Question on the possibility of a 'unicorn'

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

So like Tenacity, I am at war with myself on my thoughts of whether a really good woman naturally exists. I mean I think to myself that if they never existed ever, then society would not portray them to be that way. And the fact that women are more influenced by society than men, perhaps there are? But there is also the fvcked up pedestalization and lack of dignity in most men that indirectly contribute to ruining women. Now I am starting to wonder if my ideal woman exists. I swear I have met a few before, I think I have met 3 in my life. One of those 3 got fat and degenerated. The other one began faltering in her character but not completely, but maybe by now she has. The last girl is most recent and shocked me with how green she is considering that she went to one of the worst public school systems in the nation so I am looking at her right now in awe.

I digress. It's apparent that most of these women are fvcked up because and have issues because of certain reasons. Maybe certain insecurities (I mean they all have them), parental problems, financial issues, etc. Now this has me wondering, can't we use this to our advantage? Here is a contradiction I found here: I have read on here a few times that you must always have leverage over women in your relationships. Well if we get actual quality women, these women are the TRUE independent types that feminists talk about. Because she doesn't have any issues, she can live with or without you since she doesn't need you to fix anything for her. This means that you can't have any actual leverage over her.

Yet we all desire this type of woman.

That's fine and all no worries (though I still would like an explanation for this). But why not exploit the weaknesses and insecurities of a woman who wants to get in a relationship with us? I mean after all, they are seeking to exploit us and use their body language, makeup for good-looks, and superficial charm to draw us in. Why not exploit women like this to our advantage?

And an even better idea I have that will surely get me bashed by all of you (but was the main reason for making this thread): why not genuinely help these women? I know what you're all thinking, and no I am not captain save-a-hoe. But this has got me wondering that maybe we can help them and indirectly fix an issue they have. And if they have no more issues anymore, then they can start becoming that 'quality' girl we all want. And because we made them and built them up, if we leave her or if she leaves us, then she will completely collapse (similar to what a BPD does ro guys). And at that point we always have leverage. Plus, gaining access to secret side of her gives us insight into her inner workings and allows us to see what she really thinks and feels about certain things. We can understand her more then. Why would we do that? Because then we can respond and react more appropriately to whatever she says and does to us (e.g. sh!t tests amongst other things). And this knowledge can be used later on in the future with other people.

I guess in short, instead of just 'spinning plates' and not ever really talking to them, maybe we can actually try helping them. Not in the same way a nice guy does, we only do this AFTER we have become intimate with them and not in a needy way. And obviously we don't do this with crackhead hookers, only with women who have few issues that are manageable. Once we gain access to their psyche, we might be able to change it for the better.

This is just a theory of mine. Thoughts?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

you cant fix people that don't want to fix themselves

Very true, hence the crackhead hooker analogy. But what if she does want some kind of closure on her issue and you can see that? Maybe you can show her the way on how to correctly do so.

 

[lizardking82]

Women and men will always have issues. The whole thing is how you choose to handle those issues. However, you can only do so much to help people and the number 1 thing is that they have to agree with you that they need to get better at certain things. Naturally speaking, most women do not even feel the need to develop a character until in their late twenties where still, a good number of them do not bother at all and just find a beta man to keep them fed and ensure continuation. Generally speaking, in most cases, women;s emotions are inferior to a healthy man's logic so logically speaking, you have the power of explaining to her why she acts the way she acts and why she does the things she does. Do this NOT to gain her sympathy, but to make her understand why she should be submissive towards you and that is the number 1 "rule" for a working relationship to exist. This is the only way you can help her, by keeping your cool and explaining to her what she's doing because she literally does not understand herself LOL. I would be totally against doing things like trying to make her relationships with people around her better or trying to make her a person with a spine and character. She is either raised properly and has those qualities and if she doesn't have them by 20, it will be close to impossible for you to help her in anything.

 

[resilient]

...what if she does want some kind of closure on her issue and you can see that? Maybe you can show her the way on how to correctly do so.

I think an excellent DJ who has his act together influences her with his frame and having a vision for his life. Regardless of the man or woman in the relationship, we're all responsible individually for healing past issues and forging ahead. We don't always fix insecurities -- we bring insecurities into relationships -- yet still -- they can remain or carry over if not dealt with.

Fundamentally, I think most of us desire to have a better relationship next time with new partners and hope we don't carry over the burdens from past relationships. I like that this forum fosters and supports the growth of inner game as a DJ like a brotherhood.

Unfortunately, I believe a majority women don't have the same integral mindset as us DJs. They usually are looking to see how they can use a relationship to exploit her getting her way (what she wants selfishly) or until the next challenger or upgrade drops on her doorstep.

