V's life-changing self-improvement, Boot Camp et al Journal

[j0n024]

Good job on finally having your first breakthrough but dont take it to highly, you seem to be falling for the first girl you talk to . I have no say in the matter of who you date or not but this is the first girl you talk to and you want her as your girlfriend? WHy?

Anyways good luck and always be on the lookout for the next girl...good luck things are starting to pick up.

 

[Violent V]

Hey jon. Hi DonS. Thanks for the input, you are spot on. I feel i've grown, but its only the beginning!

I was actually thinking about this after i posted. This girl stood out from the rest in a key area- personality. She was hot as hell, but also really funny and real i.e. secure and anything but shallow.

I am probably i am just getting ahead of myself. I am the first to know that building up images of you and some girl as a couple in your mind is dangerous.

I have been enlightened this week by the thought of 'caring less'. Just letting go and stop caring what others think- being the real me. Start acting instead of reacting. Befriending everyone. Talking to people off the bat. Having FUN. Not being so serious and self-concious.

While i look forward to having fun and perhaps getting to know her better on monday, there is no picture of us as a couple in my mind, nor will there be even should we get together. Its her job to stress over me and what I think of her. My role is to have fun and fly free like a bird.



i struck up a conversation with a HB8 at the gym reception today- it developed to what we do on nights out, and tonight specifically. I thought about asking her out, but held back. I will probably bump into her LOADS of time, and shouldn't blow our first encounter with a date request lol.

I've noticed I am no longer shying away when i am actually talking to HBs. Instead i'm switching into ballsy, ****y fun mood.

Our regular HB customer came in today. She's hot, and i've had a solid conversation with her before once. However, I used to shy away from her vice versa. Today was different. I was looking at her ready to serve her, and she looked past me to my workmate instead like i wasn't there. No eye contact. I don't care though. I see that chicken in a new light. In a couple of month's time she won't be able to resist me and I'll blow her off hard.

 

[Violent V]

Thanks for the tips DonS. I feel what your saying 100%.

One day to go up to a girl and say something like

'haaaaabbbbbbuuuuullllllaaaaaallllllluuuuuuuubbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaa'

and just whip my phone out into which she will put in her number. My point is its definetely not what you say, but HOW. Feeling so superior to her- and indeed the world- that she has no choice but to come along for the ride i'm offering.

This confidence and happiness i am looking for is not going to be short term thing though.

I want to break away from the massess. The insecure, shallow, desperate, afc losers who flock to the club, get drunk in order to loosen up, and then flock around the same HB girl in a desperate attempt to get ass. Nice guys/afcs are equivilent to attention *****s. They are everywhere. Honestly. 9.5 out of 10 men/boys are in this category, or the one i am about to outlie below.

But there are men who are more insecure than the AFCs! Guys who are disrespectful. Guys who are always serious, with a mean face as if they are angry men not to be messed with. Guys who's confidence is based on the muscles they have built. Guys who have found their sense of security and confidence in the great car they are driving, the flashy clothes they are wearing, the fresh hair cut or hair style they have just got. Guys who have developed a fake secure image in order to hide the insecurity, the wounds and scars, they have hidden, and often forgotten, inside themselves. Either way its a facade that no one can ever keep up, and if they did, they have lived a lie.

I should know, because i was once one of them, before the mask eventually crumbled- IT ALWAYS CRUMBLES.

This is not Don Juan. 'Yes you are amazing, but so is everyone else'. Being truly confident is being in love with LIFE- not with women; nor with yourself. The narcissistic man is as insecure as the guy who puts the woman on the pedestal. Authentic confidence is admiring everything around you, every moment. A state of flow, which no one, nowhere can interrupt or influence. I see something i like, i approach and say something in the most joyful, funny way I feel. What i say is not relevant- to the point where i do not even know what i am saying, or going to say. I am unself-concious. Its how i say it. The confidence and happiness i feel flowing through my veins. It sweeps men- never mind women- off their feet. You are FUN. Postive. You are comfortable with yourself, and simply DON'T CARE what others think. Your are charasmatic. In this state you are pretty much the life and soul of any party.

