Why are we afraid of rejection from women?

[Urbanyst]

As my life has changed for the better recently, I'm having a lot of epiphanies and starting to look at things differently than I used to.

I posted earlier about my other epiphany that game (outer game not inner) is for men trying to punch above their weight. When you are on a woman's level or higher you don't need game.

My latest epiphany is about rejection. I posted earlier how I recently started making great money and got my own apartment with no roommates in the city. I see a few guys here post about abundance and they are correct. Fear of rejection only happens when you don't have abundance.

Right now I'm hooking up with two girls and I do cold approaches during the week when I leave work. Since becoming more successful I just feel more entitled. Like I just deserve any hot girl I want.

When I get rejected I don't feel anything at all. So many girls are into me already its like no big deal. I already admitted that I can't make LTR's work for sh*t. But I'm starting to not care about that anymore.

Some of this might come from living in the city, because cute women and college girls are literally everywhere. I don't feel the pressure I used to feel to succeed with a girl. I don't even have performance anxiety anymore in bed. As long as I get off I'm good.

Those guys who post about abundance and plate spinning are right on the money. If you can get abundance, its smooth sailing.

Now I ask myself why I ever feared being rejected. The answer is, because I thought one woman rejecting me was like being rejected by the entire female gender. I don't see it this way anymore. There are so many reasons why a girl might reject you and its usually more about her than you.

 

[JohnChops]

agreed, we have this internal thought that "people are all the same" and then you take that generalized statement and apply it to women. Then you think "oh wow, if people are the same then all the women are the same, if one rejects me, they all reject me." It is a ****ed up thought carousel that needs to be broken.

You then realize women do not know what the hell they want and different women like different things.

 

[bigneil]

Men take chances to get ahead. If they succeed, they reproduce, if they fail (as most do), they die alone. Forgive us if we care.

 

[Konada]

On a more primal level, I think getting rejected by a female means she deems your genes as not fit to be passed on. At least that's how I see it and feel sometimes, especially with women that I'm really attracted to.

 

[Urbanyst]

Men take chances to get ahead. If they succeed, they reproduce, if they fail (as most do), they die alone. Forgive us if we care.

This is totally false.

But this type of thinking is the problem.

 

[Urbanyst]

On a more primal level, I think getting rejected by a female means she deems your genes as not fit to be passed on. At least that's how I see it and feel sometimes, especially with women that I'm really attracted to.

LOL never thought if it that way.

I guess there is truth to that. But you have to keep things in perspective. If you're going after the hottest women around, they have a lot of options. Rejection just means you are not the best option for her at the time. Visit her again in 10 years when she is 35 and she might feel a little different.

If a woman wants to reproduce, she is limited to the men interested in her. Its not like women can hand pick the guys with the best genes.

 

[Papa_smu]

From a practical perspective, I don't see abundance being a factor at all. And the talk of not having the right "genes" seems like we're viewing this from under a microscope. It's like saying that someone can't pick-up 200lbs because he or she isn't outputting a large enough signal down their efferent nerves to activate enough muscle fibers to generate force on the tendon. Therefore, they don't have enough leverage to pick up the object.

"Um, they just weren't strong enough to pick it up?"

"Right- but we're not going to fix the problem stating the obvious"

"They need to lift more?"

Let's not overthink this. We can all agree getting rejected is uncomfortable and not something to be desired. We're more than likely to repeat something if the payoff is consistent and significant.

Another observation is the fear of being labelled as a creeper. The label itself carries a lot of negative cognition to it and having it is perceived just as bad as the scarlet letter during the colonial times. I can see why most guys would avoid approaching because of the possible consequences that can come out of it. Who really wants to be that guy?

However, are the effects of rejection and being labelled a creeper really all that bad if we're never going to see these girls again? Are we really sealing our fate and losing it all because those chicks thought we were creepy for approaching? When is this bad string of botched approaches going to turn around when it seems like it's taking forever?

The guys (or gals) that are seeing success with getting some don't let past failures deter them from pulling the trigger. They had success in their past experience with the opposite sex that they're confident in their social dealings. Having good things happening to you will always make you more confident, on the other hand, that doesn't mean you'll start seeing more lays.

By the way Urbanyst, I'm happy to hear life is starting to get better for you it sounds like you worked very hard to get where you're at.

 

[btownbuck2012]

As my life has changed for the better recently, I'm having a lot of epiphanies and starting to look at things differently than I used to.

I posted earlier about my other epiphany that game (outer game not inner) is for men trying to punch above their weight. When you are on a woman's level or higher you don't need game.

My latest epiphany is about rejection. I posted earlier how I recently started making great money and got my own apartment with no roommates in the city. I see a few guys here post about abundance and they are correct. Fear of rejection only happens when you don't have abundance.

Right now I'm hooking up with two girls and I do cold approaches during the week when I leave work. Since becoming more successful I just feel more entitled. Like I just deserve any hot girl I want.

