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Why do women want marriage so much

Augustus_McCrae

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It's possible for a person to seem hard working and industrious when you meet them. Then over time they can change. It happened to me in my marriage.

Strong responsible people give their all in a marriage. When they are paired with another person like that, it can make for a good marriage. However, if your spouse is weak or has self esteem issues or just gets used to you taking care of them, it can feel like they are just a leech or a boat anchor.

My ex wife became exactly that in our marriage. And even worse, she thought I owed her. So in effect, the strong responsible spouse gets punished for doing the right thing.

I would assume that BeExcellent had a similar experience in her marriage.

-Augustus-
 

The Duke

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Some of the most rewarding things I've done in life involved taking a chance…and sometimes failing.

You can stay comfortable in your safe zone but you will never grow as a person, never see things in a different light, never broaden your horizons. There will be so many life experiences and opportunities you miss out on. And that’s fine, but don’t ever expect greatness, don’t ever expect a rich and full life, don't ever expect to soar where the eagles soar. It’s not so much success that shapes us and makes one stronger, but the failures and how we chose to grow from them. From personal growth comes satisfaction and achievement in every facet of life.

“A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory.” (I’m pretty sure I got that quote from someone on this forum and I thank you for that.)

Some have a lot of life to experience.
 

Roober

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Some of the most rewarding things I've done in life involved taking a chance…and sometimes failing.

You can stay comfortable in your safe zone but you will never grow as a person, never see things in a different light, never broaden your horizons. There will be so many life experiences and opportunities you miss out on. And that’s fine, but don’t ever expect greatness, don’t ever expect a rich and full life, don't ever expect to soar where the eagles soar. It’s not so much success that shapes us and makes one stronger, but the failures and how we chose to grow from them. From personal growth comes satisfaction and achievement in every facet of life.

“A man with experience is never at the mercy of a man with a theory.” (I’m pretty sure I got that quote from someone on this forum and I thank you for that.)

Some have a lot of life to experience.
Agreed! You don't progress without taking chances! I have taken two chances in recent years. While neither worked out, I learned an immense amount from them. If your not taking chances, why even bother continuing on?
 

Rainman4707

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Some great advice here, thanks :) My GF is still demanding to be engaged, she wants security in the LTR. We have been trying for a baby on & off for the last two years. She has said she dose'nt want to try anymore until I propose to her. She dose'nt want to get pregnant without being engaged. I want security too though =) which means no marriage yet because if i marry she gets half what i own!
I seem more willing to have children with her.
I nearly have my house paid off, so if i get married, then divorced two years later she gets half the house. If i had a kid, yeah i'd pay maintenace, but that dosent bother me as much as the thought of getting married & having to give her half my house if we get divorced.
Not entirely sure i want kids with her, but like I say i'm more open to having kids than marriage.
She has ended the relationship twice because I haven't proposed yet. She loves me.
My gf is coming up to 33 & i'm 32 so we havent got long to have kids.
 

sazc

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Some great advice here, thanks :) My GF is still demanding to be engaged, she wants security in the LTR. We have been trying for a baby on & off for the last two years. She has said she dose'nt want to try anymore until I propose to her. She dose'nt want to get pregnant without being engaged. I want security too though =) which means no marriage yet because if i marry she gets half what i own!
I seem more willing to have children with her.
I nearly have my house paid off, so if i get married, then divorced two years later she gets half the house. If i had a kid, yeah i'd pay maintenace, but that dosent bother me as much as the thought of getting married & having to give her half my house if we get divorced.
Not entirely sure i want kids with her, but like I say i'm more open to having kids than marriage.
She has ended the relationship twice because I haven't proposed yet. She loves me.
My gf is coming up to 33 & i'm 32 so we havent got long to have kids.
you need a pre nup. protect your assets. to make it fair, you can put into the prenup that, if she has children by you, if you die, she gets all your assets.
you can also put in the prenup that, after 20 years, it no longer applies.
 

BeExcellent

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It's possible for a person to seem hard working and industrious when you meet them. Then over time they can change. It happened to me in my marriage.

Strong responsible people give their all in a marriage. When they are paired with another person like that, it can make for a good marriage. However, if your spouse is weak or has self esteem issues or just gets used to you taking care of them, it can feel like they are just a leech or a boat anchor.

My ex wife became exactly that in our marriage. And even worse, she thought I owed her. So in effect, the strong responsible spouse gets punished for doing the right thing.

I would assume that BeExcellent had a similar experience in her marriage.
I did indeed.

With regards to @Rainman4707 a couple of thoughts. Firstly have you sat down with her and explained rationally why you do not desire marriage? Secondly have you explained to her that your house will be held as your own asset outside of any marriage (that's a pretty simple pre-nump)? If the answer to these questions is yes, what was her response?

If she is in her early 30's she has plenty of time left for baby making. If she tells you she is too invested, she needs to have kids now, etc., then my guess is she wants to lasso you in particular and doesn't want to have to go to the trouble of finding someone else to try and lasso (which may take years depending on what she brings to the table and what her standards happen to be.)

I know 3 women who purposefully had children out of wedlock. Of those, 1 is still with the father of her kids (they have been together 20+ years, she is a vet & he is an EMT), so they are both in similar fields. The other two are not. One of those has a grown son and a 12 year live-in LTR and is stable and she & her guy are happy. The other gal is getting married for the first time in her 40s and her son is already grown (but she is about to be a step-mom to 2 young kids.) The couple who is still together thought marriage was silly 20 some years ago and still think it is silly now. But she is a serious exception as women go because she really doesn't give two hoots what other women think of her situation.

