V's life-changing self-improvement, Boot Camp et al Journal

[rushing dude 123]

long time no see my friend, keep improving , u r really stepping up ur game and doing something about it. Seems u learnt a lot about life has well, which i feel is the core of game.

 

[Violent V]

End of November

Hey ya'll another write off week in terms of exercise and diet.

My week starts again tomorrow. This time with regular updates. A new month begins and so i revisit my main aims:

+Target weight of 10 stone. Currently 14 stone. Less fat, more muscle.

-How? Exercise: Morning runs/cardio before Work 5 times a week. Evenings consist of Weights, football, weights, salsa, weights, martial arts.
Diet: Decide a set amount of calories to eat everyday for the week depending on where my calroie maintanence level is. My current target is not to go over 2500 cals a day. All my food will now be coming from a good source, i.e. protein: raw meat, fat: nuts, fish oil, carbs: brown carbs and vegs.

+The women/becoming a social butterfly/Alpha. Target is to eventually become as good with women/strangers as some of the great people who have been contributing to this thread. Currently, i have not really ever dated a women before. Eventually, i will be making friends with people i have just like they were long lost brothers, and sleeping with strange beautiful women on the day i meet them like some of you folks!

-How? Firstly to become comfertable enough around strangers and women to simply have fun rather than sweating so much over what i say and how i come across. As you can see, it ultimately all comes down to me. I will give bootcamp another shot, starting tonight.

+Key to the goal above i.e. outer game, is my inner game. Target: Be at peace in myself and become positive and assertive unconciously. Become more confident in myself, increase my self esteem and self worth.

-How? A lot of this will come down to how much i am achieving my goals and growing in life. But the other half is down to how i think and how my mind processes and works. This half requires 'brain training/exercise': changing my self image, instinctively becoming positive and more at peace by not thinking so damn much! Its training i will be doing every morning and afternoon.

+To move out, get a place of my own, set out a plan for my career and what my dreams and goals are. aka responsibility for my life and its direction.

-How? First to save up enough to move out and live on my own. My current job brings in the money, and there are great opportunities to move up, but its not somewhere i want to be in three years time. I'd like to start working in the city in a couple of years, and am considering law, and eventually coming back to my area and giving back to the community that raised me.

I will assess my progress at the end of each month, and set new targets for the following month.

Here is a conclusion of the progress i made this month towards these aims:

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning runs a day, followed by more exercise in the evening i.e. wieghts, football etc

Started well with gym 6 days a week but it went off after i injured my leg and was limping for a week. Target weight: 13 stone. Current weight: 14 stone.

My leg has recovered well enough now for me to start running so gym every morning anf afternoon as well. I have also invested in wholesale chicken and veg that will supply my dinner for the next month or so at least!!! Branflakes in the morning, fruit and salad evening.

Current weight: 14st. Target: 13-13.5 stone.

+Bootcamp week one and two, but GIRLS ONLY! Eye contact and greet 50 women, and talk to 10 strange ones by the end of the month.

What a wonderful three weeks it has been. I am now holding eye contact much better with everyone, and have been conversating with new people on average of 3 people a day.

And not just sweet talk conversations, really listening to them and their stories, getting to know their names, their backgrounds, their interests. This last three days alone I've got to know 6 new people, each with a story to tell, and each returning the next day with things to show me regarding whatever it was we were talking about previously, e.g. pictures, items.

Just saying hi to everyone, helping them out and just listening to them makes me feel wonderful. Its amazing how much people want to talk about themselves. I usually just ask ONE simple question and thesde people just open up and talk and talk and talk. I just nod my head and listen, genuinely fascinated by what they have to say, their story and lives.

I hope to build on my eye contact more this month as i am participating in the Xmas Bootcamp with a few other guys. Should be a nice challenge!

+Live by the question of 'who would i be if i lived without any fear of consequences?'. Also get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear.

I am feeling more powerful, confident and worthy than i have felt for a LONG LONG TIME. I am talking years. I am having no problems saying hello to anyone anymore, saying what is on my mind and acting more assertively. I feel like i am on a roll which is getting harder to stop everyday; the snowball effect.

The ability to change the pictures and sounds in my head will really be tested the following month when i start cold approaching and number closing. I need to win the battle in my head before i approach any girl. Instead of picturing her rejecting me, turning me away, I will be trying to imagine a successful outcome, thus increasing my chances of apporaching and closing successfully.

