Why do women want marriage so much

[Rainman4707]

For example. It seems that when a woman is in a relationship she starts thinking about marriage.
Money from divorce is one reason I can think of & her having her big day (being centre of attention).

Anyone care to elaborate?

 

[blind_one]

Security. Majority of women lack confidence in themselves. Wonder why most of their political views ( if are based on their own opinion) are pro-socialist ? They want someone else to take care of them.

 

[Julian]

social engineering and genetic predisposition

but nowadays shiz it all fked up. women and people getting married for the wrong reasons entirely. Also what do people not understand about TIL DEATH DO US PART...making a contract under God. fkin people i swear..

 

[NSX-R]

It's like a life contract that it's going to provide them social and financial security.

Considering how most men think about them being the only ones to work and women stay back home "raise the kids" it's a good deal for them.

 

[evan12]

• Security
• Desire to have family. (which is the main hostorical reason of men and women to marry)
• Social status , after a certain age the woman will be looked like a looser if she is single even in most open minded cities.
• Desire to have meaningful relationship , some women cant really connect emotionally with someone unless they feel safe he is not going to leave them.

 

[zekko]

Several good reasons given here, I'll just add this:

Women take their status from their men. They want a husband who they can brag about and make their girlfriends jealous. They can have a high status boyfriend but they haven't really "sealed the deal" and locked them down until they get the marriage proposal.

 

[Tictac]

I don't see women wanting marriage nearly so much as guys thinking they're 'in a relationship' with some woman that sold them a cup of coffee or talked to them in a bar for five minutes or maybe went on a date or two.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Men also want marriage, and its a sound decision outside of America.

 

[hanni]

she undertakes a HUGE risk when she gets pregnant. that kid takes 25 years and a half a millionn $ to raise (properly, not sponging off of taxpayers); So yeah, she wants some sort of assurance that you're going to stick around, or she wants you to get a vasectomy, which you're stupid to not get by age 19, actually.

 

[glass half full]

Women ultimately want two things, Power and Pride. And a family/guy on her arm will give her both as long as it fits her group.

When it no longer fits her plan (around age 26-29), they start thinking of straying. Their outside influences affect this very much.

 

[YawataNoKami]

Women want a wedding, not a marriage.

 

[sodbuster]

heads they win, tails you lose.... They get the "it's all about me" wedding.. Double the income... it's all her's....The prestige of being able to land a man and half your stuff if it doesn't work out. With NONE of the social stigma there used to be for a Divorced woman.

 

[Rainman4707]

My GF has really started putting pressure on me to propose. We've been together two year & have been trying unsuccessfully for a baby for a year.

She says she wants security in the relationship. She's scared that if she dose'nt get pregnant that i'll leave her.
She was going to break up with me a couple weeks back over this.
My attitude has been, lets just see what happens in the future. I told her that there is a high chance we will get married in future, just not yet.
She thinks that if i'm prepared to have a kid with her, then why not propose.
She says we don't have to have a weeding or anything yet, she would just feel a lot more happy if we were engaged.

Like I've said in the past. I am happy with this girl, but still have doubts.

People will say, "If you have doubts then you shouldn't be trying for a baby" My thoughts on that are that I might regret it if in a few years we are still happy, but with no kids because I wasn't 100% sure about us.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Harsh

 

[SkrooU]

Because marriage gives a woman the most amount of power over the man she is in a relationship with. If you leave her or she decides to leave you, then you have to deal with the financial consequences of divorce and possibly the loss of a good relationship with your children. If you are not married, you have the power because you can leave her and she can't do a single thing about it other than cry or piss and moan and start rumors about you or screw your best friend. And with the power she gets through marriage, she's able to pressure you into getting the furniture she wants, the clothes she wants, the vacations she wants, etc.
I'm not saying they don't really love you or want to be with you, just that they want the feeling of security that comes with having more leverage in the relationship.

 

[BeExcellent]

Slightly different perspective from the ladies' locker room even though it tends to be a rather jaded crowd around here. TLDR in bold.

Many women do come from a security standpoint. This is an instinctual thing to a degree from a both a biological/reproductive as well as a security/protection standpoint. But depending on multivariate factors there are different ways of meeting these needs.

I will agree before anyone feels compelled to point out that all women have an agenda. So do all men. But agendas vary. If you are a man contemplating marriage you need a woman whose agenda is compatible with your goals in order to make it a successful venture.

Here is why the "good girls", the really marriageable girls, get married. These are women with giving agendas:

1. Family centric agenda: She wants to be a mother and raise children in a stable family environment (many women exit the workforce, even if only for a few years to take care of babies when they are very young. All 3 of my sisters and most of my close female friends did this. Most are now back in the workforce as the children are older and in school). A family unit is still the most stable environment for child rearing. This is what healthy, quality, well raised and well adjusted women want. Some remain at home moms or housewives if that is better for the family unit/support of the husband, others drop out of the workforce for a period of years to return to work once the children are old enough for school. This is cost effective and family resource effective and best for the children, assuming the family environment is healthy. Example: Roger Staubach's family

2. Life partner agenda: She wants to team with a man in life and assist him in reaching his goals while providing him a safe and restful nest. (There are still women who want this and will do this for their man - but they are not in bars or clubs much and they are not on the market for very long. Many get snatched up young, especially if they are pretty.) Examples: Ronald & Nancy Reagan; David Bowie & Iman.

