The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Dgwizdal

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Day 129 and Day 1

Complicated - Please follow...

Day 129 With First ex - Dumped for overgaming, lack of reassurance, being an uncaring @sshole, and not committing. Did not backslide, maintained frame and agreed with breakup.

Immediately started banging and dating her way hotter friend (who I nexted yesterday (Day 1) - BPD) and she hasn't moved on with anyone.

1st ex has just started warming up to me the last 2 weeks after hating my guts for the most part the last 6 months combined with jealous remarks and awkwardness to her friend. But just recently she's come around abit - Very small talk and facebooking and such. Interest still present but I did make a ****y remark at the bar last week that may have made her pump the breaks - I think she may auto-rejecting me because I hurt her before.


Anyway I have been debating briefly apologizing to this girl about treating her like sh*t and basically starving her of validation during the relationship and after she gave me the boot. I was basically a player d!ckhead for the 8 months we were together and she didn't deserve it. I didn't think it would be appropriate to apologize for this while dating her friend so I held back. I cannot afford to have any more a$$hole reputation amongst girls in my social group as I am close to being blacklisted and need to save some face here instead of always being ****y/aloof/indifferent with no f*cks given. Her friend (the one I just nexted) is really upset and once words gets out I am about to be fvcked.

What do you guys think about manning up and admitting a mistake to smooth the waters with the first ex? What is the proper way to reengage a girl that you did bogus before without scaring her off?


There is no way around this - Things have to go well as they are both in my immediate social circle. I would like to bang the first ex again if I so chose so need to keep things framed right.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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^^^^just tone it down on the ****iness bro. lol

All ****iness can and will turn a chick off, there's got to be a good mix, something else there where she can see a light in the tunnel, something she's trying to get at, but it's always one step in front of her.

Try a different tactic, try engaging in an actual conversation, admitting that you were a c0ck head. And that you'd like to see her as a FRIEND.

Then treat her like a friend..... that should do the trick.

;)
 

Dgwizdal

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Peaks&Valleys said:
^^^^just tone it down on the ****iness bro. lol

All ****iness can and will turn a chick off, there's got to be a good mix, something else there where she can see a light in the tunnel, something she's trying to get at, but it's always one step in front of her.

Try a different tactic, try engaging in an actual conversation, admitting that you were a c0ck head. And that you'd like to see her as a FRIEND.

Then treat her like a friend..... that should do the trick.

;)
Repped. Figured out how to push the hamster over drive buttons a year into the redpill (last spring) and was reaping the benefits of endless pvssy and social proof. Even my d!ckhead friends think I'm heartless. I now realize too much equals resentment and there has to be rapport and sprinkles of beta to tip the scales backs and leave hope that I'm not an impossible catch.

Being a DJ is a constant journey - still working on my game and being able let emotions/rapport come out from an Alpha frame. It's like I have the voice in my head that shames me when I even think about saying something soft or "beta" to build comfort.

Believe it's still the afterburn from AFC ex-oneitisville from three years ago that lead me to SS telling me no.


Edit: You must spread some bl0wjobs around before giving them to Peaks&Valleys again.


I know this is a brief thread derail but anyone else want to take a break from AFC field reports and take a shot at my dilemma for reps?
 

Lotus Effect

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Dgwizdal said:
Complicated - Please follow...

Day 129 With First ex - Dumped for overgaming, lack of reassurance, being an uncaring @sshole, and not committing. Did not backslide, maintained frame and agreed with breakup.

Immediately started banging and dating her way hotter friend (who I nexted yesterday (Day 1) - BPD) and she hasn't moved on with anyone.

1st ex has just started warming up to me the last 2 weeks after hating my guts for the most part the last 6 months combined with jealous remarks and awkwardness to her friend. But just recently she's come around abit - Very small talk and facebooking and such. Interest still present but I did make a ****y remark at the bar last week that may have made her pump the breaks - I think she may auto-rejecting me because I hurt her before.


