Need advice/help

[MrThrowaway]

Hi,

Firstly I would like to apologise incase this seems quite jumbled or a wall or text. I am quite lost right now.

Last year, one of my best friends sisters had suddenly started coming out to events we go to (music events), it was kind of clear she wanted me but I brushed it off because a) At the time I was actually going out with someone for a while, but this relationship to me was pretty much just a hook up type thing (but I think she really wanted it to be more) and B) it was my best bro's sister. One weekend, i decided f**k it and went out with my best friends sister, we kissed only at my house after sitting up talking for a few hours, then the next week we got really drunk and ****ed (and we both doing oral, which she never did after we hooked up later). I broke it up with the original chick (big mistake)

Well anyway, she went off to a big music festival and ended up falling for some guy. Obviously I was torn up about the whole thing, but since it was so short lived I was able to get over it. Few months go by and she seems madly in love with this guy.

In the mean time I actually read Models by Mark Manson and also started a book The Rational Male (which actually brought me here, only finished this very recently)

Anyways fast forward, she appears at 2 more music events, one I actually told her to goto and get tickets when we first started going out. Anyway, I suspected something was up and noticed one day, her profile photo changed, so I decide to go out and pull her and I did. She had broken up with the guy.

So we start going out again and its good, but she always made comments like my brother does not approve, these sorts of comments go on and on for a long time, I kind of got annoyed by this **** and kind of pull back. In this time where we are sort of going out sort of not going out, I notice she says I am too nice (twice), which is true, its a quality I have never liked about myself. Also, her bro at one stage when we were really drunk mentions that she would like us to be friends (ouch). Luckily, I find out this is a thing a lot of guys are like and decided to read 'No more mister nice guy,' and it is quite the eye opener.

She then over time starts messaging me more and we have an amazing night at christmas when we were both ****ed up. This kind of re-ignites everything and we were going out like a couple again, meeting up, working out, ****ing when we can etc.. Also whenever we were out with her family, we always had to sort of keep it secret (like i tried to peck her in the cheek one day when her brother was out and she didn't seem keen). When we re-connected, I talked about how I am going to quit the job I hate go travelling for a bit, but returned for a music festival we are both going to (at this point we were not going together)

We start to make small little more plans together, goto some gigs. Then she got 2 tickets to a gig, but didn't really have anyone to go with her so I offered (the band was actually really nice). Also, we start to make plans for the music festival that we are both going to and plan to go together.

Anyway, the past 2 weeks leading up to st patricks day, I got really sick. The week before st patricks day she does not want to meet with me on Saturday night, which baffled me really, me not feeling the best, would of liked some comfort. As a dude I do not really let it get me down and truck on through, (note, i never really ever get sick, so this was a blow to my system, couldn't work out and could barely eat.) Still, on st patricks day I decided I am going to go out,
Usually she is very keen to drive me places if she is going that direction anyways, and I said can you drive me to your brothers since I am going there anyways, she is hesitant, but does it anyways, and is not very warming or welcoming. Sometimes she is like this so i just ignore and continuing talking and doing what I do.

We go out, have a nice night, we both chat and have a good time, we are both talking to alot of people. She is talking away to me completely normal. I notice she is getting ready to bed so I offer to stay or she can come to mine. She said she is OK, she texts me and asks me to bring something up , she has done this before just to get me to stay with her. Then she starts with the whole 'my brother wouldn't approve (we are in his house), and eventually i get her to talk and she said she wants to end it and she does not feel it, saying things like I am the perfect guy and she wanted this to work so much, and she said she had a scare the past few weeks. Unfortunately I am really ****ed up at the time and really shocks me, I just say a few things like 'are you serious? I cannot believe this' Then like a dagger in the heart, she says I want us to be friends. I said that cannot work, put my shoes on and leave (probably shattered my frame). She has a lot of male friends she messages all the time and I do not want to be the person messaging her and not the dude in her bed.

I go no contact, assuming she was just ****ed up too, expecting her to call me or text me or something (also because we have a gig to goto), but she does not text me until Sunday. that goes along the lines of 'you probably dont want to hear from me, but it was difficult to make this decision and had such an amazing time together and that she messed me about. She really wanted something to develop but it didn't for her and wouldn't be fair to keep going. I would love us to be friends but if you decide not then i understand.'

I fired back a text saying I had such an amazing time too, I do not know what to say, I was going to ask if you want to speak in person, but I guess this is it. Then she said she was really sad and she is free to talk.

Sorry for the wall of text. I never ever reach out to people about these things (I have never needed to as I have never let a chick get to me before). I know I completely ****ed up a lot of **** tests, because I am too laid back and nice. So I am turning to you guys for assistance. I am guessing this ship has sailed and I should just pursue other people? I already lift religiously and read a lot. We are probably going to bump into each other in future, I am pretty good at acting everything is OK, so should I just act normal?

As I have said guys, I am very new to all of this, usually my ‘relationships’ were just a few months here and there and a few flings, I was never really invested in anything, so this is new to me.

 

[derricklerrick]

The huge wall of text was really unnecessary. Yeah, keep it cool when you meet her.

 

[Glassguy]

Here is your answer:

This chick hangs out with you and pretends to date you when she has no other options. Someone else catches her attention and she is gone like dust in the wind.

She has done this not once but twice. At least you got to bang her.

So this is what you do: NOTHING. You will not initiate ANYTHING. Period.

If she calls, dont answer. Wait an hour and text "I saw where you called....I am very busy. Whats up?"

