'Modified' No Contact?

[Doorseeker]

Hi Guys,

I came here with a story for which I will be glad to receive your honest feedback/advice.
I went through a break around a month and a half ago. We have been dating for about 3 months and everything seemed perfect (communication/sex/mutual plans). She is to some extent BPD (Daddy issues) and she broke up over the first serious fight. We were both drunk and I started a fight because she was acting disrespectful while we were at a club. She wanted to stay in an empty club with only 1-2 of our people left (it was 4:30 in the morning) opposite to leaving with me (we have been sexting the whole day).
The next day after the fight she said she wanted to cut the cord, because of my behavior. She explained that everything up to this point was perfect, but she cannot perceive me the same way after this fight. Just to be clear - although being drunk, we were both crossing swords on this one, it was definitely not a one-sided fight.
I was surprised and tried with few words to understand whether she is serious about it and then just left without begging/reasoning.

The problem is that we work in the same company. We pretty much started dating few weeks after she got the job. She is an intern, I am senior. We are relatively small team, some of my closest colleagues knew about us.

1-2 days after the breakup, she initiated few MSN chats - the standard "How are you doing, are you OK?" so that she can feel better for herself. At this time she was finishing her Bsc degree project for and I decided to help (stupid). Afterwards I explained to her that this does not mean we can be friends.

Then she went abroad for 3 weeks and when she came back she seemed unpleasantly surprised by the fact that I do not pay any attention to her in the office. We bump into each other sometimes, a nod, a smile, her "asking how are you", me "fine".

The second problem is that there is a high chance she will start in my department permanently and I will be the one mentoring her.

Few things I understand:

- Don't date coworkers (I have you all rolling eyes right now, I know)
- It is way harder to accept the rejection (first because it is of a rather stupid reason and on top you see the girl everyday)

And here is the question: How can you proceed in such a situation?

My plan is the following: Be professional, polite (but without any personal information), rigorous (if she ends up in my department) and try as hard as possible to move on with my life.

Now, do I want her back? - I am very aware of the ONEitis disease and as Rollo said "there are good ones and there are bad ones". Well, she was one of the good ones and checked a lot of the points that I value in a woman. On the other hand, the ridiculously easy way she ended it and the fact that it's been month and a half and she did not make a single step towards me (apart from appearing depressed sometimes and confronting me for paying zero attention to her) make me believe that there is no going back.

I will appreciate if you share your thoughts based on your experience.

Thanks

 

[Glassguy]

When she said she wanted to stay at the club instead of leaving with you, the thing to do was just leave her there and not fight about it. You werent going to win the argument and looked like a b1tch by not just walking out. "You should have just said "well I am leaving, you stay and have fun and I will text you later" and just walked. Her mind was made up....do you think she was going to change her mind, come over and fvck you since you argued and fought with her? That made it worse and you lost frame.

When she said "lets cut the cord", you should have just said "Good idea...This isnt working. Take care " and then enforced no contact and started dialing up other chicks. It blows chicks minds when you just walk away like its no big deal. They think they were the ones heavily invested, even if they werent.

As far as work, just do your job, dont be an ass to her and let her do yours. If you're being smart about it, you will make sure that you are NOT her direct supervisor.

Case closed. Dont act butthurt the next time a chick acts stupid. Just walk away.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

I find this hardnl to believe. Girls are full of **** on break ups. This is obviously not the reason why she broke up, it was just the excuse she used.

 

[Initiatedindenial]

When she said she wanted to stay at the club instead of leaving with you, the thing to do was just leave her there and not fight about it. You werent going to win the argument and looked like a b1tch by not just walking out. "You should have just said "well I am leaving, you stay and have fun and I will text you later" and just walked. Her mind was made up....do you think she was going to change her mind, come over and fvck you since you argued and fought with her? That made it worse and you lost frame.

When she said "lets cut the cord", you should have just said "Good idea...This isnt working. Take care " and then enforced no contact and started dialing up other chicks. It blows chicks minds when you just walk away like its no big deal. They think they were the ones heavily invested, even if they werent.

As far as work, just do your job, dont be an ass to her and let her do yours. If you're being smart about it, you will make sure that you are NOT her direct supervisor.

Case closed. Dont act butthurt the next time a chick acts stupid. Just walk away.

Agreed. Once you stated that you wanted to leave you should have done so regardless of her response.

 

[The Duke]

@Doorseeker - was she drunk at the club at 4:30am? I'm guessing she was, so I would take what a drunk person says with a grain of salt. Your problem sounds like you were both drunk and both said stupid/emotional things. If she doesn't understand that, then too bad for her. She has some work to do.

And you need to work on keeping your cool. Maybe you should both stay out of situations like this? I used to date a girl that she was always drama when we would go out drinking. Finally I said, no more than one drink when we go out. Took care of the problem.

 

[Doorseeker]

@Doorseeker - was she drunk at the club at 4:30am? I'm guessing she was, so I would take what a drunk person says with a grain of salt. Your problem sounds like you were both drunk and both said stupid/emotional things. If she doesn't understand that, then too bad for her. She has some work to do.

And you need to work on keeping your cool. Maybe you should both stay out of situations like this? I used to date a girl that she was always drama when we would go out drinking. Finally I said, no more than one drink when we go out. Took care of the problem.

Yes, she was..maybe I was slightly more. You are right, just two people fighting on an empty street early in the morning.

 

[Doorseeker]

The surprising fact was how quickly she decided to cut off. Given the fact that before that she even introduced me to her parents, the compliments, everything. Anyway, I guess that this 'surprise' is something common nowadays.

 

[nismo-4]

I find this hard to believe. Girls are full of **** on break ups. This is obviously not the reason why she broke up, it was just the excuse she used.

Ripley's doesn't even believe this sh*t because when a woman breaks up, she makes sure the new guy is official, then finds an excuse to break up to calm her ego.

Anytime a woman goes distant on you is just you falling out of first place. Second place is first loser. You need to come in first and stay in first.

Girl gets stupid = walk off, delete her number, block if needed.

 

[The Duke]

The surprising fact was how quickly she decided to cut off. Given the fact that before that she even introduced me to her parents, the compliments, everything. Anyway, I guess that this 'surprise' is something common nowadays.

Don't try and make rational sense of most things that women do. You'll never find the answers. Just know that they are all goofy irrational ho's and you never know what they might do or why. And they don't either. You weren't #1 in her book anymore. They have too many options these days.