Update on the "Advice??" Thread from below...

[Metro3pilot]

I agree ...ya gotta trust the gut ....

sometimes in the past this has made me Hyper-paranoid.... of course I have heard it said " just because you're paranoid, does not mean someone's not out to get you "

as far as them " ignoring " each other that's a HUGE red flag .....

I had an ex once walk out of work with a " coworker " they acted like they never even knew each other ....that in itself seemed just slightly odd .... well couple months later find out they had been screwing ...

as far as getting over it ......time man ..... no silver bullet there ....

try getting new hobbies ..keep yourself busy ... not long from now you will look back and be glad this happened .... sure it hurts ... but you'll get over it

:rockon:

 

[PTC]

Thanks for all your support guys,...it REALLY helps. Tonight I have my daughter who is 6 and she will keep my mind off it.

I just wanna get back to the way I was before she came along. The funny thing is, is that when we first started seeing each other I made it perfectly clear that I was not looking for any girlfriend or relationship cause I was happy just on my own. And she kept telling me, "We'll see,.. I'll change your mind" And sure enough here I am in this miserable Sh1t again!! She kept on and on until my weak a-ss self submitted and fell in love with her.

I know this is gonna be a long process but I have gone through it before so I know it will just take time. Last time I did it wrong cause I went out trying to get some strange as soon as we broke up and i failed horribly. Girls can sense that sh!t. I finally realized I had to rediscover myself and be happy with one person,..ME! When that happened, boy did the plates start spinning. And then SHE came along!!! Arghhhhh...... The sex was so good the red flags she threw off, which were plentyful, flew by me like dust particles. Married twice, kids with two different dads, parents divorced, cheated on her husband, twice cause she "thought" he had cheated on her and one big one was her jekyl and hyde personality. She could be the sweetest person but when she was wrong about something or was in an arguement she was crazy scary,...throwing stuff, cussing,..arond her kids no less. In fact that was the final straw in this relationsh!t. I didn't want my little girl growing up with someone like that. I feel sorry for her kids. Deep down she is a good mother to them in a mother kinda way but you just don't throw raging fits with every other word out of your mouth is fvck.

Live and learn....

Sorry for raving on but this is good therapy for me,..finally getting this of my chest.

Thanks again for all your support.

 

[decades]

I am beggining to think "great sex" is the Ultimate Red flag. :crazy:

 

[st_99]

I am beggining to think "great sex" is the Ultimate Red flag. :crazy:

LOL:crackup: I love it! So true, so true..

 

[PTC]

Today kinda sucked because she had to come by my work and give me my car key and part of her car insurance. We are both on the same policy for now. I told her I was sorry about everything and that I will miss her and she replied" I didn't come here for this" She showed no remorse at all. I think she is trying to purposely hurt me by showing me she doesn't give a sh!t.

Then she sent me a text about an hour later saying, " I am sorry PTC. I just cant do it anymore."

The sh!tty thing about this is our kids go to the same school so I will see her or walk by her every other morning when I drop my little girl off. Then the few times I go out I'm sure I will see her because there are only a few bars in this town(small town) and both of our friends go there. Do I just totally ignore her when i see her? I am not the kinda of person to be a d!ckhead but do I need to be in this situation? I hate to be mean to her, hell I was in love with her.

This is just going to be a bad deal.

 

[decades]

Your job is to STAY GONE. Figure out what you need to do for that to be reality. But the danger in all of these situations, is right where you are now, After the initial break up. You are so vulnerable To Her at this moment. This is why the most experienced people with this situation always always counsel to minimize contact. If you don't you will only prolong the pain and worse, risk another go around with her that will result in a Worse pain down the road. You need distance. Distance enough to realize that she is No Prize and that you are much better off without her. You don't have the distance to see that yet.

Notice what she did to you with her last text. She made the WHOLE breakup HER idea. See what she said? She said she can't do this anymore. This is what you are dealing with. She is going to be dangerous. If you got back with her there is no doubt she would dump you after a few weeks without even acknowledging that it was your original idea.

 

[Metro3pilot]

If it makes you feel any better it's probably as hard or harder on her than it is on you, remember she's the one who lost the prize..... all you lost is a chick that has introduced frustration into your life ....

Personally I would not ignore her ... be cordial ..but keep a safe distance, if that's what you really want to do ...... I think it's best to act unfazed ......

it sounds as though, by her comment

I just cant do it anymore

as though this may be a regular thing with you two ...have you kicked her to the curb several times already ?

:rockon:

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo PTC,

When you are in crisis mode, your SURVIVAL is the most important thing to consider-----NOT "her" feelings. In the past, I have been amazed at how quickly a woman can turn from burning hot to COLD AS ICE in a matter of days----and sometimes "hours".

Don't worry so much about coming across as a dikkhead...instead concern yourself with protecting YOUR HEART as the healing process starts. My advice is to disengage as much as possible from interacting with her at all.

And use each slight, each put down, each snide remark, and EVERY memory of her selfishness and lack of character as "bricks" to build a wall around your heart to PROTECT YOURSELF from further hurt.

