BPD ex.... 3 months out - need some advice

[wolf]

I highly recommend you get some anxiety meds and I never recommend meds to anyone.

 

[wolf]

And 2 weeks of youtube videos?? I took me months to find most of the relevant info I needed and it's taken you 2 weeks?

Something tells me you need to go a little deeper into the Rabbit Hole my friend.
Look up Lisa A Romano. She's good!

 

[Mikeman123]

yah two weeks 8 hours a day bro consistently ever day, i'll check her out though thank you

 

[stovepipe]

And 2 weeks of youtube videos?? I took me months to find most of the relevant info I needed and it's taken you 2 weeks?

Something tells me you need to go a little deeper into the Rabbit Hole my friend.
Look up Lisa A Romano. She's good!

This! Lisa and Ross are the best when it comes to BPD/Cluster B stuff. Two weeks ain't chit. I'm 6 months out and still learning and I've probably read more than 90% of folks here. Guess the hardest pill to swallow FOR ME is how happy these demons always look. Destroying a mans heart, then moving on the next day as if it never happened. Always showing off their new supply, while us victims are suffering watching YT vids for months, can't sleep, barely eat, nightmares, ect

 

[wolf]

yah two weeks 8 hours a day bro consistently ever day, i'll check her out though thank you

I was spending roughly the same amount of time everyday for MONTHS and 2 years on I'm still learning. I've been there. It hurts.. It sucks.. its cruel.. its Hell!!

 

[wolf]

You don't love her but you addicted to her. She invoked the addiction within you to keep you around. Push/Pull Hot/Cold.. This woman made you feel better about yourself than you had ever felt before and that is key to understanding how/why you got sucked in.

It's time to lay down the crack pipe and stop saying you loved this Woman because it wasn't "love" it was addiction.

 

[Billtx49]

'When things go wrong, don't go with them'
-Elvis Pressley

 

[xstang77]

It's gonna take time,if she was true bpd then she's just a pos,I know the anxiety and all that but it's gonna take time and The best distraction to help you get over the bump is to read the dj bible and self improvement stuff here,then when you have the basics down that you won't screw your self over trying to game one,date a more mentally stable woman that actually treats you like a human being for atleast 2 days straight and it will move you leaps and bounds to where you'll pretty much just almost laugh at what a joke your ex is as a human being.

 

[phil2015]

What are the chances Karma will catch up with this type of person?

 

[Billtx49]

What are the chances Karma will catch up with this type of person?

These disordered women carry their 'karma' with them constantly. Usually a history of failed relationships with more to come in their future. I wouldn't wish that kind of life for anyone.

 

[stovepipe]

What are the chances Karma will catch up with this type of person?

You can run, but you can't hide from Karma. The karma you probably want to happen is not the kind that does. Don't wish bad upon them or anyone. Forgive and let the universe do it's thing.

These disordered women carry their 'karma' with them constantly. Usually a history of failed relationships with more to come in their future. I wouldn't wish that kind of life for anyone.

While I agree their condition is hell, those little demons always look so got damn happy. Getting getting drunk/high all the time, riding the cawk carousal, having men constantly offering them gifts, getting a lot of attention,ect. While they may seem sad, they always seem happy. They go from crying for hrs about a breakup, to the next day forgetting that person existed. Karma always finds these people. My ex always used to say a black cloud follows her everywhere she goes. This last breakup with me she not only racked up $6k in debt, but lost just about all her possessions, including all her childhood stuff.

 

[Infern0]

What are the chances Karma will catch up with this type of person?

BPD's live in constant misery and internal suffering

"karma" took care of them a long time ago, what you are looking for is "revenge"

Let that go because it's no good for anyone.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I've been really struggling lately getting over my BPD ex. I finally broke it off for good over 3 months ago and immediately went into my "get over it" routine of the gym and dating multiple girls. I have never had a relationship that was so hard to get over and honestly feel like a loser for still thinking about her like I do. I was doing alright for a while mentally then around 2 weeks ago the obsessional thinking about her came back hard. The on/off for over a year completely broke my confidence and self esteem to the point I knew this girl was going to ruin me if I stayed with her. I haven't called her at all but have run into her a few times. The problem is her brother is a long time good friend of mine, her parents have been like my second family since high school, she literally lives a few blocks away and I've known this girl for close to 15 years. I have limited contact as much as I can, but any advice/insight on how long this is going to take? Any tips on getting this ***** out of my head? Im really getting disgusted with myself on this

If she was indeed BPD, she ****ed with your head with gas lighting and lying and made you emotionally invest too much.
You've broken down and have to build up from scratch.

