How do I reverse/back out of this?

[Murk]

Ok, so you may have read about the girl I met 2 Fridays ago, then went on a date with the next day Saturday evening.

We met up last Thursday, she came to mine, drunk bang, cab home. Friday just gone, I meet her after work for drinks with her work colleagues (girls and gay guys, she's a make-up artist) and she says "let's go back to mine". We go back, I meet her mother briefly, chat, laugh, usual charming self, go upstairs for the bang. We spend all Saturday in bed chilling, kissing, banging, just like old days when you're a kid/early 20s. She looks after me, breakfast 2x, dinner 1x, and does everything, couldn't be more hospitable, also the sex is great and her body is amazing, big ass, nice thighs, slim wait, flat stomach, nice natural boobs, mousy blonde hair, grey/blue eyes. Not even my usual type (brunette/latin looking) but the body is so on point I don't care.

She had been on 3 separate dates the week we met, I'd been on a couple too, but she wants me to not see anyone else and see where we go with this she'll do the same. I agreed. Yes I know, sorry, I was in the moment and was just like... sure why not.

Now, I'm not totally regretting that, but I don't want to lie to her (I'm done lying to girls), I even told her lets take it slow and being exclusive after 8 days was prob a mistake, I stuck to my guns but didn't totally rescind. She said she has never taken a guy back to her mums house since she split up with her ex over a year ago and usually would just go ride the CC at other dudes houses.

She's 29... no doubt looking for a baby soon, her ex was a doctor, they were together on and offer for 14 years so I'm guessing since she was 15 and he 17, so basically stuck with him through the broke student times and 8+ years of uni, then he bounced over a year after they move in together. She can't have too high of a lay count, her reactions to what I had to offer bedroom-wise confirmed this.

I told her I'm fresh out of a relationship and not looking to jump back in, at the same time I do like her company, she smart and makes me laugh, genuinely caring, has her own money.

Sorry for the long post, basically how do I dial this back to a more casual arrangement after a very intense 4 meetings including a great Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Oh she was also on my snapchat story kissing me, had 2 girls pissed off, an ex asking if shes my GF as she's pretty, and a few guys sending approval, shes a solid 8.5.

 

[lizardking82]

She is forcefully trying to lock you down in just a couple of days LOL this chick is desperate. I suggest you start slowly withdrawing your time and attention. See how she reacts to that and the reaction will tell you everything you need to know about it.

 

[RangerMIke]

I know why you did what you did. You knew that if you didn't say yes to the relationship, she would have dumped you, and you like this chick. Being exclusive when it's not what you want is just as much lying as if you were cheating on her. It sucks losing chicks you really like because you won't commit, but if it's not what you want it is what it is.

I will tell you how I handle chicks bringing this up, because it happens to me frequently. When they ask about exclusivity I joke around a bit, I'll make silly demands (she'll need a tramp stamp that says "Property of Mike", does she like wearing a collar and leash)... then suggest silly things she can ask of me... Then I'll counter and say "Hey, how about this... you just keep being your awesome self, and make each other happy and then I won't want other women."

When a chick brings this up, and you don't go along with it, her reaction will go from seemingly going along with it, to out and out anger. But you will lose her sooner or later, just know this is true. She might seam to be okay, and she'll try a little harder, but it will come up again, or she'll start looking for a dude that will commit.

 

[lizardking82]

I know why you did what you did. You knew that if you didn't say yes to the relationship, she would have dumped you, and you like this chick. Being exclusive when it's not what you want is just as much lying as if you were cheating on her. It sucks losing chicks you really like because you won't commit, but if it's not what you want it is what it is.

I will tell you how I handle chicks bringing this up, because it happens to me frequently. When they ask about exclusivity I joke around a bit, I'll make silly demands (she'll need a tramp stamp that says "Property of Mike", does she like wearing a collar and leash)... then suggest silly things she can ask of me... Then I'll counter and say "Hey, how about this... you just keep being your awesome self, and make each other happy and then I won't want other women."

When a chick brings this up, and you don't go along with it, her reaction will go from seemingly going along with it, to out and out anger. But you will lose her sooner or later, just know this is true. She might seam to be okay, and she'll try a little harder, but it will come up again, or she'll start looking for a dude that will commit.

