Hard to read. Unknown how to proceed

[RickTheToad]

Hope some can help with some clarity. Met this woman on match, she's 33. Messaged back a few times, then I asked to meet and for her number. She said she was down and gave me her number. I called her a couple days later and we talked for 15 mins or so. I then said I'd like to take her out for drinks. She agreed, but said she's going with her fam. to Cali for a week. This was a Wednesday, so she said she can do Friday, as the weekend she was watching her nephews. We met, had a drink an a piece of pizza. All in all, about 2 hours. She offered to pay, I covered it. It was like 20 bucks. I walked her to her car, and we made out for a bit. I then said we'll reconnect when you get back. She texted me that night and said she had a great time and thanks for the drink.

Two weeks later I called her and we spoke for about 10 minutes and I said I'd like to see her. I asked her out for Friday, she agreed and I told her to text me her address. About an hour later she texted the address to me (no apt #). I got there and we went to an activity, canvas painting. It was a couple of hours and then we went for sushi. This time she offered to pay, but again it was so cheap (18 dollars), I said I got it. We got to the car and she was showing me some pictures, we made out for a few minutes and then I suggested we go back to her place and watch a movie, she agreed.

We got to her place and she said, let's do a rain check on the movie. I said, okay no problem. We kissed a bit again and I drove off. She texted me thanking me for the night with a picture of her painting saying she had a great time.

A bit confused on the change, and I am not sure how to proceed. I sometimes over think things, so I do not want to jump the gun. I have other dates lined up for this weekend, thus my other days were booked, so I had to use the Friday after work. She said she was at happy hour with her friends since she's a teacher and was done with work at 3pm. I picked her up at 6:30pm.

I was going to ask her to my place next Saturday, but my better judgement is telling me to go dark for a week and call her next week and invite her over the following Saturday. I have a feeling she's expecting a call from me this week for an invitation to do something next weekend. Or, her testing me to see how I react to her change of mind for letting me in her apt. Never had a woman change her mind 20 mins later after agreeing. But, I didn't give any negative or emotional response and let it be like it wasn't a big deal.

What's the best way to handle this situation?

Many thanks guys.

 

[Spaz]

But, I didn't give any negative or emotional response and let it be like it wasn't a big deal.

What's the best way to handle this situation?

^^You did great here and that's how it should be handled.

As for her going cold at the last moment, there's many possibilities but I wouldn't fret over it.

Some women takes time to warm up to a man.

Your techniques looks good, paying for the food, doing activities together and you going out on other dates. I'd say u r a natural and trust ur gut instincts.

 

[marmel75]

She wasnt comfortable enough tohave you over...she knew what was going to go down and she had LMR.

I dont see any problem with what happened or what your response was. When you date enough women this stuff happens. It is not a big deal. It will happen eventually, relax. Stop believing this nonsense where a woman has to have sex with you by date X or you start playing some stupid game.

Behave like normal, it sounds like she is into you, personally i would invite her over and tell her she is going to help you cook dinner. Almost a guaranteed lay if you can cook worth anything.

 

[RickTheToad]

I guess I was a bit taken back and just assumed it was time to back off and regroup for a bit. So the consensus is to call her mid week and see if she wants to come over to my place to cook? She claims she's a good baker and likes to bake, but doesn't like to cook. I can hold my own with cooking, so not concerned about that.

 

[RickTheToad]

Anyone? Anyone?

 

[cola]

You did everything 100% correct.

Continue to date other girls, hang out with her one more time. If she still doesn't have sex with you, do not contact again..