Being 'abandoned' by my friends and close relatives this last year after i struggled to find a job has made me stronger and more comfertable with myself in ways i never imagined it would do in those dark days. I now accept myself for what i am beyond name and shape and size, and and am comfertable with the fact that people come and go but I AM FOREVER, and that I WAS BORN ALONE, AND I WILL DIE ALONE.

+Keep saving up. Set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time.

My views have shifted more right wing in the last few weeks than i never imagined it might. I now understand that you cannot save everybody, and most people in the this world deserve to be where they are on the ladder as they do not strive to grow, learn and improve.

How can i try and carry people when they refuse to carry themselves? If they don't mind living a worthless life walking from cafe to cafe daily smoking 40 cigerattes a day and juggling between boyfriends and husbands, what hope have i got helping them?

Personally I now have a great reserve of money in my account and am on the lookout for a place to move into sometime after Xmas. I imagine it will be on my own, and while it might get lonely, the fact that this idea alone worries me means that i still have a long road ahead of me in terms of loving myself and not seeking happiness outside from anyone or anything.

Many many people in life, especially successful people- strip them of their wealth, muscles, or even seductive abilities and suddenly they lose all their self worth with it. I want to, and i will be comfortable with myself with or without fame and fortune.

Peace

 

[Violent V]

Start of December

Here are my overall aims. In bold is what i feel i have really improved so far.

+Target weight of 10 stone. Currently 14 stone. Less fat, more muscle.

+The women/becoming a social butterfly/Alpha. Target is to eventually become as good with women/strangers as some of the great people who have been contributing to this thread. Currently, i have not really ever dated a women before. Eventually, i will be making friends with people i have just like they were long lost brothers, and sleeping with strange beautiful women on the day i meet them like some of you folks!

+Key to the goal above i.e. outer game, is my inner game. Target: Be at peace in myself and become positive and assertive unconciously. Become more confident in myself, increase my self esteem and self worth.

+To move out, get a place of my own, set out a plan for my career and what my dreams and goals are. ake responsibility for my life and its direction.

From now Until December 30th:

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

 

[Violent V]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Exercise has been pretty much out of the question until today. Slowly but surely i have been bringing myself back into the gym after a 2 week haitus, but i went today and had a really good workout. Good cardio, nice weights session and a nice relax in the pool and sauna. Hopefully i can keep this up until my day off on Friday, where i plan to have a big night out.

My diet hasn't been perfect and i realise i need to step it up a bit if i am planning to make this gym work count. I worked very hard last month but didn't budge in terms of weight loss. So i am cutting the branflakes and nibbling junk snacks completely out from tomorrow. Fruit for breakfast, my only source of carbs will come during lunch, and chicken and veg in the evenings.

N.B. Morning exercise is completely out of the question. Cycling in shorts and a shirt and 6.00 am to the gym is not a good idea considering the season! I am happy to do all the work in the evening.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

My focus has been on talking to more girls this month, and so far its going 'okay'- nothing revolutionary. Its all about baby steps and i am taking the right steps. ON Sunday I started talking to some waitress girl who had the tightest, phattest and nicest bum i had seen all week.

I asked her what would be a nice way to tell your girlfriend you want her to lose weight. She didn't understand at firs as her English wasn't very good, but she sat down and talked to me for a good 5 minutes at least. We even pretended to be boyfriend girlfriend and role play the situation. Got to know her background etc. I could and should have probably number closed her, but didn't, and this is the next level i need to start taking things.

I am not doctor smooth yet, but i am frequently making conversation with everyone and anyone i meet. Once i start feeling comfertale doing this with girls, i can start number closing.

I am getting more and more comfertable around girls now i.e. my desperation is decreasing more and more. Saying that however, i have passed up numerous chances to talk to more HB girls that i should maybe be taking if i am to implement changes. I guess fear is still in my system. But its all about baby steps!!!

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

When ever i get angry over something, i am immediately, almost instinctively holding myself and reviewing the scenario with a posotive perspective. Rather than beat myself up over not approaching that HB girl, it means i still got a lot to learn!

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

I am planning to start applying for funds and sponsorship this week. The earlier the better, just to show the firms how keen i am.

 

[The Bat]

Glad to see you're doing good.

Although I think you should have number closed her. There was definitely interest there if she sat down and talked to you while she was working PLUS she had hard time understanding English. Also, she role played with you for a little while. What a great way to get her aroused even more! You know, start getting more sexual and saying stuff like, "Now another scenario: if I wanted you to try another sexual position, then how would you like me to suggest it without hurting your feelings?" Something to that effect.