Here is why self centered women get married. These are women with selfish agendas:

1. Want a wedding
2. Are "baby crazy"
3. Don't want to work
4. Can't mooch off mom & dad anymore
5. Want a man to help support their children from other men
6. Loneliness/Fear of abandonment (Many clingers and crazies here)
7. Want "resources" (money/status/bragging rights/influence) conferred to her from the man to her as his wife
8. Want validation from being married
9. Are lazy or have "princess syndrome"

I would be remiss if I didn't mention women who do NOT want marriage (or the ones who are going to have to be persuaded.) These are women with autonomous agendas:

1. Self sufficient women personally/financially
2. Women who already have children and aren't looking for a father figure or whose children are grown and out of the house.
3. Women who have given up and/or become cat ladies
4. Fear of commitment women (yes these actually exist); players; serial daters/fickle
5. Lifelong career women
6. Uber feminists who dislike/distrust men
7. Lesbians
8. Women who dislike sex
9. Are rich
10. Widows who were deeply bonded with the late husband

The best option for marriage minded men is the giving agenda group. The selfish agenda group is best recognized and avoided. The autonomous group is a grab bag. Some types may be marriage worthy under the right circumstances...some types are best avoided.

Also some women are going to exhibit qualities from more than one group, but a "type" of agenda will predominate. You have to evaluate what sort of agenda you are dealing with and proceed accordingly.

 

[SkrooU]

I will agree before anyone feels compelled to point out that all women have an agenda. So do all men. But agendas vary.
Here is why the "good girls", the really marriageable girls, get married. These are women with giving agendas:

1. Family centric agenda:
2. Life partner agenda:

True, all people have an agenda. It has been asked here why a man would get married. For me, it would mostly be to have children. It is the best option for men who want children. Trying to have a child out of wedlock is a quick way to weekend dad, seeing your kid call someone else dad, watching your kid move away, and paying child support. At least with marriage, you have the potential to start with a good foundation for an intact full family, and you have a better chance at obtaining custody if it's better for both you and your child.

I don't see how marriage is necessary to a woman in regards to the family centric agenda, however. She births the children and unless she's a total scumbag then she has full rights, custody, and child support if she enforces it. And both genders don't need marriage to create a family and live happily ever after together. A man can still financially float the mother of his children without getting married. And some do. So it really comes down to protecting one's interests. With marriage she can add alimony to the child support, in addition to other assets he may have accumulated, if the relationship ends.
And for the life partner agenda, marriage is not necessary either. You don't need to be married to care for each other until death do you part, though there are financially advantageous laws for married couples. Yet with that comes the risk that most often falls on the man. So the way I see it is that marriage can be a really great thing, but it comes with a lot of risk, mostly for men.

Is marriage really necessary to live happily ever after with someone? No. So that brings us to the question that started this forum. Why do something that isn't necessary? I just see it more necessary for the man if he wants to have a family. And I see it more necessary for the woman if she wants a better plan to cash in on a failed relationship.

 

[Fruitbat]

To be honest I have found most women I know are not crazy about marriage.

I ask a question or always try to bring up this topic subtly to get an idea:

Should people stay together for the children?

If your initially answer is Yes, that would be a pass. If no, fail. Of course if it's too difficult then things mah have to change but most the independent women I meet are very quick to say no, it's bad for the child etc. This viewpoint will make you very disposable. Women who believe in marriage will say no, you work it out.

there is nothing wrong with marriage. Many of the most successfull men are married. What's important is finding the right wife. I failed the first time.

It's not a trap, it's not set up for women to screw men. It has become that through the family courts but take it from me, in the UK at least, marriage means very little unless you have KIDS!

Kids are what bring the entanglement and abuses, not marriage. I was married 7 years to someone much lower income and assets. The court don't split that 50/50 unless she can prove you told her to give up work and be a homemaker OR if the court can see it was a lopsided relationship e.g you are 45 and married an 18 year old Thai woman with no English. My solicitor said the court tend to help out younger women with rich men and to be fair, that is the deal. Those men are unlikely to attract women in their prime and it's kind of the deal you asked for in marrying one.

When you have kids the full force of feminist unfairness is rolled out. That's the decision you make when you have kids, not marriage.

i like marriage. it's just marrying the right one. Not some entitled ****head with her flapping head who wants a big show for her friends to feed that all devouring ego...I would never do a big wedding on principle.

 

[BeExcellent]

there is nothing wrong with marriage. Many of the most successfull men are married. What's important is finding the right wife. I failed the first time.

i like marriage. it's just marrying the right one.

It's really about vetting. If you are marriage minded you really have to vet properly for a successful result.

@LARaiders85 my comment wasn't intended as passive/aggressive at all...but I do occasionally get flamed around here for sharing my thoughts.

My ex knows exactly why I left him and knows exactly what specific habits & behaviors over time were deal breakers after years of honest dialogue about it. It wasn't that he wasn't working hard enough...it was extreme procrastination and complacency in many areas.

Complacency is the devil in a relationship.

But honestly we are close and I want to see him grow & do well. Nothing acrimonious at all there.

My comment you quoted was regarding the occasional tar & feathering I get here...which I can handle...it's a men's forum and I respect that. I see my story as more a cautionary tale about complacency in marriage and how destructive it can be.

I too think marriage can be quite positive if you find the right partner & desire children.

But the hard part is finding the right partner and evaluating them and the relationship objectively. That is hard to do when you are young and infatuated. Real love takes time to develop.

I myself don't anticipate getting married again. I could consider it for the right person, but I'm done having young babies so am at a different juncture in life.

 

[BeExcellent]

There's something else to think about too.

Marriage has been around thousands of years.

Autonomy for women has not. Modern medicine has not.

Many women actually died or were disabled in childbirth. Childbirth has serious health risks for a woman and the baby historically and still does today. The Taj Mahal is a monument to a woman lost in childbirth.

Marriage originally from a woman's perspective was an assurance that the woman was not at risk of being left high & dry with a baby she had to feed but no way to support herself or said baby.

So the construct remains although society has changed in modern times.