The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[bateman72]

...and almost overnight I've sunk again.

I've been a bit unwell the last week and have been struggling with motivation, and sinking back into the depression. I've been dreaming of her a lot and I've just woke from another dream that's left me so low I'm nearly in tears. For fvcks sake, it's been 6 months and I still can't get her out of my mind! I still feel like she's part of my life and on some level, it's not registering that it's over.

I got on Tinder earlier and multiplied my prospects. I started texting this gorgeous girl who asked me on a date this week, which is definitely something to look forward to.

I didn't expect it to be this hard moving on. I know that nobody will replace my ex, or necessarily fill the emptiness she left behind. I need to be drawing happiness from my own life, and god how I've tried! At times it works, I get in the gym and it all goes away, throw myself into my work or focus on the present moment, and it all helps...for a while.

Perhaps there is something to be said of branch swinging. Maybe my best hope of moving on is to meet someone I'm really into.

Jariel

I think as you start to really deeply accept the fact that your ex is out of your life your mind starts playing tricks on you.

I had a pretty detailed dream about my ex-gf a few nights ago and I really been in a pretty damn good mood last few days.

The best analogy I can come up with is quitting smoking. Every time I quit I have a super detailed dream of lighting up and smoking cigarettes right when I reach the point where I am not thinking of smoking during the day. I think dreams about your ex are a little like that.

Tinder is pretty awesome. For me its almost like real world dating, the mutual selection on your phone based on photos is just like making eye contact across the room.

I feel like the girls (women) on Tinder are also just a lot more willing to arrange a date right away compared to online dating sites.

I actually stopped using other services because it seems like everyone is on Tinder now and it is so much more efficient.

I had a terrible date on Saturday...walked out...contacted one of my Tinder matches and ended up having a decent time out that same evening.

I am a little sick and a little tired today and have a long plane ride this evening. As I have posted before...when my brain gets tired I get into kind of rut thinking about my ex.

 

[Lotus Effect]

I got to be sincere with you guys!

I've been going out relentlessly lately. Seriously, like twice in work days (Mon-Tue) and everyday in the weekend!

I've got more girls in these last weeks than in ALL OF MY COLLEGE YEARS! To give a specific number, it is a total of 8 girls in 11 days!

And I got to tell you. I've droping plates for nothing. Girl say something I don't want. Next. Flake on me. Next. You all know the drill.

Anyway, my point is, from all these girls, the only three plates I got left are girls from Tinder!

And amazingly enough, these are the only 3 girls I've ever got from tinder. All the other girls were girls I met in "real life". And all of them were droped!

My point is, turn date beast mode on, and keep your mind busy with other girls. Of course I think about my ex, and it still hurts me even if it has been 7 months. But keep on dating. Tinder girls are fine!

I was never a fan of online dating, but as bateman said, it is a different vibe!
Keep it up guys!

Peace!

 

[Jariel]

Glad you guys are doing well on Tinder. I'm really liking it so far and this one particular girl seems very keen...the fact that she volunteered her number nad asked me out suggests high interest.

I'll see how I get on. I've had a lot of dates, but not many of them have really blown me away and like you said Lotus, I'm dropping them without much hesitation if I see a red flag or they flake. At this point, I'm focusing more on getting laid than getting a girlfriend (how it should be for a man) and hoping it'll help me move forward.

I've woken up today feeling a lot more positive and I've concluded that lack of quality sleep plays a big part in my low moods and depression. When I'm awake and refreshed, I have more control over my thoughts, more motivation to push myself, whereas when I'm tired I kinda sink into defeatism and my wandering mind gets the best of me.

Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about "the pain body" which he compares to an entity in the mind that seeks out painful thoughts and feeds on it. It's as if the mind has this destructive side to it that takes over when you lose focus.

Let's see if I can snap out of it today and feel positive again.

 

[sophi]

So my ex implemented no contact because I would not be his girlfriend after almost s year of dating. I miss him to death. I tried taking to him but he says he wants nothing to do with me. I love him to death and told him my future is with his. He says his ex is coming back from overseas and he is going to get back with her.

Is all lost?