It's probably the best moment of your life, that's why it's called the borderline gift.

I've been there so I'm telling you how to get out of the trap. I was in the same position as yours and once you get over it using the right method, you'll be stronger emotionally than the most 'alpha of alphas' and the other useless jargon thrown around.

The exact method to go around it:

1. Join the gym, I can't emphasise this more, it'll be hard but it's one of the most important parts to develop your self esteem long term.

2. Read Rooshv's Day Bang/Bang, internalise the concepts.

3. Start approaching lots of women. Your low confidence has made your approach anxiety at an all time high.

4. Throw all the things, pictures, anything that reminds you of her.

5. Learn to spin plates by giving them the attention they 'deserve', if they don't behave right, learn to drop them by ACTUALLY dropping them.

6. Get over the fear of rejection by escalating physical encounters and not caring whether the girls walks away after comfort building.

7. Once the gym routines are set, join other adventure sports like rock climbing, rafting

8. Maintain testosterone by regularly working out, eating vitamin D, Zinc, healthy sleep schedule.


Soon enough you won't even give two craps of your thoughts to her regardless of how she treated you because you have BETTER things to do than ruminate over a nut job.

Peace.
-Neo

 

[phil2015]

It's probably the best moment of your life, that's why it's called the borderline gift.

Brilliant advice!

On the advice of the guys in here I've joined a gym and have been 5 times this week. -- -Combined with the running and diet changes I've already lost a stone and am feeling healthier and seeing more definition in arms, back, chest, even my abs. The Gym is beneficial because there's loads of hot women in yoga pants going, which will/should alter the scarcity mindset you've probably fallen into.

Another thing you can do......Do something for charity. If you go to justgiving.com you can arrange to do an event for charity which will make you feel good as well as being something to focus on. I'm doing a half marathon in two weeks (13 miles) and training for that is helping me shift my focus onto other things besides crazy women.

I'm actively trying not to think about her now. Part of me thinks she will meet someone else and settle down/get married/have children but part of me knows this is unlikely.

 

[stovepipe]

Brilliant advice!

I'm actively trying not to think about her now. Part of me thinks she will meet someone else and settle down/get married/have children but part of me knows this is unlikely.

She will meet someone else. ExBPD was engaged to a guy for a year, she left him after he stood up for himself (zero closure for that guy). That guy had to wonder if she would get married and have kids too. Then she dated a friend whom she cheated on with me. Dumped him like a bag of trash and had the nerve to kinda enjoy telling me he cried (zero closure). Im sure he also though the samething, will she be happy.

Started dating me, got prego within months, we had an abortion, still asked me to marry her 100 times after all that, but never did. It ended after catching her will constant lies and inappropriate behavior (zero closure) I now wonder the same.

Even if we had the kid and got married, I more than likely wouldn't be here typing this or either one of us would have bailed from the marriage. She cried and cried asking me why no one wants to have a child and marry her. Well, I was too damn blind to see it at the time, but as time passed, the real her came out and I now look back in udder disgust for staying as long as I did.

Like you, I still ponder if their will be a man who can tame her and enjoy life with her. She was a super fun chick who had some really amazing qualities, but also more toxic ones. Deep down I know the same fate will happen to the next guy or she will get a Cluster B who will destroy her. Almost all BPD's who are married with kids are miserable, it rarely if ever works out. Most every article will tell you having a child with a Cluster B/BPD is a death sentence.

 

[phil2015]

She will meet someone else

Of this I've no doubt. In fact she's probably already met him. The last time I checked her Facebook a few weeks ago (not wise) she had new pictures on there with exes and random dudes liking them.

The reason my curiosity has peaked though, is she said she had 'waited for years, for someone like me' and I was 'the best thing that ever happened to her'. I now know this is probably love-bombing and she possibly says this to everyone, but I'm wondering one day if she will realise this and recognise her mistake.