Happiness, confidence, security, its all something you find inside yourself, not outside. Ladies and gentlemen, take the the oath with me. I am going to start following my dreams. I am going to start fulfilling my ambitions. I am going to place the emphasis on FUN and positivity. Stop worrying. I am going to start treating myself the way i've always wanted to. Start LIVING. Start acting. Taking risks. Living on the edge, on the wild side. No longer settled in the comfortable safe, secure zone. No longer concerned how someone will percieve me if i say this or say that, do this or do that. No longer live calculating my next move. Start listening to my heart. The inner voice. Build a body i can be proud of. Travel. Always on the move. My intentions with women shall be clear and direct because i am now going to be ME. Their intentions will be clear as a result too, because they will no longer see me as some, androgynous non-sexual, unmasculine, nice guy 'matey'.

Break the chains of limitation. Break out of this box i am restricted in. The world is a big one. A beautiful one. An oyster. There is so much to see. So much to do. Being a shy, passive person is as damaging for the peopl around me as it is to me.

I will end this post by saying i have not bumped into that HB at work since i lasted talked to her. Shes pretty much out of my mind because there is plenty more where she came from.

This journal was always going to be about SELF-IMPROVEMENT. I feel i am starting to turn a corner with regards to my PERCEPTION of the world and life. And this is perhaps the most important CHANGE of them all!

 

[Violent V]

If yesterday felt like a step forward today felt like a step back. I felt empty, void of confidence and tired of life.

I had my third fast food meal in four days. I was quiet and shy during our lunch conversation during work. I have realised how much of a loner i really am. I have no comrade- no best friend. I do alot of things alone and by myself. I do not value myself, or have anything to value myself about.

I decided to talk to my father. He told me at my age i should not be thinking too much about things, and simply having FUN. He told me that i should never find time to sit at home at my age. I should be socialising more. I should trying new things. Hitting the bowling, the cinema etc.

I remember a time in my life when i was all of this. When i was 'DON JUAN'. It was around five years ago. I have already pointed out this time of my life in the original post. If one wants to find out more, then simply go to enotalone.com and find posts by a user called vfunkera. I had girlfriends, and pretty much understood THE GAME everyone here speaks of inside out.

However, there was a flaw. My happiness and and sense of worthiness in those days was based on an image i had created- which i could not maintain. And it all came crashing down when i decided to pack up and leave for a new city, where i could restart my life, and my friends, with this new badboy persona that i had established. It simply could not hold up.

This is why the short term solution- the temptation of covering my insecurities with fake value such as bulking muscles, driving flashy cars and buying the latest clothes is an idea i dismiss straight up.

I shall print off my oath and read it every lunch time.

p.s. turns out EVERY guy at work is chasing that HB. Shes the talk of the male town!

 

[Violent V]

With the emphasis on 'fun' and 'stop caring' i went into the world today feeling refreshed and happy. I also cannot remember the last time i felt so sharp and fresh appearance wise. Clean and crisp haircut, razor sharp slim fit suit and shirt, and cool sharp shades- needless to say most women instinctivelly seemed to look as i walked past.

At the bus stop i was faced with a choice. A HB air stewardess i have mentioned here before, and a HB asian. I decided for the asian.

Standing next to her while she sat, i talked to my friend on the phone whilst trying to build up the confidence. When i finished, i sat next to her and asked about how often the buses come and go.

This girl was strikingly different to the HB work girl: she was very shy, reluctant to talk as if a relative was looking for her, and very nervous(?). Unfortunately it rubbed off on me. I felt uneasy, unrelaxed, didn't know what to make of her behaviour, and ended up carrying the conversation. Her answers were short and dead-ended.

I got the impression she was more shy rather than disinterested. Unlike the girl at the club i talked to a week ago, who's facial expressions reminded me of a cow, this one couldn't stop smiling, as if she couldn't believe she was being talked to by a handsome guy. She kept looking down grinning nervously, and didn't seem to want to say too much.