Anyway I have been debating briefly apologizing to this girl about treating her like sh*t and basically starving her of validation during the relationship and after she gave me the boot. I was basically a player d!ckhead for the 8 months we were together and she didn't deserve it. I didn't think it would be appropriate to apologize for this while dating her friend so I held back. I cannot afford to have any more a$$hole reputation amongst girls in my social group as I am close to being blacklisted and need to save some face here instead of always being ****y/aloof/indifferent with no f*cks given. Her friend (the one I just nexted) is really upset and once words gets out I am about to be fvcked.

What do you guys think about manning up and admitting a mistake to smooth the waters with the first ex? What is the proper way to reengage a girl that you did bogus before without scaring her off?


There is no way around this - Things have to go well as they are both in my immediate social circle. I would like to bang the first ex again if I so chose so need to keep things framed right.
Hey mate! You gave one of the best advices I've ever read on this website (too bad it was a little too late for me to follow) so now that I'm out of these poisonous waters, it is my obligation to help you out on this one!

First of all, I'd like to warn you of one thing. You are not over the first ex. And let's just call her ex, 'cause the second chick is rebound, and we all know it! Anyway, you are not over your ex and let us examine why is not a good idea banging her!

Even though you want to lie to yourself, there would be no way you would bang the ex without feelings. And we all know the nostalgic feeling one may get from sex with the ex, but you got to ask yourself if you would not be trapped in a situation you would regret later. And I know you are an all around dude, but we are human after all, and we all can get attached to what we can't have! You got to ask yourself how much of this desire is not your ego seeking validation. You know. That "I can still have this one" kind of validation!

The second thing. You may be an admited jerk, and that enough could be the reason for the breakup. But the thing is, she dumped you, not the other way around. You "opening" up to her, or any kind of contact you try to have, will put you on a lower position, no matter what. You will always have the lower hand, because you were dumped.

And more on this matter, as I've said, it maybe for the nostalgic value, but you have to admit to yourself that she's been riding the carousel while you were appart. Don't be naive. Rest assured that she banged more dudes than you would like to hold accountability. Now, this may or may not botter you. But for me, as a personal opinion, I find quite disgusting.

And no, not the fact that chicks ride the carousel, otherwise, I wouldn't be f*cking anyone, but the fact that it is a girl you already had a relationship, and this should go against with your morals and self value. I would never f*ck an ex girlfriend. Specially an ex who had dumped me. I would never gave her such pleasure. Flings, f*ck buddies, and girls that I have nothing to do are one thing. But taking back damaged good, no sir, I'll pass! One chance per life time missy!

To clearify my point of view, think of her as your car. You bought it, new or used, it does not matter. You never saw it, and you bought it and accepted it as it came. You liked the car, and used it for a period of time, and then eventually, you crashed the sh*t out of it. And so you sold it, never to be seen again!

Tell me, would you ever consider rebuying it. I guess not! Even thought you liked it, and the car may still look the same, it would be with a handfull of new problems due to some serious mileage aquired on it!

Read your original post again, and see how you will come from a beggar position. Read it over with a whiny squeaky voice.

You are a solid dude and I'm sure you can start anew, with another girl, and another social circle. And even though I agree with Peaks&Valleys advice in order to "get her back" all I can read is you b*tching out and being afraid to take a stand and move on!

The bottomline of my advice is:

If there is someone who should be worried in getting someone back, it is her. Not the other way around!
I myself know from experience that opening up, and putting yourself out there is NEVER a good option...

...But you can go and ask Jariel as well!

Anyway, have a nice one mate! Cheers!

PS: The advice you gave that I've mentioned earlier is on page 173. I know the page by heart, 'cause it was one of the best advice gave on this thread, along with advices by Jariel, tripod23, Mauser96 and Culebra23!
Anyway, in case you don't remember it
Here is the link to it! You should check it out!
 

fuko2007

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So day 1. Posted a thread in the mature man as of why im here. went back to a bpd girl and all fooked up as of now. Gut churning the whole nine yards. cant think eat or sleep bc its all i think about. how cold she was and how she can just drop you and be with someone else. No sighns of emotion or anything just cold. I did get a hope things get better for you and thats it. She thought i was going to be an orbiter also so she tried the friends thing and i said hell nooo. but it sucks guys.
 