Something to keep in mind for next time.

 

[Chris Gamble]

Hey man -- Good work with the journal.

I know it is an inspiration to many people (including myself).

Keep it up.

-Chris

 

[Violent V]

Hi everyone many thanks for the feedback. Its nice to know there are people following this journey, and even more nice to know i am inspiring others to take some action. Inside me is this burning passion to be so much more then i already am. I see the future, and things i'd like to do and be, and think only one thing to myself: WHY NOT? I see a potential to be great, and i believe in it.

I definetely should have number closed, but oh well if i visit that place again i will defo be more sexual and number close. These are two things i need to apply generally in my encounter with HBs. hopefully starting tomorrow night.

I realise i am too hard on myself sometimes, but when i am not achieveing or not making progress i have a habit of getting disappointed in myself. Time is something i really value and the thought of unfulfilled potential, wasted opportunities or mediocrity haunts me. Saying that though i also know its okay to make mistakes as long a keep them as a reminder and learn.

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This week has been a total write off. No exercise, no cold approaches, nothing. I had came across a lot of HBs in the mall whilst i was xmas shopping, and really should have talk to some. My lack of confidence and social anxiety was linked to not exercising. Above all else my main goal is to get my body into the great shape i know i can make it, and when i am not making progress i.e. this week no gym, i seem to feel let down, and lacking in motivation.

To top off my week, i got blown by the HB blonde bombshell at work today. She overtook me as if i wasn't there when walking home, and then replied dismally when i tried making conversation. Perhaps it is a blessing in the disguise, as i have completely lost interest in her now to the point where if she started hitting on me, i would laugh in her face.

Yet another HB who showed interest signs early before blowing me off! I am making quite a habit of it, but i was impressed with my reaction this time. At first i was shocked and angry, and let the disappointment pollute my mind. I went into antisocial mode. It was a rejection of the highest order and complete lack of respect.

But within minutes i grabbed a hold of the situation and started thinking positively.
'Its her loss'.
'Two rejections down, 8 more to go!' and
'when i will be shining like a star and she tries to creep back into my solar system, i will remember this day'.
Put in this light, it really isn't that big deal at all, and actually a good thing! Let her be. Let it be. Now i can keep my full focus on me again.

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I've also thought of a lovely way to get myself approaching HBs and talking. That is by rewarding myself after each cold approach. E.g. 'If i cold approach and number close her, i will treat myself to those new G-star raw jeans i liked.' I might also apply this to my daily diet/exercise routine. So 'if today i go without eating any junk food and eat all the right things, and also go the gym and workout, i will reward myself with that dvd i wanted to buy.' Of course i will only keep doing it until i go past the tipping point where it becomes easier to approach/eat healthily and exercise and harder to actually not do it.

This will be my tactic for the rest of the month. Also for the coming week, i have decided to leave my desperation at the front door of my house. My weeks resolution is to forget any ideas of hooking up with any girl i meet, know or see. I cannot be desperate if i hold no desire...

I have organised a great big night out tomorrow. I've managed to get 25 people down at least, organised the guest list and the club we are going to. I have said earlier in this journal before that i was always the tagger along, tomorrow night i will play host. This is a big step for me in the right direction.

Saturday is the start of a new week for me. I want to be the best me i can ever be. WHY NOT?

 

[Violent V]

I have extended the deadline for my aims until the end of January. My focus is on success, and doing this gives me more time to succeed regardless of how long i said it will, should, must take at the start of December.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

I am starting to do morning runs as well now regardless of the freeze in the early mornings. The more calories i can burn during the day the better. My diet is the worst part of my regime, but it comes down to desire and responsibility How bad do i want this? Am i so in control of myself that i can say no to the cookie being offered, or that hot chocolate. I must be more self-disciplined and in control of ME rather than being a victim of the circumstances.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

I do not think it is a fear of approaching girls as much as it is a fear of how i will come across. I do not care what others think of me when i know i will never meet these people again. This is why i have no problems with talking to strangers or HB bombshell who blew me away the other week.

But when i am meeting people i know or believe are going to or could become a part of my life, i go into a shell, because obviously it does matter what they think of me as i will be meeting or seeing them frequently for a long period of time. And i feel this is what hold me back with approaching. The key is to not care and have fun- but this is someone i might be dating so i need to give off a good impression right? This eventually leads to complete inaction anyways.

