Oneitis, gym update

[oc16]

I told myself, next time I see her in gym, I will have to establish some sort of contact again whether it just be a hello or whatever just to let her know I still notice her
Anyhow, I saw her on the treadmill from about 20 yards away and I sat down at the back machine, I looked over at her and I think I saw her look in my direction too.

I then was in her area doing back workouts and she was doing legs. She was sitting across from me diagonally about 15 yards away. I looked at her, she looked at me, but she broke eye contact and looked away.

Still determined, a few minutes later I walked by her to go to the water fountain. When I started walking back I looked at her, passed by her machine (she was standing doing leg step ups) I smiled and said "Hi, how's it going!?
She looked at me, gave a little smile, looked down and said something like "Good" or "I'm good thanks" She then turned forward to resume her workout as if she didn't want to talk to me. I then said "Nice to be off today, isn't it" (President's Day today) and she said "Yeah, haha, yeah it's nice.

I then went back to my machine.

Sooooo, I think I am dealing with a shy girl who might like me or a girl who is not interested. It is hard to tell, but whatever, I am just elated I established contact with her again, so I have zero regrets. I will keep being friendly with her when I see her, worst case scenario she just sees me as a friendly nice guy whom she is not romantically interested in.

Whether she likes me or not, I feel like I got some closure, since this girl has been on my mind last two weeks.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your title of this thread, along with the content, reveals much.

You're way too focused on this one chick. When that happens, a man becomes mechanical and rigid in his approach to game. This makes you appear weird and creepy to your target.

Be a cluster bomb, not a LGB (laser-guided bomb). Shake up the world around you, not just one target.

 

[oc16]

Your title of this thread, along with the content, reveals much.

You're way too focused on this one chick. When that happens, a man becomes mechanical and rigid in his approach to game. This makes you appear weird and creepy to your target.

Be a cluster bomb, not a LGB (laser-guided bomb). Shake up the world around you, not just one target.

I agree with you that I should have more than one target 100% and oneitis is awful.
However, what I did today wasn't creepy, I just walked by said hello, made a comment and went about by business.
If I would of stood there in front of her in silence , that that is creepy.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I'm not talking about one act. I'm saying that when we analyze our actions too deeply and try to act "by the book", we develop a general mechanical stiffness that eventually appears creepy to the girl and kills the deal.

Who's cooler: The kid who whizzes around on his bike like a boss or the one who carefully travels down the sidewalk with his training wheels?

Never play cat and mouse with a woman for any length of time. A man quickly attains certainty and then acts accordingly. She's not that interested in you. You would be able to tell if she were. She would be unable to resist stealing looks at you. She would invite your pursuit with smiles and looks. If those things are absent, it's time to cut bait and fish more productive waters.

I would suggest one more attempt at casual, small-talk conversation. Ask her a question. IF the weather is extreme where you are, ask about how she's dealing with that. If she enables the conversation, capitalize on it. If she's closed, she does not have the right to be a part of your kingdom as she is inferior and cannot see your value. This is the mindset that will move things along one way or the other.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I feel like watching you continue after this girl is kind of like watching a car crash in slow motion. I am not trying to be mean. I wish it was different for you. I do not see you getting the happy ending you imagine, this way. That's just me.

This may sound extreme, but I personally think you would best be served by changing up your gym schedule and going only at times when you expect her NOT to be there, at least for the next couple of months.

I think getting back on track, and having going to the gym be about working out and improving yourself, rather than further feeding this oneitis, would serve your well-being more than you could possibly imagine right now.

I also think forcing yourself to commit to finding, approaching and asking out say 15 or 20 other woman (non-gym) before/if ever, you allow yourself, to ever approach gym girl again, would massively help you to break this oneitis spell. Doing so would grow you FAR stronger as a man, than continuing to just pursue gym girl, in my opinion.

It would add mystery in her mind, that you disappeared. If you ever did see her again, she would most likely notice your new vibe of inner confidence, and indifference. That would perk her curiosity even more.