Backwardsman

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fuko2007 said:
So day 1. Posted a thread in the mature man as of why im here. went back to a bpd girl and all fooked up as of now. Gut churning the whole nine yards. cant think eat or sleep bc its all i think about. how cold she was and how she can just drop you and be with someone else. No sighns of emotion or anything just cold. I did get a hope things get better for you and thats it. She thought i was going to be an orbiter also so she tried the friends thing and i said hell nooo. but it sucks guys.

Hey mate, You have to get into the mindset of you being better than her, standing up for yourself and not let a girl get into your mind.

As i have said many times, its not the girl thats hurting you, its your own thoughts - change them and you will find things much easier i promise - I have done this and i know it works... :)
 

bateman72

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Lotus Effect said:
Hey mate! You gave one of the best advices I've ever read on this website (too bad it was a little too late for me to follow) so now that I'm out of these poisonous waters, it is my obligation to help you out on this one!

First of all, I'd like to warn you of one thing. You are not over the first ex. And let's just call her ex, 'cause the second chick is rebound, and we all know it! Anyway, you are not over your ex and let us examine why is not a good idea banging her!

Even though you want to lie to yourself, there would be no way you would bang the ex without feelings. And we all know the nostalgic feeling one may get from sex with the ex, but you got to ask yourself if you would not be trapped in a situation you would regret later. And I know you are an all around dude, but we are human after all, and we all can get attached to what we can't have! You got to ask yourself how much of this desire is not your ego seeking validation. You know. That "I can still have this one" kind of validation!

The second thing. You may be an admited jerk, and that enough could be the reason for the breakup. But the thing is, she dumped you, not the other way around. You "opening" up to her, or any kind of contact you try to have, will put you on a lower position, no matter what. You will always have the lower hand, because you were dumped.

And more on this matter, as I've said, it maybe for the nostalgic value, but you have to admit to yourself that she's been riding the carousel while you were appart. Don't be naive. Rest assured that she banged more dudes than you would like to hold accountability. Now, this may or may not botter you. But for me, as a personal opinion, I find quite disgusting.

And no, not the fact that chicks ride the carousel, otherwise, I wouldn't be f*cking anyone, but the fact that it is a girl you already had a relationship, and this should go against with your morals and self value. I would never f*ck an ex girlfriend. Specially an ex who had dumped me. I would never gave her such pleasure. Flings, f*ck buddies, and girls that I have nothing to do are one thing. But taking back damaged good, no sir, I'll pass! One chance per life time missy!

To clearify my point of view, think of her as your car. You bought it, new or used, it does not matter. You never saw it, and you bought it and accepted it as it came. You liked the car, and used it for a period of time, and then eventually, you crashed the sh*t out of it. And so you sold it, never to be seen again!

Tell me, would you ever consider rebuying it. I guess not! Even thought you liked it, and the car may still look the same, it would be with a handfull of new problems due to some serious mileage aquired on it!

Read your original post again, and see how you will come from a beggar position. Read it over with a whiny squeaky voice.

You are a solid dude and I'm sure you can start anew, with another girl, and another social circle. And even though I agree with Peaks&Valleys advice in order to "get her back" all I can read is you b*tching out and being afraid to take a stand and move on!

The bottomline of my advice is:

If there is someone who should be worried in getting someone back, it is her. Not the other way around!
I myself know from experience that opening up, and putting yourself out there is NEVER a good option...

...But you can go and ask Jariel as well!

Anyway, have a nice one mate! Cheers!

PS: The advice you gave that I've mentioned earlier is on page 173. I know the page by heart, 'cause it was one of the best advice gave on this thread, along with advices by Jariel, tripod23, Mauser96 and Culebra23!
Anyway, in case you don't remember it
Here is the link to it! You should check it out!

hey dwigzadal:

I think the fact that your are posting about this girl 129 later indicates that you are still in a bit of weak position with this girl.

my personal experience is that you need to resist sharing your feelings or trying to "clear the air" with any ex until the moment when you really really really really really really really don't give a ****.

I mean the moment you really don't care.

if you are still talking about it you still care in some way and any approach you make will be from a position of neediness.

