The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[European-DJ]

Day 0:
Today I informed her that I was not interested in simply being her friend, which I initially offered (against everything I stand for), but that I was only interested in a romantic relationship.

I deleted her from social media, including Facebook, and I’m now initiating the 60 day challenge, which will preferably cure me of this Ego driven obsession of her.

After one and a half year with her, I’m not oblivious to the fact that it’ll initially be challenging, but I’m hoping that I’ll come over her using the tips from this post. Not being reminded daily of her through social media will definitely help!

Go!

Day 3:

Day 1 & 2 were alright. I though about her a lot, but not in a negative way, I simply accepted that we were not to be together “right now” and have been trying to move on. However, I’m delusional and feel assured that we will be together in the future, but I’ve not accepted the fact that we are done with each other and she has already moved on (admittedly dating other guys).

Today, I went on a date with a previous girl “CA” and posted a “Story” on Snapchat. Normally, the girl I’m in NC with “NC girl” would be the first to comment on anything I post, but today she simply ignored it.

I don’t know why, but knowing that she saw what I was doing and being able to resist the urge to write me truely hurt. The feeling of wanting her back came rushing back.

When I took “CA” back to my place and had her naked in my bed, I couldn’t get the picture out of my head of “NC Girl” being banged by someone else and I simply couldn’t have sex with “CA”.

The thought of her with someone else hit me straight in the heart and I just broke down (not in tears), but I couldn’t concentrate about the naked girl in my bed.

Damn, I honestly thought this would be easy considering how little grief I felt the first two days - I’ll just have to keep going.

 

[Reykhel]

The thought of her with someone else hit me straight in the heart and I just broke down (not in tears), but I couldn’t concentrate about the naked girl in my bed.

Man that is some funny ****e.

You'll hopefully look back in a month's time and have a good chuckle at what you wrote.

I have faith in you that you can pick yourself up from this tail spin and never feel this way again.

 

[European-DJ]

Man that is some funny ****e.

You'll hopefully look back in a month's time and have a good chuckle at what you wrote.

I have faith in you that you can pick yourself up from this tail spin and never feel this way again.

Honestly? It is a pathetic reaction and I know it.

I mainly keep this journal for myself, so that I can return and cringe at the past.

To this day, "Break-ups" (that aren't initiated by myself) remain the absolute weakest part of my game - I go full AFC everytime a girl leaves me.
- Luckily, I did not go full-blown AFC in front of this girl; I only did so in my head haha..

Nothing new to report for Day 4 still feeling down. However, I do have three dates lined up next weekend.

 

[Reykhel]

Honestly? It is a pathetic reaction and I know it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Hopefully you can laugh about it or at least analyze it with some cold emotions at a later date...

Try to observe yourself from outside of yourself; imagine you were watching a movie or observing a random guy that maybe you were going to help out. This is simply an exercise to remove the subjective lens (the one filled with emotion and feeling) and replace it with an objective lens (one with cold analytic emotion)......

I mainly keep this journal for myself, so that I can return and cringe at the past.

Look back at the past to extract the lesson, vow never to repeat it and let it go WITHOUT the self condemnation. This is a valuable skill.

To this day, "Break-ups" (that aren't initiated by myself) remain the absolute weakest part of my game - I go full AFC everytime a girl leaves me.
- Luckily, I did not go full-blown AFC in front of this girl; I only did so in my head haha..

Prepare for them before hand. Just like the Stoics and The Buddhists meditate on death, failure and loss..........they not only accept them
before they happen, but they appreciate what they have while they are in the present moment....

If this is the weakest part of your game, fix it. Stoicism awaits you.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 5:
Today I sincerely feel like ****. I woke up multiple times at night with the urge to check my phone to see whether she had written.

I was confident she would write me over the weekend, but I can conclude that she hasn’t. This might have been the reason that I haven’t felt too sad during the first couple of days, as I was sure she would reinitiate contact by today.

As suggested, I took an outside perspective of the situation and it made me realize how I’m sitting and mourning, while she’s most likely out having heaps of fun with friends and dates.

I believe the major pain point in this “break-up” is going to be the question of whether I truly “mattered” to her.
When you invest a lot of yourself in someone you would like to see it reciprocated - if she was never to reach out again, I would feel utterly cheated.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I just dumped one of my 2 girlfriends 5 days ago.

She is going in full panic mode, trying to be in my mind all the time, by contacting me non stop with love professions.
She is idolising me, and apologising for things she didn't do wrong, then blaming me.
It is tiring me and making me more and more firm in my decision.