Believe me, she ALREADY knows that you are a great, kind-hearted guy. She KNEW it from the start, which is why she, in a sense, "targeted" you for a comfortable, secure "relationship".

But any woman who truly values what she's got in her man would NEVER repeatedly put that relationship at risk by continuing to indulge in "questionable" behaviors. Whenever somebody KNOWS what it takes to please you and THEN chooses NOT to----well that speaks more about their true interest level in you than it does about what kind of man YOU are.

Your gut has led you to make the decision you have made to "cut" this malignant woman OUT OF YOUR LIFE. And only YOUR gut could have made this decision----not a bunch of guys on an internet forum. And because you followed your OWN better judgement, this is why that despite the present pain you are experiencing, I'm SURE there is an element of PEACE within you that strengthens your resolve in the decision you have made.

Avoid second-guessing yourself by all costs. Try not to look back, unless it is with DISDAIN and DISGUST. Nostalgia is the enemy of true history because it leads us to only focus on the "good times". I say, if you must focus on ANYTHING at this point, focus on all the suspicion, uncomfortability, insecurity, and distrust that this woman helped to insert into your life.

Then USE those negative feelings to continue to propel you even faster and further into a more POSITIVE future for you and your kids.


Peace...one day.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Great post VU, as always, the truth..

Going through a tough breakup is the ultimate test of manhood I think. This is where we as men are tested, how strong we really are.

Women will go from hot as hell to cold as ice, and it's all for the most part, to drag any sort of emotion out of us.

Any emotion you show her PTC, good or bad, will be analyzed to the *tenth degree and a plan of action will be formed against you. She will try and bait a response out of you, don't give it to her.

Good luck and be strong. There's a lot of great advise on this thread!

 

[PTC]

it sounds as though, by her comment as though this may be a regular thing with you two ...have you kicked her to the curb several times already ?

:rockon:

yes,..and she begged, pleaded and cried till my dumb ars felt sorry for her and took her back

 

[PTC]

Yo PTC,

When you are in crisis mode, your SURVIVAL is the most important thing to consider-----NOT "her" feelings. In the past, I have been amazed at how quickly a woman can turn from burning hot to COLD AS ICE in a matter of days----and sometimes "hours".

Don't worry so much about coming across as a dikkhead...instead concern yourself with protecting YOUR HEART as the healing process starts. My advice is to disengage as much as possible from interacting with her at all.

And use each slight, each put down, each snide remark, and EVERY memory of her selfishness and lack of character as "bricks" to build a wall around your heart to PROTECT YOURSELF from further hurt.

Believe me, she ALREADY knows that you are a great, kind-hearted guy. She KNEW it from the start, which is why she, in a sense, "targeted" you for a comfortable, secure "relationship".

But any woman who truly values what she's got in her man would NEVER repeatedly put that relationship at risk by continuing to indulge in "questionable" behaviors. Whenever somebody KNOWS what it takes to please you and THEN chooses NOT to----well that speaks more about their true interest level in you than it does about what kind of man YOU are.

Your gut has led you to make the decision you have made to "cut" this malignant woman OUT OF YOUR LIFE. And only YOUR gut could have made this decision----not a bunch of guys on an internet forum. And because you followed your OWN better judgement, this is why that despite the present pain you are experiencing, I'm SURE there is an element of PEACE within you that strengthens your resolve in the decision you have made.

Avoid second-guessing yourself by all costs. Try not to look back, unless it is with DISDAIN and DISGUST. Nostalgia is the enemy of true history because it leads us to only focus on the "good times". I say, if you must focus on ANYTHING at this point, focus on all the suspicion, uncomfortability, insecurity, and distrust that this woman helped to insert into your life.

Then USE those negative feelings to continue to propel you even faster and further into a more POSITIVE future for you and your kids.


Peace...one day.

Wow!! That was great. And thats exactly what I have been doing. Focusing on all the lies she has told me and the crazy fits she throws and her cussing around her kids. I don't want that around my 6 yr old girl.

Great post,....Thanks

 

[KontrollerX]

"If you got back with her there is no doubt she would dump you after a few weeks without even acknowledging that it was your original idea."

Yep.

Right now you have left her on your feet.

The next time she will be the one to dump you and you will leave her on your knees.

No contact in your current emotional state is the only way to prevent that miserable fate.

"Wow!! That was great. And thats exactly what I have been doing. Focusing on all the lies she has told me and the crazy fits she throws and her cussing around her kids. I don't want that around my 6 yr old girl.
"

Curious, was her rage more worse than anything you've ever seen out of a woman or anyone before?

 

[jonwon]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=128804

Well I finally ended it with my fiance this weekend. I just couldn't take the trust issue anymore, it was eating me alive! I tried to break up with her the previous weekend but she cried and cried, promised me she had got rid of her myspace and contact with her guy friend. She begged and pleaded and being my soft hearted self I jumped right back into it. I mean I really loved this girl and she loved me. But my gut feeling was telling me something was just not right. So this weekend we ended it. And I found out the whiole time she had kept her myspace account. I swear if I ever date another girl and she has a myspace account she gonna get a quick NEXT!