The morale of the story: Kill that desperation and stop caring. People come people go, but I am forever.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

I feel a forcefield of positive energy around me now. I look at the positive implication of a situation, no matter how bad it may appear. More importantly i am not beating myself up anymore, but learning.

Success is when i am done failing. I have kept on failing and failing and failing to approach HBs until I will get to the point where I will have to approach, and that is when i am done failing and have succeeded. And then i keep failing and learning until i will get it right.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

A workmate of mine told me how she got sponsorship for funding her course with the help of my manager! Time to make a move V!

 

[Violent V]

weekend

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Yesterday was a very good day. Great on the regime front and had a good work out in the gym. Running, weights and a swim at the end to boot.

My exercise today was i playing 'soccer' for my team, however my diet was horrible. Chocolate, pancakes, skittles, crisps, and mayo sandwiches....

It was mostly down to not having any breakfast or lunch, and not having any thing else but snacks knocking around in the house that I simply ended up reaching for that crap to feed myself something. I also didn't review my goals today and when that happens, i usually go off course a bit. Mental note taken: it is very important to review my goals at the start of the day, and have my meals consistently and regularly during the day in order to be able to be more disciplined and in control.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

I saw a nice girl come into the gym yesterday while i was heading out.

I was also offered to go out last night and of course approach some girls, but turned it down because i wanted to get round to reading some stuff. Yes, very antisocial...

And today i played and relaxed at home. I didn't lay an eye on any girls at all really this weekend so quite dry.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more positive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

I am working more and more on the type of questions i am asking myself in my mind. E.g. Instead of saying 'why can't i do this', I would try and rephrase it to 'What is the easiest way I will be able to do this?'

I am also trying to get a massive hoiday organised for next year with a group of friends. Not sure which group yet as i have a few groups of friends, but it should be fun. Taking the lead in this way can only help my confidence and leadership skills, and my position amongst these people i know.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

There are doubts filling my mind about pushing on and going into law. Being on holiday for the last few days, i really don't want to go back to my 9-5 office job where its a drag and same old shhhht just a different day. I can imagie the same working as a lawyer. Good money but what my day, my time?

Should i not be getting up and going to work in a job that excites me and makes me feel passionate? Should i not be following my heart and making more use of my exceptional creative talent?

 

[rushing dude 123]

Yeh man if u have a positive attitude no matter what the obstacle is u will get past it, because u designed ur brain to pick out every little thing u need to succeed, usually its the other way round, no wonder people r so good at failing. btw look and ask people on ur law course, u will find a lot of **** for free, good price, way worth money if u know right people and right places to look, so u could make it easier on u in that sense. I always value knowledge, its something people can't take away from u.

Anyway dude if u want to meet anytime just send me a message dude.

 

[TurboLover]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Yesterday was a very good day. Great on the regime front and had a good work out in the gym. Running, weights and a swim at the end to boot.

My exercise today was i playing 'soccer' for my team, however my diet was horrible. Chocolate, pancakes, skittles, crisps, and mayo sandwiches....

It was mostly down to not having any breakfast or lunch, and not having any thing else but snacks knocking around in the house that I simply ended up reaching for that crap to feed myself something. I also didn't review my goals today and when that happens, i usually go off course a bit. Mental note taken: it is very important to review my goals at the start of the day, and have my meals consistently and regularly during the day in order to be able to be more disciplined and in control.

I don't know where your goals are written, but I got me a big whiteboard in my room, the kind you can write on with markers. There I list my POD (plan of the day), and also some short/long term goals. Its the first thing I see in the morning and the last before bed. May help you out if you don't have anything similar to it.

What are you doing eating skittles? LOL, your not 15.

Keep up the good work.

 

[Violent V]

God sake i just wrote a very long post and my internet crashed so it means im gonna keep it short and sweet this time.

Many thanks for the feedback and encouragement guys. RD we will meet up i promise, stay positive! The friends i know are all self-absorbed, sociophobic, static people so i really want to associate myself and hang out with DJs like you!

Hi Turbo. I have printed off my goals, aims and POD for the month on one page and read it every morning on the bus to work. I try and reward myself, reread it all again and again during the day etc in order to keep myself motivated and focused. I have been doing it for over a year now and can't live without it anymore!!

And your never too young for Skittles!

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Great workout today: run, weights, swim. Got in the gym at 4.30 and didn't leave till about 7.