In the end i got bored, said thanks, and tried to get away from her as the same bus we were both going to get on approached. Perhaps she felt I was out of her league, and couldn't believe i was approaching her? Thats how i read it. I thought she was really pretty. Oh well. Her behaviour did more harm than good.

I spotted a HB milf checking me out. I've always wanted to fcuk a milf. Theres something about mothers and married women which makes me want to stick it to them. Its that fully developed, matured, pampered, experienced, laboured body they have.

Mark my word i will bed milfs and married women one day besides all the ones my age, and all the young virgins and student girls!

Just before i finish, i recapped today on the progress i have made. I am much more direct and confident around attractive women. Eye contact is no longer a problem. I can't remember the last time i found myself talking to so many women. If that HB9 Asian with ass came into the gym while i was there again, i do not find it hard to imagine actually talking to her rather than avioding eye contact like i used to.

But theres still work to be done and changes to be made. The next step is for cold approaches and conversation to no longer be a problem.

 

[Violent V]

Last night was a good night. I went to the gym for an hour run and got ballsy and ****y with a pregnant HB receptionist. Making her laugh.

After that i hit the bars in London. Really got talking to some HB girls i met here and there. Cold approached a few as well. I must have struck up convo with at least 5 HBs. At least.

However as always there is room for improvement... damn i am relentless! I seem to have a fear of being sexual towards the girls i am approaching or meeting. Instead i must be coming off as a threatless friendly guy desperate for her puss.

This is especially true when it comes to girls i am trying to dance with. Its like this- a smile, a few words and then an invitation to start dancing. Obviously this almost always never works and its something i need to change.

The problem lies deeper. I react. I am seeking their approval first before attempting to dance. Rather than them entering my crazy zone/world i am see it as me entering theirs. Basically they are on the pedestal. And i am desperate. So I care. Which means i am self-concious.

I am going to a house party tonight. Lets try and make an improvement.

P.S. Damn i was looking hot all day yesterday! My looks and wardbrobe is fast improving. Its a start but I feel like a sheep in wolf's clothing. AFC dressed like Don Juan. I am getting a lot of looks and attention, but when i start talking, i am not being masculine enough perhaps.

 

[Violent V]

The last three days or so have been pretty uninspiring to say the least. I don't think i've talked to a single girl. Perhaps its because i no longer have a set target in mind?

Building muscle- something which i am focusing on doing in the gym for the next few months or so- requires sets of reps to be done consistently in order to keep breaking down the muscle resistance because this will build it stronger. I think approaching girls and getting over this fear is the same. Sets of approaches every few days in order to break down fear and make me stronger in the face of rejection.

So i think i will start doing 'reps and sets' regarding approaching/getting rejections from girls. At the moment i am not too strong, so a few reps should be achievable. How does 5 sound?

I am also starting to work out properly in the gym. I want to lose weight and at least tone up my muscles if not build.

 

[rushing dude 123]

ah.....ur from ....london..., well dude u have progressed from the beginning and i am sure things look bad now, but they will get better. i am probablly going to go out to some clubs next week if ur interested drop me a message.

 

[Violent V]

Hey dude. i love London . I have plans to live in Paris, Tokyo and New York some day, but believe i will always end up coming home to London in the future. I don't think i'll be going clubbing for the next few weeks- im blowing all money in Fabric on Friday night! Let me know if you want to come.

I have certainly made progress. Today on the bus two girls came and sat around me- one next to me and the other infront of me. I thought one of them was quite nice. These two girls seem to be play fighting with each other like they were trying to get my attention- throwing their bags at each other and stuff. Once i'd finished on the phone, i laughed and called one of the girls a bully, to which they both laughed, and from there on a on-off conversation started between us.

on the phone, I mentioned to some girl i know whether she wants to go bowling on friday. The girl i had an interest in said loudly to her friend 'i want to go bowling'. As if to make sure i heard, she repeated again it as soon as i finished my phonecall a few minutes later.

Looking back now, i regret not making the move she wanted me to then. I thought she was nice, but not that nice- perhaps maybe even underage(?) i.e. teens. However, i think now that it would have been a good kick off to getting numbers and start dating girls.

