The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Comp eliminator]

Today is my 60th day of no contact. A woman who was sick with cancer dumped me after all I did to try to help her including a substantial amount of money. Still wake up so mad i want to kill. My plan is to never contact or engage her in anyway again.im still not over it but I'm working toward that goal

 

[Fireballs]

Day 60

Instead of writing a dear diary of my thoughts and feelings throughout my 60 days of no contact, I thought it would be better to write some tips and some things I've learnt that will hopefully be helpful to other people dealing with their break-ups.

1. Sometimes a painful break-up is exactly what you need to make yourself realise how weak you really were
2. Never let any of your decisions be based on fear of loss
3. Don't try to figure out every little detail of what went wrong in the relationship...doing so is only delaying your healing process.. You will know what mistakes you made and what mistakes she made, learn from them and move on
5. You will have good days and you will also have days where you don't want to get out of bed - on these bad days force yourself to get up and get to the gym/socialise.. The further into NC you are, the less frequent those bad days become
6. If you bump into her, be brief yet polite then continue on with your day
7. Give yourself a few weeks to mourn, then get out there and start banging new girls - it's fun
8. I found writing in this thread very therapeutic.. Come on this thread or get a sheet of paper and write it all out, if you don't want to post it that's fine, just get it off your chest, you'll feel better
9. On that note, if you find yourself wanting to contact your ex, write out everything you want to say to her, read it a few times.. then throw it away.. don't contact her.
10. Lastly I'll leave you with one of my favourite red pill sayings (can't remember where I saw it) that says so much without saying much at all...''Always remember, she's not your girl, it's just your turn''

 

[Gaysha]

I'm on day 25. Pretty messed up because of my PMS but nevermind. I saw our picture today on accident and I realized 'man, I was really a perfect girlfriend' (of course, not completely perfect, but I did everything I could and that was a lot).

I am wondering how many of you have trust issues after being dumped? My girlfriend is a type of person who doesn't trust easily but when she does, she is completely yours. We really thought we were meant for each other and wanted to spend our lives together. I never thought she would leave because we knew how much it hurts (a lot of people in the past have hurt us).
I'm ok after our breakup but I don't really believe I'll ever be as optimistic about dating as after meeting her. I mean, no big deal... I'm gonna have a good career, friends, flat, etc. but I don't think I will be capable to completely let my guards down for someone as I did for her.

 

[Spinach]

Just a thought meant in the most kind way, but I think you would do much better on a forum such as Love Shack.....

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I'm on day 25. Pretty messed up because of my PMS but nevermind. I saw our picture today on accident and I realized 'man, I was really a perfect girlfriend' (of course, not completely perfect, but I did everything I could and that was a lot).

I am wondering how many of you have trust issues after being dumped? My girlfriend is a type of person who doesn't trust easily but when she does, she is completely yours. We really thought we were meant for each other and wanted to spend our lives together. I never thought she would leave because we knew how much it hurts (a lot of people in the past have hurt us).
I'm ok after our breakup but I don't really believe I'll ever be as optimistic about dating as after meeting her. I mean, no big deal... I'm gonna have a good career, friends, flat, etc. but I don't think I will be capable to completely let my guards down for someone as I did for her.

Welcome. I just read the back story ( don't visit this thread too often ). 'Two fcking pineapples a day'....! Too funny. You know eating that much pineapple isn't good for a person. To be honest, she doesn't sound like she's in a great place and that will only start impacting (more) on you if you stayed together.

Obviously trust is an issue, especially when you're in love with someone. The secrets to your future lie within the DJ bible. The principles largely apply to everyone. As a gay woman, figure out if you are a fem or masculine energy, and what energy you like in a partner (if you haven't already).

It is perfectly possible to get over and meet others and be even happier. You have to truly believe it will happen though. As I always tell others, sometimes a person has to go through this process over a few times with different people before they become savvy enough to know what signs to look for, both good and bad. I certainly have been through a good three or four times, and it gets easier each time.

Don't go out immediately looking for the perfect replacement. I tend to meet people I really like every couple of years. Don't force things. You will meet someone better, but you must get better yourself in order for that to happen. But as we tell everyone on NC, no harm in spinning plates =)

 

[Optimus04]

Still NC, she plays my snapchat stories but wouldnt message me after I didn't respond to the last one she sent.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 2

I WILL find a woman who is better than her.