For me... it comes down to interest level. Women compare the present guy to her last few relationships. She's always observing the man's behavior and ranking him on a scale in her High Score Theory and regulates her interest level depending on how well the guy has demonstrated his ability to rise, meet, and exceed expectations.

From what I've seen, women don't deal with their issues when they're single. They will take up new hobbies for a time, yet will be focused on hyper dating through websites or apps to re-evaluate what she wants and not necessarily her thinking: "Wow. I have a ___ personality disorder and drive guys away. I should go to a psychologist or psychiatrist or support group to fix my core problem if I want to sustain a LTR again."

 

[Roober]

There is no such thing as a unicorn...

All women have flaws, all men have flaws. It is a matter of how well those flaws work together and are accepted by the other person. When you find the right person, and get into a long term relationship, they become your unicorn...

The problem with alot of subjective beliefs here are very similar to statistics. You buy a lotto ticket and have 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance to win. You buy another one, you still only have a 1 in 1,000,000,000 chance to win.

-No woman without a father figure is the same
-No woman with kids is the same
-No woman with a college degree is the same

Every situation is different and should be treated that way. Use your experience to guide you, not to stop you from learning and growing....

 

[guru1000]

The search for a “unicorn” is often the search for someone greater than ourselves, as if we felt the need to label any woman as a “unicorn,” we have already pedestal-ed her to an unreachable degree, to a place of higher value/position than ourselves.

A man of higher value is replete with options and has the pick of the compatible litter. Would this man call a compatible girl a “unicorn,” or simply a contender?

The terminology we use is worth looking at, as often we are really describing ourselves and our capabilities/limitations in the process, not really describing the contenders to whom we seek.

 

[DreamAgain]

You can look at my own thread, I thought I found one myself...turns out her family has major red flags. That's why when you actually think you've found a "unicorn", it's hard to let her go despite problems that are obvious.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This is just a theory of mine. Thoughts?

A white knight is still a white knight, no matter much you dress it up with verbiage. Helping somebody (anybody, not just crack hoes) that doesn't want to be helped is a recipe for disaster. Unless they are a biological relative and you're FORCING them into some kind intervention, don't even think about another human's issues unless they bring them up. And even if they do, chances are slim they actually want your REAL help.

Nobody wants to be somebody else's "fixer upper."

Embrace the holy laws of Economics, the dismal science.

EVERYTHING costs something.

So long as you KNOW what the costs are, and you're willing to pay them, you'll be fine.

 

[bigneil]

So like Tenacity, I am at war with myself on my thoughts of whether a really good woman naturally exists. I mean I think to myself that if they never existed ever, then society would not portray them to be that way.

Needle off record.

That's like saying "If Jesus weren't really white, then society would not portray him to be that way".

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

A white knight is still a white knight, no matter much you dress it up with verbiage. Helping somebody (anybody, not just crack hoes) that doesn't want to be helped is a recipe for disaster. Unless they are a biological relative and you're FORCING them into some kind intervention, don't even think about another human's issues unless they bring them up. And even if they do, chances are slim they actually want your REAL help.

Nobody wants to be somebody else's "fixer upper."

Embrace the holy laws of Economics, the dismal science.

EVERYTHING costs something.

So long as you KNOW what the costs are, and you're willing to pay them, you'll be fine.

Read this quote:

Very true, hence the crackhead hooker analogy. But what if she does want some kind of closure on her issue and you can see that? Maybe you can show her the way on how to correctly do so.

Needle off record.

That's like saying "If Jesus weren't really white, then society would not portray him to be that way".

Good analogy, but Jesus is different. When he is portrayed, he isn't meant to be seen by the color of his skin. Some people think he is black, some people might think he is Hispanic or Asian or something entirely different. But the fact that he is still shown in the first place shows that he probably did exist a few thousand years ago. It's more like "because Jesus is shown to have existed before, he likely has".

 

[bigneil]

Read this quote:


Good analogy, but Jesus is different. When he is portrayed, he isn't meant to be seen by the color of his skin. Some people think he is black, some people might think he is Hispanic or Asian or something entirely different. But the fact that he is still shown in the first place shows that he probably did exist a few thousand years ago. It's more like "because Jesus is shown to have existed before, he likely has".

Good analogy, but women are different. When she is portrayed (by our mom), she isn't meant to be seen by the character of her behavior. Some people think she is pure, some people might think she is honorable or honest or something entirely different. But the fact that she is still desired in the first place shows that she probably did put out a few thousand years ago. It is more like "because mom showed us innocent women existed before, we believe they likely did".

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Good analogy, but women are different. When she is portrayed (by our mom), she isn't meant to be seen by the character of her behavior. Some people think she is pure, some people might think she is honorable or honest or something entirely different. But the fact that she is still desired in the first place shows that she probably did put out a few thousand years ago. It is more like "because mom showed us innocent women existed before, we believe they likely did".