This conversation does not hide the fact that had these girls not sat around me, i don't think i would have made a conversation with girls today- and i really had no excuses. There were hot girls everywhere, and plenty of opportunites for conversation.

Personally, there certainly seems to be more fun and positivity in my attitude. I am being more of my real self now in front of people- fun, direct and playful. But its only the beginning.

 

[Violent V]

Today on the bus home another bus slowed down in the lane next to us by the red lights, and inside i saw this HB. We both looked at each other, i laughed and whipped out my phone and signalled for her to me give her number. She giggled, and started shaping her hands in to numbers i.e. 0 7 7. Half way through the digits my phone ran out of battery. I didn't kow whether to laugh or get psssed off. The bus started rolling and that was the end of that.

As always i passed up a lot of opportunities though, most particularly this hb who sat next to on the bus on her own. I hesitated, and it led to inaction of course.

I've just ordered this book THE POWER OF NOW. Hopefully this will help me massively in the change i am looking to make within.

This whole journal is about not falling into the trap i think the majority of the western population, including most on this forum, do of remaining unhappy within and simply mask it with this fake confidence. It leaves me shallow, no substance, unhappy and insecure. This journal is about finding happiness within, in which case the confidence and security, the personality and posotivity will naturally come out.

Girls don't come into this equation. This is about me. My inner happiness, confidence, self-esteem. Action. Not being self-concious. Etc. The journey continues.

 

[The Bat]

Hey man,

I wanted to let you know that you're doing an excellent job. You're making progress and you're better than you were the day before. That's all that matters. Keep that in mind.

And with approaches, just don't hesitate at all. You sound like a very observant guy so why don't you use that to your advantage during conversations? You know, if you notice a certain sign or spot something out of the ordinary (like the dude with green pants/hair...what is he spokesperson for spinach?), mention that to an HB. Put a hilarious spin on it. The best comedians are the ones who are witty and observant. I know you're not trying to be a comedian but if you open with something funny or entertaining, the HBs will become comfortable around you and will be more receptive to you.

But anyway, keep it up. You're doing great! You're starting to realize that girls are the smallest of problems in a man's life. Just remember that every man, in one form or another, goes through thinking that girls = life. You're breaking from the pact. And becoming unplugged.

And things will only get better from here on out. :rockon:

 

[Violent V]

Hey Bat, thanks for the input, really appreciate it. I am a very observant, concious person who likes philosophy and understanding everything- problem or solution. This part of my make up means i have always been very good academically. But the flip side is I am hesitant, calculating and not as fun as i would like to be or know i can be.

I went to a bar last night in Central London, and things started off really well. For a start, i do believe 100% that i am as good looking, if not more than many of my friends who are consistently successful with women. I was getting mad looks from most girls- some even whispering to their friends, who would swing their heads round to check me out. This one girl shouted 'hello sexy' while her friends giggled as they drove past.

In the bar it was the old same story however. I could not bring myself to dance with any girls or even talk to them. It got to a point where all my friends had wondered off with a girl, and i was dancing with 3 of the biggest AFC friends i have the pleasure of knowing.

I am scared of my masculinity, and i am scared of rejection. It is still deeply installed inside me. It came to the point where i was ordering extra drinks in order to loosen me up a bit. I am mad at my parents. I am mad at society. I am mad at the media. I am most of all mad at ME. As i came home alone while everyone else was still in the club chatting up girls, i did a lot of soul searching.

Whatever first impressions i made on those girls were surely blown away by the nervousness they eventually sensed in me.

Perhaps being the most good looking guy in the club is not enough. Perhaps its not even about looks. Perhaps its more to do with personality. Confidence. Self-esteem. Maybe i should work on these first before heading into another club.

Is my belief that a successful night out= getting a girl wrong? After all, why else am i going to a club and getting pissy drunk?

All my adolescent life i have hesitated like a loser in the clubs while everyone else, most already with a girlfriend waiting at home, have embraced their sexuality and hooked up with a girl on the dancefloor.