Her behaviour now is teaching me so much, about how to NOT act when you get dumped yourself.

If she just told me, "cool, I understand, let's take some time to breathe, catch ya later"
There wouldnt have been a problem I would have hooked up with her after a while when catching my breath.

But now I feel like blocking her.

 

[European-DJ]

I almost broke NC this afternoon – Because I wanted to apologize (again).

Day 6:
I wanted to get an understanding of why I got so hooked on this girl "all of the sudden" and decided to look through our old conversations to get some perspective. Comes to show, I have been chasing this girl for the past 5 months without realizing it. Initially, I was my old self, I honestly did not care whether she would meet me or not, and even when she did agree to a date/meeting/hookup, I would sometimes cancel our arrangement later that same day. However, GRADUALLY she became busier, started hanging out with friends more, being more rejecting of my proposals and seemed INDIFFERENT towards me – in essence, she got a life for herself and became interesting.

The more indifferent she became, the less indifferent I became; the more I started chasing her, the more she pulled away. This is the epitome of what is taught on this forum regarding break-ups – People value most what they fear losing or cannot have. I have, in fact, become the chasing and obsessed “ex” as a result of her “following” the very tips taught on this forum.

Now, while I probably blew all of my chances with this girl ages ago, I think this serves as a valuable lesson for anyone experiencing dropping IL from their GF or for someone who recently encountered a break-up (and haven’t acted desperate and needy yet) – MOVE ON, act indifferent, become less available – for people value most what they fear losing or cannot have.


Luckily, I can find a bit of comfort in the fact that I managed to have sex with her twice in the last month of my chase (December) and that I managed to somewhat end it with dignity, by telling her that I was not interested in a platonic friendship, but that she could reach out if she ever changed the mind. Thus, the ball is in her court and she's the one to decide if we will ever play ball again.

 

[Mia007]

Really, It can help? I was looking for on the internet some help to overcome this emotions and not to be so furious with his stupid actFirst time and maybe now I want a revenge... to get rid of this thoughts I found a place mega-moolah-play.co where I can make it real but in virtual worldmaybe in the beginning it will be helpful for somebody..
Let`s do it together. I`m in From when do I need to start this practice today or better next day???))

 

[European-DJ]

Day 7 - she broke no contact this morning (appreciate any advice!)

This evening I saw a message from her, which basically read that she had been thinking through a million scenarios of how we could be together (a couple). And would like to know how I had imagined it to work.

I have no idea what this means and how to read into it? Obviously, in my state I read it as “let’s give it a try, I want you back”, which it obviously isn’t.

What is your recommendation guys? I could really need an objective perspective on how to continue and whether to show her that I’m over her (she’ll detect the BS) or something else?.

Best.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 7 - she broke no contact this morning (appreciate any advice!)

This evening I saw a message from her, which basically read that she had been thinking through a million scenarios of how we could be together (a couple). And would like to know how I had imagined it to work.

I have no idea what this means and how to read into it? Obviously, in my state I read it as “let’s give it a try, I want you back”, which it obviously isn’t.

What is your recommendation guys? I could really need an objective perspective on how to continue and whether to show her that I’m over her (she’ll detect the BS) or something else?.

Best.

Day 3
I had to restart the NC challenge, as I thought I did the right thing by offering her to talk about things with her - as she had offered to talk through things with me previously.

Unfortunately, while she was very hot during our physical meet, she became even more cold than she had previously been the day after.

I decided to let her know that I had been fine the last 14 days (which I also displayed when I met her) and told her, that I actually wasn’t interested in chasing a girl that wasn’t interested in me and wishes her good luck with everything, no hard feelings.

She replied with a very long message about how much she liked me and bla bla, but that she understood where I came for and that it was for the better.

This clearly shows my MIND that she isn’t interested. However, my HEART keeps reading into the details of the message and interprets it as it wishes.
- I am still not sure how to get over her, but I know better now than to be anything but indifferent the next time she reaches out to me!

 

[European-DJ]

Day 4
I am starting to realize that we are probably not to be together again. This, is a "frightening" feeling, which brings forward some irrational thought that I want to act on. However, I know better than to act on impulses and I can recognize that it would be nothing but fear induced actions.

The frightening feeling might be a good thing; I guess by having acknowledged that we are not going to be together again, I can accept it. When I’ve accepted it I’ll be able to Turkey move forward and leave her behind.