 

[narcissist]

day 90 of no contact

like i said i would be updating every 30 days after the day 60 mark

its day 90 in no contact now..

what do i even say.

well i have remained no contact completely, which means i didnt call her, text her, look at her social media, havent seen her, dont know what the fxck she is up too, and quite frankly i dont care to know, ive moved on almost completely.

i forget what her voice sounds like, i forget what she smells like, and what its like to have s e x with her and touch her.

shes basically turning into a stranger again.

the only thing that she still occupies is my dreams. but im sure that will go away eventually.

feel pretty damn good dont really think about her at all. i would say think about her every once every 4 - 5 days unless i have a dream about her

i will say that this past week i dreamed about her every night, which was hard but meh w/e im over it.

 

[narcissist]

So my ex implemented no contact because I would not be his girlfriend after almost s year of dating. I miss him to death. I tried taking to him but he says he wants nothing to do with me. I love him to death and told him my future is with his. He says his ex is coming back from overseas and he is going to get back with her.

Is all lost?

move on..

 

[tripod23]

hi guys.......hope your all keeping well and not letting these exes get under your skin.............

iv got a story I need to share and any comments are welcome as usual.

I know in my mind im in pretty good shape mentally , well as good as can be expected anyways.

short story time.......I was with one of my exes for well over 10 yrs .....we broke ..........I started seeing another chick who id known a long time...............we got pretty serious............that ended pretty badly.........and really fvcked with my mind.........totally mind fvcked me.......anyways I got up dusted myself down but she now asked my family members when she sees them if everyone is ok......being nice to my family even tho she was a total cvnt with me on lots of levels....its been 5 months of no contact as I write this...............but I am now pressing on with life , missions , goals , and dreams ,

I have not really got a lot of interest in chicks at the moment , as I am focusing on buying a house , which is going to take a lot of my time up.................

but this is how fvckin funny life is.........I have been going through a rough time with all the **** that iv wrote above ,then right out of the blue I get a message on facebook.?????????

this was a message from an ex from over 20 years ago.......we had a 5 year relationship....................it all ended and I hadn't spoke to her or had any contact until now.........she married another dude , and had a kid with him.............I was gutted back then I can clearly remember how I felt.

I feel totally cool with her contacting me after all this time I have spoken to her ...........she asked me if she could ring me .......I said sure no problem............again im totally cool with this......as I have no desire to restart anything with her,,,,,,,,she was a great girl back then ......it was me who was an idiot to be honest.

my most recent ex is on my friends list on facebook , I haven't deleted her because I don't want to come across as being spitefull , or even bothered by whats gone on ......even tho I am in the back of my mind......but im not letting it destract me from my plans....

the most recent ex keeps putting quotes up on her page ,,,,,whats shes upto where shes going ....so on and so on..............it makes me smile because it just comes across as petty..........like for instance she will send me a request for something knowing full well I never get involved in that type of shyt......lol ......even tho she totally ignored me last time we were at the same work place for the evening.....

I have made some mistakes don't get me wrong , but one mistake I haven't made is contacting any of these ex girls..................total silence from me.

but the one from 20 years ago has took me by surprize.............she is mad keen ......and im just laughing it off......because it so crazy I cant believe what I am hearing.......wtf.

she is wanting to strike it all up again....even fwb.........and im like fvck that..................

but it just goes to show the strange things that happen in life with some exes...............

I also think this goes to show how powerfull no contact can be.............even more so when you just go on with your life and make something of yourself......or your life.......

this long lost ex has been so surprized in what I have achieved ......

anyway guys I hope you enjoyed this crazy read.

keep the faith in no contact....

I wish you all well

piece

 

[Jariel]

Well I went on my first Tinder date tonight and it went amazing! She is absolutely gorgeous, great company and her interest appears really high. It was one of those dates where everything just clicks into place. At the end of the night we kissed and she expressed she wanted to see me again, then apologised and said she was worried she might scare me off by saying that. How sweet.

I drove home with a big smile stretched across my face, and once again, my ex is pushed to the back of my mind.