I made vow last night. No more media for a week- pushing for a month. No more wasting time on the computer this week. It is time to invest more into my body and making it what i want it to be. Start being a lot more social than i have EVER been in my life. I don't even want to be in my room/house anymore unless its to sleep. Start taking evening classes in languages/musical instruments.

A lot of my time is now going into the gym and making my body what i want it to be. A lot of my time will actually be invested in developing my confidence and self-esteem. Thats where i believe this journal will start moving towards as of tomorrow.

 

[gonnamakeit]

Awesome stuff never realized you were doing this at the same time as me it is cool you have come to a lot of the same realizations that I have.

 

[Violent V]

hey man thanks for the input really appreciate it. I will definetley look out for your journal and everyone else who posts here. I don't really look around on the board so i'll only really spot you if you post here.

Its been pretty dry few days. I did make a very good conversation with a girl at the checkout on monday. She was muslim but I really got to talk to her for a good 5 minutes. Actually i have been making conversatiion with a lot of people these past few days.

Perhaps its time i started asking some HBs out? I 've been meaning to for the last week but have actually not been bothered enough or motivated enough to step out of my comfort zone and start breaking down these fear barriers.

I will read some people's journals for the time being to get in the mood. Its one thing though reading these journals/advice/experiences, but actually applying it is down to me. I am looking forward to a good weekend.

 

[Violent V]

Okay having just read through rushingdude and jons journals again i have made some notes i feel will help from tomorrow onwards.

'I have noticed when i don't try to pick up girls, but when it comes naturally is when i am greatest,'

'if i c two girls and i am scared to approach them, i will not approach them to get a result, but rather i am only approaching to get rid of my fear, so i have nothing to lose.' Excellent, the focus is on change, not results.

'it wasn't all about one line its about the game u have afterwards...I also noticed one thing about my direct game the longer i was talking to them the more interested they became.'

'i think everybody has there own style, like what works well for junior might not work for me, what works for kriss might not work for me. U got to customize ur style to suit u and not anyone else' Spot on I was thinking that as i read through that post.

'Basically after the set is opened, try to change the subject to her, it could b a comment on her personality for a choice.'

' in order to get better you need to approach regularly'

'I think the key lies in changing their mindset. When you go in there, unless she is already extremely attracted, she is thinking "he is the customer and I need to be nice for a tip'

'Direct Game is that it is more effective in situations where it is not often used (ie a library) than where it is used (ie clubs)'

'This has been working lately, because well i think if u go there saying she hates ur gutts she has to prove to u that she dosn't in a way, she is qualifying herself to u in a sense. This also works with the **** test such has "how many numbers u get tonight", "how many girls have u brought here"
I just respond with stuff like "o me, nah i am way to shy i never talk to any girls i start shaking look at my hand *shaking it fakely* and actually ur the first girl i have talken to for 12 years, still getting over the heart break in nursery" By saying to her that ur bad talking to girls when ur obviously not she has to point it out, so this makes u pass the **** test instead of giving her figures and trying to impress her somewhat.' Quality stuff which has been noted in my head!!!

'Now i learned that don't make excuses not to approach like that just because u think she could b in a relationship/mother, when u have not asked her anything about herself, there is only way to find out' Make sure the battle is not lost before it has even begun.

' i said to myself i can't let this one go, if i do i will not b improving. So i walk up to her.'

'i learned that even if a woman has kids or a ring dosn't mean they r married or a mother.trust ur true sense, take a chance.'

' I ask for number to early and i need to build up some game after i am done with the opener, if i can do that, a lot of my rejections should turn into closes.'

'You gotta just get rapport/attraction ---> get the close---> and move on. No double checking to make sure you are still on, asking her if she is coming, etc. This stuff actually decreases her chance of coming. You gotta just set it up and never look back'

I'll continue later time 2 go to bed.

 

[j0n024]

My opinion.....

Be more reckless, I think that is the only way you will be able to get rid of your cautiousness and will be able to do whatever you want when your out and about.

I think what you should do is approach as usual but when you start to doubt yourself think of the craziest thing you can open with and go for it....dont hesitate (I mean dont hesitate when you start getting nervous, any other time do what you want) but when your nervous just go for it....after a while you will see that talking to women is overrated and you will have thoughts during the day as to why this was so hard in the first place.