I don't know about that. My mother is nicer now than she was when she was younger. She liked some other dude over my dad back then so she never really showed us what a 'sweet innocent mother' really was. There is something else telling me that women can exist naturally good though and I cannot figure out what it is. Maybe just the accumulation of dreams, fantasies, and actual life experiences and observations. But I cannot pinpoint it to a major thing. That's why I can't believe that the average US woman is psychologically normal. And because of that, I wonder if I can fix it so that they could be my ideal woman.

 

[sazc]

There are NO UNICORNS! We're (men and women) all special snowflakes with our own set of issues. The best thing you can do is fond yourself a special snowflake that you can respect as a partner. One that meets your reasonable set of standards, and one who's baggage 'works' with your baggage. Relationships will always ebb and flow. One week you are up, the next you are down. Outside of that I have said, the most important thing is that you have a partner who committed to seeing it thru. I have no clue how to identify that in someone tho, im still shooting in the dark as well.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

There are NO UNICORNS! We're (men and women) all special snowflakes with our own set of issues. The best thing you can do is fond yourself a special snowflake that you can respect as a partner. One that meets your reasonable set of standards, and one who's baggage 'works' with your baggage. Relationships will always ebb and flow. One week you are up, the next you are down. Outside of that I have said, the most important thing is that you have a partner who committed to seeing it thru. I have no clue how to identify that in someone tho, im still shooting in the dark as well.

My expectations, at least in a marriage sense:
1. Cook
2. Clean
3. Don't deny me sex or any sexual pleasures.
4. Be sweet towards me and my kids.
5. Do what I ask without giving me sh!t for it all the time; I won't abuse you for this.

Meanwhile I see magazines on a rack by the checkout line I grocery stores saying "100 ways to please your man".

I shouldn't have to list anything else like looking good, staying in shape, not cheating or anything like that, those should be common sense by the time you are 10 years old.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

My expectations, at least in a marriage sense:
1. Cook
2. Clean
3. Don't deny me sex or any sexual pleasures.
4. Be sweet towards me and my kids.
5. Do what I ask without giving me sh!t for it all the time; I won't abuse you for this.

And if you were to put yourself in this woman's shoes, what, exactly does she get in return, other than a guy that won't abuse her?

Compare this (what you imagine you have to offer) to every other guy on the market who wants the same thing as you. Why does she pick YOU over all those other guys?

 

[sazc]

My expectations, at least in a marriage sense:
1. Cook
2. Clean
3. Don't deny me sex or any sexual pleasures.
4. Be sweet towards me and my kids. (you got kids from someone else?!?!)
5. Do what I ask without giving me sh!t for it all the time; I won't abuse you for this.

Meanwhile I see magazines on a rack by the checkout line I grocery stores saying "100 ways to please your man".

I shouldn't have to list anything else like looking good, staying in shape, not cheating or anything like that, those should be common sense by the time you are 10 years old.

dont forget honest, clear communication and the willingness to work things out.
If she's going to work, consider hiring a maid service to come bi weekley and cook together sometimes.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

And if you were to put yourself in this woman's shoes, what, exactly does she get in return, other than a guy that won't abuse her?

Compare this (what you imagine you have to offer) to every other guy on the market who wants the same thing as you. Why does she pick YOU over all those other guys?

Some wish washy things that might make you cringe hehehe

 

[Trunks]

Maybe it's just me, but I think with the way human nature is, even if a man were to find a unicorn there's a high chance you'd get bored sooner or later.

 

[bigneil]

My expectations, at least in a marriage sense:
1. Cook
2. Clean
3. Don't deny me sex or any sexual pleasures.
4. Be sweet towards me and my kids.
5. Do what I ask without giving me sh!t for it all the time; I won't abuse you for this.

Meanwhile I see magazines on a rack by the checkout line I grocery stores saying "100 ways to please your man".

I shouldn't have to list anything else like looking good, staying in shape, not cheating or anything like that, those should be common sense by the time you are 10 years old.

6. Don't make him attempt to get this in a prenup.
7. Don't make him pay for his own kids.
8. Don't make him get a job.
9. Don't make him get a drivers license.
10. Don't make him go find a buyer when you need a 6 pack of Meister Brau.

 

[zekko]

There's no such thing as a unicorn, but there are women out there worth dating, and there are women worth being in LTRs with.

Marriage is a different thing, because people can change over time. The society we currently live in encourages instability, so I wouldn't reccomend it. Puts too much of your power in the hands of other people. Which is a shame, because the children are missing out with the loss of the nuclear family.