LTR - What is better not to ask/know?

[2Rocky]

As we get into our second, third round of romance we all realize we have a past. That girl that is so amazing in bed? Yeah she has experience from somewhere. Heck for that matter so do I....

But we all have a past, so what do we overlook/ignore, don't ask/don't tell?

 

[Billtx49]

Yes, they will always let you know what you might be up against in the future.
Listen

 

[wifehunter]

Some things are better left unsaid... she may have had a bad past, but may be a different person now... Live in the moment, yet plan for the future.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Some things are better left unsaid... she may have had a bad past, but may be a different person now... Live in the moment, yet plan for the future.

From experiences that I've seen and encountered. People stay the same. In the words of the late great Dennis Green "they were who we thought they were"

 

[wifehunter]

If that's the case... give it time and the red flags will show. But, personally, I've changed so many times in my life, and I'm not the person I was a few years ago. Change does happen, but it's mostly supernatural. Unspiritual types tend to stagnate. If the man upstairs is with you, you're on your way to perfection. It's painfully humbling at times, but it's worth it.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

As billtx49 said, women will tell you about themselves if you just listen. It's like they are compelled to do it. Nowadays, many of them almost seem to take pride in some of the things they did in the past that arent necessarily something to brag about.

And with all due respect to wifehunter's comment: "she may have had a bad past, but may be a different person now". I pity the man who follows this advice.
In almost all cases, you are setting yourself up for pain and anguish.

A must read from Rollo: https://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/

-Augustus-

 

[GoodOne123]

If you can handle it, knowing as much as possible is best. Information about a potential mate is crucial in understanding who they are, and how your relationship most likely will progress with the person.

Dont be naive, and just say "the past is in the past" and ignore anything she has done up to the point you met her. A person's past makes who they are, so you better pay attention to it.

I can completely understand if a guy doesn't want to know about a girls sexual past, if it works for them then they can go ahead with it. But from my experiences so far, a girls sexual past has effects on your relationship. Consider things like traumatic experiences, they cause barriers between the two of you if they are unresolved; a very high partner count can significantly reduce the effects of pair bonding; and a history of nothing but short term flings indicate a tendency to avoid long term commitment.

One more thing, don't just wait until the red flags are blatantly screaming right in front of your face. At that point you will be too attached to leave so easily. Be on the lookout from the beginning so you can spot them sooner. This way, you will save a ton of time, money, and heartache from being with a woman who ultimately was never good for you to begin with.

 

[dustmuffin]

How do you ask questions in a roundabout manner?

Say for partners had, ons, bisexual or the like?

 

[wifehunter]

"she may have had a bad past, but may be a different person now". I pity the man who follows this advice.
In almost all cases, you are setting yourself up for pain and anguish.

A must read from Rollo: https://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/

-Augustus-

The key words are "may be" not "is" or "isn't"... it's highly likely that she's a dirty wh0re like most...

Keep your eyes open, and look for red flags!

 

[Colossus]

Agree with Brad here---you want to be as informed as you possibly can in an LTR. "Not caring" about past indiscretions is the equivalent of burying your head in the sand thinking it will protect you from storms.

Avoid asking directly. Womem will spill the beans with remarkable honesty if you get to the heart of any female's life--her relationships and her feelings.

People generally dont change much unless there is a major life-changing event or they have sufficient painful motivation to change some habit or behavior. Always assume an adult woman is who she is once she has let her hair down, so to speak.

 

[Billtx49]

Agree with Brad here---you want to be as informed as you possibly can in an LTR. "Not caring" about past indiscretions is the equivalent of burying your head in the sand thinking it will protect you from storms.

Avoid asking directly. Womem will spill the beans with remarkable honesty if you get to the heart of any female's life--her relationships and her feelings.

That's right, if you listen to what they say, are able to put 1 and 1 together, you will eventually know what's up with her.

 

[grayclif]

From experiences that I've seen and encountered. People stay the same. In the words of the late great Dennis Green "they were who we thought they were"

I think you meant... "they weren't".

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

No, no matter how much you think a woman has changed in the back of your head you know who they really are. That little voice in your head that says she never changed is right. If she cheated on people in the past then guess what? There is a possible chance that it will happen again.

 

[CMNILS87]

Agree with Brad here---you want to be as informed as you possibly can in an LTR. "Not caring" about past indiscretions is the equivalent of burying your head in the sand thinking it will protect you from storms.

Avoid asking directly. Womem will spill the beans with remarkable honesty if you get to the heart of any female's life--her relationships and her feelings.

People generally dont change much unless there is a major life-changing event or they have sufficient painful motivation to change some habit or behavior. Always assume an adult woman is who she is once she has let her hair down, so to speak.

Agreed with both. Women love talking about relationships. Most guys don't want to ask because it's a risqué subject. I tend to grill them on the subject. Take for instance like everyone says put one and one together.

When was your last relationship? What happened? He dumped her, he cheated, she liked to party.

1. Why'd he dump her? Not good enough girlfriend? How many times has she been dumped?
2. He cheated? Not good enough, crazy?
3. She's a partier and likes to drink at the bars all the time. Good long term material?

All of that should be clicking

 

[wifehunter]

There's another good reason to go for the 18,19,20 year olds... minimal relationship experience.

Not much to talk about on that front. Maybe, one or two guys in her past.

If I have to know, I'd like it to be over quickly.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

As we get into our second, third round of romance we all realize we have a past. That girl that is so amazing in bed? Yeah she has experience from somewhere. Heck for that matter so do I....

But we all have a past, so what do we overlook/ignore, don't ask/don't tell?

It's better to know versus everyone around you knows but you.

 

[CMNILS87]

The 30 ****s by 30 is a scary theory

 

[pipeman84]

As we get into our second, third round of romance we all realize we have a past. That girl that is so amazing in bed? Yeah she has experience from somewhere. Heck for that matter so do I....

But we all have a past, so what do we overlook/ignore, don't ask/don't tell?

I agree with the other posters who said we shouldn't ignore anything and try to find out as much as possible, as soon as possible.
Does this mean we should also disclose everything to her? No, and for 2 good reasons (feel free to add to this line of thought if you have more ideas): 1. the man is the leader in the relationship, therefore he should know everything about the underling.
2. when a woman gets pregnant she knows 100% the baby is hers whereas the man can't know for sure unless he thoroughly vetted her.

 

[typical]

All I can say is

“What the ears don’t hear the heart doesn’t care”
“What the eyes don’t see the heart believes foolishly”.

Just make sure you’re the bigger “wh-ore” and you should be fine as long as you’re not insecure.

 

[Krueg]

I'd day the past is the past for the both of you. Not really anyone's business. Unless your seeing warnings