17/09/2013
Yesterday was a good day an I left school in a good mood. My class is **** in terms of HBs, with the exception of HBFlirty. Theres a group of guys who are cool and chill. Im kinda in the group now, but I still dont know theyre friends so I sometimes feel kinda left apart.
I talked to some girls to. Theres a girl who wants to know me and may possibly be a good easy lay, I havent looked at her well yet.
I left school and went downtown to aproach, but it was to late, around 7:30 pm. I saw a guy who seemed my age play the guitar on the street and striked a conversation with him. Very chill guy, the conversation was awesome. He was 19, from the UK, so I had to speak english with him. Still, I connected much better with him than with any of my portuguese friends.
18/09/2013
Had to wake up at 7 am for school. The night before I only managed to sleep past midnight, so I was tired the whole day. Im writing this half at sleep.
Had lunch at McDonalds with that group of guys I refered.
Then went to the square in front of my school, where people usually hang out.
Talked with old and new friends, including HBBoobs. She doesnt seem very interested, but I think shes one of those girls who dont really show alot when theyre atracted, and that I need to take full responsability on escalation. Im going to invite her to come over sometime and see how shes going to respond. I should touch her more to.
Flirted with HBFlirty, with lots of touching and pushing. I have a roleplay with her that involves lots of that, like insults, etc.. (playfully of course) Got her number.
Her friend HB-10 (more a guy than a girl honestly) starts calling me names that I dont like, etc.. And HBFlirty decided to follow. I just maintained a smille and pushed them back.
I dont know if I should have made it clear I wasnt finding it funny, maybe that would only make it worse. I dont really give a ****, I just dont want it to spread.
The next break I went to the same place, but my friends from my class were all scatered talking to people that I didnt knew. I should have aproached. Ended up talking to some people. At some point I said me and my buddies were the only guy who talked during class, and some guy decided to applaud me for it, and then everybody started appluading me lol. My state was low at this time.
From there I got worse, I started getting in a bad mood and decided to skip the last class. I was very tired and really out of state.
Resume: HBAss doesnt seem very interested sexually. HBBoobs only way to know is to escalate. Flirty, I think I heard she as a boyfriend, I dont know. And theres that girl who wanted to meet me, I will see what I can do with her. I need to know and talk to more people.
Need to get into parties to. I have to ask people if they know of something.
One of my new friends, lets call him Guitar, told me about a big party he organised last year in a local club. Maybe we can do it again, Il see what I thinks of this.
Im also going to try to get intruduced to the people on the 11th year by guitar and the rest of the guys, since they are their age and know them. Theres some very hot girls in that year.
Conclusions: I must cold aproach, both in the street and on school, otherwise my rep wont grow, nor my social circle, etc... and Ill start getting depressed and being alone.
Having a genuine interest in someone will make aproaching easy.´
After reading an article by NDJ I realized that what I really need to do is to put my ego aside and step out of my comfort zone. I must stop trying to look cool or worrying about my rep, and follow the trail that will make me the man I want to be. And I need to forget about that false sense of self, the ego, to do that.
