You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Does this not just reinforce an insular mindset, and the end of tolerance, where one can just ignore anyone that happens to disagree with them on certain opinions??
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
The truth, is not an opinion.
It's called an echo chamber.
Some people like reading/listening to only what appeals and resonates with them. Sadly it's a dangerous mindset and leads to zero growth on the long run, even the most irritating poster will offer some value at some point and learning to have thick skin is good in general.
I disagree. I've been insulted about 10,000 times and never blocked anyone until recently. Some idiot with an IQ of 6 calling me autistic, then going to draw me into an argument and get me banned? Not worth it.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You should have stopped responding and just left them alone. The internet is a free-for-all you can't control anyone's behavior, if someone is provoking you just leave them alone and don't read their comments. I've dealt with too many trolls where responding leaves you in unending arguments and insults.
But I'm not secluded. I am rarely at home other than to sleep.
And so if we recognized all thought as opinion [and not truth] then all would be discussed in a civil and urbane manner. But people are by and large losing this capacity in distancing their opinion from the status of dogma [perhaps this is a good argument to have dogma ensconced within a traditional Church as any!]. And so opinions multiply and also become fanatical as they also become people's dogmas. I think we will probably see the world go crazy in a generation or two.
So I think we must multiply our use of echo chambers. If one were only frequenting one, then this would endanger inflating what is an opinion on a particular subject into something of a worldview. Now, if you were frequenting a few, you could maintain a triangulation of sorts in your orientation to digital reality.
What about young guys? I'd imagine there is a whole generation of kids without the required attention span to read a book. They will grow up totally uneducated and brainwashed by this or that.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Besides being involved in a few different sites, I think it also helps to be slightly abrasive on a form. I say slightly as you wouldn't want to be obnoxious, and I say abrasive as you want to avoid the danger of slipping into 'groupthink'.
Welp, somebody cancel the zombie apocalypse. We've got bigger problems!