Okay with the regime. My manager has chocolate biscuits being thrown around the team so i just help myself! Oh well one or two doesn't kill!

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

I got talking to this fitness instructor girl at the gym. She showed me some good techniques on working the triceps more effectively.

My voice delivery was poor, unconfident and submissive.

For the one girl i did talk to breifly and badly, i passed a few opportunities on the bus, in the gym and at the mall.

I am too self absorbed and serious with girls instead of being fun, social and not caring. I need to start smiling at HBs when i see them and waving at the like a kid instead trying to pose or come off as being cool and smooth.

The first gate is to realise they are just people god damnit and kill that desperation. No more posing! Why so serious!

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more positive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

No real progress to report on here.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

Looked more into the tattoo i am going to get. Remember it is a life thing, so i need to be certain it is perfect with the right message and meaning behind it. I know what i am going to get it on, the question is which design/picture.

Regarding law, i have heard lawyers, esp those in the city who earn big bucks, work day and night and have no free time. Two comments i have read that sum up my fears:

'Whats the point of earning all this money to buy that car when i don't get the opportunity to drive it.'

It is not uncommon for lawyers to end up marrying the people they work with.

 

[Violent V]

end of 2008

Its NYE and i am staying indoors for the night. Tonight i feel is time to reflect. A new year means a fresh start.

Its 9 months since the first post, and i have made progress. Buts its very slow, and inconsistent. Change is hard, and the sort of improvement i am trying to make is inner game, which is certainly not an overnight thing.

This time next year i will be so far from where i am now...

2009 will be a year to remember i feel. Hopefully this journal will show it all: from the first post where i was in a depressed omega state, to this time next year being an alpha male, a fearless social butterfly, in great shape and with a great future set-up.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

The gym was closed by the time i got to the door, which was a real shame as i really had to fight some lack of motivation to get myself to the front door. My diet was very bad today. I will make today my day off, and get back on track tomorrow.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

A poor month in general. Change is hard yes, but if i really wanted to cold approach 20 girls, if i really was hungry for it, then i have to admit i had more than enough opportunities to do it. Its going to take a lot of effort and determination to get over this hurdle.

But i believe once i am over, the rest gets easy. I will be taking drastic action in January 2009.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more positive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Its clear that to make any meaningful change to how my mind works then it will take much more than a month or two. Implementing a positive, resourceful mindset to an unconcious level means completely over-riding how my mind has been working for the last 10 years.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

I will really try and push on with this in 2009. One of my priorityies has always been to get my own place, and hopefully by march, a year since i set the plan, i will be able to afford to make it a reality.

 

[Violent V]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Excellent few days so far. Great, calorie controlled diet, and i have been dragging myself to the gym every evening.

I have shifted the focus in my mind from weight loss, to HEALTHY LIVING AND EATING instead, and this has really helped as makes me focus on positive change rather than the ends and distant results.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch 20 girls, talk and number close at least 10 of them. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women. Xmas bootcamp.

I think i can apply the same here. Rather than focus on talking to and cold approaching women, how about focusing on being the most CONFIDENT, JOYFUL PERSON i can be during the day?

Also what i have written below will take me even further to where i want to be regarding this area in my life.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more positive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

I am coming to the realisation that reality really is whatever i make of it. If i am omega, afc, it is out of my own CHOICE.

I am practicing making a habit of going into no-mind, i.e. stop thinking, admire the NOW, focus on my breathing and simply letting my unconcious mind come to the fore.

I am able to do it well when on my own, but i do fall back into my old habits of over-thinking, i.e. indecision, fear, ego when i am in the presence of a HB without realising it.

It is work in progress. Eliminating aimless thinking and focusing on the very present moment is the step in the right direction towards enlightenment, living peacefully, positively and in joy, without fear- the unconcious mind in the foreground.

I must rid myself of this habit of taking part in my minds thinking, and being controlled by it.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

If i was to live without fear- if i was to stop thinking what others thought of me, would i consider taking this path towards a 9-8 high-paying job as a lawyer. I think not.

I have done a lot of soul searching this last week. What will i do with my precious time? If i did not think so much, if i eliminated this ego and followed my heart, my unconcious mind, what would i be doing with myself?

From deep within me my heart brought my true nature to light. Money doesn't interest me in the slightest (it is an obstacle rather than an objective). If the opinions of others matter so little, i would not consider settling down with a family, and living in the same house for years in the same job.

