Update on the "Advice??" Thread from below...

[PTC]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=128804

Well I finally ended it with my fiance this weekend. I just couldn't take the trust issue anymore, it was eating me alive! I tried to break up with her the previous weekend but she cried and cried, promised me she had got rid of her myspace and contact with her guy friend. She begged and pleaded and being my soft hearted self I jumped right back into it. I mean I really loved this girl and she loved me. But my gut feeling was telling me something was just not right. So this weekend we ended it. And I found out the whiole time she had kept her myspace account. I swear if I ever date another girl and she has a myspace account she gonna get a quick NEXT!

Now I'm sitting here wondering if it was the right thing to do! This weekend was the worst of my life. You spend a year and a half with someone and they're kids and then all of a sudden they're gone. This is the worst feeling ever but I know it was the right one ane one day I'll be glad I did it. But SH!T this feeling is the worst. I just wanna be like I was before she came along,..happy,..being by myself.

Any helpful advice of how to get over this empty feeling or to speed it up?!?!?!

 

[Desdinova]

I know I'm late coming in here. Read your other post, and it sounds like you did the right thing. Women was full of baggage.

The empty feeling eventually gets filled in with other stuff. Pick up the hobbies you ditched when you started dating her and her kids. You can't tell me you didn't make sacrifices! Just keep yourself busy, and if you feel you need some female attention, don't go back to her. Instead, just rebound with some other woman - any woman but her. You're not looking for marriage, you're looking for some attention (and maybe a lay if you get a chance).

I know that 5hit hurts like hell, but you saved yourself a lot of money. Look at the positives: no big wedding to pay for, no supporting her kids. You've got lots of money now! Go buy yourself something with the money you would have spent on her and her family. You fvcking deserve it!

 

[KontrollerX]

My friend I ignored my gut instinct twice thinking I had found "the one" and I got screwed over TWICE as a result.

My fault for not listening to myself.

You did the right thing by following your gut instinct.

It is NEVER wrong.

In anycase do what Desdinova said to get over her and even though your situation is kind of different perhaps reading over feelingloved's thread might help as well.

 

[PTC]

feelingloved's thread

Link?

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127902

Here it is.

Sorry I didn't link it in my post.

I had assumed you'd already saw it like most everyone as I'd seen you around on the forum for a while.

 

[decades]

You did the right thing. what you are feeling is your "dependency" on this woman. You are lucky that you were able to end this prior to marriage. Your job now is to do a post mortem on this relationship to learn all you can about just how and why it went off the rails. Your gut didn't TRUST her. Pay attention. If you want to get through this you are going to have to minimize your contact with her, as I believe you are still in dangerous territory with her and run the risk of either going back or making your life more miserable with a back and forth thing that will eventually lead to exactly where you are now. I am going to make a guess here and say you either met her online or at work? correct?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

..The empty feeling eventually gets filled in with other stuff. Pick up the hobbies you ditched when you started dating her and her kids. You can't tell me you didn't make sacrifices! Just keep yourself busy, and if you feel you need some female attention, don't go back to her. Instead, just rebound with some other woman - any woman but her. You're not looking for marriage, you're looking for some attention (and maybe a lay if you get a chance)...

This is the best thing you can do. Next time don't make the lifestyle of the person you're dating the defining aspects of your life. You're basically losing your identity for the sake of the relationship. If the relationship ends it's as if you've lost an arm because it seemed to be a part of you instead of you being a part of it.

Lesson learned, time to rebuild, time to come back even better with what you've learned from the experience. Get out there and focus on yourself for a while.

 

[PTC]

If you want to get through this you are going to have to minimize your contact with her, as I believe you are still in dangerous territory with her and run the risk of either going back or making your life more miserable with a back and forth thing that will eventually lead to exactly where you are now. I am going to make a guess here and say you either met her online or at work? correct?

I actually met her through my sister. She cut my sisters hair and then I started going to see her.

But yes you are right about the dangerous territory part. Cause I still love her and if she came back to me I would probably get sucked back in. In fact the last text I sent her I told her that we can not contact each other cause it will only make it worse. The sh1t part about this whole deal is that our kids go to the same school so I'm sure I will run into her there.

This is why I hate relationships because of this sh!t right here. Its that empty sick to your stomach feeling that I cant handle. I'm am thankful that this board is here. I just wanna get back to my normal self again.

Thanks for your help

 

[PTC]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127902

Here it is.

Sorry I didn't link it in my post.

I had assumed you'd already saw it like most everyone as I'd seen you around on the forum for a while.

Yeah i did read that post until i got sick of hearing that guy not listening to anybody's advice. I think he actually enjoyed feeling bad!

 

[Colossus]

PTC-

I kept up with your original thread, and I think you did the right thing.

I recently went through a breakup and endured all those same feelings. It sucks and its hard, period. When you have that kind of emotion invested in someone it is always painful to end it. I cant really give you much advice because you are quite a bit older than me, but I would just say avoid the pursue/withdraw trap. It sounds like you finalized it and are sure of your decision, so that shouldnt be a problem. When i went through my breakup there was never really a "clean break", it was just sort of a yo-yo of emotions and ambiguity, and i did that dance for a good month. It sucked.

No contact. This is always the hardest but also the most beneficial thing to do. The moods will come and go, but each day gets a little brighter.

Addendum: The only advice I would disagree with here is jumping into other women right off the bat. This is unhealthy. Give yourself time to heal before you see others.