We are all normal guys on this thread, not just dvckhead player types, I believe in genuine sharing and caring moments between males and females but you sharing and apologizing to her is basically appealing to her logical side and we all know that is the emotional side that you need to address with women.

continue normal friendly contact if it is initiated by her. show her your different by your actions but do not explicitly share this with her.
 

fuko2007

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Thanks Backwardsman. I still recall an old post from you about controlling your own thoughts and how they can get out of control. But day 2 couldnt sleep much lastnight. Tierd as hell, an old buddy of mine moved back into town so thats cool. Also i texted an old plate to see if she wanted to get up. She said yeh with a smiley face. But when i asked her if she was still dateing this guy she said she was seeing someone new. WTF? But that they dont care if either one of them hangs out with their friends. Thats weird. I wouldnt want my GF around a guy she fvcked before..espically by themselves.
 

LBMan

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Day 12 Looking for advice

Hey fellas I'm here posting for some advice. So I broke up with my ex and and a month later I realized how much I love her. I asked if we can work it out and she said she didn't know what to say so after a month of that she gave the lets start over as friends and see where it goes from there. After a month of not seeing her we went to church together and we were conversating but when I asked her to meet up again she said she had plans and never responded to let's reschedule message I sent her. So I realized I was not going to get anywhere with her being her friend. I have since stop contacting her out of the blue and it's been 12 days now. So far she has sent me 4 text messages on 4 different days and also a call that I didn't answer I'm not really sure what to do if there is hope should I contact or stay no contact. My ultimate goal would be to get her back.

Thanks guys.
 

Gut_79

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LBMan said:
Hey fellas I'm here posting for some advice. So I broke up with my ex and and a month later I realized how much I love her. I asked if we can work it out and she said she didn't know what to say so after a month of that she gave the lets start over as friends and see where it goes from there. After a month of not seeing her we went to church together and we were conversating but when I asked her to meet up again she said she had plans and never responded to let's reschedule message I sent her. So I realized I was not going to get anywhere with her being her friend. I have since stop contacting her out of the blue and it's been 12 days now. So far she has sent me 4 text messages on 4 different days and also a call that I didn't answer I'm not really sure what to do if there is hope should I contact or stay no contact. My ultimate goal would be to get her back.

Thanks guys.
Your ultimate goal should be to move on. You don´t love her, you just didn´t find any replacement in one month. You are now weak and she is losing respect for you. You must take responsibility of your actions and be a decisive man. It´s over. If you take her back, she will soon dump you. She holds now the power. Stay no contact and see other girls.
 

Backwardsman

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Gut_79 said:
Your ultimate goal should be to move on. You don´t love her, you just didn´t find any replacement in one month. You are now weak and she is losing respect for you. You must take responsibility of your actions and be a decisive man. It´s over. If you take her back, she will soon dump you. She holds now the power. Stay no contact and see other girls.
Perfect response.... Move on!!!

Everything happens for a reason, otherwise it wouldnt happen - I believe breakups are a good thing in the long run, in that they make you stronger for the next one and to learn from your own relationship mistakes.

You broke up with this girl plain and simple, what happened, happened and couldnt have happened any other way....

Learn from it and move on.

Most people confuse love with emotional attachment, kind of like a drug - when the person is easily available and things are going good, its like your on an emotional high, when the person isnt available or leaves then you want it more, like an alcoholic without alcohol, a druggie without there fix...

Dont confuse love with attachment!!
 

Renegade357

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7 months of NC dudes. Feeling stronger than ever. I hope you're all doing well especially those guys who were there with me in the beginning.

Just wanted to say one thing I realized when I started dating again early on. I didn't give any of those girls a chance. I look back now and wish I would have been more open minded with some of them. I kept comparing them all to my ex who I thought would come back to me on her hands and knees. Boy was I wrong. The good news is there's always a new bus every 15 minutes. I'm off to ride a new one right now who I'm spending the weekend with. Should be a blast.

Stay strong guys!
 

fuko2007

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Day 3. Still sucks. I might try and go out tonight. I keep looking at my phone to see if there is a text for some reason. I'm tierd of hearing girls say there are no good guys out there. I want to say sorry...but yall made us this way.
 

ChrisW

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Day 1
After ****ing around with being a man for the last 2 weeks after being dumped, I finally laid it out to ex. Instead of just all the sudden breaking communications I told her what I was thankful for, my regrets and my view on how things are. I finished with with "I need time and not to contact me". Maybe I should feel good that at least I terminated communications. Do I feel empowered right now for doing so? NO.
 