Rather i would answer thean urge inside me that is getting louder and louder. To spend my years travelling the world, and along the way meet new people, sleep with different women, live in different cities. The thought of settling down in a city, in a flat or with one person for too long though makes me uneasy. Perhaps it is my youth. Perhaps when i reach 35, the urge will be to settle down. But at the moment it is the opposite.

As i focus more on more on WHAT I WANT, the thought of settling into one job, in one place, or with one person for such a long time disinterest me more and more, because i realise it truely isn't what i want. It is what others want of me, or rather what i think would please or impress others...

 

[Violent V]

I have not been here for a bit, unfortunately had not time.

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Good start to last week but fell off a bit towards the end. Excellent start to this week. By good i mean going to the gym and working out, and my diet.

The focus on healthy eating and living rather than simply weight loss has been revolutionary.

And even if i don't go to the gym or 'cheat' with regards to calorie counting, i don't beat myself up. That perfect carefree person my ego has created for the future I am sure will miss a day at the gym, or eat something he shouldn't have and not feel guilty- so why should i be feeling guilty now? There is always tomorrow.

i have also learnt something about myself- unless the circumstances are set for me i make them, then i choose to become a victim of the circumstances.

For example, I choose to be a victim of the circumstances with regards to not going to the gym in the mornings because it is 'too cold'. Now, I know if i really wanted to go in the gym in the morning, i could and would. But unless i make the circumstances for myself i.e. have a car to take me there at 6 a.m. rather than walking or biking it, i am choosing to be a victim.

I have now taken responsibility for my circumstances during the day so that i do not have the opportunity to play victim:

-The supermarket is on the way to work now so i have no chance of not going in and buying fruit in the mornings.
-At work i have my green tea and 2l bottle of water on my desk ready to be consumed.
-For lunch i have decided to make myself tuna sandwich in brown bread so i don't become a victim and go for whatever junk the canteen is serving.
-My bus outside my gym coming back from work so i simply have to get off and walk in- no excuses or chance to be a victim of the circumstances i.e. its too far.
-At home i now have chicken and veg all ready to be heated up for my evening meal.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

By switching the focus on being the most confident, fearless person i can be rather than focusing on 'eroding the problem i have with approaching/talking to women', the desperation is destroyed and the game is switched completely upside down. The focus is on me, there is a change to be made consistent, a solution to work on rather than a problem or obstacle to overcome.

My main problem here though is that too often i forget about this new focus, and my mind unconciously defaults to its old habits of thinking too much as a result. Changing is so hard, you fight to hold on, you fight to let go!

Of course implementing this thinking and making it my default mindset makes it long term change, and this requires long term practice. And of course to naturally become a confident person with authentic confidence requires working on myself more than anything first before i start working on the women.

I am still playing victim with regards to approaching as well. RD will hopefully sort me out.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

This book POWER OF NOW explains to me exactly what it takes to become that carefree, postive, fearless and ultimately confident person my ego always dreamt me of being. I must thank whoever it was who recommended it to me, I can' remember where or when on this website.

As with the above, I am falling regularly back into my old habits of aimless thinking and calculation rather than simply watching my mind think, admiring my surroundings and life- inclusing myself. I think and only briefly focus on the NOW, rather than vice versa. I guess i've got to keep at it until it becomes the habit itself.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

It is clear that when i focus on what I WANT out of life, rather than what others want me to be in life, a lot of the things i believed were my goals and aims clearly do not interest me at all. Becoming a lawyer, earning big money, learning to speak spanish- this all to impress other people.

What happens when i become a lawyer then? My ego envisions a perfect future: a lovely modern apartment C London with a lovely fit wife. A very athletic me in a nice sharp suit. Toast and orange juice for breakfast on a sunny but breezey mornig. A BMW. Picture perfect. I look more like Bruce Wayne then Violent V. What a dream.

When i cut the thinking and focus on right NOW, I cut this ego and fake pretend self's throat with it. Now is the only moment i can control. When focus on NOW and on ME, I become the true me, as mother nature intended. In the NOW, i feel restless, fearless. My happiness is not based on material women, respect and money. My happiness centres purely on taking responsibility of my life and quite literally doing what i want.

But now is also not the time to quit my job and go carefree following my dreams. The struggle is no longer right wing or left wing, it is financial stablity and something to actually hand down to my children; or selfishly turning my back on family, stability and work and becoming a free, roaming, and LIVING soul.