 

[MacAvoy]

We're all behind you, you made the right move. As for how to help get over that empty feeling, I suggest start exercising. I find thats one of the best way to combat the emotions. When you exercise it releases endorphins which help replace the endorphins being in love and gettin laid use to release for you.

 

[PTC]

We're all behind you, you made the right move. As for how to help get over that empty feeling, I suggest start exercising. I find thats one of the best way to combat the emotions. When you exercise it releases endorphins which help replace the endorphins being in love and gettin laid use to release for you.

I do exercise. I run 12 miles a week. Except I didn't today cause I took sleeping pills all weekend to help deal with this sh!t so I feel like a sloth still. Good advice though. Your right it does help.

 

[joekerr31]

first of all STOP using the word 'love' to describe how you feel towards her. its counterproductive to getting over her.

reframe the scenario as one of dependency. just like a drug you got dependent on her, now you are going through withdrawal.

you will come out stronger for it if you choose to turn this into something positive.

my advice for getting over her (or any significant other) has three steps...

step one: spend a few days getting drunk, eating yoru favourite foods, etc. this is both your reward for being decisive as well as your opportunity to endulge in self pity.

step two: sit down, with a pen and paper, and SET GOALS for the next 12 months. in 12 months from now where do you want to be? what do you want your life to look like? set your goals for the year. set lots of them (you don't have to acheive them all, but you do have to know what they are).

step three: start movign towards your goals. this is a fresh start, a fresh journey, GET GOING.

nowhere in those three steps do you see 'wallow in what might have been' which is what 99% of guys do.

congrats on acting on yoru instincts, its a tough thing to do when they aren't telling ya what you want to hear.

 

[jophil28]

Imagine all the shyte that you would encounter if you had married this "lady'?
You could never trust her word .LIke a lot of women ,she is cunning and ruthless and her moral and ethics are very dubious...why would you want to be wih someone like that.
I have been married twice and I can tell you that NOTHING ever gets better after you sign up.
It is true that all women love male attention BUT this woman openly kept another guy "on the side" for some cheap ego jolt.. THat is NOT the behavior of someone who is fit for marriage.
REmember this - when, or if, she texts /calls and you are tempted to "work on it " - remember, this is the SAME woman that your GUT warned you about.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other thing. don't let the crying bother you.

if i nickle for every time where i've seen a woman go from crying to an all out 'slit your throat' b*tch id be a rich man.

it typically takes them anywhere from 1 hour to 7 days to go from a poor fragile little creature that doesn't understand what happened - like you were the 18 wheeler who ran down bambi - to a king cobra that wants to wrap itself around you and crush you slowly until your head pops off.

 

[jophil28]

oh one other thing. don't let the crying bother you.

if i nickle for every time where i've seen a woman go from crying to an all out 'slit your throat' b*tch id be a rich man.

it typically takes them anywhere from 1 hour to 7 days to go from a poor fragile little creature that doesn't understand what happened - like you were the 18 wheeler who ran down bambi - to a king cobra that wants to wrap itself around you and crush you slowly until your head pops off.

AcademyAward winning performance...

 

[STR8UP]

it typically takes them anywhere from 1 hour to 7 days to go from a poor fragile little creature that doesn't understand what happened - like you were the 18 wheeler who ran down bambi - to a king cobra that wants to wrap itself around you and crush you slowly until your head pops off.

Hey, did we date the same girl? lol

It took me many, many years to really understand this dynamic.

One minute girl thinks the solar system revolves around you. The next minute you are the spawn of satan. You might as well be a mass murderer or serial killer. A turd on the bottom of her shoe.

Amazing, isn't it?

How can a woman go from thinking you are the ONE, to thinking you are a horrible, pathetic loser that she can't believe she ever associated with in a matter of days? Your opinion of HER might change over time, but nothing so drastic or dramatic!

It goes right back to my theory that a woman NEVER truly loves you, she only loves the feelings you give her. You fill a hole in her life until someone else comes along that she thinks will do a better job. This might last for a week, it might last for years, but as soon as her needs aren't being met she will seek out another way to fill what she is missing, and as soon as that is SECURE and she no longer has a use for you, she will do a 180 and turn into that cobra of which you speak.

That's why if you expect to have a healthy relationship you always have to be on point. NO slacking. It's almost too much work. I guess that's why you have to focus on YOURSELF, then everything comes natural.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Some good posts in here, guys.

Sobering as HELL, but very good, nonetheless...lol

And Best Wishes to you PTC...making these HARD ASSed choices in life is the shyt that defines us...and from where I stand, YOU have just defined yourself as a man who has DECIDED to love HIMSELF enough to no longer let ANY woman hold him emotionally hostage.

So march on, dude.

I know it's hard to believe right now, but take "this" on FAITH:

The WAY gets BRIGHTER the further away you travel from the darkness that you had grown FAR too familiar with...

 

[st_99]

I think the lesson here is a good one for us all. That is...


The first couple months of seeing someone you must be a detective and ask yourself if its a good idea to become emotionally invested in a person BEFORE you get in to deep.

I think the red flags ALWAYS are there for you to see in the begining.


Of course a lot of us don't care because the steady p*sssy keeps us from letting go early and we always pay for it.

 

[kingwilliam]

Always trust the Gut Feeling.............I swear to God everytime I have ever had that strange feeling that something was up, it was.

Good move.....give it time and you will be happier than ever. Just think about all the fun things you can do as a single man, including finding the perfect woman for you.