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The fall of an Alpha

Alpheta

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This is a story of a man that in my eyes was one of the most Alpha men I had come across.

Since I was a child to just recently, his presence and personality personified a very high valued man.He still is, just not the same.

Yes, You may have guessed it. My father, is a man from a third world country with a high status. An educated man who gets what he wants. A principled man that would bend backwards for no one. A great orator and a great communicator. My father has been a leader in every circle he has participated in. Everyone looks to him to solve problems and he does it naturally. Men respect him and women admire him. I saw it all.

He was very strict with us as children as he had a reputation to maintain and wanted kids like him. His wife, my mother, was his biggest admirer. He had her in such a place that she would do anything for him. Not out of fear only but because she yearned him so much. EVERYTHING was done for his pleasure. EVERYTHING she did was to appease him and she did this happily. He never wavered or broke his frame. He remained strong and steadfast.

The Fall

What i've realized as of late is that he has succumbed to my mother. He isnt that stern man anymore with her. "my way or the highway" is not the code. Nearly everything my mother says he does. If my mother is annoyed (for her own mistake), he doesn't bother putting her in check, instead tries to reconcile. Its unbelievable change i never thought I would ever see in my father.

For example, my mother and father went to a holiday recently. He spent a total of $25,000. He came back and he looked distraught, tired and stressed whilst my mother looked rejuvenated, re-energized and totally refreshed.

Another example would be my father giving red roses to my mother recently. This came as a huge shock.He NEVER did this even though she used to beg him to.

Literally everything she asks for is done.

Having done all these things for my mother, you'd think shed be totally head over heels for him. However, its not the case. Ive suddenly noticed, after 29 years of marriage that my mother isn't as keen as she once was. She starts problem for no reason and doesn't respect my father as much as she used to. She takes digs at him in front of everyone and he just takes it.

This is the man who never heard a no from his wife. A wife that did and said everything he wanted without him saying it. Alas that is not the case anymore.

I guess the thing ive learnt from this is that the game is never over until you are dead. You must remain in your frame forever and never weaken up.

Women will literally suck the life out of you with no remorse if you give in to them.
 
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lizardking82

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At least you got raised watching your father be a leader, that is always a good thing and a rare thing indeed. She got her way, she thought it would make her happy, it doesn't. A good relationship is one where the man is happy. A bad relationship is one where the woman is happy because you got a miserable man in there for sure when a woman is on control and stuff is happening how she wants them to happen. You know why? Because what she wants now, she doesn't want after 10 minutes and no sane man should take any woman desire completely seriously.
 

The Duke

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Do you think that their relationship could have been a bit one sided? And after all these years she grew tired of it? Now its her turn to get what she thinks she wants.

Never buying a wife roses is a little ridiculous to me.

Perhaps there is some major resentment there on her part?
 

zekko

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This is the man who never heard a no from his wife. A wife that did and said everything he wanted without him saying it. Alas that is not the case anymore.
Several observations:
First off, I agree with howiestern, maybe your mother built up some resentment during all those years.

Second, did your family move to the US or Europe years ago? Maybe they've both become "westernized"'.

Third, maybe your dad was not so "alpha", maybe they were just in a culture where the men were more valued than the women. I mean this with no disrespect to your father, the labels are silly anyway. But I have always said that even a beta should be able to lead a woman, especially in a patriarchal society. Alphas should be measured by their standing with other men, not with the way they treat women.
 

QuadDeuces

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Give your dad a Zinc supplement, men lose testosterone with age but also because their Zinc levels start to decline.
The same happened to my dad, he became lethargic and lazy, I gave him Zinc Piconilate and Magnesium Bisglycenate and now he starts being his old Alpha self again.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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My dad was like that too. Now he is much more egotistical than before. Bigger ego, but slightly lower self esteem. He still has alpha traits that no one in this world can really take away from him and part of that is because of PTSD that he will never admit he has lol. But he was much tougher back then than now. Especially before he had kids and before he got married. He used to get into fights and stuff, told me how he once ripped a guy's nose off hahaha. Now he tries to avoid fighting as much as he can because he is older and has a family now. But if something does happen where he needs to defend himself, he'll just kill the other person and sleep on it no problem. That's one of the alpha things he has. If someone crosses paths with him that he feels is trying to destroy him or his family, he has no qualms killing them. He's never done anything really crazy though because people usually realize that if they screw him over hard enough. He doesn't do whatever the heck my mom tells him to do though either unless it's like picking up my brother or sister from somewhere, and usually it's my older sister who does that stuff. He isn't happy, I can see that. But he isn't sad or depressed either. He always has a 'do or die' mindset when it comes to doing things and you can't get depressed like that. But you also can't really be happy either.

He has alpha and beta traits. Some of the alpha things will stay with him even on his grave because he was so hardlined that it influenced me and my siblings to be tougher and stronger than most others, even though it broke us down and crushed us at first. Now it's gotten to a point where we make fun of people who get depressed, cut themselves, and commit suicide lol, especially me and my brother. So there was some good stuff in what he did. The beta stuff he did/does is just because of his PTSD. It made him alpha and beta at the same time. I'd say now he is just arrogant towards those younger than him and those who aren't as financially successful as him and an ass kisser to those richer than him. No in between really. He's super nice to you if he wants something from you. And otherwise he isn't. Superficial crap really. He used to not be that way before.
 

Infern0

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The same exact thing happened with my parents years ago. All the way until i was about 14-15 my dad was by FAR the dominant one in the relationship and our household was far better for it.

Somehow the balance of power shifted and my mother became the dominant one and dad just sat on his ass and let her run roughshod. He had built up considerable wealth through his 30s and 40s when he controlled the money. A series of disasterous financial decisions by my mother left them struggling to make ends meet. And my dad was a fuy who used to walk round with 1000s in notes during the 90s

Our household became a living hell and i was glad when i got out. My mum also ended up leaving my dad after a few years of this.