Someone who is worthy of my respect and love. Someone who is worthy of being with the man I am and the better man that I will become.

 

[BeTheChange]

Quite drunk right now and taking the advice that it's better to post here than text the ex. This will be a positive post.

Tonight I celebrate what was a great relationship. Yes it was unbelievably toxic, and I wouldn't wish some of the pain I experienced during the down times on my worst enemy. But despite that I had the greatest times with someone who became my best friend and who sincerely loved me and I her. We were two imperfect people who met at the wrong time but such is life.

I honestly wouldn't change a thing because I had to go through the experience to be the person I am going to be over the next few months. I remember being 20 and HONESTLY believing that I would NEVER find a woman (massive self esteem issues, dad walked out on my ma and treated me like sh*t my whole childhood) - even though I would get woman I would always put it down to "luck", "my mates", "she just likes black guys", etc. Never anything about me in a positive light. Even my ex has admitted I am incredibly centred, calm and confident (most of the time). In 6 years I have gone through the drastic and painful self improvement and shift in belief system (thanks Pook, Rollo Tomassi, sosuave and Sean Stephenson) necessary to correct my inner game. It just shows how far I've come that I can sit in my room and sincerely and without doubt believe that I am a CATCH. I BELIEVE THAT.

My one shame is that I am my father's son and a lot of the berating blows I took from him I have transferred to my ex. I accept this and I WILL get the therapy necessary to deal with this issue because honestly if not for this one issue I would be a GREAT boyfriend to ANY woman. But now is not the time for self analysis and regret as this will only disrupt the healing process. I will reach out to my ex ONE day and apologise for my sins (don't worry hers is a VERY lengthy list of naughties and I wrote it out and printed it on my wall to make sure I stick to NC). She didn't deserve such things however and the great (and completely unnecessary) debate will be would she have turned out to be a crazy vindictive psycho if not for me. What came first the chicken or the egg - some friends have observed that she always had it in her. Anyway, just thinking out loud.

Raise a glass to a life affirming experience and move on. Life is there to be lived. Don't let it pass you by.

 

[Gaysha]

Day 27.

@BeTheChange, good for you for posting here and not sending her drunk texts! You will get better and you truly are a catch, you just have to let time do it's thing.
I'm trying to survive my 4th serious break up and, honestly, I'm not feeling okay but I know I will get there someday. I survived previous break-ups, I continued living my life, became a better person after each girlfriend and it will happen this time too.
I don't know why, but I'm not getting better over time as I've expected. Yesterday, I found out my ex has a new girlfriend... I'm here thinking how it's just a rebound but after us being long-distance and now her finding someone in her city, I honestly think they will last. The girl is nothing like me - alternative looks, piercings, anime style (Nothing she could bring home to her grandma and introduce as a friend like she did with me. Her grandma fu*king fell in love with me!), doesn't go to college (unlike me, future med)...
They are all over each other now and it makes me doubt my worth but I know that's just my ego hurt. As soon as the clouds of emotions settle down, I'm gonna see what a catch I am.
I also decided to move to a bigger city next year after finishing college, I'm gonna start fresh and find my first job in a hospital. Currently, I cry almost every day, medicate myself with ice cream and romantic movies about breakups (Forgetting Sarah Marshall was great!), and studying for a big exam I have in September...
Never give up yourself guys. Never.

EDIT: I know I am doing the right thing here, not her. She jumped into a new relationship when she already has emotional problems, and I am here dealing with my emotions in a way to HEAL not RUN from them. She maybe won the battle but I will win the war.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 3

She's left for Germany today. She didn't come over to try and say goodbye, which surprised me. However the last time we spoke she did say she was over me as she could now see things clearly after another heated argument - which is odd as the previous day she was telling me how much she loved me. Hurts the ego but for the best, as seeing her today would have left us with distorted expectations.

Finally have the time and space to heal as there's no chance of us running into one another until mid August. Ignoring texts, calls and emails has always been easy for me. It's when she has come over to my place and begs to see me that I have had trouble resisting and so ended up relapsing. Thankfully that won't happen now and if she does reach out while she's in German (based on her demeanour the last time we spoke she may genuinely have no desire to) I will simply ignore her. That means 30 days of NC which should hopefully be enough to emotionally detach to some degree and keep NC up.