Today was a difficult day, I had a strong feeling that she would reach out today (as she did last Tuesday), unfortunately I think I shattered the last bit of attraction when I was too available the last time she reached out and I reacted by trying to fix things.

I’ve been through something similar back in 2013. While I’m in a much better state of mine, I’ve caught myself in the despairs of thinking that this time it was “different” that she was “special” and “not the rule, but the exception”. Obviously I was wrong. It comes to show that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and that’s even the cutest and most innocent looking girl will act just as poorly and without integrity as any other girl.


Hopeful my heart will start accepting what my mind has already accepted - that the only way forward is moving on.

 

[Gan]

Forgot what day I'm on but I'm close to two months. I broke contact about a month and a half ago and never spoke to her again. Kept her on social media but even then I gave her no form of attention (no likes, shares, snapchat views, things like that). One thing for sure is, things DO get easier, you just gotta hang in there.

She messaged me yesterday, and I'm thinking of replying tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. Things are good for me right now, I'm gonna see where this goes.

 

[bobafatt]

DAY 1

After numerous times of trying to fix things today is the day that i man up to the situation and finish it for good. Although we had a good relationship at times the bad always outweighed the good. She has been through some hard times these last few months - losing her job one of them. I stupidly let her move in with me and thats where it really started to go down hill. I have never met such an angry person, someone so demanding, someone who is so good at guilting me or making it seem like it was always my fault.

Ive known for a while that it was never going to work, i guess i got complacent and my mindset was there wasnt anything better out there but this morning the final straw for me was her messaging somebody else.

There's always that feeling at the end of a relationship that something isnt quite right and you can just tell if you carry on this way, your own mentality will suffer. i hate head games more than anything!

After another argument this morning i finally told her to get out of my life for good, i told her to leave a few weeks back and she's been living with friends. She stayed round last night, had great sex but that was about it!

All of her clothes are now gone and the rest i have bagged up and are ready to be picked up on friday. I sent her a last text before blocking her on every platform just explaining that i was going ghost so i can fully get over the relationship and that friday is the best time to pick all her stuff up ( i will make sure im out the house that day )

Its hard but it really is for the best! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK PEEPS!

 

[European-DJ]

Forgot what day I'm on but I'm close to two months. I broke contact about a month and a half ago and never spoke to her again. Kept her on social media but even then I gave her no form of attention (no likes, shares, snapchat views, things like that). One thing for sure is, things DO get easier, you just gotta hang in there.

She messaged me yesterday, and I'm thinking of replying tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. Things are good for me right now, I'm gonna see where this goes.

Hi Gan!

Good to hear that you are reaching the end of the challenge. I am curious as what she wrote you? Also, From an objective point of view, I wouldn’t put too much effort into it. If it took her a full two months to send you a single text the it’s probably over and (depending on the text) she probably wouldn’t care if you responded or not. I would just leave it, at least you would have left it with the upper hand by ignoring her.

 

[European-DJ]

DAY 1

After numerous times of trying to fix things today is the day that i man up to the situation and finish it for good. Although we had a good relationship at times the bad always outweighed the good. She has been through some hard times these last few months - losing her job one of them. I stupidly let her move in with me and thats where it really started to go down hill. I have never met such an angry person, someone so demanding, someone who is so good at guilting me or making it seem like it was always my fault.

Ive known for a while that it was never going to work, i guess i got complacent and my mindset was there wasnt anything better out there but this morning the final straw for me was her messaging somebody else.

There's always that feeling at the end of a relationship that something isnt quite right and you can just tell if you carry on this way, your own mentality will suffer. i hate head games more than anything!

After another argument this morning i finally told her to get out of my life for good, i told her to leave a few weeks back and she's been living with friends. She stayed round last night, had great sex but that was about it!

All of her clothes are now gone and the rest i have bagged up and are ready to be picked up on friday. I sent her a last text before blocking her on every platform just explaining that i was going ghost so i can fully get over the relationship and that friday is the best time to pick all her stuff up ( i will make sure im out the house that day )

Its hard but it really is for the best! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK PEEPS!

Welcome to the challenge Bobafatt!

I would recommend you to go over some of the previous posters’ experiences in this threat. Especially Jariel’s whole experience will give you some great perspective of why you should never supplicate when she reaches out (which she will). I made the mistake 5 days ago and I wish I hadn’t. I felt even more silly and stupid after being the “good guy” and doing what I felt was right.

Leave her be. This is for you, not for her.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 5
This morning I thought quite a lot about her. It was not thought about getting her back, but rather irritation and annoyance of giving her what she asked for and then being stumped on.