Brighty

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Day 6

Well, I've (technically, its almost 1am) made it almost a week so far and while it's been rough, I haven't had too many problems where its been overbearing except for today. Today was pretty bad. I had a dream about her last night about us reconciling and it definitely put a damper on the whole day, but I'm still committed to staying strong with NC. She hasn't talked or reached out to me either.The lack of closure in what was both the longest relationship we've ever been in (almost a year) really bugs me, and part of me wants to reach out to her, but I remind myself why I broke up with her and why a long term relationship just isn't in the cards with this kind of girl.

Alcohol helps, maybe also hurts as well, I don't know. Usually when I drink at night I don't really think about her or it gives me an empowering sense of control and I can push her out of my mind. I've had mixed results

I'll admit I did have a few moments of weakness where I did check her Twitter/Facebook out of curiosity to see if she still followed me - and she still does. She's making a lot of posts saying how happy she is, etc, etc. I think the masquerade is obvious here, but again I remind myself that even caring about what she's feeling or how she misses me is counter productive.

We were both our first serious relationship in the sense that we moved in and lived together, made plans about moving out to California, so I doubt it's going to be as easy to get over with as my past ex's. I met up with a few girls on Tinder to try and help take my mind off, one of them literally invited me over next weekend to go hang with her at her apartment, but I'm lacking the motivation to go over and meet up with them for some reason. It's like in this phase of the breakup, I just have no desire to deal with women right now, even if its just a fling.

Debating on whether or not to force myself to go next weekend, but that's a whole seven days away so maybe I'll be at a different stage then.

A thanks to the topic creator, this was a great idea and great outlet for these feelings that I feel I'm keeping bottled up while I go through this process.
 

ChrisW

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The biggest help was actually telling her not to contact me. No longer waiting for the phone to ring or to get a text.
 

Soulver

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Told mine ex to seperate our ways 5 months ago... while seeing each other 5/7 days in a week and that 7 months along (yes we are both in the same class in school)

however i keep going NC... In the begin she cried, i didn't care at all, however a month ago (february 2014) she send mixed signals like random smiling at me etc. once in a while... but i still keep my NC... only talk when we NEED to do a school project toghether which happend once...

just be serious about stuff and not about her, it stills gives her false hope, until she pleads so not then not. I mean hey, NC is for MY own good health... even if she pleads take her back i bring her to my room and bang the **** out of her. But meanwhile keep my life easy livin'

Great post!

The challange sound hard, but after a few weeks if will be easy SO LONG you have a hobby or friends or other things which make YOU happy
 

Brighty

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Day 6 (continued)

Welp, as luck would have it I had several more vivid dreams about her after I fell asleep last night. This is definitely fvcking with me. I can't control my subconscious here. Anyone else have this problem?
 

ChrisW

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I hear you on the dreams. It's just your mind f'n with you because you are over thinking about her. Try thinking about something you have influence on before falling asleep that way you dream about that instead. I have a demanding job with a lot of issues lately, dreams are still messed up but not about her.

Day 2
Why the **** didn't I unfriend on Facebook? Definitely a step back seeing photos of her looking hot.
 

Backwardsman

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ChrisW said:
I hear you on the dreams. It's just your mind f'n with you because you are over thinking about her. Try thinking about something you have influence on before falling asleep that way you dream about that instead. I have a demanding job with a lot of issues lately, dreams are still messed up but not about her.

Day 2
Why the **** didn't I unfriend on Facebook? Definitely a step back seeing photos of her looking hot.
1 - Delete all social media ties or just dont go on them period.

2 - keep busy, go out as much as you can, even if you dont feel like it - push yourself to do it!

3 - As i have said many times, your negative feelings come from your thoughts - if you imagine your ex with someone else your body reacts negatively and you will feel anxious, down etc.

Change your thoughts and stay NC - She will be going through the same thing - If you keep texting, phoning, it gives her the power - be the bigger man and walk away, time is a healer, you will see - Its hard, no denying that, but you broke up for a reason, learn from it and walk away :)
 
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