I'm coming from a very abundant state at the moment with around 10 plates and this was the first of 3 dates I've got this week. I've just got home and had messages from 2 girls who went cold on me, apologising for being out of touch and wanting to meet. And I've had a hot girl from work ask me if I'd like to do something for valentine's day with her.

At times like this it feels good to be single and it seems so strange to think how much I get caught up on my ex at times.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Long time no see tripod23!
Anyway, great read man! Too bad I've outrepped you!

And Jariel, keep it up man! Of course you will caught yourself thinking about the ex more than you'd still like, but if you keep going date after date, with as many chicks as you can, some chick might spark with you.

You will still think about the ex, because it is inevitable, since no one can replace what you lived with her. But instead of replacing, and reliving sh*t with this new person, you go on, and you live a new relationship, leaving the ex and what you lived with her on the back of your memory..

...And that my friends, is that thing called "baggage"!

Enjoy having one! haha!

 

[bateman72]

Well I went on my first Tinder date tonight and it went amazing! She is absolutely gorgeous, great company and her interest appears really high. It was one of those dates where everything just clicks into place. At the end of the night we kissed and she expressed she wanted to see me again, then apologised and said she was worried she might scare me off by saying that. How sweet.

I drove home with a big smile stretched across my face, and once again, my ex is at the back of my mind.

I'm coming from a very abundant state at the moment with around 10 plates and this was the first of 3 dates I've got this week. I've just got home and had messages from 2 girls who went cold on me, apologising for being out of touch and wanting to meet. And I've had a hot girl from work ask me if I'd like to do something for valentine's day with her.

At times like this it feels good to be single and it seems so strange to think how much I get caught up on my ex at times.

Jariel


glad to hear you had a good date. even though dating can be a bit of a grind it seems like it is a bit of a numbers game...got to keep going out with new prospects until something good happens.

 

[bateman72]

So my ex implemented no contact because I would not be his girlfriend after almost s year of dating. I miss him to death. I tried taking to him but he says he wants nothing to do with me. I love him to death and told him my future is with his. He says his ex is coming back from overseas and he is going to get back with her.

Is all lost?

the more interesting question is why you didn't want to be his gf. Usually women are the gatekeepers to sex, men the gatekeepers to commitment.

your situation seems reversed.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks guys. She text me late last night to thank me for the date and say how much she enjoyed it, and that she hoped to hear from me soon. I contacted her today and asked her out next week, and she very keenly accepted.

I'm feeling totally different about my ex today and last night made me realise, banging 10 other chicks or forcing yourself to go out and date for the hell of it isn't really going to help because if you're not really into them, it just reminds you how much better/more suitable your ex was, how much you miss her and how hard it will be to find someone on par. However, if you can find a girl you're really attracted to and click with it can have the opposite effect and make you realise that there are other women out there just as good as your ex.

I felt this way when I was dating a girl before Christmas too. I liked her and she distracted me from my ex almost completely during this time.

Now, I'm not suggesting you go out and transfer your oneitis to another girl and use her to fill the emptiness of your ex, but I am suggesting that you just hold out for a quality women.

I'm certainly not pinning any hopes on this one girl and I'm continuing to see other women, but it was a good experience for me just to put my ex in perspective.

A couple of weeks ago I was really missing my ex and wanting her back, but today I'm in a different mindset and thinking how much smarter and more exciting it is to leave that broken relationship behind and move forward.

I have another date tonight and she seems like another quality girl.

 

[jackson37]

Checking in after a long absence....day 40 of no contact

I don't think of her much and when I do I think of how better off I am now. Time really does heal. I forgot how she sounds, sort of remember how she looks, forgot about the sex with her, she's slowly disappearing from my mind but still things will trigger it for a bit.

I have a new main plate now that's much better than my ex. She's more genuine and I feel much less "slutty" sort of like the good girl type where my ex was always dressing up and going out and also cheated on me.