I know that this website teaches us that Women act on emotions and men on logic, but damn is this girl an illogical creature.

What I really have to understand is that we were never in a real relationship, rather we were FB's for 1½ and realize that I was the one continuously rejecting her wishes to become more than that. I need to become more of the person I was two years ago and not the supplicating fool I am right now.

The last few weeks I have been reading tons of articles on Sosuave; and while they are all very uplifting, they just remind me that I am spending time on this website because of HER. Therefore, I think it is for the better to take some days of this website and focus on other things. I will be back in a weeks time with a short update. Hopefully, the wording of the update will be more optimistic and positive than my previous 14 days have been.

Best of luck to any new joiners joining us over the weekend!

/European

 

[bobafatt]

Welcome to the challenge Bobafatt!

I would recommend you to go over some of the previous posters’ experiences in this threat. Especially Jariel’s whole experience will give you some great perspective of why you should never supplicate when she reaches out (which she will). I made the mistake 5 days ago and I wish I hadn’t. I felt even more silly and stupid after being the “good guy” and doing what I felt was right.

Leave her be. This is for you, not for her.

Yo European DJ thanks for the reply - where can i find these posts from Jariel? can you link them.

 

[bobafatt]

DAY 2

Today has been a bit harder im currently working night shifts so when i wake up around 3pm i tend to sit around waiting to start work at 10pm. I always seem to catch cabin fever when working nights.

She has been on my mind alot today just general thoughts but feel like ive dealt with them pretty well. I have blocked her off all platforms including her mobile which im kind og thinking was a bad idea as all of her stuff is still round mine ready to be picked up on friday.

I got myself back on tinder to see what was about and almost instantly her face popped up so she obviously has the same idea, i cant be angry at her for that but did upset me a little bit.

Im going to train alot more down the gym now it has become very enjoyable for me since starting back again this year, something i packed in along with healthy eating when i met my now ex. The amount of girls to check out down the gym is unreal did catch one beatiful chick blonde hair, quite short but my god she had the weight in all the right places.

Something i have also wanted to give up is porn, this is something that ive watched for a long time and its such a lazy thing to do. Seen the arguments for and against it alot recently and for me i feel like NOFAP is something that would really benefit me.

Here's to day 2 of NC and day 1 of NF

 

[Gan]

Hi Gan!

Good to hear that you are reaching the end of the challenge. I am curious as what she wrote you? Also, From an objective point of view, I wouldn’t put too much effort into it. If it took her a full two months to send you a single text the it’s probably over and (depending on the text) she probably wouldn’t care if you responded or not. I would just leave it, at least you would have left it with the upper hand by ignoring her.

Hey Euro. I msg'd her back. There's very little effort on my part, keeping things pleasant but vague and responding whenever I want. Her message will make no sense to you unless I explain it but for the sake of time let's just call it a breadcrumb text because that's what it was. I'm looking for effort on her part and I couldn't care less if she doesn't show any.

 

[GerryCreanio]

Hi everyone, first post and I don’t know where else to put this but I need to vent somewhere.

Let me start by saying I’m a scumbag. I’m married and I stupidly fell in love with a coworker. Who was in a long term relationship herself. I know. Apart from a sexually charged drunken kiss and a vast number of lunch/coffee dates it’s gone no further - a combination of both our guilt & me being a beta ****.

In order to try and save my marriage I quit my job before Christmas. We were both upset by this, clearly. At the Christmas party she barely spoke to me.

I’ve gone ‘No contact’ for 30 days now. I’m a grown man and I’ve cried over this - I never cry. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and although I have better days they are mainly bad ones. I dream about her, I think about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Distractions are temporary help, I’m lifting and doing new hobbies.

Here’s what I need advice with please:

Last time I saw her I told her I wasn’t going to contact her in case it caused problems with her boyfriend who phuvking hates me for obvious reasons. I gave her my email address.

She hasn’t reached out at all.

Here’s the complication. My company has threatened legal action for taking their clients. They won’t win, but it’s entirely possible that everyone in the company has been told not to contact me for this reason.

It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest thing. If I knew she was ignoring me because she didn’t care then I’d be ok with that and move on. But what if she’s crying herself to sleep every night over me, has decided to leave her boyfriend for me but can’t tell me?

It’s unlikely that we’ll bump into each other ever again although I could engineer it given some persistence and luck.

What do I do from here? Keep up the NC, or try to get in touch with her somehow?