I've set myself 3 long term targets that need to be achieved before I break NC and ever contact her again:

1. Completion of the 60 day NC challenge
2. I have to be emotionally involved with another woman (not necessarily exclusive) - I owe it to myself to give someone else a try
3. I have to have started therapy and anger management

 

[Gaysha]

^
This is great, I'm gonna write mine too, my plan is to write here until I'm completely healed so I can help others with my example.
So the deadline for this is the end of September.

1. Complete 90 days of NC (already on 27/90)
2. Lose more weight (3-4 pounds)
3. Study as hard as I can for my exam
4. Completely get off antidepressants (I'm already half dose)

I think it's probably for the best not to start anything with someone new during this period, don't want to open old wounds and maybe mess someone up because I haven't cleared my head completely. But... I can have some fun, of course.

 

[BeTheChange]

Just had a massive day of life admin, which has been delayed for the past few months due to me being an emotional mess with this on off relationship and also due to a very busy period at work. Finally have my head together and over the last two days have been very productive.

I just finished planning out my social calendar for the next few months and I am feeling super optimistic about the future.

I met my gf when I had just recently moved to one of the most expensive cities in the world. I was broke, had questionable dress sense and was just at the start of my training contract so was spending A LOT of what free time I had studying. Fast forward 3 years and I'm qualified, making good money, have my own side business, a solid amount saved and my own future in my hands.

For the first time in my life I have the time, money AND freedom to do all the things I've wanted to do. It's incredible how lazy relationships can make you. I'm FINALLY going to master another language, learn how to dance salsa and bed some phenomenal women on the way. Only way is up.

 

[john1234]

Does this thread apply if you are the one who did the dumping?!?

 

[Gaysha]

Does this thread apply if you are the one who did the dumping?!?

Can you tell us a little bit of your situation? Yes, it does. The no contact rule is actually doing something for yourself, to move on and heal after a breakup, when you realize there is no going back.

 

[BeTheChange]

Does this thread apply if you are the one who did the dumping?!?

Most definitely. I was essentially the dumper in my case. How long were you with your ex for?

For those still feeling a little down for some reason this advert always helps to keep me upbeat as it puts things in perspective. People have struggles and they persevere so why can't you? There's your answer.

 

[john1234]

Most definitely. I was essentially the dumper in my case. How long were you with your ex for?

For those still feeling a little down for some reason this advert always helps to keep me upbeat as it puts things in perspective. People have struggles and they persevere so why can't you? There's your answer.

My situation is one that is helpless, it was with a blond, a 2year relationship, I loved her, sexually, she did what I wanted, I am no saint, I looked at other younger girls as she is not the best looker, it had its ups and downs, finally, rustled up the bottle to dump her after she was really cruel, it has been 3 months, the first 2 weeks of the breakup she called and texted and wanted to get back together in a light hearted way. I responded but did not get back together as she was abusive and would not change her ways.

Around a month later I saw her holding hands with some tall fat bloke near our shopping area ( I was beaten up so bad I was jealous, I couldn't believe my eyes). I contacted her and went NC. 3 months later last week got 10missed calls, she was making a noise on Social Media, I was NC.

Recently I went on a date with a chick from my old work place, I thought it went well, she looked so happy, smiling drinking, touching, hugging, holding, enjoying her self, it were like I had found another, but wait....4days after the date no response (ghost).

I'm now even more beaten up, my phone rings, its my ex, I somehow summon the courage to not answer , however I text "Sorry I missed your call etc etc" ....I bloody broke NC!!! The pressure from my ghost date really beatme up, because we communicated before and she went ghost after the date.

I broke NC, such a mug!

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 4

Quite chilled actually. They say for men the pain from a breakup is experienced more acutely as time increases because men slowly "realise what they've lost". I don't buy this at all. Because as time goes on I'm realising that my ex was in fact NOT that special. The ONLY thing she had going for her that you couldn't get from another attractive woman was that she was a virgin and therefore showed a lot of loyalty and dedication. HOWEVER her recent actions have shown that she is in fact loyal and dedicated UNTIL IT SUITS HER. The very qualities in her that I found to be "unique" are actually NOW non-existent or have been severely damaged. Whether this is a result of my abuse is irrelevant because it is STILL who she is NOW. I will atone for my sins when the time comes and become a better person after 60 day NC (I don't believe it is productive to focus on what you did wrong during the first two months of NC as I think it will disrupt the healing process) but that doesn't change her present character.