For anyone just starting out here's some advice cause I was just where you were:

1) Find a passion to consume your life (for me it was lifting)
2) Allow thought of your ex to flow, but realize they are just thoughts and let them go after your mind has thought of them...do not linger on thoughts of her and do not repress them.
3) Grieve if you must but only in the beginning. Let it all out then come back to reality cause you won't be doing it again.
4) Occupy your time with activities and friends. Sitting alone at home was the worst thing for me.
5) Spin plates or even just one plate but don't get discouraged. Look for the positives compared to your ex in your new relationships
6) ....just wait it out. KNOW that time will make things better. Your mind will forget her, I promise.

 

[bateman72]

day 50 of no contact here. came really close to responding to my exe's latest email. not sure what got into me except I been working a lot and maybe wearing myself down.

 

[page101]

NC isn’t a decision that should be reversed until you are completely healed. If you keep implementing NC and then breaking it, it sends a message to your ex that you are needy and haven’t got the strength or the conviction to follow through on your commitments. Using NC without being genuinely committed to it is a recipe for disaster – you will break it and look weak. And you if you try to use NC again, your ex will not be too bothered….


Ok I did the: You don’t tell your ex anything, and just drop off the face of the Earth.

oh N.B I have child with this girl and to be honest I’m having a hard time initiating NC cause it means, I can’t see her I’ve failed twice an Im starting to wonder if Im back to being a AFC I mean excuse my lack of words but she like bff with my mother she goes and comes as she pleases


Copy down your ex’s email address and phone numbers on a piece of paper, and put them in the same box. Then delete the email address from your computer and their numbers from your phone.
If you are strong enough to delete their contact details without writing them down, then do it! If not, do the above – it will remove the temptation to contact your ex (especially when you are out having a couple of drinks or at home alone in front of the pc).
Stop talking about your ex with your friends. They’ll get sick of it, and it won’t help you one bit.


( I have question see I have a bad habit of memorizing things so in case of emergency I have To contact her i know the email & number of by head so constantly always have this needy desire to say something best way to deal with this is?

If you have contact with your ex BY YOU’RE DOING...YOU MUST POST WHY YOU DID IT AND HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT AFTER. No exceptions.

Hahahaha :
Honestly I feel like that needy bustard again and loosing will to the she devil (lol)


Bryce556 : alright so I’ve been stupid, I decided 2 weeks ago to initiate NC, I was feeling better then I met with her today. Found out she’s dating a good friend of mine and ****ing him. I feel worse now. Im going to innate NC tomorrow. Going to tell her not to call me unless it’s for giving the relationship another try.

Response: No offence are u F*%k”ng Crazy (no offence mate) you know the truth now dude
Let me try and explain something to you, Trust minus”d from a relationship equals we can communicate how u going to talk or confide in someone u know did u this wrong take A4 paper clean sheet: think of it as your relationship

when u started now crunch it up and think of it as ur relationship now I dare u please even iron the page, The wrinkles are still there that’s how the trust ,Is in a relationship ul always see that in her

( My perception/ feelings)

Here is how I feel : I feel like F*&k all the games she must just tell me straight if she is f*&^%k**g someone else and I’ll move on although on my 2nd NC

she sounded like her interested level had changed we even started speaking than I made it a continuous thing to call her she started getting irritated of

my attention again by the way on 2 occasion she came over to my house to leave my daughter with my mom I just ignored her she started trying to make conversation I just gave short answer and didn't give that

attention to her, Guys Il admit I still love Her Lot!

On the last 2nd day when I had called her when I had not spoken to her and ignored her the 1st day when I had made contact I saw that NC works on day 2 she was breaking down in tears: I then begun to give her realistic question like did she mean it when she said she said doesn't love me anymore she didn't say that but I was testing
where her minds at(she just hung up and turned off her phone)(what does this mean) she did say she loves me alot but she doesn't want be with me

anymore as the way I've hurt her has drove to attempted suicide many time cause of me cheating and etc and etc and etc I’ve hurt her bad I know I have but can I fix this I don’t want no dude raising my kid with her To all the DJ I could use some words of advice she always cries when she speaks to me

and things get so out of control like we end up fighting so what a guy to do how to fix this i sent her a crazy email saying all kinds I'm going to find out who she F**^*K and she must confess than i call like 8 time and she doesn't answer* AFC* Tendencies hAhahah :crackup: So Some light would be good really Good how to fix this

Self Pity is more destructive than Heroin P.s God Is Love and Love is God

 

[bateman72]

guys watch this...

at about the 12 minute mark he talks specifically about breakups.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldf3cUIsJWA

 

[Jariel]

Gotta love Tyler's videos! Very insightful dude.

