Dumped girl, want her back, do I NC?

[Loose]

I dated a girl for about two months and she was awesome. We had a crazy good connection.

I haven't dated anyone for about two years, I've been whoring myself out. In these two years I have fvcked way too many girls with boyfriends.

So I have some huge trust issues. The girl I was seeing wanted to be exclusive and I said OK, and I really pissed her off one night and told her to leave, and a few nights later I had a suspicion (confirmed to be false) that she slept with another guy. I was high on a few substances and in my over confidence, I immediately broke up with her and subsequently was enraged with her the next day so I ignored all her texts asking if I really meant this etc.

Anyway this girl I dumped has huge trust issues with men. I do honestly believe she is actually a good girl and that I overreacted when I dumped her. I feel crappy. I know she didn't sleep with that guy, and in hindsight in these past two months she has done a ridiculous amount of stuff for me. I'm a competitive athlete and she basically mothered me into massages, eating enough, and sleeping enough. She'd buy me dinner like two/three times a week. Admittedly we spent a ton of time together in the past few months because it was so awesome.

My question is, do I ignore her if I want her back? In the two months we were exclusive, she constantly questioned my commitment to her and believed that I wasn't happy sleeping with only one girl. So in my frenzy to get her back, I have been telling her all this crap about how I want her and only her and commitment etc. It's some really cringey sh!t that I thought I'd never say. It's been about a week now and she won't hang out with me. She'll text me and we'll talk about our days and the relationship and joke around, but she won't meet up. She says she really trusted me and I broke her heart and that she doesn't know if she can trust me again.

Perhaps the ship has sailed. I am fvcking this other girl so I have that to take my mind off of the girl I want. But when I'm inside her I miss the girl I was dating. Like the way the smells and the way she fvcked. I'm just wondering if I should go NC or if that will spiral her into further rejection. Any tips?

 

[marmel75]

This is a rare instance where I would say you should apologize because you acted like an insecure jackass.

 

[Tictac]

This is a rare instance where I would say you should apologize because you acted like an insecure jackass.

Apologize - once, clearly and sincerely. Then give her some time.

Meanwhile work on you. You're the problem. She's got her 'issues'. But what happened between you is a self-inflicted wound.

 

[Von]

Call her, ask her to meet you to tell her, apologize cause you were the problem (you got scared in the moment due to X issue).... and you want her exclusiveness.

Hold her kiss her.... never look back

 

[Loose]

Well I've already pretty much done everything you guys suggested, even before posting. I have apologized and told her I want to be exclusive.

The day after I broke up with her, she came into my work and clearly wanted to talk. She didn't approach me, so I ignored her because I was still heated, and she left in tears. She is basically telling me, over text, that that was our chance to talk and that she is unsure whether or not she can move past the break up, plus the one night when I threw her out.

I flat out asked her last night if she wanted to try to salvage this and hang out, since we had tentative plans last night and she changed her mind about coming out, and she said that she's unsure if she wants to fix this.

So I told her I don't know if I can keep texting her if we're not going to move forward. I tend to not really be a phone person and she doesn't answer my phone calls anymore, either.

I then wake up to some texts from her asking how my night was and eventually her asking me if I'm ignoring her or sleeping. This is the reason why I'm wondering if I should go NC.

I can't tell if I should really be there for her and talk to her as much as possible to sort of quell her insecurities, or if I should just drop all contact and see what she does. I've been going the former route, trying to be really friendly to her, but it's not getting me anywhere.

Texting is dumb as fvck and I have thought about telling her I'm going to call her, and telling her what I've said through text over the phone. But part of me thinks that I've told her all that needs to be said. If I continue to be in contact with her, I should just ignore all the relationship drama I've created.

That said I fvcked the relationship up. If she had dumped me, I'd be ignoring her. Also as for all of my own problems, I started going back to a psychotherapist I used to see when I was younger. This whole experience with this girl made me reflect and realize that I'm a bit nuts.

 

[dustmuffin]

Text her one more time and reiterate that you were wrong and want to fix it. Tell her to call you so you can discuss this. That you won't contact her again and the ball is in her court. Then go ghost.

 

[Infern0]

Yeah you know you messed up in this situation its good you see that and take ownership of it.

You should text something along the lines of:

"I apologize for losing my cool, it was my mistake, you didn't deserve it and it won't happen again. I still want to explore what we have together, so let me know if you want to go out, have fun and start fresh"

Maybe not word for word but upon those lines.

Then you leave it and wait to hear from her.

Its right to apologize when you are in the wrong, but you need to keep your frame, because begging and pleading won't help in any case.