 

[Violent V]

Hey guys the road to becoming the man of my dreams continues....

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

When i am thinking of having that kebab or chocolate, switching my focus on to healthy eating and living instead of weight loss wipes away all my cravings and temptations. It is extraordinary!

The problem i have is keeping it fresh in my mind and memory. I forget about it too many times and end up falling back into my old habits, as i did today.

Oh well, on the positive side i have been to the gym 3 times in the last four days, and am looking to make it 6 in 7 days this week

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

The focus on being the most confident, fearless person i really truely am by nature, is just like above, one i keep forgetting through out the course of the day. My mind unconciously defaults to its old habits of thinking too much as a result.

Just to reflect on this area of my life so far, i must admit i am still uncomfortable talking or even starting convos with HBs, let alone cold approach. I realised this morning that i must remember that i am taking baby steps here. I have never really had a great deal of women in my life before apart from one or two girlfriends, so my lack of experience with women makes me needy and desperate when i come into contact with one.

When i started here i had turned into a very anti-social and depressed person. Gradually i have become very comfertable greeting and talking to complete strangers. I am by no means perfect yet, and really need to start greeting and talking to EVERYONE who passes into my time and space rather than being so selective. But in conversation, i have gradually become very comfortable and confident talking to people. By strangers i mean old people, other guys, etc, not HBs.

Regarding HBs, i must take the steps i did when i first start being a bit more open with strangers. Forget about being alpha male ot whatever for now. First i must start talking to women in general- be at work, in the shops, until i get used to it/become comfortable with it. By this i should be able to strike up convo and be open and confident with girls anywhere, just i can do with strangers today. Kill that desperation.

Only then perhaps can i start thinking about cold approaching HBs, talking to them comfortably and in a fun way and getting a date sorted.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Still practicing going into a state of no-mind, but consistently falling back into my old bad habits.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

Regarding getting my ear pierced, i discovered today that i've got to try and keep it open for at last 3 months before it stops healing/closing in on itself. I was looking at 3 weeks when i am on holiday, not 3 months- i can't go into work suddenly with my ears pierced.

 

[Violent V]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Focus is one Healthy living and eating.

Not a bad week, but my desire and motivation seems to start waning on wednesday every week. Willpower and logic can only keep my determined for so long...

I haven't done any weights for a week as i've been focusing on cardio, and my god does my body feel a bit flabby..

I am really starting to push it this next final 2 weeks or so, and get down to 13 stone. This will mean great discipline regarding calorie counting. And I am pushing for 45 mins on treadmill, 30 mins on weights, and 20 mins swimming every day. Wednesday and Thursday and Sunday I have football so no gym on those days.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

Focus is on being the most confident, fearless and social person i can be/am.

Very antisocial weekend for. Was offered a night out on Friday and Saturday, and turned both down. I think laziness + technology had a part to play with me staying in...

This will be an important week i feel for me. I really will push myself out of my comfort zone and conversate with some girls. Just conversations. The more HB the better. Hopefully start feeling at ease, get used to it, and not feel so threatened and unworthy when i come across one.

I also aim to greet anyone and everyone thats comes into my proximity. Its really time to stop thinking about being that fearless person, and actually start doing.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Focus is on ME. What i want and think.

More positivity, but i have noticed something. Being positive and happy doesn't mean i should be passive and nice either. Too many times through out my life, from friends, to brother to even my father today, i have been attacked (verbally) because i am too passive and nice- thus they walk all over me without fear of the consequences.

No more. I have started focusing on me, what i want and what i think. I have a right to say NO, a right to persue my own options rather than being nice and trying to complete tasks and favours others ask/want of me.

If i am upset with someone or something, I will not pass it away like it doesn't bother me, or that i fear confrontation. I will stand my ground, make my comment or case.

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

Okay, now more than ever i want to get my own place asap. It prob won't be in central London as it is way too expensive + travel. I am actively considering my options now, and targeting March.

My holiday planning are going along well. I have pretty much organised a holiday for 13 of us, and am currently in the process of organising another one with another group of mates.

Another mate has offered a 2 week holiday to Thaliand with some of his mates? Don't know what to make of Thailand really...

I also have another set for this time next year to Egypt with some group of other friends!

Regarding becoming a traveller, i guess whats holding me back really is fear and ego. I am fearful of leaving all the comforts I have hear behind and going from country to country, hostel to hostel, ALONE temp working in bars etc for a good few years, living off scraps and my bag with my clothes in it. Its hardly going to be plain sailing, it leaves for some security to be desired. ON the plus, i believe it is following my inner desire and urge, and i believe i will find myself and enlightenment doing it.

