donnythedon
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What are your best tips to stop being the nice guy? not just with ladies but life in general
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
how to stop being the nice guy in life?
- Thread starter donnythedon
- Start date
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
sch
Don Juan
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Read books that change your point of view on life, from Rational Male by Rollo Tomasi to Stoicism.
Do martial arts, pickup, weightlifting, anything competitive.
Make a decision to stop being a nice guy, and act accordingly. This is a final step, and nobody can make this step for you.
donnythedon
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RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Make a commitment to being COMPLETELY honest in your life. This will force you to because the person you want to be. Then put yourself first if you are not happy that your needs are being met, you can not make anyone else truly happy.
Understand that being 'nice' is just another method of manipulation, and women see this as dishonest. Be direct and go after what you want and stop trying to nice your way to success. It doesn't work.
Understand that being 'nice' is just another method of manipulation, and women see this as dishonest. Be direct and go after what you want and stop trying to nice your way to success. It doesn't work.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
You dont need to stop being nice, just know your limits, you probably had bad exoeriences with people and you learned from it hopefully, be yourself, you dont need to change your personality because of women, ofcourse dont be women in relationship, but if she doesnt see your value, **** her, it is her loss, wanting to be something else is a wasfe of person you are.
ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
Know and understand how cruel people can be. Know that women are not an except at all. Try to ingest at least part of the nature of women. And read of horrible stories of how women have ****ed their man over. That last part will cauterize all possible wounds you have left in your heart. I didn't need to TRY to change my behavior at that point, I naturally just did without even really realizing it.
TheMonkeyKing
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-Generally, there's a difference between being a nice guy and being a 'nice guy'; it's all about intent.
>A nice guy is just friendly and polite to people regardless of outcome. It's just the way he is, he treats everyone equally. He intends nothing, but is authentic and genuinely charismatic.
>A 'nice guy' is nice to people because he wants something from them, whether he even realises it himself or not. He is usually overly-polite and overly-familiar with certain people who he thinks will be of benefit to him; particularly women and those men he considers to be more powerful. He's a suck-up and playing a role, acting in ways he thinks he should; actually not a very nice guy at all.
-Develop a set of personal standards that you mark people against. You don't (and probably shouldn't) openly communicate those standards. Rather you quietly judge people for yourself. If they don't meet the cut, don't go out of your way to make it work, in fact just walk away from them, may be until such time they meet your standards, otherwise may be forever. You're not going to be friends with everyone, so don't expect to be.
-Do things for others. But do more things for yourself.
-Learn to enjoy your own company.
-Your investments in other people should be roughly equal to their investment in you, particularly acquaintances and friends; family is slightly different. If you are feeling drained by someone in some way, you're being a nice guy. If you are constantly drained by someone for 6 months or more, you're being a 'nice guy'; you are allowing yourself to be taken for granted because you think one day they will return the favour.
-Don't take girls out on dates until they earn the privilege and show serious interest in you as a person. Mostly, make plans of your own and invite women of interest along with you. This way, you put your plans first and they are accompanying you for their benefit and your added bonus.
>A nice guy is just friendly and polite to people regardless of outcome. It's just the way he is, he treats everyone equally. He intends nothing, but is authentic and genuinely charismatic.
>A 'nice guy' is nice to people because he wants something from them, whether he even realises it himself or not. He is usually overly-polite and overly-familiar with certain people who he thinks will be of benefit to him; particularly women and those men he considers to be more powerful. He's a suck-up and playing a role, acting in ways he thinks he should; actually not a very nice guy at all.
-Develop a set of personal standards that you mark people against. You don't (and probably shouldn't) openly communicate those standards. Rather you quietly judge people for yourself. If they don't meet the cut, don't go out of your way to make it work, in fact just walk away from them, may be until such time they meet your standards, otherwise may be forever. You're not going to be friends with everyone, so don't expect to be.
-Do things for others. But do more things for yourself.
-Learn to enjoy your own company.
-Your investments in other people should be roughly equal to their investment in you, particularly acquaintances and friends; family is slightly different. If you are feeling drained by someone in some way, you're being a nice guy. If you are constantly drained by someone for 6 months or more, you're being a 'nice guy'; you are allowing yourself to be taken for granted because you think one day they will return the favour.
-Don't take girls out on dates until they earn the privilege and show serious interest in you as a person. Mostly, make plans of your own and invite women of interest along with you. This way, you put your plans first and they are accompanying you for their benefit and your added bonus.
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donnythedon
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Thanks for all the advice, i appreciate it. I think the main problem is i act like a nice guy out of fear of the persons reaction or thoughts towards me if im not the nice guy people expect.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Your overdoing it. We can treat our friends and acquantances good that treat us good. But rewarding bad behavior and no reciprocation with continued niceness is BS.... You don't have to be an a-hole up front, but if someone violates you or robs you don't they deserve it?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
donnythedon
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Exactly, id call it cowardly to be honest. at least this thread has give me some motivation thanks man
Bingo-Player
Master Don Juan
first you need to understand why you are being perceived as the "nice guy"
then you can work from there , you dont necessarily need to be a selfish ignorant a$$hole , but you do need to concentrate on what works for you first and others second
then you can work from there , you dont necessarily need to be a selfish ignorant a$$hole , but you do need to concentrate on what works for you first and others second
donnythedon
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Im percieved as the nice guy in general because i dont have it in me to tell people how it is and i fear the outcome of telling people how i feel
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
You shouldn't mind losing those friends and associates. You can't go fighting everyone who gets over, but you don't have to keep allowing it.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
EmotionalGeek
Senior Don Juan
That's interesting concept. Can you elaborate?
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Not. Some folks don't know how to say no, it doesn't arise, they want to be a "good friend". Not realizing the person asking of the resource is not doing that for them.
TheMonkeyKing
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It's not always manipulative, only in the context of a beta orbiter / smarmy wannabe player. As I've said in my post, being nice is only manipulation when you want something in return. Being authentically nice because that's who you are is nobody's business but one's own.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
You are being 'nice' with the expectation of reciprocity. This is why we have "Red Pill Rage"... when men realize that being nice will get you nothing in return. Otherwise, why would men rage? If you are being nice for the sake of being nice, then why get upset that the girl you love... who you have been so nice to... buying her things... dropping whatever you are doing to help her... let's herself get fvcked by a dude that treats her like garbage and wipes his c0ck on her curtains as he walks out her door.
Read the posts of the guys that come on her for the first time many have the same formula. "I don't know what happened... I was so nice to her... I did everything for her, and all she wants is to fvck bad boys!" They think being nice will get them laid... it won't.
mrgoodstuff
Master Don Juan
Personally I DO expect reciprocity on some level. I SHARE gifts with people who SHARE gifts with me. I loan money to people who will loan to me. I'll help people who will help me.
I cut off people that think it's a one way street. This is the way many of us operate, many of us don't like to continue giving into a black hole.
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.