Is there anything i can say to my friend who is getting MANGLED by his BPD ex?

[Infern0]

Spent 90 minutes on the phone with the dude, and sweet jesus, the things he's been through with this girl.

She's currently overtly cuckolding him and he's saying to me "i'm willing to wait and see if she picks me in the end" etc.

The girl is a nailed on borderline, from what he's told me, a complete ****ing mess of a woman, sounds pure evil to me. You'll know i went through a pretty bad relationship with a DIAGNOSED BPD but this girl sounds a level worse than even mine was.

My friend is a typical "nice guy" who doesn't know the deal and can't see past his own codependence.

Anyone ever been in this situation? I told him i had to get on with my day in the end as i felt like i was talking to a brick wall.

He's a good guy, albeit a little naieve but he stands to lose EVERTHING in this situation, and there is no good outcome for him but i couldn't convince him to throw the towel in.

 

[AttackFormation]

I would amplify and agree with everything he says. It's going to either make him wake up or crash sooner, thus leading to a recovery sooner.

 

[lizardking82]

Nothing you can say to him that will help him with the current situation because he's way too emotionally invested in that girl in a naive way. I would agree with @AttackFormation that you should let him hit the wall. When he has hit the wall, you have a chance to get him in the "path of righteousness"

 

[Infern0]

Nothing you can say to him that will help him with the current situation because he's way too emotionally invested in that girl in a naive way. I would agree with @AttackFormation that you should let him hit the wall. When he has hit the wall, you have a chance to get him in the "path of righteousness"

Yeah sounds about right.

"the wall" for him is no joke though as he's living in a foreign country with her and he's down to his last few dollars and cents.

 

[dude99]

Spent 90 minutes on the phone with the dude, and sweet jesus, the things he's been through with this girl.

She's currently overtly cuckolding him and he's saying to me "i'm willing to wait and see if she picks me in the end" etc.

The girl is a nailed on borderline, from what he's told me, a complete ****ing mess of a woman, sounds pure evil to me. You'll know i went through a pretty bad relationship with a DIAGNOSED BPD but this girl sounds a level worse than even mine was.

My friend is a typical "nice guy" who doesn't know the deal and can't see past his own codependence.

Anyone ever been in this situation? I told him i had to get on with my day in the end as i felt like i was talking to a brick wall.

He's a good guy, albeit a little naieve but he stands to lose EVERTHING in this situation, and there is no good outcome for him but i couldn't convince him to throw the towel in.

There probably isn't anything you could say that will wake him up that you haven'talready said. He will listen to everything you say and then just do the opposite of what you tell him.

I had a coworker like this. Dated a chick for 3 years. She grew bored of him. Did the 'lets put our relationship on pause for a bit' game. He then rode the cawk carousel while he came into work every day crying on my shoulder as to what to do. I told him walk away. Everyone in the office he spoke to told him it's over. Walk away. Except one retarded femi-nazi who blamed him for everything and told him it was his duty to fight for her. She told him a real man would chase after his woman and prove his love.

I i told him he is an idiot if he listened to her. Everyone in the office said he was an idiot if he listened to her. Basically 13 people said walk away. One single dumped, angry man hating femi-nazi told him to jump through hoops for her.

Guess who he listened to. Yep you guessed it
The femi-nazi who blamed everything on him. Next day he showed me the ring he bought and told me he was going to propose to her....... i told him do not do it.

He did it. She humiliated him.

So unless your buddy is smarter than the average guy im guessing anything you say will fall on deaf ears.

 

[bigneil]

Spent 90 minutes on the phone with the dude, and sweet jesus, the things he's been through with this girl.

She's currently overtly cuckolding him and he's saying to me "i'm willing to wait and see if she picks me in the end" etc.

The girl is a nailed on borderline, from what he's told me, a complete ****ing mess of a woman, sounds pure evil to me. You'll know i went through a pretty bad relationship with a DIAGNOSED BPD but this girl sounds a level worse than even mine was.

My friend is a typical "nice guy" who doesn't know the deal and can't see past his own codependence.

Anyone ever been in this situation? I told him i had to get on with my day in the end as i felt like i was talking to a brick wall.

He's a good guy, albeit a little naieve but he stands to lose EVERTHING in this situation, and there is no good outcome for him but i couldn't convince him to throw the towel in.

Suuuure it's "your friend"!

How to Handle BPD-Whipped Men

1) B!tch slap him
(repeat step 1)

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Repeat facts back to him without directly criticising her. Direct criticism of her will likely trigger perverse and absurd mate guarding responses. Associate facts with how it is going to affect him. If you give nothing but impartial solid advice, you will not be criticised in the long term, regardless of how it ends; which it will eventually.

As is always said, people have to be ready and in a position to listen; lecturing rarely works, unless it's your final roll of the dice and you walk away afterwards and let be what will be.

 

[Red Legg]

Nope,not much you can say you have to learn your own lessons about BPD's .I remember my first one many years ago I was almost destroyed,there is a good chance he could be,but right now he is extremely desperate and needy,sounds like this BPD is going to eat him for lunch.

 

[Billtx49]

He's probably still in the mental fog and addiction phase. Nothing you can say will get through when he's in that state of mind. Only his complete physical and mental separation from her and some time will open his ears.
If she's his only option, he's in some deep sh!t and won't know the full extent of his personal damage until after she's done and gone.