 

[RickTheToad]

So far, no good. I called her tonight around 8pm. In the past we spoke between 7 - 10, so I thought calling around that time was a good idea. It immediately went to VM on the first ring. In the past, it would ring 8 times then go to vm. Left a message, nothing. 1st time I called, she texted me back saying she was out to dinner with friends. 2nd time, she called the next day saying she fell asleep. One would think, if she wasn't interested, why after the last date and the 1st date did she say she had good time and such? I knew when she changed her mind about me coming in was a bad sign. Just because someone comes in, doesn't mean sex. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

Again, to say hard to read is an understatement. I do not run after ladies, so that was my one and done call. Just weird. If she wasn't interested, that's cool, but say that on Friday night, not that she had a nice time and thanking me for taking her out. Usually, if a lady doesn't want to see me again, I hear that via text, and I text back, no prob. As for the other two, one was not very attractive in real life. The second ghosted after giving me her name and #. Which, I didn't even ask for yet. So, again, these woman are off the wall. Sometimes, I do not think the effort is worth it with the opposite sex.

 

[flowtheory]

She could have her phone on do not disturb? I would say another one bites the dust if you don’t hear anything back from her by end of day tomorrow.

Your latest response shows you’re a little bit hurt; have to investigate that and why a fresh woman is striking such a chord.

 

[RickTheToad]

Not sure about the phone when it goes right to VM, not even a ring. Never heard that before. Not hurt. A bit annoyed.

 

[marmel75]

Not sure about the phone when it goes right to VM, not even a ring. Never heard that before. Not hurt. A bit annoyed.

Typically a phone that goes to VM immediately is turned off. Why would you automatically assume the worst?

Not a good mindset to have...maybe that is what you are projecting to these women.

 

[RickTheToad]

Perhaps on the phone. Naa, I had a pretty positive mindset on both dates. Did kino and it seemed pretty well received (arms, legs, waist). Probably just a bit down because the other two didn't end up as I planned. Hate being blown off. It's like they waive the carrot in front of you, then pull it away just to bate you. I'll be fine in a day or two. Also, if she calls tomorrow and I ask her for Friday or Saturday, it looks like I have no other plans. So, a catch-22 situation. Damned if she does call, damned if she doesn't.

 

[Trump]

Also, if she calls tomorrow and I ask her for Friday or Saturday, it looks like I have no other plans.

So what?

You are overthinking this bro. Your goal shouldn't be to impress her with a supposed life, it should be to sleep with her in your real life.

 

[flowtheory]

See this is the problem with online dating. People chalk up too much energy to these apps and sites only to be frustrated in the end. Then they just end up settling. Men and women.

In men’s cases, women Are being inundated with messages; even the women who are average are being flooded. So they think they are all that and a bag of chips.

Approach in person. Nothing but growth happens. Online dating for men... no growth happens and everything has to be fairly on point. Massive competition and people read too much in to texts with new people.

A HB6 gets about 30 messages a day (just a total guess). In person she will get approached maybe once a week. Probably not though especially in my city.
Now, where do your odds stand a better chance?

Plus. Approaching shows confidence. You’ve just stepped above every match on her online profile; because it’s REAL! So she’s already wet from the real interaction.
And approaching in person requires a man to cultivate many skills which are necessary for personal growth.

Real question. Would your most ideal self use dating sites to meet women?

 

[RickTheToad]

So what?

You are overthinking this bro. Your goal shouldn't be to impress her with a supposed life, it should be to sleep with her in your real life.

As weird as it sounds, I actually already have plans on Saturday. Leaving things for next weekend. A lot of things can happen in a week.

See this is the problem with online dating. People chalk up too much energy to these apps and sites only to be frustrated in the end. Then they just end up settling. Men and women.

In men’s cases, women Are being inundated with messages; even the women who are average are being flooded. So they think they are all that and a bag of chips.

Approach in person. Nothing but growth happens. Online dating for men... no growth happens and everything has to be fairly on point. Massive competition and people read too much in to texts with new people.

A HB6 gets about 30 messages a day (just a total guess). In person she will get approached maybe once a week. Probably not though especially in my city.
Now, where do your odds stand a better chance?

Plus. Approaching shows confidence. You’ve just stepped above every match on her online profile; because it’s REAL! So she’s already wet from the real interaction.
And approaching in person requires a man to cultivate many skills which are necessary for personal growth.

Real question. Would your most ideal self use dating sites to meet women?

