Situation

[MM92]

Basically I have known this girl for around 6 years. We were both friends for a long time and I've never felt so comfortable or gone together so will with anybody else, despite having numerous girlfriends. I always had a thing for her but never had the balls to pursue anything. She then got a boyfriend and became engaged for a couple of years and we lost contact.

Recently we randomly matched on Tinder and it turns out she has split with her ex. We spoke about the past and it turns out she too had feelings for me. After a few weeks talking we meet and she comes and chills at mine with my friends. It feels as natural as I've ever felt with her and we ended up cuddling up to each other, initiated by her. When she got home I admitted my feelings for her (I know. show not tell etc)

She replied something along the lines of "Oh MM92 you've found me at the total wrong time, I'm not in a great place emotionally at the minute."

I took this as an excuse and she's not interested in anything other than friendship, despite her actions saying otherwise. I then went cold as my natural defence mechanism and she sent numerous texts asking what was wrong and after all this time she doesn't want to lose me again.

I'm really not sure what to do. One side of me says this girl COULD be the perfect girl for me and to not try and pursue it further due to my ego, or not being brave enough would be stupid. The other side says I'm playing with fire and probably going to get burnt, and to leave it.

Any thoughts/advice?

 

[RangerMIke]

She has low interest in you. Best course of action for you would be to let her know that you are not interested in being just friends, and tell her to contact you when things are "right".

Then walk the fvck away. NEVER look back unless she contacts you. At least she will respect you.

 

[pyros]

you want a relationship, she doesn't want a relationship with you.

End of story.

 

[parkthebus]

She wants an orbiter.

 

[MM92]

Cheers for the advice lads, and unfortunately I have a feeling you're right. Being just friends at the minute could potentially be a bit dangerous, so I'm not gonna contact her anytime soon.

 

[Yewki]

One side of me says this girl COULD be the perfect girl for me

And therein... lies the rub.

She can't be the perfect girl for you, because this is reality.

 

[marmel75]

Cheers for the advice lads, and unfortunately I have a feeling you're right. Being just friends at the minute could potentially be a bit dangerous, so I'm not gonna contact her anytime soon.

You put yourself in the friend zone, then wonder how you got there? Wtf is going on with this board lately????

 

[logicallefty]

We have all been where you have been, OP. The friend thing can be an interesting one.

I have played that one one of two ways to my advantage:

1) I've done as RangerMike said above, told a woman that being just friends wasn't on the table and not going to work for me.. Then go ghost.. NC from me to her.. If she contacts me, don't be so responsive. When you do respond, ask her out. Anything but a YES or a no\alternative plan then NC again. Eventually if you aren't on a date with her within a week then NC again even if she contacts you.

or

2) Went along with it.. Said "oh yeah friends is good". Then take her out, tell her how great of a 'friend' she is. Make her hamster spin and wonder "He only thinks of me a friend?!!!? Why? Am I ugly? Why only a friend?".. Then make a move and be fvcking your "friend" by the end of the night. Which will be followed up by her babbling "oh I don't know what happens I never do that!".. blah blah blah b|tch blah blah blah.. I have had several LTRs start this exact way as """just friends"""".

Unfortunately, you admitted your feelings to her, so #2 may not be the best option for you at this point. I'd probably stick with #1 if I were you.

 

[Reykhel]

"Men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers of sex. Women decide if sex will happen, but men decide if a relationship follows. Why is it this way? Simple supply and demand. Men covet sex more than women, whereas women covet relationships more than men. Male commitment to women is as valuable as sex is to men." (RPCIM)

You switched roles, blabbing your feelings like that. You pressured her. She doesn't want a woman-man, she wants a man.

It's an easy formula to follow: create an opportunity for sex to happen, bring value and have fun.

....oh and keep your mouth shut If you give yourself too easy like that you lose value in her eyes.

I would go ghost. You've idealised this broad, saying she is the "perfect woman". Try get that out of your head......she goes out for a night out like everyone else, probably shooves a big mac down her filthy gob at the end of the night and then takes a big slimy ****e before passing out listening to madonna or some ****e like that....

You get the idea.....take her off the pedastal. It's not healthy.

 

[Sprayarc]

Basically I have known this girl for around 6 years. We were both friends for a long time and I've never felt so comfortable or gone together so will with anybody else, despite having numerous girlfriends. I always had a thing for her but never had the balls to pursue anything. She then got a boyfriend and became engaged for a couple of years and we lost contact.

Recently we randomly matched on Tinder and it turns out she has split with her ex. We spoke about the past and it turns out she too had feelings for me. After a few weeks talking we meet and she comes and chills at mine with my friends. It feels as natural as I've ever felt with her and we ended up cuddling up to each other, initiated by her. When she got home I admitted my feelings for her (I know. show not tell etc)

She replied something along the lines of "Oh MM92 you've found me at the total wrong time, I'm not in a great place emotionally at the minute."

I took this as an excuse and she's not interested in anything other than friendship, despite her actions saying otherwise. I then went cold as my natural defence mechanism and she sent numerous texts asking what was wrong and after all this time she doesn't want to lose me again.

I'm really not sure what to do. One side of me says this girl COULD be the perfect girl for me and to not try and pursue it further due to my ego, or not being brave enough would be stupid. The other side says I'm playing with fire and probably going to get burnt, and to leave it.

Any thoughts/advice?

Think about it this way. She'll spend time with you but not currently put out. Yet she probably has a **** buddy. So if You figure she puts out for some other dude, but not you, how does it make you feel? Will you still wait? Also if you give her your time without getting sex, this will boost her self-esteem at your expense.