This is why perhaps I am finding it so easy to move on. Unlike my previous NC's there hasn't been any loss of sleep or appetite, anxiety, sadness, pain or sense of loss (except briefly on day 1). Although I am only 4 days NC I believe that due to the on and off nature of our relationship over the last few months I mentally accepted the breakup a while ago so I am technically further along the path than the number of NC days would suggest. Furthermore over the past few weeks I have seen her at her worst - hooking up with other guys immediately after the breakup, lying to me, stealing from me, jeopardising my career (which she knows is incredibly important to me) and livelihood by calling the police, etc.

Everything is going to be alright.

 

[BeTheChange]

Timeline of misery.

I wrote this out on day 1. I have deliberately not contextualised it by discussing what I did to trigger her behaviour because if I did it would tempt me into the belief that some of her actions were justified (perhaps they were) and that isn't something that serves me in a positive way right now. I may contextualise it after 60 day NC because it's then that I can truly learn from the experience. Here it is guys. It isn't pretty...

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Started hooking up in September 2013

April 2014 – texting another guy in France, who had previously been into her. No explicit flirtation so dismissed it

September 2014 – Moved in with housemate and I

November 2014 – dumped me 3 days before my final exams and moved out leaving me with more rent to pay. Initially refused to pay back any of the money she owed me in respect of rent and bills I HAD PAID FOR HER because she couldn’t afford it at the time

April 2015

Went out with her friends and let another guy take her number WHILE WE WERE STILL TOGETHER. They got a taxi back together and he kissed her goodnight (by her account – in reality could have been worse). Got into an unrelated (as I was unaware of her ventures) argument the next day on Sunday and I dumped her. Radio silence for next three days. I contact her to apologise. She tells me she doesn’t’ want to be with me and that she met someone else – “a great guy”. They’ve been speaking since Sunday. It’s now Wednesday.

Hear nothing from her until the following Saturday (11 days) where she sends me a WhatsApp to say

“Hey. Glad to see you look happy” (I changed my WhatsApp picture to one with a friend and I smiling driving round)

“I’m happy too with the guy I’m seeing”

I bite and ask what happened. She tells me she has slept with him and then has the AUDACITY to come back and BLAME ME. Tries to act like she made an effort to contact me (she didn’t).

Gets angry at the fact I have since slept with someone else too EVEN THOUGH SHE DID THE SAME THING AND WAS THE DUMPER. This is Saturday afternoon. She begs to take me back and I refuse telling her I need time. I phone her the next day and she is WITH THIS GUY. I tell her we should talk. She refuses and puts the phone down on me despite several of my attempts to contact her. That same night SHE ****S THE GUY AGAIN (something I only find out later), saying she was angry because I slept with someone else – EVEN THOUGH SHE DID TOO!

She phones me later that evening saying she went round to his place but nothing happened and she misses me. We sleep together – remember this is mere HOURS AFTER ANOTHER DUDE WAS BALLS DEEP IN HER AND SHE LIED ABOUT IT


May 2015

Find out she has still been speaking and meeting this other guy, keeping him around as security in case things go south with me

October 2015 – moves back in with me

Late 2015 / Early 2016 – storms out after an argument. Gets the police involved. I’m arrested and later released. I'm not charged because she refuses to make a statement and begs them to release me in the morning

Early 2016 – storms out after an argument and stays at a “male friends” house. “Nothing happened” between them as he was “just a friend”

June 2016

Storms out after another argument so I dump her and inform her father we are no longer together in order to make it final. She responds by CALLING THE POLICE and ATTEMPTING TO DESTROY MY CAREER AND LIFE. She does not relent despite days of my family and friends attempt to convince her. She even informs the police that she is willing to go to court to make sure I get sent down. I am forced to accept a caution, a stain on my record that will show up for the next 6 years in enhanced criminal checks