Most women REALLY care how they are perceived by other women. As a single woman in a couples world (as people pair off) social opportunities are lost and other women see the single person as a threat, especially if the single person is prettier or has a better figure. Women can be vicious mate guards in social settings so women put tremendous pressure on other women to settle down. This pressure happens to men too but to much lesser degree.

If your GF thinks she is going to lasso you (i.e. manipulate you or ultimatum you into getting married) just be BLUNT about it and tell her that will not work. If BEING MARRIED is more important than BEING WITH YOU then you soon have your answer.

The problem you face and the gamble you take is that most desirable women want to be married and they know they have enough value to be able to hold out for marriage. So if you have an otherwise good girl and you have someone who will make a good mother, it's worth weighing. Marriage is still the best environment for child rearing so long as the marriage is good. Pregnancy still even today has certain physical risks and hazards as does childbirth itself. There is still a social stigma in well bred social circles about illegitimate children that some segments of society take seriously. It is a tall order to expect a woman from a well to do background to risk pregnancy and child bearing without a wedding ring. What if he bails on you when you are terribly sick during the pregnancy? Who will support you if you become bedridden? What if the child has issues? Those are all things her family and her mother and her friends are going to put into her ear, and they are legit concerns frankly.

You better off with a girl with whom you think marriage is a good idea first then consider that person for the mother of your children. If you don't want to marry this girl you should NOT have kids with her. I don't think it's a wise idea. Marriage has a benefit for the men that nobody here is really talking about.

Marriage allows a man to control who has access to his offspring.


Protecting your offspring is paramount to their well-being. That includes protecting them from other men (who won't care about them and could abuse them or harm them or their mother) without you being able to intercede.

Lots to consider here.
 

Rainman4707

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I did indeed.

With regards to @Rainman4707 a couple of thoughts. Firstly have you sat down with her and explained rationally why you do not desire marriage? Secondly have you explained to her that your house will be held as your own asset outside of any marriage (that's a pretty simple pre-nump)? If the answer to these questions is yes, what was her response?

If she is in her early 30's she has plenty of time left for baby making. If she tells you she is too invested, she needs to have kids now, etc., then my guess is she wants to lasso you in particular and doesn't want to have to go to the trouble of finding someone else to try and lasso (which may take years depending on what she brings to the table and what her standards happen to be.)

I know 3 women who purposefully had children out of wedlock. Of those, 1 is still with the father of her kids (they have been together 20+ years, she is a vet & he is an EMT), so they are both in similar fields. The other two are not. One of those has a grown son and a 12 year live-in LTR and is stable and she & her guy are happy. The other gal is getting married for the first time in her 40s and her son is already grown (but she is about to be a step-mom to 2 young kids.) The couple who is still together thought marriage was silly 20 some years ago and still think it is silly now. But she is a serious exception as women go because she really doesn't give two hoots what other women think of her situation.

Most women REALLY care how they are perceived by other women. As a single woman in a couples world (as people pair off) social opportunities are lost and other women see the single person as a threat, especially if the single person is prettier or has a better figure. Women can be vicious mate guards in social settings so women put tremendous pressure on other women to settle down. This pressure happens to men too but to much lesser degree.

If your GF thinks she is going to lasso you (i.e. manipulate you or ultimatum you into getting married) just be BLUNT about it and tell her that will not work. If BEING MARRIED is more important than BEING WITH YOU then you soon have your answer.

The problem you face and the gamble you take is that most desirable women want to be married and they know they have enough value to be able to hold out for marriage. So if you have an otherwise good girl and you have someone who will make a good mother, it's worth weighing. Marriage is still the best environment for child rearing so long as the marriage is good. Pregnancy still even today has certain physical risks and hazards as does childbirth itself. There is still a social stigma in well bred social circles about illegitimate children that some segments of society take seriously. It is a tall order to expect a woman from a well to do background to risk pregnancy and child bearing without a wedding ring. What if he bails on you when you are terribly sick during the pregnancy? Who will support you if you become bedridden? What if the child has issues? Those are all things her family and her mother and her friends are going to put into her ear, and they are legit concerns frankly.

You better off with a girl with whom you think marriage is a good idea first then consider that person for the mother of your children. If you don't want to marry this girl you should NOT have kids with her. I don't think it's a wise idea. Marriage has a benefit for the men that nobody here is really talking about.

Marriage allows a man to control who has access to his offspring.


Protecting your offspring is paramount to their well-being. That includes protecting them from other men (who won't care about them and could abuse them or harm them or their mother) without you being able to intercede.

Lots to consider here.

I'm still not sure what is going to happen. Like you say I have a lot to consider & the clock is ticking, it's not as though me & my girl are in our twenties.

My GF knows that I am considering marriage with her & I haven't mentioned my concerns about my house.

You have raised some interesting points for me to take into consideration. Thank you :)
 

YawataNoKami

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you need a pre nup. protect your assets. to make it fair, you can put into the prenup that, if she has children by you, if you die, she gets all your assets.
you can also put in the prenup that, after 20 years, it no longer applies.
Prenups are useless , she will be complaining to a judge how the prenup is "unfair" to her. Try a Domestic asset protection trust.
 

zekko

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Marriage allows a man to control who has access to his offspring.
This is true, but once the divorce goes through, there goes the man's control. Obviously he retains some control, but only when he has the children. I don't have any kids though, so this isn't really my field of expertise.

I believe the nuclear family is a great thing, especially for the children. Unfortunately, with no fault divorce, and the current culture, a marriage certificate isn't worth the paper it's printed on. It's a shame, but even if I wanted kids, I would have to take a pass.
 

nikkisixx

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kids and you know whats up: shes not going anywhere.
 
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