Spent the last two years rebuilding my life. I mostly just work, lift, run, cook, hike, repeat. Decided to jump into dating again after I was back at square one, personally. Really bad LTR breakup. Lost a couple of friends too because of it. Other friends I had, are now married with kids, so that avenue for socialization is dead. Tried those meetup groups, but no one really I can attempt to befriend. TBH, most of the males were pretty weird guys. I go to the gym, put my ear buds in and lift/run.

Starting from ground zero socially in your 30's is tough. I was social in HS and college. Never had an issue. Seems a lot different now.

I've done a few cold approaches years before in my 20's. Wasn't too successful. Just been on this online thing for about a month. I'm not crazy about it. If I was in my 20's, and living back in the city, I am sure things will be different. Right now, living in southern CT, so things are different.

 

[flowtheory]

Spent the last two years rebuilding my life. I mostly just work, lift, run, cook, hike, repeat. Decided to jump into dating again after I was back at square one, personally. Really bad LTR breakup. Lost a couple of friends too because of it. Other friends I had, are now married with kids, so that avenue for socialization is dead. Tried those meetup groups, but no one really I can attempt to befriend. TBH, most of the males were pretty weird guys. I go to the gym, put my ear buds in and lift/run.

Starting from ground zero socially in your 30's is tough. I was social in HS and college. Never had an issue. Seems a lot different now.

I've done a few cold approaches years before in my 20's. Wasn't too successful. Just been on this online thing for about a month. I'm not crazy about it. If I was in my 20's, and living back in the city, I am sure things will be different. Right now, living in southern CT, so things are different.

Just because you weren’t successful then, doesn’t mean you can’t be successful now. Especially if your game has improved.

I can imagine building a social circle from scratch would be difficult. There’s always a way when there is a will though. Always a solution to every puzzle we encounter.

 

[soulforge]

Welcome to ONLINE dating my friend!

This is how fickle the woman online are, they have an abundance of OPTIONS and can bail out on you, in a single breath.

She probably didn't want to give you her vagina, as she thinks she has more or better options online!

When it comes to online chicks, I simply go for a first date bang... The chances of a 2nd or 3rd date with theses types, is close to none.

If they don't put out.. I immediately move on lol

 

[The Duke]

The last 5 women I have went after turned up to be dry holes at some point! It happens, they all have a lot of distractions. Its probably them, not you. Keep on pounding the pavement. Eventually the tide turns and you have more than you know what to do with.

 

[RickTheToad]

No call. I wonder if she blocked me after sending me that last text. Doesn't matter now. Here's what you get after taking a lady to a 40 dollar painting activity and sushi. I need to find cheaper 2nd activity dates.. All I can say is that dating is so different since the last time I was in the field. So uncool.

 

[flowtheory]

No call. I wonder if she blocked me after sending me that last text. Doesn't matter now. Here's what you get after taking a lady to a 40 dollar painting activity and sushi. I need to find cheaper 2nd activity dates.. All I can say is that dating is so different since the last time I was in the field. So uncool.

Yea that’s weird. We can never know what happens with these women.. and there’s no use thinking too deeply about it.
Can’t get down at all about is all, it’s just a matter of finding the woman who has integrity plus high interest in you.
So one has to find the positive outlook when a woman doesn’t reciprocate interest - It’s a blessing in disguise when you think about it.

Also.. when we get down about one woman, the quickest hack is to literally just go say a simple ‘hey’ to the next five decent looking women you see. In person. It re-instills possibility; for me anyways. Then you realize things aren’t such a big deal!

 

[RickTheToad]

It's all good. It's just sucks the way it happened. Very immature and not very polite. I would had rather just received a text after the date saying you're a really great guy, but my vag is dry for you. Or, if I didn't hear from her at all after the date, I would feel it is afe to assume that she's not interested. Hard to not get someone down on this, but this too shall pass. It's just wrong to poof like that.

New rule: 2nd date, lady pays. The only issue is, when I did this rule in the past, the ladies nearly always jet. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.