Definitely sonething to be learned from tgis.
 

logicallefty

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Second, did your family move to the US or Europe years ago? Maybe they've both become "westernized"'.

.
OP, if I were were placing bets on what happened here this would be where my money would go. Westernization ruined the relationship, as it does 99% of them. In a country where men were still respected and there isn't a justice system to protect her I bet your mother wouldn't be jabbing at him. Because she'd get her a$$ beat if she tried. She knows it. He knows it. You know it. And we know it.
 

Who Dares Win

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I agree with most of what you said from the wester problem regardin men to the possible degeneration of relationships the more a woman gets control.

However I notice that such situations come physiological with age, the guy is tired and no longer willing to struggle any fvcking day of his life in his own house while the lack of job or challenges leave him with no goal, thats when you start paying attention to drama or non sense from women.

The changes in hormone leves play a role too in my opinion.
 

Alpheta

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Several observations:
First off, I agree with howiestern, maybe your mother built up some resentment during all those years.

Second, did your family move to the US or Europe years ago? Maybe they've both become "westernized"'.

Third, maybe your dad was not so "alpha", maybe they were just in a culture where the men were more valued than the women. I mean this with no disrespect to your father, the labels are silly anyway. But I have always said that even a beta should be able to lead a woman, especially in a patriarchal society. Alphas should be measured by their standing with other men, not with the way they treat women.
My mother always yearned my father. He was strict and stern but she did everything for him. It wasnt a matter of her resenting him because this change came about only when i saw the change in HIM.

My family have been in the western hemisphere all our lives. It didnt have any impact and still really doesn't as we have a really strong culture.

I get where you are coming from in terms of him being from a culture hence him being dominant and not so much alpha, but that isn't my observation. My fathers presence around other men and how he has lead people through out his life has shown me the man that he is. A very good orator, communicator and decision maker. A very passionate man but surprisingly when stuff got really pressured he never wavered. Always took stress lightly.

I look at my father and I see real masculinity. I compare him to his peers and I see the difference. Everyone respects him. What he does he gets. Opened a business recently and now hes sitting on half a million.

However, the sad fact is that hes letting go. I can see it. Gives in to everything my mother says. Isnt as solid at home anymore.
 

Alpheta

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I agree with most of what you said from the wester problem regardin men to the possible degeneration of relationships the more a woman gets control.

However I notice that such situations come physiological with age, the guy is tired and no longer willing to struggle any fvcking day of his life in his own house while the lack of job or challenges leave him with no goal, thats when you start paying attention to drama or non sense from women.

The changes in hormone leves play a role too in my opinion.
THIS. You are right on the mark here.

I remember once my father did something out of left field and i asked him why he did it his response was ' I cant bare the strain of another problem at home so its for the better.' Looking back I can see now what he meant.
 

RangerMIke

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maybe he cheated and got caught
I'm not saying it happened here, but I have seen this EXACT story line play out exactly in that way. Something changed the relationship dynamic to put her in a power position, and this is what happens when women are in command of a 'relationship'.
 

Poon King

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Well of course.

That's what happens when men seek emotional security in women by means of full commitment. This is why men should spin plates and never get married. Men have no power in modern "relationships" because they are design around female needs and values. The power men have is to use women for sex, reproduction and entertainment, then and exit as soon as possible.

There is no "alpha" in emotionally committing to ONE woman. Once a man's kids reach adult age.. that's his cute to EXIT and upgrade to a younger sexier model. NOT to stick around like a beaten dog eating sh!t because he is "afraid of losing her". Once you marry a woman there is no reason for her to love you or please you anymore and over time she realizes what you have is essentially hers.

Here is the delusion of men in "relationships": They believe they as men need to lead the household and provide for their family to be happy and feel like a "real man". They want to be "proud" of being able to take care of their wife and kids. This "pride" is no different than a donkey feeling strong as it carries a heavy load.
 

Alpheta

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Well of course.

That's what happens when men seek emotional security in women by means of full commitment. This is why men should spin plates and never get married. Men have no power in modern "relationships" because they are design around female needs and values. The power men have is to use women for sex, reproduction and entertainment, then and exit as soon as possible.

There is no "alpha" in emotionally committing to ONE woman. Once a man's kids reach adult age.. that's his cute to EXIT and upgrade to a younger sexier model. NOT to stick around like a beaten dog eating sh!t because he is "afraid of losing her". Once you marry a woman there is no reason for her to love you or please you anymore and over time she realizes what you have is essentially hers.

Here is the delusion of men in "relationships": They believe they as men need to lead the household and provide for their family to be happy and feel like a "real man". They want to be "proud" of being able to take care of their wife and kids. This "pride" is no different than a donkey feeling strong as it carries a heavy load.
Agreed. Eventually the 'alpha' is sucked out of you as the woman realizes you are hers and always will be.

This is why I have considered marrying more than one woman. It is socially accepted in the culture I come from. Might as well take advantage of the situation.
 

Roober

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Is it possible that maintaining alpha in a marriage takes more work than men are willing to put in? Women can always use family and friends as reasons to why "he is an ass" among other things. They can essentially isolate their man intrinsically from there family and friends, thereby leading him down the rabbit hole into AFC wonderland.

Society determines that "being a man" istaking care of your family and kids, not actually masculine traits that most men lack these days... For the last 20+ years, we call tails and she is flipping a two-headed coin... It is just a matter of time until reality sets in...
 

skinnyguy

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Consider yourself lucky. My dad is the biggest beta I've ever met. At least you had a good role model growing up.
 
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