Yes, she will look for a dude that commits and then when he commits, she will possibly contact you again because that dude is boring and he was just a quick replacament for you LOL

 

[Glassguy]

This is what it boils down to-

There is mutual interest but she doesnt want to be alone. Plain and simple. I am sure you are not the first guy she has tried to lock down right off the bat.

You can reverse it by just playing it off. Just tell her that you want to enjoy the moment without any high expectations. If she acts the least bit p!ssy about it, remove attention.

After all, she should respect the fact that you're fresh out of a relationship and need time to breath. If she doesnt, you dodged a bullet.

 

[Murk]

Ok solid advice guys. I did mention the ex being fresh and not wanting anything serious, she said "why resist against something that feels good". I've planted enough seeds/defences that I can just say "look I'm not ready, lets dial it back" and it won't be totally left field/cause a ghosting. I said as a joke in bed I think we shouldn't see each other for 2 weeks and she got mad, I changed it to a week.

I'm meeting her tonight after work to give some earphones back, she's meeting at my office. I'll go for a couple drinks and let her know I need to chill out and just see what her reaction is. I can see myself getting bored/resenting her in a few months (or sooner).

 

[lizardking82]

I know exactly how you feel. You should also understand she has her own expectations, too. People are not machines, they have their insecurities, all of us do. Key is comforting her a bit and comforting her insecurities A BIT. If it becomes tiring for you, stop doing it, but know that this means your mind is not really stable enough, has more to do with you than her.

 

[Murk]

Well if I just followed my feelings on this I'd happily jump into a relationship with her, the only thing telling me not to is past experiences and the small red flag of her jumping straight in, which I don't blame her for - I'm very charismatic, my therapist says I use that to get what I want, but it's not intentional, charm and charisma gets you places, not always intentionally, it's just who I am. She said "I don't know how you do it" I basically had the whole bar at my mercy both times we met there, talking to men, women, staff - generally a good time. She has fallen for that, but I'm also still broken and need fixing/working on - internally.

 

[RangerMIke]

Yes, she will look for a dude that commits and then when he commits, she will possibly contact you again because that dude is boring and he wYep...as just a quick replacement for you LOL

Yep... just this year I've had three chicks I used to date... who are now married, approach me to see if I'm interested in fvcking them on the side. They found their 'relationship' dude, and they are in the process of destroying them to the point where they are no longer attracted to them.

This happening is as predictable as the Sun coming up every day.

 

[Murk]

She's invited me as a plus one to her cousins wedding next month. I'm gonna go. I have minimal interest in spinning plates right now, If I need plates they are not hard to come by. It's ok for me to just see where this goes right?

 

[lizardking82]

She's invited me as a plus one to her cousins wedding next month. I'm gonna go. I have minimal interest in spinning plates right now, If I need plates they are not hard to come by. It's ok for me to just see where this goes right?

Dude, you probably ain't got many options around or you are at a point in your life where you are confused about your achievements in a career or sth. First you feel pressured, then you wanna be her +1 at a wedding. I mean, going at a wedding just tells her "Yes, I will comply since you are so agressive".

 

[Spaz]

She's invited me as a plus one to her cousins wedding next month. I'm gonna go. I have minimal interest in spinning plates right now, If I need plates they are not hard to come by. It's ok for me to just see where this goes right?

Yes it's okay.

Don't commit too early. You know that as well as we all.

If she brings it up again then just inform her that u basically hv standards that a women must pass before u feel committed into an LTR. Don't fret, she'll understand and will subconsciously want to pass it.

You do hv ur high standards don't ya?

Go ahead and make a list, just to keep it up to date and fresh in ur mind.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Sorry for the long post, basically how do I dial this back to a more casual arrangement after a very intense 4 meetings including a great Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Oh she was also on my snapchat story kissing me, had 2 girls pissed off, an ex asking if shes my GF as she's pretty, and a few guys sending approval, shes a solid 8.5.

I was about to bro fist you until you said she is 29. WTF is up with men on this forum and spoiled milk? Look, keep hitting it but, know she is going to want to play house. Leave feeler talk to her and shut it down casually "not in this place in my life. I will let you know when I get there."

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

She's invited me as a plus one to her cousins wedding next month. I'm gonna go. I have minimal interest in spinning plates right now, If I need plates they are not hard to come by. It's ok for me to just see where this goes right?

29 dude. BARFFFFFF? Spin more plates son. Her biology is failing her swiftly as I type this message. Weddings? Next will be accidentally on purpose pregnancy.