The other thing is my ego. I see myself in my mind staying put here and invest my time into making money. Be it through law, or my own business. Have a nice home, a nice car, a family, dvd and book collection, stability.

I am set to read Vagabonding as soon asi have made use of POWER OF NOW.

ONwards and upwards.

 

[Violent V]

+ Get down to 13 stone. 5 morning RUNS a day, followed by more RUNNING and WEIGHTS in the evening.

Focus is one Healthy living and eating.

Top diet today besides the one or two jaffa cakes, great workout in the gym, despite some lack of motivation to actually go!

Since December I have fulfilled 3 of the 4 requirements i feel i needed to in order to make gym and working out a daily/frequent part of my time.

DESIRE: I am motivated every morning by reading the goals i have set myself.

RESPONSIBILITY: The gym is now en route to and from work so i simply have to get off the bus and walk in, no excuses. The fruit is in place in the mornings, and the chicken and veg are there to eat at night. I have now taken responsibility for my diet.

ACTION: I am going to the gym now at least 3 times a week. No longer just words and talk, i am actually doing it now.

CONSISTENCY: The last stage which i have yet to crack. Te diet and workout I am actively implementing. I just need to doing it day in day out, week in, week out. Once i am over this final hurdle, then i am well on my way to proper, long lasting CHANGE.

+Bootcamp week THREE and FOUR. Cold appraoch girls, talk and number close. Kill that desperation i have when talking/trying to talk to women.

Focus is on being the most confident, fearless and social person i can be/am.

Really went into social mode at the gym, and started talking greeting to everyone. Felt good.

The only way to become that fearless, carefree and joyful person i want and can be, and truely am by nature, is to keep this up. Keep greeting and talking to everyone.

+Get used to the idea of changing pictures and movies in my mind to ones that help me be more resourceful rather than in fear. Become a more posotive, resourceful person. Work on my voice- its to high-pitched and submissive!

Focus is on ME. What i want and think.

Not the best of days implementing this. I kept falling back inot my old habits...

+Keep saving up. Clearly set out my ambitions and things i want to do in my life time. How i want to invest my time and money. Start looking into how i will fund my law course, possible firms etc. Start learning Spanish. Settle on what tattoo i want to get.

I learnt that my grandfather today was a vagabonding traveller too. Driving from country to country. Guess it must run in the family.

I met the president of our company in Europe today at work. A very rich man indeed, he is listed in Forbes. Hes been with the company for almost 20 years, and started out around my level. He is an example of how people who make it to the top usually deserve it because they were willing push their limits and themselves more than others did.

I have had to swallow a painful fact these last few weeks: many people simply don't want to LEARN or GROW. I have insisted for years to my brother to read WMS or some NLP, or even get reading this website- i wish i had when i was his age. But he is simply not interested. He'd rather just be as he is- materialistic, without knowledge and stumbling around in life.

Or when i point my friend towards a website that will shatter his illusion regarding politics and how the world works, he simply can't be bothered. He would rather believe whatever a certain news channel tells him.

I insist he reads this book by Chomsky. He doesn't care, and would rather keep watching his news channel.

I am open to anything and eveything, or at least try to be. I am always reading, be it Chomsky, Marx, Power of Now, Richard Branson, Napolean Hill, what ever. I want to grow, and help others grow. It is why i like this website and its members so much.

I have tried to hard to inform other people in life and help them grow or learn. It is frustrating, but i have come to realise that sometimes you just have to let it be. If they are not ready and choose to be stuck in their ways, then so be it.

I have come to understand that most people are happy to stay where they are. I cannot afford to push myself and carry others with me at the same time. I am responsible only for me, and while i would love to help others grow, if they choose not to i cannot divert my energy trying to force them to.

It is clearly the difference between those few who get ahead in life, and those many who stay where they are.

 

[rushing dude 123]

dude gotta say awesome i am really enjoying reading ur updates, u don't seem to b giving up and u r actually focusing on other parts of ur lifes. don't stop the momentum dude, at times like this ur going to get tempted more than ever and if worst comes to worst learn from it and get up as quickly as u can.

 

[AAAgent]

those are some oo so very true words and they are very inciteful and inspirational. good job man and keep on marching. maybe we'll bump into each other along this path called life.