Here's a clip from Elliot Hulse I find motivating...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xjULgwweVU

This is absolutely true. My break up crushed me and it still hurts, but I've learned so much from it and have emerged better for it. I'm currently dating the afforementioned girl I met on Tinder and so far so good. She's blowing up my phone with texts every day, telling her friends about me and showing them my pics and her interest is very high.

I won't lie. I'm into her in a big way and she is so fvcking hot! But the great thing is that I've learned from past mistakes and I'm maintaining my independence, not getting too far ahead of myself and I'm letting her do the chasing.

This is how it should be. This is how all my successful relationships started out and how they were when they were at their best. I vow never to become the chaser again and vow never to change myself for a woman again.

I believe this is the only way for many of us to learn. Most of us come to this forum quite clueless about women, we learn how to seduce and pick up, how to get them into bed, but there is a real lack of quality advice here on building and maintaining relationships. In fact, most guys here are strongly opposed to monogamy and will do their best to discourage relationships.

But after these experiences and this thread, we can all look back at the times we were successful in our relationships and the mistakes or change in behaviour that led to our break ups. We can learn from this, learn from each other and (hopefully) do things right next time. Nothing is as valuable as life experience and this is something all of us have emerged with.

I can see my mistakes with crystal clarity now. Even though our relationship was burdened with problems and stresses, it was how I dealt with them that led to us falling apart. I have also recognised some of my fundamental flaws and insecurities, which I'm in the process of dealing with. It won't happen overnight, but at least I know where to put my focus now.

 

[LBMan]

Trying to get on my feet

Me and my girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up after living together for a year........So she gave me the whole lets start over as friends deal and see where it goes from there. I just dont feel like thats going anywhere in fact she makes me feel like a backup plan. The last time I spoke to her was on Saturday night so Officially I have not contacted her for about 3 days now and its so hard. Thats why I'm posting here for strength I dont want to be her safety net and I want her to either give me everything or nothing at all I hope NC will give me that.

 

[bateman72]

Gotta love Tyler's videos! Very insightful dude.

Here's a clip from Elliot Hulse I find motivating...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xjULgwweVU

This is absolutely true. My break up crushed me and it still hurts, but I've learned so much from it and have emerged better for it. I'm currently dating the afforementioned girl I met on Tinder and so far so good. She's blowing up my phone with texts every day, telling her friends about me and showing them my pics and her interest is very high.

I won't lie. I'm into her in a big way and she is so fvcking hot! But the great thing is that I've learned from past mistakes and I'm maintaining my independence, not getting too far ahead of myself and I'm letting her do the chasing.

This is how it should be. This is how all my successful relationships started out and how they were when they were at their best. I vow never to become the chaser again and vow never to change myself for a woman again.

I believe this is the only way for many of us to learn. Most of us come to this forum quite clueless about women, we learn how to seduce and pick up, how to get them into bed, but there is a real lack of quality advice here on building and maintaining relationships. In fact, most guys here are strongly opposed to monogamy and will do their best to discourage relationships.

But after these experiences and this thread, we can all look back at the times we were successful in our relationships and the mistakes or change in behaviour that led to our break ups. We can learn from this, learn from each other and (hopefully) do things right next time. Nothing is as valuable as life experience and this is something all of us have emerged with.

I can see my mistakes with crystal clarity now. Even though our relationship was burdened with problems and stresses, it was how I dealt with them that led to us falling apart. I have also recognised some of my fundamental flaws and insecurities, which I'm in the process of dealing with. It won't happen overnight, but at least I know where to put my focus now.

jariel:

are you still maintaining some other plates while your relationship develops with this girl?

 

[Jariel]

jariel:

are you still maintaining some other plates while your relationship develops with this girl?

I am mate. I dropped a couple last week as I just wasn't into them very much, but I've got 3 other plates spinning.