Now I'm sitting here wondering if it was the right thing to do! This weekend was the worst of my life. You spend a year and a half with someone and they're kids and then all of a sudden they're gone. This is the worst feeling ever but I know it was the right one ane one day I'll be glad I did it. But SH!T this feeling is the worst. I just wanna be like I was before she came along,..happy,..being by myself.

Any helpful advice of how to get over this empty feeling or to speed it up?!?!?!

Getting involved with a bad women can have serious repoccussions on your life.

I know i have been there and am still there.

Two years ago i left my wife.

Mutual.

now she packs up and moves to spain, no money for the mortgage, so now i have to finance rent and mortgage on a house she refused to sell.

Long story short one of many chapters of getting tied to the wrong women, you have to be careful, Victory has some great posts on choosing the right women and believe me you really dont apprecciate the insight until its too late.

dont learn the hard way.

you saw the red flags and now you walked, it takes a real man to do that, a real man who has goals in life, keep those ideals fresh and dont make comprimises that will effect your happiness in life.

 

[RAFCbearfilm]

Dude, read up on behavioral personality disorder (bpd) and thank GOD you got out when you did. That will cure your break up blues!

 

[jophil28]

You might mean Borderline Personality Disorder .
Now there is a disorder that is REAL popular with the ladies - right up there with Histrionic Personality Disorder. Some women are a tad greedy -they have BOTH !
Scary women !!

 

[PTC]

"If you got back with her there is no doubt she would dump you after a few weeks without even acknowledging that it was your original idea."

Yep.

Right now you have left her on your feet.

The next time she will be the one to dump you and you will leave her on your knees.

No contact in your current emotional state is the only way to prevent that miserable fate.

"Wow!! That was great. And thats exactly what I have been doing. Focusing on all the lies she has told me and the crazy fits she throws and her cussing around her kids. I don't want that around my 6 yr old girl.
"

Curious, was her rage more worse than anything you've ever seen out of a woman or anyone before?

Yes,...it was. She could be the sweetest person but when she got pissed off or got trapped in a corner from a lie she would let go of some rage!! I mean just pure meaness would come out of her eyes. It was scary sometimes...

 

[KontrollerX]

I see.

I suspected it was a BPD but now I believe it is for sure.

Read up on Borderline Personality Disorder.

Pimp-sicle had a great post about his relationship with one on the forum.

If I can find the link for you I'll edit it into my post here.

Women who are like this without the rage suffer from Histrionic Personality Disorder.

Both types of women are grown children trapped inside adult women's bodies tend to have guy friends that hang around that aren't really friends and they go from acting mature to acting like children and the effect they have on people is making a person feel like they just met their soulmate which is why its so painful when the relationship ends no matter who ends it.

They are pathological liars to the core and tend to mirror the best qualities of the person they are involved with to create the false love connection.

Ahh here is his post...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034&highlight=Borderline+Personality+Disorder

Another thread you can check out to avoid these types in the future is here...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55343&highlight=Borderline+Personality+Disorder

"Wow...

Yo KONTROLLER X,


Re-read that post you just wrote. And do it SLOWLY...

Do you have ANY idea how much your description of those disorders could also be a PERFECT definition of the "average" PICK UP ARTIST????? "

The surface qualities of the disordered and the pick up artists can certainly be similar Victory Unlimited no doubt about that at all.

The difference is the average pick up artist doesn't cut or burn themselves in order to feel alive.

The average pick up artist doesn't break down and cry when a person leaves the room believing that now they are forever abandoned.

The average pickup artist really can fall in love and have a healthy relationship if the right person comes along.

The average pickup artist doesn't need to mirror another person in order to have a personality of their own. Certainly they can do this as a technique but thats all it would be. A technique. For the disordered they need to do this or they are nothing.

Finally the average pickup artist has control over their lies where often times the disordered really do not.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Wow...

Yo KONTROLLER X,


Re-read that post you just wrote. And do it SLOWLY...

Do you have ANY idea how much your description of those disorders could also be a PERFECT definition of the "average" PICK UP ARTIST?????

 

[PTC]

it typically takes them anywhere from 1 hour to 7 days to go from a poor fragile little creature that doesn't understand what happened - like you were the 18 wheeler who ran down bambi - to a king cobra that wants to wrap itself around you and crush you slowly until your head pops off.

How true is that!!! Today I had to get my cell# changed cause she was throwing daggers all day at me. And I never lowered myself to her level. It hurt what she was saying but I maintained my cool. I guess she was hurting and the only way she thought she would feel better would be to lash out at me.

 

[PTC]

Ahh here is his post...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034&highlight=Borderline+Personality+Disorder

Oh my god that is her!!! This is unbelievable! I think the only difference was mine told me one night when I tried to break up with her that she was pregnant.

The first night she came over to my house we had sex. I mean that is cool and all but it was kinda weird for someone that really liked me. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not but it was weird.

She also told me one night after sex, i guess about 3 months after we had been seeing each other that she loved me. And after I didn't say anything back to her she said, " It's ok one day you will"

I also talked to her x husband being that i knew him long before she did (i know weird) and he even told me she was crazy and she brought the worst out in him.

That post is scary but dam n i'm glad i read that!!!