 

[wolf]

She will meet someone else. ExBPD was engaged to a guy for a year, she left him after he stood up for himself (zero closure for that guy). That guy had to wonder if she would get married and have kids too. Then she dated a friend whom she cheated on with me. Dumped him like a bag of trash and had the nerve to kinda enjoy telling me he cried (zero closure). Im sure he also though the samething, will she be happy.

Started dating me, got prego within months, we had an abortion, still asked me to marry her 100 times after all that, but never did. It ended after catching her will constant lies and inappropriate behavior (zero closure) I now wonder the same.

Even if we had the kid and got married, I more than likely wouldn't be here typing this or either one of us would have bailed from the marriage. She cried and cried asking me why no one wants to have a child and marry her. Well, I was too damn blind to see it at the time, but as time passed, the real her came out and I now look back in udder disgust for staying as long as I did.

Like you, I still ponder if their will be a man who can tame her and enjoy life with her. She was a super fun chick who had some really amazing qualities, but also more toxic ones. Deep down I know the same fate will happen to the next guy or she will get a Cluster B who will destroy her. Almost all BPD's who are married with kids are miserable, it rarely if ever works out. Most every article will tell you having a child with a Cluster B/BPD is a death sentence.

I never really wanted to talk about my family on here but maybe it will help a few guys out. This is deep but here goes..

My mom - sexually abused as a kid and her dad was a chronic gambler. She grew up in foster care and pretty sure she is BPD.

My Dad - Abandoned as a kid by his Mom and has bedded over 2000 women (minimum) he is NPD and Schizophrenic. I have several half brothers from different Women by him.

My step dad - NPD .and haven't seen hin for years. I've got a sister from him. He married a BPD Woman who took the role of evil step mom.

Mom's boyfriend after him - ASPD. The guy had done time in prison for shooting someone. This guy was as nasty as they come.

Mom's latest Husband - best of a bad bunch. Maybe codependant. Married around 13 years. Mom tells him recently she wants a divorce. She told me she never loved him and accepted his proposal so she could changer her name and escape ASPD ex.

My family are mostly Female and mostly Cluster B's. None are happy and all have a trail of failed relationships behind them.

Who they are is set in stone. They do not change natter how much they wish they could!!

Walk on forward and grow yourself. I've spent almost 30 years in Cluster B Hell but not anymore!!

 

[stovepipe]

Of this I've no doubt. In fact she's probably already met him. The last time I checked her Facebook a few weeks ago (not wise) she had new pictures on there with exes and random dudes liking them.

The reason my curiosity has peaked though, is she said she had 'waited for years, for someone like me' and I was 'the best thing that ever happened to her'. I now know this is probably love-bombing and she possibly says this to everyone, but I'm wondering one day if she will realise this and recognise her mistake.

The last three guys I've spoken to all were all told the same thing....."I've waited years to find someone like you". My ex told me she made for me lol. That all the men before were just stepping stones in order to get to me. Embarrassing to admit I fell for it and fell for it hard I did. Its all BS to inflate your ego and manipulate you into THINKING you've found your soulmate.

No, she wont look back and realize her mistake. Even if she does, she won't admit to protect their ago and it's NEVER their fault. To them, past flings are just that, in the past. They are unable to feel that deep connection we felt. They live in a video game type world. No rules, screw who ever you want, kill, rob, destroy, and walk away emotionless having had some fun.

 

[phil2015]

No rules, screw who ever you want, kill, rob, destroy, and walk away emotionless having had some fun.

Only one other organism exists in this fashion!

A TAPE WORM

I've often wondered what her end-game was from me.

Personally I think it was my house

 

[stovepipe]

Only one other organism exists in this fashion!

A TAPE WORM

I've often wondered what her end-game was from me.

Personally I think it was my house

I've heard of many male Narcs who go after a women's money, especially their home or inheritance. I've been talking to a women who almost had it happen to her by her narc boyfriend. Another women I met at a CODA meeting told me a similar story. They were smart enough to see what was about to happen and left them before it could. BPD sloots end game is to crush your heart, destroy your soul and hope you commit suicide. Their end game is to win at all costs.

A buddy of mine was involved with I think a hardcore Narc/psycho who destroyed him and even had a previous BF who blew his own head off. When he asked her why does she play these mind games, she told him "it makes me feel so powerful to make a grown man cry, to mess with his head, I actually get a orgasm from it".