DEPSITE ALL THIS she still tries to JUSTIFY her actions

She moves out but eventually returns to the relationship. However, it is later revealed that she is trying to lay the groundwork to leave with some security – speaking to guys in the gym, collecting numbers, etc. I catch on and dump her on Saturday. SHE KNOWS I KNOW THAT SHE HAS BEEN SHIFTY BUT RATHER THAN ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AND APOLOGISES SHE:

- Goes out clubbing with two of the guys from the gym (drug dealers)

On the Wednesday I see her with one of the drug dealers. She and him attempt to start a fight with me in the streets. She shows NO REMOSE FOR WHAT SHE’S DONE. It’s later revealed that, that SAME NIGHT she SUCKS HIS **** and would have ****ed him if not for the fact she was on her period

She comes over 4 days later (Saturday) begging to get back, claiming she only went on dates with them and kissed. It’s only after some serious pushing and intellectually trapping her in a corner that I find out the above so it could very well be worse

She steals money from me after just having LIED about everything. She later returns it.


July 2016

We have an argument and she blocks me. I don’t hear anything from her for the entire SUNDAY EVENING. She later claims that nothing happened and she just stayed in drinking wine and ignoring my calls but then later refuses to text any of the 4 guys I know she was seeing while we were broken up so I can confirm she wasn’t in fact with them that night

AND DESPITE ALL OF THIS when I phone her later this week after another argument and walk out she is the one blocking my calls, HANGING UP ON ME, and talking to me as if I’m a beggar – but why would she think differently…. Who stays with a chick after ALL of THIS?

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[BeTheChange]

Ah man. Just got hit by sudden pang of sadness. Not particularly severe but I'm aware of it.

I miss her. First time since NC started. Like everything else it will pass.

 

[john1234]

Timeline of misery.

I wrote this out on day 1. I have deliberately not contextualised it by discussing what I did to trigger her behaviour because if I did it would tempt me into the belief that some of her actions were justified (perhaps they were) and that isn't something that serves me in a positive way right now. I may contextualise it after 60 day NC because it's then that I can truly learn from the experience. Here it is guys. It isn't pretty...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Started hooking up in September 2013

April 2014 – texting another guy in France, who had previously been into her. No explicit flirtation so dismissed it

September 2014 – Moved in with housemate and I

November 2014 – dumped me 3 days before my final exams and moved out leaving me with more rent to pay. Initially refused to pay back any of the money she owed me in respect of rent and bills I HAD PAID FOR HER because she couldn’t afford it at the time

April 2015

Went out with her friends and let another guy take her number WHILE WE WERE STILL TOGETHER. They got a taxi back together and he kissed her goodnight (by her account – in reality could have been worse). Got into an unrelated (as I was unaware of her ventures) argument the next day on Sunday and I dumped her. Radio silence for next three days. I contact her to apologise. She tells me she doesn’t’ want to be with me and that she met someone else – “a great guy”. They’ve been speaking since Sunday. It’s now Wednesday.

Hear nothing from her until the following Saturday (11 days) where she sends me a WhatsApp to say

“Hey. Glad to see you look happy” (I changed my WhatsApp picture to one with a friend and I smiling driving round)

“I’m happy too with the guy I’m seeing”

Stay NC, that Bvitch deserves to get dumped , women are actually immature and spoilt and they complain about men all the time whilst they are actually worse in many areas! My Ex used to complain about men weekly and she is just as bad!

I too had a virgin years ago. She was very shy, but you know what? She initiated the date and she did it very well. She showed no signs of attraction but she was strongly attracted . She did not put out for sex on the first date but gave me a BJ . She said she has never had sex before, she was scared to.

The next day she came up and I fvcked her. We fvucked once.

She was far too clingy for me then! She used to trun up every day, she wanted to go every where with me, she was extremely clingy and I just could not hack her clingyness, the sex was not great either, she was quiet!

I eventually ended it, I was very sad on the day, I broke the girls heart badly I saw it in her eyes ..... I lived with myself because I know I gave her an awesome experience which she will remember moving forward.

She changed numbers months after, she is gone.

I moved on so easily , I hope she did.

I have realised that the healing process is strongly based on the memories we have of our partners. If these memories are strong it will cause more emotion and sadness. I can see that time and moving on in life will definitely heal us.

Problem with NC in this day is Social Media. Our partners lives are all over social media posts making it too difficult to forget!


PS: Why did she call the cops? Did you beat her up?