I usually check what you post when I see that it has a new post so keep it up bro soon you wont care if you didnt open or not and if you crashed and burned or if you got a number just gotta take it to at your own pace.

Good luck

 

[Violent V]

Hi Jon,

exactly! My problem is i THINK too much. I react, I don't ACT. I will be implementing the 3 second rule a lot from tonight onwards. Hopefully that will help me out.

Guys, I am also giving the bar another chance tonight. For two reasons. Make up for all the chances i blew today. And to make sure last week'S episode is HISTORY. I can do better than last week, and am going to prove it to myself tonight. Last week was horrible, and i am going out to make sure it doesn't happen again. Tonight, my sole aim is to talk to and game girls. I refuse to feel bad and ****ty, and am simply going to have a good time.

More things i've piked out of journals:

'u got to have a wooo vibe about u (which shows ur a fun guy) and intent (showing ur masculine and want to **** her). '

'u got to own the surroundings instead of it owning u, so u don't want to b the person who looks at what other people r doing, then u will just b a spectator. Own the club make everyone else the spectators, because chicks don't want to b with a spectator they want to b with a doer.'

'The whole idea is to find ur inner dj and create ur own method.'

I am not sitting at home just reading though. I am now going to go out and apply this sh't.

 

[Violent V]

F*** it maybe i am just reading into this stuff too much.

You know what. Theres is one thing i have really thought about. If you want to attract the opposite sex, women, You know what you gotta do? You know what you gotta be? A MAN. A MAsCULINE, SEXUAL, MAN.

yOU'VE GOT TO PUT IT In HER HEAD THAT YOU ARE NOT A FRIEND. YOU ARE SEXUAL. YOU ARE SEX. NOT FRIEND. FIT GUYS, GUYS WITH BIG MUSCLES ETC PUT THIS INTO WOMEN'S HEADS WITHOUT HAVING SAID A WORD. BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO JUST BE WITH YOUR BODY. MY ACTIONS, MY ATTITUDE, MY WORDS.

TONGIHT I WILL ACT LIKE ME. LIKE A MAN. WHO LIKES SEX. WHO IS SEXUAL. THAT SHOULD BE ALL THERE IS TO IT.

 

[chuchu]

Hell yeah, you got to kino that ****


I like your quote "finding your own method", I can relate. Be original. You also have to be flexible, there will be different types of girls you will encounter, you will learn something new in every experience. I think you need a bit more work on your inner game, try to have fun.

 

[Violent V]

Hi chuchu. I think trying to use other peoples opener's and style is just being fake really. You've got your style your comfertable with, i've got mine. Being don juan is not about pretending, its about being real and being YOU.

I took Jon's words to heed last night and had perhaps the best night i've had in 2 or 3 years. I was reckless, fun, spontaneous etc.

Night started out really well. Catched up with a lot of old friends, and strayed off and met some new ones. One guy gave me a free pass at his Virgin gym. Turns out hes a bit of a traveller. Half kenyan, half canadian, brought up in the Michegan, lived in Belgium, and now studying in UK. I told him straight up- dude, i admire you. Hell for me is to stay in this same spot, same street for my whole life.

My friends had brought this girl i'd never met before. She was alright- quite tall, and not beautiful but NOT ugly. Just alright. I sat next to her and had conversation (i.e. let her talk) for a good 20 minutes. She just went on and on and on about her job and how she loves it as a mortgage broker. She started off as a PA to the chairman and he basically set her up.

I kino'ed her, just dropping subtle touches here and there, and she didn't seem to react whatsoever. I kept it at a friend level though- i wasn't sure if my friend was trying to hook up with her or not, so i didn't try anything.

I talked to another girl, this one i already knew from here and there, and turns out shes going salsa classes as well. So i got her number and hopefully we'll have fun on friday.

We got to piccadily circus and headed for this club but were rejected becuase its 'mixed groups' only! So we walked around for a bit before i suggested we go to that bar in leicester square again. During all this i must have spotted dozens of girls who i should have started talking to. One especially sticks in my mind- she had a bubble butt that needed to be tapped.