This has to be change you do for you, to grow you as a man, not as a strategy to get her later.

 

[oc16]

Wow, you guys are harsh and probably just haters since 75% of you on here wouldn't show the pair of brass balls that I have in the past two weeks in dealing with their oneitis.

My incident today in gym was my third time initiating contact with her in two weeks. My main goal in doing so was to let her know in a subtle way I like her (if she can't see that, she is an idiot)

It doesn't look like she is\gonna take the bait and that is FINE.

Bottom line is , I am making myself vulnerable to rejection which most guys on here probably wouldn't do and it's only been a little over two weeks, not months or a year!

Basically, I have no regrets and now I don't have to wonder what if? Because I wasn't too shy to initiate contact.

I will CONTINUE to be friendly and nice to this girl with little expectations in return. What is the worst case scenario in this?and she just thinks I am a friendly , nice guy at the end of the day and maybe I will make a new friend.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I am not seeing hate. I am seeing people, myself included, offering their well-intended insight to try to help you. Tough love may not feel good. Caring isn't always about making someone feel good about their choices. It can be guiding them to make NEW and sometimes even more uncomfortable choices.

She has been in your radar for a year already. You finally approached her TWO weeks ago and asked her for her name. There was never any progressive next-step follow up to what you started. You ignored her, you made eye contact and today, two weeks later you finally speak to her again. When you do, there is still no meaningful follow-up from what you started, when you asked her for her name. Women perceive such delay as insecurity and weakness in men. It may not be compassionate or fair. It is my experience. I say it to let you and other men understand that such delay is an attraction killer, big time. Women are not attracted to men who come off as insecure or weak. You never escalated and actually gave her much to work with, from what I have read. You have to be comfortable for her to feel comfortable. To me, you are clearly not.

You felt elated??? Because she answered when you asked her two small talk questions? Or elated because you did something out of your comfort zone?

You said today's interaction gave you closure. What closure did you get?

Oneitis is born from insecurity. I suggested you distance yourself from gym girl and commit to asking other women out in order to get more comfortable with women period.

I congratulate you on taking action, clearly outside your comfort zone. KEEP DOING THAT! It is what respected posters here do.

You ask, what is the worst that could happen? The worst that could happen is you never grow your self worth, self confidence and capacity to interact with women from a place of owning what you have to offer. You never learn to be indifferent when they are uninterested. The worst that could happen is you allow yourself to stay distracted/focused on her, as your oneitis for another year, and then your next oneitis and never grow the inner confidence that could revolutionize your life.

No hate intended what so ever, in this post or my last. I simply understood you to be in your late 30's and wanted to offer you some tough love to encourage you to strengthen your inner confidence before more of your life passes you by.

 

[oc16]

I've had oneitis for two weeks, not a year.

Who would ask out a girl (a girl you know you will see again) after talking to her for a minute? Sounds like desperation to me.

Who would ask out a girl when she is in the middle of a workout? Sounds like desperation to me again.

All I could do today is say hello due to the circumstances.

Rushing to ask a girl out who you know you will see at least two times a week reeks of desperation. Every website I read about gym pickups say it takes a little time and no rush. That is what I am doing, I am testing her IL.

You have to make a quick close when at a bar, house party, or other venue where you know you will NEVER see the girl again.

Classrooms or gyms are a completely different story.
This website gives out horrible advice

 

[LiveYourDream]

I'm done with this site.
You guys are not me and you were not there. Explaining what happened and actually being there are two different things obviously.

No one here is pretending to know your life or exactly what happened. People are offering help, not judgment. Take what works. Leave the rest.

 

[LiveYourDream]

I've had oneitis for two weeks, not a year.

Who would ask out a girl (a girl you know you will see again) after talking to her for a minute? Sounds like desperation to me.

Who would ask out a girl when she is in the middle of a workout? Sounds like desperation to me again.

