Not Keen On My Girlfriend Going To Clubs & Bars?

[soulforge]

She actually might be out there more because she has you to count on. I'd ask to be invited occasionally. Tell her it's not your thing but it's something you can do together and see if she wants you in there.

Whats peed me off is this... i asked her tonight on WhatsApp what she is upto, and she avoided my question 2 times, and changed the subject.

I found this very suspicious.. then jokingly i said to her are you pisssed lol

Then she tells me, that she is out in some bars... its 1am in the morning and she is still out..

We are always adviced on djforum to follow our gut instinct, and my gut tells me she was planning not to tell me and just lie about it..

I have not said anything about it to her...


I think i need to tell her straight that i,m not wanting to be in a relationship with my girl bieng out in bars..

She can either follow my lead... or she can leave the relationship!!

 

[Floydispink01]

If you confront her then your playing into her hands. As I've read, confrontation is a female's domain.

Her - 'I am out in some bar'
You - 'ok, cool. Enjoy your night.'

 

[soulforge]

If you confront her then your playing into her hands. As I've read, confrontation is a female's domain.

Her - 'I am out in some bar'
You - 'ok, cool. Enjoy your night.'

So confronting her is not an option... i guess demoting her to fuk buddy is the only option left.

I need to think realisticly about my future.. and bieng with a girl who is out all night in bars drinking, is not something i want in my life!

 

[evan12]

Quick advice needed guys..

I am 40 and she is 45...

I,m not really into the club or bar scene anymore.. but my girlfriend of 6 months did used to go out alot..

Since she has met me, she has not bothered going out much.. but i worry at some point she will start the whole bar and club scene thing again?

We have been dating 6 months, and things are getting quite serious..

Should i make it clear to her, that her going out to bars and clubs is not ideal for this relationship?

At some point i can see this becoming a problem for me?

Any opinions on how to handle this??

Talk to her , this is a serious matter, it is not only about clubs any thing that you have red line for you should talk with her about it, dont just assume that .

 

[YawataNoKami]

Three pages man , three fvcking pages , I told you. She is 45 , her last chance to ride the carousel. She should be not more than a fvck buddy. No offense but you have been in this forum since 2012 , honestly you should know better.

 

[BeExcellent]

FWIW if she has a lifestyle or enjoys activities you do not like you have 2 choices.

1. Move on if it is a deal breaker for you.

2. Accept it is what it is and drive on.

Those really are the only options.

The idea that you can change someone's behavior by placing an expectation on them is kinda naïve. I agree that there are things you can influence as to the way someone interacts with you (respect/disrespect, manners, consideration etc.) but to expect someone to change something they do and enjoy independent of you? Frustrating for you and annoying for them.

Some women don't like if their guy goes to poker nights, or strip clubs (as mentioned above) or any number of other things. So what? An adult man should do as he pleases without getting 20 questions about it. You don't have to go with her. If she enjoys it and is going to go anyway (as is her prerogative) you could go along too occasionally to enjoy time with her, or you can do option 1 or option 2 above.

You want her and you seem to want to dictate what she should or shouldn't be doing. Anytime "should" gets used in a relationship it's a bad sign. You cannot dictate what she does. You are creating the environment for lies through your insecure behavior because to her it's easier to not respond, to ignore, and to lie about it than deal with someone who wants to dictate what another adult can and cannot do. Men respond this way all the time when they want to avoid nagging from their GF or spouse. This situation is the reverse but is no different.

She is who she is. You are not going to change her. Don't make the mistake of trying to change someone. It never ends well. If you enjoy her just enjoy her when you are together and don't sweat it when you are not. If you can't deal with who she is then eject. I don't think casual is good on this one if you do eject. You sound too emotionally invested. You want your cake and eat it too.

 

[BeExcellent]

One last thought. You don't like her choice in activity. But your reaction to it is very unattractive from her perspective which a number of men have pointed out to you in various ways. Just as a nagging woman is very unattractive to a man.

 

[devilkingx2]

Is it me or does OP's story change every time he tells it here?

First she has only went out twice for daughter's birthdays

Then he mentions that she's only gone out 3 or 4 times

The his latest posts are implying she's going out all the time now and staying out late

So which is it OP? Did you somehow randomly predict based on 0 evidence that she'd start clubbing again (with your psychic powers ofc) or were you just leaving out details at first?

I hope you're not changing the story to make us all more sympathetic. But I'm sure that's definitely not it.

 

[LiveFreeX]

I am 40 and she is 45...

FAIL.

 

[zekko]

Sounds like you picked the wrong chick, Soulforge. Unfortunate, but it happens. If she's still hanging out in bars at 45, she probably isn't going to change. And I would probably consider that a red flag as well.

I would look for other options and either break it off with her, or downgrade her to FB status.

 

[Reykhel]

Axe the drunk old barfly bytch...

Still unsure?

Get a pen and paper, put a line down the middle of the paper and on one side
start writing your ideal qualities you'd like from a future partner.....(example: fitness, healthy,
personal growth, attractiveness.....)

....on the other side....write down your dealbreakers......(example: smoking, fat, stubborn...)

I bet the barfly is mostly on the dealbreaker side....

no get out there and get your standards back up and your girls' age bracket back down...

compare those videos......

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Axe the drunk old barfly bytch...

I have a strange urge to make her into a housewife.

 

[bigneil]

You're worried about a chick who is MY age going to the bar?? The only people who go to bars looking for people who are 45 are senior citizens.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You're worried about a chick who is MY age going to the bar?? The only people who go to bars looking for people who are 45 are senior citizens.

What is she in there for bigneil?

 

[zekko]

What is she in there for bigneil?

Well, she could simply be an alcoholic, although that doesn't exactly sound appealing either. But I think most women in bars want the male attention. And even if guys go to bars looking for a 25 year old lay, when that doesn't appear they may "settle" for the eager and willing 45 year old who knows how to give a BJ.

 

[soulforge]

Well, she could simply be an alcoholic, although that doesn't exactly sound appealing either. But I think most women in bars want the male attention. And even if guys go to bars looking for a 25 year old lay, when that doesn't appear they may "settle" for the eager and willing 45 year old who knows how to give a BJ.

Spot on mate... these bar girls are bad news!!

 

[CuddleJunkie]

hey soulforge, you are clearly not happy with this relationship. You have feels for the woman, like you said in the other thread, but you don-t want a gf relationship with her. I don-t know if you are the guy in the photo, but you are waaaaay above average for guys your age, and like other DJs have said, you could get a younger woman. Do as you please mate, but it is obvious that you want out.

 

[soulforge]

hey soulforge, you are clearly not happy with this relationship. You have feels for the woman, like you said in the other thread, but you don-t want a gf relationship with her. I don-t know if you are the guy in the photo, but you are waaaaay above average for guys your age, and like other DJs have said, you could get a younger woman. Do as you please mate, but it is obvious that you want out.

To be honest i like her.. the only thing that is making me reconsider the relationship is, her going to the bars type of life style..

If she was to tone that chit down, then i would consider her for a LTR but if she continues this path then i am willing and ready to drop her like a bad habit! !

 

[Rainman4707]

Personally, I will not be in a relationship with a woman who goes out drinking with the girls. Dinner is one thing, bar scene is another. I like to establish boundaries REAL early, and all my girlfriends have responded well.

.

I don't think it's a problem if she only goes out 3 or 4 times a year.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't think it's a problem if she only goes out 3 or 4 times a year.

I don't either. I think this poster's problem is his woman goes out 3-4 times a WEEK drinking without him. I don't know what she's trying to find in bars at 45 years old that she couldn't figure out by 30,35 or even 40. Chasing the devil?