When I get rejected I don't feel anything at all. So many girls are into me already its like no big deal. I already admitted that I can't make LTR's work for sh*t. But I'm starting to not care about that anymore.

Some of this might come from living in the city, because cute women and college girls are literally everywhere. I don't feel the pressure I used to feel to succeed with a girl. I don't even have performance anxiety anymore in bed. As long as I get off I'm good.

Those guys who post about abundance and plate spinning are right on the money. If you can get abundance, its smooth sailing.

Now I ask myself why I ever feared being rejected. The answer is, because I thought one woman rejecting me was like being rejected by the entire female gender. I don't see it this way anymore. There are so many reasons why a girl might reject you and its usually more about her than you.

I feel the same way. For me it comes from the experiences I've had as opposed to the abundance I'm experiencing at any given point in my life. Abundance is fleeting. It can come and go like the wind, but those experiences with women last. I think that's where the confidence and peace in the face of rejection come from. You've been there before and you'll be there again but you've been able to put it all into perspective. It's really a great feeling and one that I presume will lead to some much more fulfilling and wonderful experiences to come. Like you mentioned at the end of your post, it's great to be able to look at life differently as you get older. That's a sign of growth and at the end of the day, that's what it's all about.

 

[sazc]

Rejection by any female does not, ever, define your true value as a desirable male.

 

[TheFixer14]

The subconscious mind is one hell of a powerful thing. Enough bad experiences will make you weary of anything.

 

[backseatjuan]

I posted earlier about my other epiphany that game (outer game not inner) is for men trying to punch above their weight. When you are on a woman's level or higher you don't need game.

Back in the day, when our ancient ancestors was living in the trees, there was just one guy fvcking all the women, the alpha male. Fear of rejection is subconscious fear of getting your ass kicked by alpha male. This fear is present when you are insecure of yourself and your abilities, when you try hitting up women above your league.

 

[AttackFormation]

Back in the day, when our ancient ancestors was living in the trees, there was just one guy fvcking all the women, the alpha male. Fear of rejection is subconscious fear of getting your ass kicked by alpha male. This fear is present when you are insecure of yourself and your abilities, when you try hitting up women above your league.

I think the female collective is a bigger reason than the silverback. You gotta remember that they choose to stay with him, they're not running away. The alpha male isn't holding them prisoner, they just don't want to fvck with the outside male(s). Competing with other males is one thing, but going up against "the herd" too? you'd be done.

 

[guru1000]

I've dated top models and many women who would crack your neck at passing. If you want to date the cream of the crop, you best leave your ego at the door, and embrace many, many, many rejections. Embracing rejection is nature's way of pre-selecting the "beasts," from those who accept their self-circumscribed fate.

There is a certain transcendence in embracing the word "No." Many allow life to dictate the "terms," others will stop at nothing until desires meet reality.

 

[3agle 3yes]

I always call bs when anyone says they no longer fear rejection...It will always be there, the only thing you can do is accept it, accept that you can be rejected.

And once you've accepted it, embrace it and beyond that, invite it...rejection is our friend, not an enemy.

Another thing I found in my myself and amongst other guys is we need to be given permission to crash and burn when approaching...this was a big one for me. My ego was fragile (sometimes it still is), and I don't like to see myself being embarrassed...but that's what life is about.

Learning, problem solving and embarrassment...this is life in a nutshell.

I try not to think of the term "rejection", rejection suggests you have something to lose...we don't have anything to lose in the initial approach as she hasn't yet proven her value despite how good she looks (yes this is very hard to do), but it's a habitual mindset we all need to have (imo).

 

[bigneil]

I've dated top models

Nice. What were their names?

This is totally false. But this type of thinking is the problem.

Not an argument. They have this thing called EVIDENCE that you should look into.

"Citing recent DNA research, Dr. Baumeister explained that today's human population is descended from twice as many women as men. Maybe 80 percent of women reproduced, whereas only 40 percent of men did."

 

[bigneil]

When you are on a woman's level or higher you don't need game.

In that case you should try for hotter women.

I posted earlier how I recently started making great money.

Congratulations. What do you consider great money btw?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Only when you blatantly hit on a woman can you be blatantly rejected. Learn to more artfully camouflage your interactions and you will be rejected a lot less.

 

[guru1000]

Only when you blatantly hit on a woman can you be blatantly rejected. Learn to more artfully camouflage your interactions and you will be rejected a lot less.

I encourage all to embrace blatant rejection.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Rejection by any female does not, ever, define your true value as a desirable male.

Yep, and I doubt that the woman rejecting you is the cool calm calculating machine you imagine her to be. The fact is you do not know what she is. In all probability, she will be herself insecure and nervous. Her rejection can be auto-rejection. Best to look out for the women with a calm and confident vibe... one that matches yours.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I encourage all to embrace blatant rejection.

Perhaps at the beginning when someone is trying to overcome 'approach anxiety'. But once you have things sorted, it is just a waste of time to approach a woman for approaches sake. You should be able to discriminate between those approaches that are going to go nowhere, and those that have a fair chance of paying dividends.