All I could do today is say hello due to the circumstances.

Rushing to ask a girl out who you know you will see at least two times a week reeks of desperation. Every website I read about gym pickups say it takes a little time and no rush. That is what I am doing, I am testing her IL.

You have to make a quick close when at a bar, house party, or other venue where you know you will NEVER see the girl again.

Classrooms or gyms are a completely different story.
This website gives out horrible advice

Your own hesitation, lack of confidence and insecurity are what label those actions as desperate.

A True DJ who saw gym girl, found her attractive, would not hesitate to engage her attention, approach, and escalate to meet up. He would know his value and assume she would be interested. If she wasn't he would be indifferent as he knows his value and it does not fluctuate based on her or any woman.

His actions and general success would not as you projected, come from acts of desperation, quite the opposite.

There is a learning curve to becoming a true DJ and ever evolvement thereafter. Everyone here gets that. What gets respect is the willingness to do the work and grow from where you are.

No one is attacking you. There is nothing to defend.

Best of luck to you.

 

[cola]

I don't know how serious you are about your workouts but im pretty into mine. So women at the gym are a nono for me.
I'm here for gains not chicks bruh.
Most serious lifters I've met agree

I recommend you focus on getting ripped so you can pull easier at bars/daygame..hot chicks at the gym charge em' to the game man
Take a peek but focus on YOUR sets.

 

[grayclif]

I've had oneitis for two weeks, not a year.

It's never okay to have oneitis.

 

[Dealler]

Who would ask out a girl (a girl you know you will see again) after talking to her for a minute? Yes, why not, if you like her and want to ask her out, i´d do exactly that. It shows strenght and confidence.

Who would ask out a girl when she is in the middle of a workout? Noone, you just wait till she´s finished.

All I could do today is say hello due to the circumstances. No, it certainly isn´t all you could do.

Rushing to ask a girl out who you know you will see at least two times a week reeks of desperation. - No it does not, in fact quite the opposite.

You have to make a quick close when at a bar, house party, or other venue where you know you will NEVER see the girl again. - Why would you care? You should be indifferent about it.


I think LiveYourDream made it pretty clear with his last comment, which is spot on.

 

[Yewki]

It doesn't look like she is\gonna take the bait and that is FINE.

So your plan was to say hello a few times, and then hope she pursues you? Not a good plan.

Bottom line is , I am making myself vulnerable to rejection which most guys on here probably wouldn't do and it's only been a little over two weeks, not months or a year!

You're not really making a move, so you can't really get rejected. If you say "Hi" and she ignores you or says f*ck off... that's not really being rejected, that's her just lacking common courtesy. It's good that you're trying, but let's be real.

 

[oc16]

So your plan was to say hello a few times, and then hope she pursues you? Not a good plan.



You're not really making a move, so you can't really get rejected. If you say "Hi" and she ignores you or says f*ck off... that's not really being rejected, that's her just lacking common courtesy. It's good that you're trying, but let's be real.

Well, the girl probably knows I like her since I'm initiating contact, that's my idea.
I'm throwing her a fishing line to see if she bites, which I cannot tell at the moment. If she takes the bait, then I escalate...simple

Most dudes aren't going to ask a girl out unless they are getting IOI's. That is what I'm trying to establish

 

[RangerMIke]

I feel like watching you continue after this girl is kind of like watching a car crash in slow motion. I am not trying to be mean. I wish it was different for you. I do not see you getting the happy ending you imagine, this way. That's just me.
.

No it's not just you.

OP... Please just go up to this girl... tell her you think she is hot and would like to get to know her better and ask her out or get her number. If she does anything other than say yes and give you her number then just move on. She already knows you are interested, and she already knows if she would go out with you. It's like Schrodinger's Cat, you are stuck in a state of not knowing, open the box and find out if the cat is dead or alive.

The more you hover around the creeper you get.