She will probably say "Oh just seeing what you're up to". DO NOT RESPOND TO IT. If she keeps texting just to see if you are on the hook, simply say "Hey we had a lot of fun together, but I think I am going to check out a few other possibilities. Take care".

The only thing you should be responding to is the text that basically says she wants to hook up or the "I made a terrible mistake and want to talk". I would be super patient and cautious if I were you as to how you would handle either of those texts.

She obviously fvcks around and doesnt know what she wants.

 

[MrThrowaway]

The huge wall of text was really unnecessary. Yeah, keep it cool when you meet her.

I know its ridiclous but needed to vent. Could have been alot longer too ha! Thanks though dude. **** i need to hear. Should i even be flirty when we encounter each other?

 

[MrThrowaway]

Here is your answer:

This chick hangs out with you and pretends to date you when she has no other options. Someone else catches her attention and she is gone like dust in the wind.

She has done this not once but twice. At least you got to bang her.

So this is what you do: NOTHING. You will not initiate ANYTHING. Period.

If she calls, dont answer. Wait an hour and text "I saw where you called....I am very busy. Whats up?"

She will probably say "Oh just seeing what you're up to". DO NOT RESPOND TO IT. If she keeps texting just to see if you are on the hook, simply say "Hey we had a lot of fun together, but I think I am going to check out a few other possibilities. Take care".

The only thing you should be responding to is the text that basically says she wants to hook up or the "I made a terrible mistake and want to talk". I would be super patient and cautious if I were you as to how you would handle either of those texts.

She obviously fvcks around and doesnt know what she wants.

Thanks man this is what I want to hear.

 

[lizardking82]

Confused chick and the most important thing, she is playing you. She has a lot of male friends and those are all ****s waiting in line to go inside of her and she doesn't seem like the kind of girl that has a lot of mental stability so expect some of those ****s to actually go inside of her soon, if not already LOL.

Dude, there 10 signs of red flags and low interest from her in your post alone. I cannot imagine what more is actually there that you cannot write here.

You go completely no contact on this chick. Nothing. Unless she is ready to ride that **** again in which case you could **** her and treat the situation carefully, then nothing. This chick is not stable and that never fares well for the kind of relationship you're apparently looking for.

 

[MrThrowaway]

Confused chick and the most important thing, she is playing you. She has a lot of male friends and those are all ****s waiting in line to go inside of her and she doesn't seem like the kind of girl that has a lot of mental stability so expect some of those ****s to actually go inside of her soon, if not already LOL.

Dude, there 10 signs of red flags and low interest from her in your post alone. I cannot imagine what more is actually there that you cannot write here.

You go completely no contact on this chick. Nothing. Unless she is ready to ride that **** again in which case you could **** her and treat the situation carefully, then nothing. This chick is not stable and that never fares well for the kind of relationship you're apparently looking for.

Yeah I think she played me for a fool and I was too stupid to see. I never thought it would happen to me (ha!).

This is the kind of post that I need to hear. I suspect she wants to ride the CC before she hits the wall (close), I was probably viewed as a provider.

Yeah the only **** I would be adding to this wall of text is the constant cycle of her showing extreme interest, followed by a lack of interest.

 

[Glassguy]

I know its ridiclous but needed to vent. Could have been alot longer too ha! Thanks though dude. **** i need to hear. Should i even be flirty when we encounter each other?

Absolutely not. If you see her out, say "hi" and move on. She is merely an acquaintance at this point.

Dont act butthurt by any means, but definitely do not go out of your way to say hi.

 

[MrThrowaway]

Absolutely not. If you see her out, say "hi" and move on. She is merely an acquaintance at this point.

Dont act butthurt by any means, but definitely do not go out of your way to say hi.

Cool, I wont. Should be fine acting normal when we inevitably meet.

 

[derricklerrick]

Cool, I wont. Should be fine acting normal when we inevitably meet.

If it were me I would just start a friendly conversation with her instead of just a "hi." (Flirt a little in a way where you don't go all "Oh, I loved you so much." but still have that innocent bit of flirty vibe in your words) It shows that even though you've gotten rid of her, you were not too affected and can cope with her presence without having a seizure about it.

If you can't control your feelings when you're in her presence then sure, go ahead with just a 'hi' or a nod of acknowledgement.

 

[Desdinova]

So I am turning to you guys for assistance. I am guessing this ship has sailed and I should just pursue other people?

There's a few people on the forum (including myself) who tout the "one chance per lifetime" rule. If a chick fvcks up the first time, there is no second time. She will fvck it up the second time around, the third time, fourth time, and so on. There's no point in dragging your heart through the mud over a flaky chick.

There are lots of women out there, and there are ones who are going to treat you better.

 

[backseatjuan]

Her brother does not approve. This is the main reason you don't date friend's sisters. If they don't approve things go down the drain. I wouldn't be harsh to this girl for looking else where while you were together. Lesson learned, move along. As far as how to talk to her from now on, it could be anything you want it to be, just keep in mind it's your friend's sister.

 

[MrThrowaway]

Her brother does not approve. This is the main reason you don't date friend's sisters. If they don't approve things go down the drain. I wouldn't be harsh to this girl for looking else where while you were together. Lesson learned, move along. As far as how to talk to her from now on, it could be anything you want it to be, just keep in mind it's your friend's sister.

Surprisingly, he approved first time around and apparently it was a first. I think he didn't approve the second time because she fvcked up. We never discussed the whole thing and still haven't but have hung out since and we're all good thankfully. Think he was just looking out for me the second time.