met will not.

Yes, and that is why I saw the warning signs and got rid of her fast. As for the second reply, you make a good point, but I think these CT ladies hang around NY ladies or something. They've offered, but I never taken them up on it until the last on on Saturday. Notice, after we split the bill, I never heard from her again. Which is fine, as I wasn't really attracted to her. However, I can see this from any of the ladies around here. Even for the women I am not too attracted to, I used to pay. However, they get the wrong idea, and contact me later, I tell them I didn't feel the chemistry, and they start attacking via words. It's a no win situation.

If the women is truly interested in you she will offer to pay at some point. Its NOT good if she offers to get the first drink...it IS good if she asks if you want another drink and then pays for it without you having to do anything.

First date is always drinks..or something free, like a walk in the park and then ice cream "if she behaves herself"...no dinner...nothing over $20. Not wasting money on a woman who isnt worth it.

The one's from last week both offered to split. I declined on the lady for the second date, the first one, we split. However, notice, never heard back again from the lady who offered. It was offered, but not expected to be accepted it seems.

 

[Macaframalama]

Yes, and that is why I saw the warning signs and got rid of her fast. As for the second reply, you make a good point, but I think these CT ladies hang around NY ladies or something. They've offered, but I never taken them up on it until the last on on Saturday. Notice, after we split the bill, I never heard from her again. Which is fine, as I wasn't really attracted to her. However, I can see this from any of the ladies around here. Even for the women I am not too attracted to, I used to pay. However, they get the wrong idea, and contact me later, I tell them I didn't feel the chemistry, and they start attacking via words. It's a no win situation.



The one's from last week both offered to split. I declined on the lady for the second date, the first one, we split. However, notice, never heard back again from the lady who offered. It was offered, but not expected to be accepted it seems.

And you somehow think that taking them up on there offer to pay will leave some kind of negative imprint on her? Look brother, do you honestly have time for women in your life that say they want to pay and then flip chit when you take them up on it? You are overanalyzing and trying to make a connection between paying vs not paying and your success/failure. They have nothing to do with each other. If a woman is genuinely attracted to you, she will gladly put forth the effort to see you.

 

[CMNILS87]

You’re beating a dead horse man. Stop calling girls, it’s too aggressive. Just text for the date. If she’s hard to read she’s just not that into you dude cmon. She should be blowing up your phone instead and she isn’t

 

[RickTheToad]

You’re beating a dead horse man. Stop calling girls, it’s too aggressive. Just text for the date. If she’s hard to read she’s just not that into you dude cmon. She should be blowing up your phone instead and she isn’t

If calling a lady is too aggressive, then we live in different worlds. Voice talk came before texting; well over a hundred years ago. Texting is the wimpy way of asking a lady out. I still think calling is the best bet. I just picked up a book by Mr. Wayne, and he says calling is always better. Many dating coaches seem to agree.

 

[RickTheToad]

And you somehow think that taking them up on there offer to pay will leave some kind of negative imprint on her? Look brother, do you honestly have time for women in your life that say they want to pay and then flip chit when you take them up on it? You are overanalyzing and trying to make a connection between paying vs not paying and your success/failure. They have nothing to do with each other. If a woman is genuinely attracted to you, she will gladly put forth the effort to see you.

I guess you are right. I need to change the way I view things and how my mind works. Back when I was dating 11+ years ago men always paid. I guess now that is not the case any longer.

 

[marmel75]

If calling a lady is too aggressive, then we live in different worlds. Voice talk came before texting; well over a hundred years ago. Texting is the wimpy way of asking a lady out. I still think calling is the best bet. I just picked up a book by Mr. Wayne, and he says calling is always better. Many dating coaches seem to agree.

The problem is that you actually believe that.

Im sure the pony express thought telegraphs were the "wimpy" way to send a message too.

If there is one thing history has repeatedly shown us is "adapt or die".

 

[Macaframalama]

I guess you are right. I need to change the way I view things and how my mind works. Back when I was dating 11+ years ago men always paid. I guess now that is not the case any longer.

I'm 39 and born and raised in the Bible belt, so I know how you feel. Things have changed drastically in such a short period of time. Men are rarely men and women can effortlessly find validation at every turn. If you insist on paying, then pay. It's your money, your life, but she must be investing something. Even though women are able to find validation so freely, they aren't able to find a solid man so easily, but they still yearn for it at some point or another. The same guys validating her are the same guys showering her with gifts and buying expensive dinners. Nothing wrong with that if you can afford it, but those things should be earned and she must bring something that both she as well as you value, to the table in one way or another, lest you be lumped in the category with the other losers and used up for your time and resources.

 

[RickTheToad]

Assuming I get *honor* to meet one of these wonder ladies in the future, I will start to take them up on splits and such. The last date, I can see where since I paid for the activity, she should had paid for the meal. She did offer, but I stupidity declined. This is also the one what just ghosted away a few days ago. I have a few other ladies who sent me their number. Going to switch it up a bit and see where the chips land.

 

[CMNILS87]

If calling a lady is too aggressive, then we live in different worlds. Voice talk came before texting; well over a hundred years ago. Texting is the wimpy way of asking a lady out. I still think calling is the best bet. I just picked up a book by Mr. Wayne, and he says calling is always better. Many dating coaches seem to agree.

Dudeeeeeeee. Cmon. Most chicks have their phone on them 24/7. If they want to answer the call they will in a heartbeat. Just stop calling women to talk. Send a text