 

[Yewki]

Well, the girl probably knows I like her since I'm initiating contact, that's my idea.
I'm throwing her a fishing line to see if she bites, which I cannot tell at the moment. If she takes the bait, then I escalate...simple

Most dudes aren't going to ask a girl out unless they are getting IOI's. That is what I'm trying to establish

Never rely on the girl to show interest

She may actually like you and be playing the same game. Or, maybe she doesn't but if you were to have a nice conversation with her should would.

With either of the above cases, if you wait for her to show interest... you lose.

 

[oc16]

Either way for a girl I barely know (other than her name/occupation/age) and whose relationship status I know nothing about; she is occupying WAY too much time in my mind.
However, oneitis strikes everyone and it can creep up on any man without notice. The only remedy is to start focusing on any girls and perhaps your original oneitis will come around (even though she might not be your oneitis anymore).

 

[salinechow]

Wow, you guys are harsh and probably just haters since 75% of you on here wouldn't show the pair of brass balls that I have in the past two weeks in dealing with their oneitis.

My incident today in gym was my third time initiating contact with her in two weeks. My main goal in doing so was to let her know in a subtle way I like her (if she can't see that, she is an idiot)

It doesn't look like she is\gonna take the bait and that is FINE.

Bottom line is , I am making myself vulnerable to rejection which most guys on here probably wouldn't do and it's only been a little over two weeks, not months or a year!

Basically, I have no regrets and now I don't have to wonder what if? Because I wasn't too shy to initiate contact.

I will CONTINUE to be friendly and nice to this girl with little expectations in return. What is the worst case scenario in this?and she just thinks I am a friendly , nice guy at the end of the day and maybe I will make a new friend.

Ridiculous to the point of suspected trolling. This is exactly like another poster said, a slow motion car crash with a dummy in the seat. Rangermike and Live Your Dream (which is a her I believe, possiably one of the few quality "hers" at that) have told you sound advice, you should take it. Now, Im reiterating, ANYTHING you decide to do, as far as asking her out immediately, is better than what you are doing already. Go up to her and say anything along the lines of "I have noticed you around for a while now and Im bored asking you about the weather when really I find you attractive and want to get to know you better. What DAY are you available this week for me to take you for a drink?" Not can we. Not if youd like. NO! Treat it as if you have selected her out of all the other hot boxes in the gym and you expect her to want to get to know you too. Assume the sale. Assume you are wonderful and attactive and good. Assume, you willl make her smile and orgasm because you like her and that whats she WANTS. She WANTS to be approached. She WANTS to feel feminine and attractive and special. You CAN provide that. You WILL. All she has to do is show up. ENOUGH of this kick rocks, lurking behavior. It weird and its a panty desert. If she rejects your offer and doesn't say. "Well Id like that, my number is..." OR, if she doesn't put her number in your phone after you hand it to her to fill in the blank box( Works everytime for me. Everytime! Not one fake number or rejection to give it EVER. Although later on I have been flaked on, but whatever, just being completely honest about the # grab) you tell her "Ok. Cool." And ignore her for months. If you have balls, try again in the summer with a " So I got this concert to go to in a few days and have an extra pass. Bring a friend and we can party."

Take her out this week, or completely forget about her for 6 months. Go on Tinder and practive your cold approaches ad nauseam.

Oneitis for a girl you have never even taken out is sickening. Work on your self esteem as a DJ and a man. Date more often immediately.

Date her first though. Its not what you say but how you say it. Be confident and expecting and fun. You got this.

 

[grayclif]

Either way for a girl I barely know (other than her name/occupation/age) and whose relationship status I know nothing about; she is occupying WAY too much time in my mind.
However, oneitis strikes everyone and it can creep up on any man without notice. The only remedy is to start focusing on any girls and perhaps your original oneitis will come around (even though she might not be your oneitis anymore).

Oneitis creeps up on men without options. If there is one thing I know is that no woman desires a man that no other woman desires.