In before I told you so!

Bump this thread when after you have ruined your life.

 

[marmel75]

You dont need to tell her anything just show her with your actions

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Saying nothing and just get fücking get busy with life man. Just b*ng her a couple times a week. Zero fücks given, drop her when she crosses the line of annoyance. And then just move on.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

29 dude. BARFFFFFF? Spin more plates son. Her biology is failing her swiftly as I type this message. Weddings? Next will be accidentally on purpose pregnancy.

In before I told you so!

Bump this thread when after you have ruined your life.

This is a tad bit over dramatic, real baby rabbies isn't in full affect until late 30's early 40's. BUT point taken you are right OP's target should be 21-25.

 

[Murk]

You’re right but a 21 year old is not offering me much except youth. What can they really do for you? Maybe when I’m in my early 30s and life is set and I’m truly looking to settle but right now I’m still working through some sh1t, is a 21 year old still good at this stage of my life? I find I have nothing in common with young girls.

The late 20s crew offer me much more in terms of mental stimulation and motherly qualities in which I get looked after, cooked for, treated (yes I’m aware I just said that and how weak that may sound). I just feel more depth in life with them, they’re hot too some of you are making out they are saggy and wrinkly, not the ones I go for.

Early 20s can’t/don’t cook and have no money. I’m not a bank/chef. If you live with mum and use my place, my money, you’re basically a child, that I get to bang. Thoughts?

 

[devilkingx2]

Ok, so you may have read about the girl I met 2 Fridays ago, then went on a date with the next day Saturday evening.

We met up last Thursday, she came to mine, drunk bang, cab home. Friday just gone, I meet her after work for drinks with her work colleagues (girls and gay guys, she's a make-up artist) and she says "let's go back to mine". We go back, I meet her mother briefly, chat, laugh, usual charming self, go upstairs for the bang. We spend all Saturday in bed chilling, kissing, banging, just like old days when you're a kid/early 20s. She looks after me, breakfast 2x, dinner 1x, and does everything, couldn't be more hospitable, also the sex is great and her body is amazing, big ass, nice thighs, slim wait, flat stomach, nice natural boobs, mousy blonde hair, grey/blue eyes. Not even my usual type (brunette/latin looking) but the body is so on point I don't care.

She had been on 3 separate dates the week we met, I'd been on a couple too, but she wants me to not see anyone else and see where we go with this she'll do the same. I agreed. Yes I know, sorry, I was in the moment and was just like... sure why not.

Now, I'm not totally regretting that, but I don't want to lie to her (I'm done lying to girls), I even told her lets take it slow and being exclusive after 8 days was prob a mistake, I stuck to my guns but didn't totally rescind. She said she has never taken a guy back to her mums house since she split up with her ex over a year ago and usually would just go ride the CC at other dudes houses.

She's 29... no doubt looking for a baby soon, her ex was a doctor, they were together on and offer for 14 years so I'm guessing since she was 15 and he 17, so basically stuck with him through the broke student times and 8+ years of uni, then he bounced over a year after they move in together. She can't have too high of a lay count, her reactions to what I had to offer bedroom-wise confirmed this.

I told her I'm fresh out of a relationship and not looking to jump back in, at the same time I do like her company, she smart and makes me laugh, genuinely caring, has her own money.

Sorry for the long post, basically how do I dial this back to a more casual arrangement after a very intense 4 meetings including a great Friday night to Sunday afternoon. Oh she was also on my snapchat story kissing me, had 2 girls pissed off, an ex asking if shes my GF as she's pretty, and a few guys sending approval, shes a solid 8.5.

You're the guy who said that his last relationship went badly because he committed when he wasn't ready and cheated like crazy right? Dunno if I'm mixing you up with some other homie, but assuming that's you I'd say the simple solution is to tell her about that

Give just enough detail that she knows you have a quite legitimate reason to believe that rushing into anything way too fast will only screw over both of you, but don't give too much detail that she thinks you're evil or a sex addict.

 

[devilkingx2]

She's 29... no doubt looking for a baby soon, her ex was a doctor, they were together on and offer for 14 years so I'm guessing since she was 15 and he 17, so basically stuck with him through the broke student times and 8+ years of uni, then he bounced over a year after they move in together. She can't have too high of a lay count, her reactions to what I had to offer bedroom-wise confirmed this.

Is it a giant red flag that you're already an expert on her ex two weeks in?