So we walked to leicester square, went into the bar, and had a few drinks before i got down and dirty. Its important to suggest i wasn't as dressed up today as i was last week. A shirt, jeans, and a jacket. No haircut, no bling- not even any deodrant or aftershave!

Guys my memory is not amazing so i'm afraid this is not going to be as detailed as other journals are. I going to start writing these down off the top of my head. I can't remember the first girl i tried it with, but it wasn't unsuccessful and from there the snowball started getting bigger. The most noteable things i remember doing with girls are-

-I started grinding the fat girl to which everyone laughed, and got mixing with her friends.

-At the bar me and this HB got a running joke going about me slapping her ass, and she slapping mine.

-Me and this 'nice' girl going round selling shots got very friendly and ended up having a drink together.

-I started making fun of this woman(!) with short, crew cut hair who was with this fat ugly girl. Guys at the time it was all a bit of fun, and she laughed and i didn't think nothing of it. Thinking back now, they were lesbians.

-I tried getting these two girls standing on the side to come and dance. My friends had already tried earlier. How boring. One was ugly, the other was pretty. I demanded they come and dance.
UG: We are about to leave soon. Our friends coming now.
V: What? Well dance until he/she comes.
UG: nO SORRY.
V: Alright you stay here im going to take your friend on a trip to the wild side.
HB laughs
UG: Really we are going soon
At this point i went a bit afc-ish, shrugged my shoulders and didn't leave when i should have. Oh well, they were forgotten as soon as i was back on the dance floor.

I started waving at this girl on the otherside of the room who caught my eye. She started this fake i-didn't-see-you bs but i didn't back down and kept waving when she looked at me again. She didn't smile or anything or even react. How boring.

At the bar i tried talking to this pretty HB. I'd seen her around, but she seemed to be on her own. Looking back now she was one of the prettiest girls in the club.
V: HellO!
HB:Hi
V: You having fun!
HB: Yea
V: Whats wrong? You don't look like it.
HB: *something* irrelevant
V: You been here before?
HB Yea
V: This is my first time. Whats it like?
HB: Good
V: Whats wrong am i ugly (I start pouting!!!!!!)?
HB: *She laughs and hesitantly nods her head and looks away*
V: You always this anti-social.
HB: I'm not antisocial
V: Where your friends at?
HB: ....
V: Your boring
HB: blah blah blah
V: Have fun on your own. Bye.

-Me and my mate started dancing with these two chicks. AT the time i thought he got the better one. Anyway there was heavy kino invloved here as you would expect. OUr hands were all over each other. However this session made me realise how bad my dancing is! OUt of sync, no moves, boring repetitive. Eventually she walked away and to her male friend! Lol

I laughed and thought nothing of it. Later that night, she came upto me again. My friend was no longer with the other girl, who was sitting down being really antisocial. Me and this girl started going at it again on the middle of the dancefloor- and this time i dismissed the idea of dancing. Im not here to dance. Im here to touch and make her wet. What followed was wild, sweaty and a kino festival.

As i pulled in for the kiss, she seemed to hesitate. Then i caught a smell of her cigeratte breath. I was out of there within minutes. That was to also get back at her just walking away from me earlier like i was an afc or something. My friend started dancing with her, but she didn't seem too enthuastic anymore. We left the bar soon after that and started talking the psss out of HBs walking past us.

That was pretty much our night. At some points i thought to myself why i ever have a problem approaching girls. I was brushing off rejections like dirt on my shoulder. The focus was on fun. I had decided to let down my guard and be reckless.

Guys my aim is to be this unself-concious during the day as well. Thats my target. I want to stop caring like this- all day, everyday.

Im happy but not satisfied. Theres more to life than how many women you sleep with or have on your arm. I will be truely happy when i am achieveing my goals i.e. getting fitter, more muscle, right career path, learning all the things i've always waned to learn etc.

And also a lot of the stuff i noted down on this thread earlier, and the idea of just being a sexual man, didn't really cross my concious. I think i was doing it naturally without even thinking about it.

PEACE.